Would you want your adult kids to inherit money?

[amylevan]

This letter gives them permission to spend a small portion of their inheritance on something "fun" -- and to do it without guilt -- but not to "play with" more than a certain amount. It specifically suggests that they go on a cruise or a ski vacation for the Christmas that they spend without us.

Permission? You are giving your adult children permission on how to spend what is now THEIR money?

I seriously cannot believe the amount of micro-managing ADULTS on this thread.

 

[morgan98]

This is a topic my husband and I have considered carefully of late. Our youngest is about to turn 18, and we re-did our wills, removing guardians and assigning everything to them legally.

Our lawyer talked to us about different ways to do this, and I don't think he believes we made the right choices, but they were ours to make. We went back and forth about it ... but, in the end, we chose to say that when we die -- no matter how old they may be -- they get it all then. We really discussed it for months, but in the end, these were our reasons:

- Putting money in a trust isn't free. We don't want to waste money establishing and maintaining a trust, not when that money could be in my children's pockets.
- We've been living with these kids for 18 and 21 years, and we know they're forward thinkers with self-discipline who will listen to advice. That doesn't mean that they're immune from making bad choices, but we know that we've taught them frugal habits. While I don't think they'd handle the money as well I would (with years of experience), but I also don't think they'd blow through it.
- And perhaps most importantly: We don't really think they'll inherit early; we're both middle-aged, but we're young and healthy, and the chances of us BOTH dying while the girls are still in their 20s aren't particularly high.

However, we also chose not to simply hand it over without advice -- after all, they're young and inexperienced. Rather, we put together a full notebook of materials (2 copies, one for each child), and they know that these notebooks are in the waterproof, fireproof safe.

We put significant effort into putting this advice and materials together for the girls, and they know where to look ... if we were both to die. Right now the notebook is written for them in their early 20s; we've decided that each year we're going to review the notebook in April when we do our taxes, and we're going to update things as appropriate. So at some point we'll include sons-in-law and grandchildren, etc.

Here's what we put into the notebook:

- A personal letter explaining in detail what's obvious to older people: This money is a gift that will come but once in their lives, and if used correctly it can give them choices and make their lives (as well as the lives of their future spouses and children) better -- literally forever; whereas, if used poorly, it can get them used to a lifestyle they can't continue. It explains that this money -- though it might seem like a great deal at the moment -- is not enough for them to live upon for the rest of their lives, and it begs them to make good choices.

This letter gives them permission to spend a small portion of their inheritance on something "fun" -- and to do it without guilt -- but not to "play with" more than a certain amount. It specifically suggests that they go on a cruise or a ski vacation for the Christmas that they spend without us.

And this letter asks them NOT to make any big changes in the first six months. It discusses how they'll be emotional and will be searching to find their way; that is, they're not to buy a new car, not to quit their jobs, etc. for the first six months; rather, they're to wait until their emotions come back into focus before they make any big choices.

It tells them which family members they should go to for help (and which ones who should be avoided because they'd hurt more than they could help).

One daughter is almost finished with college, the other is just beginning. The letter instructs them both to complete their education, and it points out that we could've withheld the money until they'd done so ... but we chose to trust them to finish their educations.

One daughter has a significant other whom we think she will marry as soon as she's done with college, but we caution the other girl NOT to let any young men know that she has this money -- and we explain why.

Then we get to the checklists, upon which we spent significant energy:

- The first section of the book is a checklist of things they must do IMMEDIATELY. It includes the name of the funeral home our family's always used, instructions on going to our house, caring for our pets, securing the house and our cars, etc. This section tells them to be frugal with our funeral because money isn't love. It also contains a list of family and friends /phone numbers that they should call, and it contains photographs they could use for an obituary.

- The second section is about things they must do within a few days. It includes contact information for our lawyer, a copy of the will, and information on how to get the lawyer to open a probate file, obtain death certificates, etc. It tells them that they're labeled as beneficiaries on our bank accounts, and it tells them what banks to go to/file numbers, and how to get the money from our accounts.

This section instructs them to use the money from our checking and savings accounts for our funerals and their immediate needs. It should be enough for our oldest's boyfriend (who is not American) to fly over immediately; he would be a good influence on the two of them, if they were suddenly planning our funerals and a new future without us.

- The third section is about collecting our final paychecks, investments, etc. It contains all our account numbers, contact names, etc. so they can get what was ours. And we've made them beneficiaries on everything (that itself was a chore). This section also discusses what they must pay on our behalf; it includes a list of the bills we pay every month (so that no one can fool them by claiming we owe them money).

This section reminds them that this money can either be the best or the worst thing that ever happens to them ... and it asks them to spend the majority of it for education, for a house, and for their retirement.

And this section gives them a number of specific suggestions on exactly how they might choose to invest their money. It lists experts to whom they might turn for advice. We tell them that we lean heavily towards the idea of them finishing their educations, buying themselves houses, and then putting the rest of the money into retirement accounts.

This section discusses the virtues of keeping vs. selling our house and our cars. And it tells them how to go about selling these things (right down to the names/contact information) for a handyman, in case things need fixing around the house before they sell.

This section includes two years of our tax returns and the name of a tax attorney to whom they should turn to file our final taxes the next April. As I said, we plan to review /update this notebook every April, so each year we'll toss the oldest tax return and replace it with a newer one so they'll always have two years of tax returns, which the CPA would request.

- The final section of the notebook is documents. It includes official copies of our birth certificates, copies of our will, copies of our parents' wills (because we inherited properties through those wills). This section also contains a flash drive with all these documents digitized.

Whew, that was a lot, but -- as I said -- we put significant effort into this project. We tried to put together everything they'd need, and we do feel secure about it. We feel sure that IF we were both to die while our girls are in their 20s, they would be able to use this information to navigate the storms connected to finalizing our estate and using their inheritance well.

If we were to die, and if they were to inherit in their 20s, would they handle our money well? I think they would -- but these notes would help them do it well.

With all due respect, you want to dictate or recommend that they spend part of the money you are leaving them to go on vacation over the first Christmas you are gone? Not only are you telling them how to spend the money, you are telling them how to grieve?

 

[Judique]

This is a topic my husband and I have considered carefully of late. Our youngest is about to turn 18, and we re-did our wills, removing guardians and assigning everything to them legally.

Our lawyer talked to us about different ways to do this, and I don't think he believes we made the right choices, but they were ours to make. We went back and forth about it ... but, in the end, we chose to say that when we die -- no matter how old they may be -- they get it all then. We really discussed it for months, but in the end, these were our reasons:

snip snip snip

If we were to die, and if they were to inherit in their 20s, would they handle our money well? I think they would -- but these notes would help them do it well.

At first I saw this as micromanaging.

But then I thought about the current ages of Mrs. Pete's daughters and it feels more like love. They are 18 and I believe she said 21?

At that age the help and direction is definitely warranted.

Not too many kids that age are instantly able to navigate the loss of both parents.

I would assume as the girls get older and graduate college, marry and have their own children, considering the age of MrsPete and her husband, that the 'notes' will be edited to fit the needs as they mature and grow.

These notes are for the present. In 40 years, assuming MrsPete and husband lives into their 80ties, her daughters will be 60ish. Or if they live to 70ties, girls will be 50ish

Things will change along the way and Mrs Pete will edit as she and her husband move along through life.

 

[eliza61]

At first I saw this as micromanaging.

But then I thought about the current ages of Mrs. Pete's daughters and it feels more like love. They are 18 and I believe she said 21?

At that age the help and direction is definitely warranted.

Not too many kids that age are instantly able to navigate the loss of both parents.

I would assume as the girls get older and graduate college, marry and have their own children, considering the age of MrsPete and her husband, that the 'notes' will be edited to fit the needs as they mature and grow.

These notes are for the present. In 40 years, assuming MrsPete and husband lives into their 80ties, her daughters will be 60ish. Or if they live to 70ties, girls will be 50ish

Things will change along the way and Mrs Pete will edit as she and her husband move along through life.

not sure I agree. so my kids lost their dad I was pretty proud and amazed at how they handle it. I believe that a lot depends on how they were raised. both my sons knew/know our values, what was important etc etc.
I want my kids to live the life THEY want to be happy. Now of course I'm not wanting them to become roaring drug addicts or alcoholics because that makes them happy.
So what happens if the parents die and don't follow the advice on the notes? Do they not get the inheritance??? again imo I ask what the object of an inheritance is then.

Now like I said dh and I don't believe in inheritances and from I'm reading here the exact reason. they become simply tools to control people lives after the leaver dies.

My son's did have help, they had family. Hopefully the same will hold true if I kick the bucket soon.

 

[I'mfarfaraway]

This is a topic my husband and I have considered carefully of late. Our youngest is about to turn 18, and we re-did our wills, removing guardians and assigning everything to them legally.

Our lawyer talked to us about different ways to do this, and I don't think he believes we made the right choices, but they were ours to make. We went back and forth about it ... but, in the end, we chose to say that when we die -- no matter how old they may be -- they get it all then. We really discussed it for months, but in the end, these were our reasons:

- Putting money in a trust isn't free. We don't want to waste money establishing and maintaining a trust, not when that money could be in my children's pockets.
- We've been living with these kids for 18 and 21 years, and we know they're forward thinkers with self-discipline who will listen to advice. That doesn't mean that they're immune from making bad choices, but we know that we've taught them frugal habits. While I don't think they'd handle the money as well I would (with years of experience), but I also don't think they'd blow through it.
- And perhaps most importantly: We don't really think they'll inherit early; we're both middle-aged, but we're young and healthy, and the chances of us BOTH dying while the girls are still in their 20s aren't particularly high.

However, we also chose not to simply hand it over without advice -- after all, they're young and inexperienced. Rather, we put together a full notebook of materials (2 copies, one for each child), and they know that these notebooks are in the waterproof, fireproof safe.

We put significant effort into putting this advice and materials together for the girls, and they know where to look ... if we were both to die. Right now the notebook is written for them in their early 20s; we've decided that each year we're going to review the notebook in April when we do our taxes, and we're going to update things as appropriate. So at some point we'll include sons-in-law and grandchildren, etc.

Here's what we put into the notebook:

- A personal letter explaining in detail what's obvious to older people: This money is a gift that will come but once in their lives, and if used correctly it can give them choices and make their lives (as well as the lives of their future spouses and children) better -- literally forever; whereas, if used poorly, it can get them used to a lifestyle they can't continue. It explains that this money -- though it might seem like a great deal at the moment -- is not enough for them to live upon for the rest of their lives, and it begs them to make good choices.

This letter gives them permission to spend a small portion of their inheritance on something "fun" -- and to do it without guilt -- but not to "play with" more than a certain amount. It specifically suggests that they go on a cruise or a ski vacation for the Christmas that they spend without us.

And this letter asks them NOT to make any big changes in the first six months. It discusses how they'll be emotional and will be searching to find their way; that is, they're not to buy a new car, not to quit their jobs, etc. for the first six months; rather, they're to wait until their emotions come back into focus before they make any big choices.

It tells them which family members they should go to for help (and which ones who should be avoided because they'd hurt more than they could help).

One daughter is almost finished with college, the other is just beginning. The letter instructs them both to complete their education, and it points out that we could've withheld the money until they'd done so ... but we chose to trust them to finish their educations.

One daughter has a significant other whom we think she will marry as soon as she's done with college, but we caution the other girl NOT to let any young men know that she has this money -- and we explain why.

Then we get to the checklists, upon which we spent significant energy:

- The first section of the book is a checklist of things they must do IMMEDIATELY. It includes the name of the funeral home our family's always used, instructions on going to our house, caring for our pets, securing the house and our cars, etc. This section tells them to be frugal with our funeral because money isn't love. It also contains a list of family and friends /phone numbers that they should call, and it contains photographs they could use for an obituary.

- The second section is about things they must do within a few days. It includes contact information for our lawyer, a copy of the will, and information on how to get the lawyer to open a probate file, obtain death certificates, etc. It tells them that they're labeled as beneficiaries on our bank accounts, and it tells them what banks to go to/file numbers, and how to get the money from our accounts.

This section instructs them to use the money from our checking and savings accounts for our funerals and their immediate needs. It should be enough for our oldest's boyfriend (who is not American) to fly over immediately; he would be a good influence on the two of them, if they were suddenly planning our funerals and a new future without us.

- The third section is about collecting our final paychecks, investments, etc. It contains all our account numbers, contact names, etc. so they can get what was ours. And we've made them beneficiaries on everything (that itself was a chore). This section also discusses what they must pay on our behalf; it includes a list of the bills we pay every month (so that no one can fool them by claiming we owe them money).

This section reminds them that this money can either be the best or the worst thing that ever happens to them ... and it asks them to spend the majority of it for education, for a house, and for their retirement.

And this section gives them a number of specific suggestions on exactly how they might choose to invest their money. It lists experts to whom they might turn for advice. We tell them that we lean heavily towards the idea of them finishing their educations, buying themselves houses, and then putting the rest of the money into retirement accounts.

This section discusses the virtues of keeping vs. selling our house and our cars. And it tells them how to go about selling these things (right down to the names/contact information) for a handyman, in case things need fixing around the house before they sell.

This section includes two years of our tax returns and the name of a tax attorney to whom they should turn to file our final taxes the next April. As I said, we plan to review /update this notebook every April, so each year we'll toss the oldest tax return and replace it with a newer one so they'll always have two years of tax returns, which the CPA would request.

- The final section of the notebook is documents. It includes official copies of our birth certificates, copies of our will, copies of our parents' wills (because we inherited properties through those wills). This section also contains a flash drive with all these documents digitized.

Whew, that was a lot, but -- as I said -- we put significant effort into this project. We tried to put together everything they'd need, and we do feel secure about it. We feel sure that IF we were both to die while our girls are in their 20s, they would be able to use this information to navigate the storms connected to finalizing our estate and using their inheritance well.

If we were to die, and if they were to inherit in their 20s, would they handle our money well? I think they would -- but these notes would help them do it well.

This is a topic my husband and I have considered carefully of late. Our youngest is about to turn 18, and we re-did our wills, removing guardians and assigning everything to them legally.

Our lawyer talked to us about different ways to do this, and I don't think he believes we made the right choices, but they were ours to make. We went back and forth about it ... but, in the end, we chose to say that when we die -- no matter how old they may be -- they get it all then. We really discussed it for months, but in the end, these were our reasons:

- Putting money in a trust isn't free. We don't want to waste money establishing and maintaining a trust, not when that money could be in my children's pockets.
- We've been living with these kids for 18 and 21 years, and we know they're forward thinkers with self-discipline who will listen to advice. That doesn't mean that they're immune from making bad choices, but we know that we've taught them frugal habits. While I don't think they'd handle the money as well I would (with years of experience), but I also don't think they'd blow through it.
- And perhaps most importantly: We don't really think they'll inherit early; we're both middle-aged, but we're young and healthy, and the chances of us BOTH dying while the girls are still in their 20s aren't particularly high.

However, we also chose not to simply hand it over without advice -- after all, they're young and inexperienced. Rather, we put together a full notebook of materials (2 copies, one for each child), and they know that these notebooks are in the waterproof, fireproof safe.

We put significant effort into putting this advice and materials together for the girls, and they know where to look ... if we were both to die. Right now the notebook is written for them in their early 20s; we've decided that each year we're going to review the notebook in April when we do our taxes, and we're going to update things as appropriate. So at some point we'll include sons-in-law and grandchildren, etc.

Here's what we put into the notebook:

- A personal letter explaining in detail what's obvious to older people: This money is a gift that will come but once in their lives, and if used correctly it can give them choices and make their lives (as well as the lives of their future spouses and children) better -- literally forever; whereas, if used poorly, it can get them used to a lifestyle they can't continue. It explains that this money -- though it might seem like a great deal at the moment -- is not enough for them to live upon for the rest of their lives, and it begs them to make good choices.

This letter gives them permission to spend a small portion of their inheritance on something "fun" -- and to do it without guilt -- but not to "play with" more than a certain amount. It specifically suggests that they go on a cruise or a ski vacation for the Christmas that they spend without us.

And this letter asks them NOT to make any big changes in the first six months. It discusses how they'll be emotional and will be searching to find their way; that is, they're not to buy a new car, not to quit their jobs, etc. for the first six months; rather, they're to wait until their emotions come back into focus before they make any big choices.

It tells them which family members they should go to for help (and which ones who should be avoided because they'd hurt more than they could help).

One daughter is almost finished with college, the other is just beginning. The letter instructs them both to complete their education, and it points out that we could've withheld the money until they'd done so ... but we chose to trust them to finish their educations.

One daughter has a significant other whom we think she will marry as soon as she's done with college, but we caution the other girl NOT to let any young men know that she has this money -- and we explain why.

Then we get to the checklists, upon which we spent significant energy:

- The first section of the book is a checklist of things they must do IMMEDIATELY. It includes the name of the funeral home our family's always used, instructions on going to our house, caring for our pets, securing the house and our cars, etc. This section tells them to be frugal with our funeral because money isn't love. It also contains a list of family and friends /phone numbers that they should call, and it contains photographs they could use for an obituary.

- The second section is about things they must do within a few days. It includes contact information for our lawyer, a copy of the will, and information on how to get the lawyer to open a probate file, obtain death certificates, etc. It tells them that they're labeled as beneficiaries on our bank accounts, and it tells them what banks to go to/file numbers, and how to get the money from our accounts.

This section instructs them to use the money from our checking and savings accounts for our funerals and their immediate needs. It should be enough for our oldest's boyfriend (who is not American) to fly over immediately; he would be a good influence on the two of them, if they were suddenly planning our funerals and a new future without us.

- The third section is about collecting our final paychecks, investments, etc. It contains all our account numbers, contact names, etc. so they can get what was ours. And we've made them beneficiaries on everything (that itself was a chore). This section also discusses what they must pay on our behalf; it includes a list of the bills we pay every month (so that no one can fool them by claiming we owe them money).

This section reminds them that this money can either be the best or the worst thing that ever happens to them ... and it asks them to spend the majority of it for education, for a house, and for their retirement.

And this section gives them a number of specific suggestions on exactly how they might choose to invest their money. It lists experts to whom they might turn for advice. We tell them that we lean heavily towards the idea of them finishing their educations, buying themselves houses, and then putting the rest of the money into retirement accounts.

This section discusses the virtues of keeping vs. selling our house and our cars. And it tells them how to go about selling these things (right down to the names/contact information) for a handyman, in case things need fixing around the house before they sell.

This section includes two years of our tax returns and the name of a tax attorney to whom they should turn to file our final taxes the next April. As I said, we plan to review /update this notebook every April, so each year we'll toss the oldest tax return and replace it with a newer one so they'll always have two years of tax returns, which the CPA would request.

- The final section of the notebook is documents. It includes official copies of our birth certificates, copies of our will, copies of our parents' wills (because we inherited properties through those wills). This section also contains a flash drive with all these documents digitized.

Whew, that was a lot, but -- as I said -- we put significant effort into this project. We tried to put together everything they'd need, and we do feel secure about it. We feel sure that IF we were both to die while our girls are in their 20s, they would be able to use this information to navigate the storms connected to finalizing our estate and using their inheritance well.

If we were to die, and if they were to inherit in their 20s, would they handle our money well? I think they would -- but these notes would help them do it well.

You have certainly done a lot of work on this for you girls. I am sure it will be appreciated. When my mom passed she had everything ready for me. I am curious about one thing. Are you naming your children the executors of your wills? If not, then quite a bit of what you had left instructions for can't be done by them.

 

[afan]

At first I saw this as micromanaging.

But then I thought about the current ages of Mrs. Pete's daughters and it feels more like love. They are 18 and I believe she said 21?

At that age the help and direction is definitely warranted.

Not too many kids that age are instantly able to navigate the loss of both parents.

I would assume as the girls get older and graduate college, marry and have their own children, considering the age of MrsPete and her husband, that the 'notes' will be edited to fit the needs as they mature and grow.

These notes are for the present. In 40 years, assuming MrsPete and husband lives into their 80ties, her daughters will be 60ish. Or if they live to 70ties, girls will be 50ish

Things will change along the way and Mrs Pete will edit as she and her husband move along through life.

I agree. I see a lot of it as being helpful, because until you lose someone, you've no idea what all has to be done from the bills, social security, getting things paid, cancelled and changed etc. It's enough losing a loved one, whether it's a parent or a grandparent, but to also have to sort through and figure it all out. At their young ages the information provided is awesome and most likely things they wouldn't know or would have to search for. Now they don't need to.

 

[dcfromva]

You're doing the same micromanaging the OP is trying to with her children and money.

Gosh, I think you are missing the point. MrsPete and her husband have written their wills without any strings attached--no stipulations, no trusts, no waiting until they are X years old, etc. The letter could be followed or not.

 

[dcfromva]

This is stressing me out. Ideally I'd love to see my parents spend every cent they have or else donate it to charity, but neither is likely. I don't even know how to deal with this with my parents at this point, or if I'm concerned for nothing.

I don't think there is anything you can do about this other than thank your parents for thinking of your children. Your parents did not have to share the details of their will with you. I assume your parents are healthy, so hopefully your parents will have a chance to enjoy the fruits of their labor over a long happy life and this issue won't come up for a long time until your children are much older.

 

[DawnM]

I would love for my kids to inherit money! It would help a great deal with their college expenses and their getting a solid start in the world.

I am an only child and my parents have me inheriting most of their money when they die, although I am very well aware that anything could happen to take that money. One could die and the other need a nursing home, etc.....which could deplete the money. In other words, I am not counting on it, and neither should my kids.

I think they are pretty money savvy and one of the things we have modeled and taught them is to seek wise counsel when it comes to money. Dh is an accountant but also does some financial planning AND we teach Crown Financial at our church. I won't say more about that as it is religious in nature, but it has very sound advice for dealing with money (IMO).

And you know what? I would LOVE to provide each of my kids with a starter house. I most likely won't be able to, but if they could start with a condo or small house and not have a mortgage or pay interest and could save, that would be wonderful!

 

[yoopermom]

I have followed this thread with great interest. DH and I are somewhere "in the middle". My DSM is a high level account executive, the "money man" in the family, and so we have asked her to be the financial font of knowledge for DS20 if we were to die while he is still in his 20s. She has a document (somewhat similar to Mrs Pete's binder) with all of our contacts, account numbers, etc, in it. She would guide DS and help him make good choices.

However, her husband, my DF, is the "footloose and fancy free" one in the family, and he knows that we would also want DS to be happy, which for DS would mean probably taking some of the $$ and traveling the world for as long as it lasts. Believe it or not, we are okay with that, because we've raised DS to have roots and wings (to quote the old cliche). I may never get to see the 7 Wonders of the World, but I would be smiling down from heaven if I knew his inheritance had give DS the wherewithal to do so. (And then come home and put a downpayment down on a house ...)

Terri

 

[barbarabini]

I have to weigh in here. Disclaimer...I am an estate attorney for 15 years now. Some estates need to be micromanaged and some are fine to be given outright. I have at least three beneficiaries (from different families- different estates) die soon after receiving the money from drug overdoses. Overdoses that I am sure would not have happened but for them coming into a decent amount of money and spending it all on blow. Now, when I have clients that are hesitant and trying to decide how to apportion the estate to their children, I always ask about substance abuse problems.

I have found that a 40 year old can be just as reckless and irresponsible as a 22 year old. Age doesn't matter, it is the character of the person receiving the gift. The people making the will have to make an honest examination of those recipients and decide what level of control they wish to have over the gift. That said, I will usually suggest that a minor trust terminate at 24 rather than 18, so that the recipient doesn't blow the money all on a fast mustang.

 

[jerseygal]

YES, would love it our sons inherited money! Why not! BOTH DS are very hard working and have grown up "knowing the value of a dollar"! Some money "thrown" their way would be a GOOD THING!

 

[MrsPete]

You're doing the same micromanaging the OP is trying to with her children and money.

Permission? You are giving your adult children permission on how to spend what is now THEIR money?

I seriously cannot believe the amount of micro-managing ADULTS on this thread.

Well, since you haven't read the documents, you're making a guess -- and a poor one.

The paperwork we've written out for them is age-appropriate. They're 18 and 21. Much of it is HOW to do things; for example, they wouldn't know about probate, death certificates, etc. Telling them how to go about handling our estate is absolutely age-appropriate and helpful. If they suddenly found themselves in possession of everything my husband and I have worked for, they wouldn't begin to know how to manage it -- and they'd be at risk for losing it. The extensive notes we've typed out for them give them LOTS of advice, but also OPTIONS and explainations about WHY they should do this or that.

At first I saw this as micromanaging.

But then I thought about the current ages of Mrs. Pete's daughters and it feels more like love. They are 18 and I believe she said 21?

At that age the help and direction is definitely warranted.

Not too many kids that age are instantly able to navigate the loss of both parents.

I would assume as the girls get older and graduate college, marry and have their own children, considering the age of MrsPete and her husband, that the 'notes' will be edited to fit the needs as they mature and grow.

These notes are for the present. In 40 years, assuming MrsPete and husband lives into their 80ties, her daughters will be 60ish. Or if they live to 70ties, girls will be 50ish

Things will change along the way and Mrs Pete will edit as she and her husband move along through life.

Exactly. Our plan is to read over the materials every April when we file our tax returns. As they grow older, we'll change the letter to reflect their growing ability to handle money.

You have certainly done a lot of work on this for you girls. I am sure it will be appreciated. When my mom passed she had everything ready for me. I am curious about one thing. Are you naming your children the executors of your wills? If not, then quite a bit of what you had left instructions for can't be done by them.

Yes, they are officially named as co-executors. They're also co-beneficiaries on everything. When our youngest became a legal adult, we put substantial effort into laying things out so that the two of them are legally our secondary beneficiaries for every single account (of course, we are each other's primary beneficiaries).

Gosh, I think you are missing the point. MrsPete and her husband have written their wills without any strings attached--no stipulations, no trusts, no waiting until they are X years old, etc. The letter could be followed or not.

True. If I died today, they'd have everything today (or, as quickly as the law allows). And our letter points out to them that they have complete control -- but it also reminds them that this money could be the best or the worst thing that will ever happen to them, and we have written out the instructions from the viewpoint of two financially savvy adults. My girls are smart enough to know that they lack our experience, and the advice we've given them is for their own good.

At their young ages the information provided is awesome and most likely things they wouldn't know or would have to search for. Now they don't need to.

Yes, a great deal of the book is lists of things they would need -- all laid out so they don't have to search for them. For example, account numbers, passwords, contact information for our insurance, our lawyer, our accountant, etc. Names of financial advisors they might want to contact. Things they might not know they need to know.

 

[JanaDee]

Well, since you haven't read the documents, you're making a guess -- and a poor one.

The paperwork we've written out for them is age-appropriate. They're 18 and 21. Much of it is HOW to do things; for example, they wouldn't know about probate, death certificates, etc. Telling them how to go about handling our estate is absolutely age-appropriate and helpful. If they suddenly found themselves in possession of everything my husband and I have worked for, they wouldn't begin to know how to manage it -- and they'd be at risk for losing it. The extensive notes we've typed out for them give them LOTS of advice, but also OPTIONS and explainations about WHY they should do this or that.
Exactly. Our plan is to read over the materials every April when we file our tax returns. As they grow older, we'll change the letter to reflect their growing ability to handle money.
Yes, they are officially named as co-executors. They're also co-beneficiaries on everything. When our youngest became a legal adult, we put substantial effort into laying things out so that the two of them are legally our secondary beneficiaries for every single account (of course, we are each other's primary beneficiaries).
True. If I died today, they'd have everything today (or, as quickly as the law allows). And our letter points out to them that they have complete control -- but it also reminds them that this money could be the best or the worst thing that will ever happen to them, and we have written out the instructions from the viewpoint of two financially savvy adults. My girls are smart enough to know that they lack our experience, and the advice we've given them is for their own good.
Yes, a great deal of the book is lists of things they would need -- all laid out so they don't have to search for them. For example, account numbers, passwords, contact information for our insurance, our lawyer, our accountant, etc. Names of financial advisors they might want to contact. Things they might not know they need to know.

If they do lose it, that's on them. The money is theirs to do with as they wish after you die. If they want to blow it on a huge house and fancy cars, they can. If they want to invest it, they can. Some people (as shown in this thread) have a hard time letting go of the idea they have control over how the money is spent once they are dead.

 

[MrsPete]

If they do lose it, that's on them. The money is theirs to do with as they wish after you die. If they want to blow it on a huge house and fancy cars, they can. If they want to invest it, they can. Some people (as shown in this thread) have a hard time letting go of the idea they have control over how the money is spent once they are dead.

Yes, it's their choice, but before I throw in the towel and say, "Yeah, I'll just toss a million-six to an 18-year old and hope it all works out well", I'm going to do my best to set her up for success. A book of suggestions and directions on how to find people who'll help them invest well will stand them both in good stead. I'd be willing to bet young people who receive some direction and help are considerably less likely to find themselves broke a few years after inheriting.

 

[amylevan]

This letter gives them permission to spend a small portion of their inheritance on something "fun" -- and to do it without guilt -- but not to "play with" more than a certain amount. It specifically suggests that they go on a cruise or a ski vacation for the Christmas that they spend without us.

Yes, it's their choice, but before I throw in the towel and say, "Yeah, I'll just toss a million-six to an 18-year old and hope it all works out well", I'm going to do my best to set her up for success. A book of suggestions and directions on how to find people who'll help them invest well will stand them both in good stead. I'd be willing to bet young people who receive some direction and help are considerably less likely to find themselves broke a few years after inheriting.

There's a difference between "giving permission" on how to spend their money with limits on how much they can play with and giving them names of financial advisors who can offer guidance.

 

[kymom99]

I think no matter how thorough your instructions, the emotions are going to stand in the way of anyone so young trying to handle an estate of any amount. The best thing you could do, in my opinion, is give them the names of people you trust to help them through it.

My brother's kids are young adults. He asked me if he could put me down to help the kids with their estate. His son is in college and his daughter is a recent graduate. he didn't want to put his daughter in the position of having to tell her brother what to do, but he didn't want his son to have a windfall of money to try to deal with. As each year passes, the issue becomes less of an issue. But I would be a little hesitant to make young siblings co-administrators, for fear they may not agree.

 

[MrsPete]

There's a difference between "giving permission" on how to spend their money with limits on how much they can play with and giving them names of financial advisors who can offer guidance.

That particular item was aimed at my oldest. She is the one who would be very afraid of making a mistake, and she would be hesitant to spend even a single dollar on something non-essential. She would fall victim to analysis-paralysis and would beat herself up about anything other than investing 100% of the money in a conservative, blue-chip stock. Rather than seeing "permission" in the light you present, she would see this as "freedom to do something fun" with a portion of the money.

I know my kids. You don't.

 

[eliza61]

I think no matter how thorough your instructions, the emotions are going to stand in the way of anyone so young trying to handle an estate of any amount. The best thing you could do, in my opinion, is give them the names of people you trust to help them through it.

My brother's kids are young adults. He asked me if he could put me down to help the kids with their estate. His son is in college and his daughter is a recent graduate. he didn't want to put his daughter in the position of having to tell her brother what to do, but he didn't want his son to have a windfall of money to try to deal with. As each year passes, the issue becomes less of an issue. But I would be a little hesitant to make young siblings co-administrators, for fear they may not agree.

this is what I did. My kids did lose a parent at 18, LOL I can tell you first hand, no amount of reading would have help me handle financial decisions and I'm a grown women. Now like poster said, she knows her children best so I'm absolutely sure tons of thought went into the books.

I think the best advantage my sons have if something catastrophic would happen to me today (21 and 23) would be the fact that they have more than 7 aunts and uncles who I trust unquestionably to help them. I've often said the three people we have as guardians would make just as good "parents" as dh and I.
considering when I lost my dh, I literally did not get out of bed or leave the house for 3 months I can't imagine what I would have done if I had to read instructions (once again, this is my experience and mines only). had it not been for my sister I probably would have been behind on my mortgage and every other thing. I definitely was not Scarlett O'Hara for an entire year.

Anyhoo, unless I die suddenly this is really not a big issue as we don't believe in inheritances. We gift and support our kids while we are alive and much of our estate will go to various charities we support. Now if they blow the money that's on them.

Good luck to all, I'm actually happy to see folks discuss this. so many people don't do any planning whatsoever.

 

[momof1princess]

Well, all DH and I really have is life insurance and property; however, if something happened to us, DD17 would inherit it all, as she's an only child. She's a pretty smart cookie though, so I'm not too concerned about her blowing through any money she'd get.