Would you want your adult kids to inherit money?

[Colleen27]

I would hope that by their 20's, my kids would have the same fiscal responsibility I had...if not, I would feel I failed that aspect of parenting.

I would feel the same. I'm not a fan of this "they're kids/immature/irresponsible till 30+" mindset and think it is often self-fulfilling. I will be very disappointed in my kids if at 25 they can't be trusted to make good financial decisions at least most of the time, with or without a windfall. By then they should be living on their own, paying utilities and rent/mortgage and transportation expenses, and should have a fairly good grasp of the basics of adult life.

 

[BLAZEY]

My sister and I did inherit large sums of 3 times ages 19-31 due to deaths in our family. My dad, nana and great granny died in reverse order of age. I was taught to be financially responsible. What did I do with it? I got my degree without debt, put a down payment on my house, went on a couple of memorable trips with my mom's parents, my sister and I bought mom a new to her car as hers was costing her $$$ to repair and the rest is invested in my emergency cash, TSFA and RRSP for retirement. My sister did about the same with her money. I took a small amount of it for fun (the trips)and the rest was used towards a secure future for my family.

 

[javeyloveschelsi]

I would feel the same. I'm not a fan of this "they're kids/immature/irresponsible till 30+" mindset and think it is often self-fulfilling. I will be very disappointed in my kids if at 25 they can't be trusted to make good financial decisions at least most of the time, with or without a windfall. By then they should be living on their own, paying utilities and rent/mortgage and transportation expenses, and should have a fairly good grasp of the basics of adult life.

I agree with this. I am 28, have been married for 9 years in August, have 3 children, and have 2 homes. Both my husband and I have degrees and are working toward our doctorates, are very involved in every aspect of our children's education, hold down very good jobs (mine is part time in order to be available for my kids, 2 of whom go to work with me), and volunteer our time quite a bit. We have been on our own since 18. I did get a very small inheritance at that time when I was 18 from my father's trust as he passed away when I was 14. That money helped with living expenses as I got really sick for a year and it helped out so much as my family couldn't afford to help and my now husband did as much as he could to support us, but at that time we were still young enough to not be making much. It did help us a bit with the wedding (nothing extravagant) and helped with our first down payment for a home. I never used the money for anything lavish and was quite responsible with it. However, I also worked from a very young age and had to pay for my first car, cell phone in high school, insurance, gas, and any clothes or fun activities plus sometimes pay for my own food since I was 16, so I already had taught myself a little bit on managing money. We are teaching our kids about finances at a very young age as well and I think if I do my job correctly, they would be just fine with inheritance money at a young age.

 

[kuhltiffany]

It makes sense to me to skip a generation for a lot of inheritance situations. I know in our case it would, DH and I are doing well by ourselves but are not in a position to give the kids down payments for homes when that situation arises in the future. If my parents or DH's parents do the skip-a-generation thing, then that is the kind of stability that can be gifted...

 

[mistysue]

I don't understand the perspective that you would rather your children had a disadvantage against their peers than leave them open to potentially make a different choice for what to do with their money than you might.
I want my kids to have the opportunity to choose to pay schooling, buy a house, get a reliable car, etc. If they choose to waste it they will learn as much from that and maybe not waste their hard earned money on as many silly things.

 

[Jarmo]

I'm just throwing this out there...

I am willing to accept any inheritance you guys would prefer to not give to your own children.

 

[georgina]

My DH's family is in the process of undoing some complicated trusts which are extremely restrictive; to the point where it is almost impossible to get money out. They have seen how expensive it is to have an attorney file the taxes on the trust every year, and trust tax rates are higher than individual rates. Be sure to get good advice when making trusts!

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I can understand not wanting the kids to have the money until later in life, but not wanting them to have it at all because "it might cause problems"?

Seriously, what's the worst that can happen? They blow it? How would that leave them worse off than not getting the money at all?

 

[kymom99]

I can understand not wanting the kids to have the money until later in life, but not wanting them to have it at all because "it might cause problems"?

Seriously, what's the worst that can happen? They blow it? How would that leave them worse off than not getting the money at all?

I would not be too happy with my parents if they had made that decision for me, considering I would be legally an adult when the money was realized.

 

[Dizzy4DL]

When I was growing up, our household was the paycheck to paycheck kind. My mom worked her butt off, 2-3 jobs at a time, 6 days a week. My dad, "worked" on our "farm". I learned to FEAR being poor. When I started working (12) as a babysitter, all but maybe 20% of my money was put away. My parents actually borrowed from me (can't tell you how awful that felt ). By the time I was 15, I was paying for my own dental/medical bills. By 18, I'd bought my own car and was working full-time. I'm still frugal to this day, in fact, I had to work through my feelings the first few times I took my dd to Disney, it felt....wrong to spend money.

But my brother? He is 39, and if you were to give him money 1/2 of it would be spent within a few days. He's a great guy, but has zero money sense. If I was given $100,000 at 20, I would have paid off any debt, and then socked it away. I'd probably still have a portion of it now, 17 years later.

I wouldn't want my dd (13) to receive a large chunk of money at a young age. Her education paid for? Yes please! Put in trust until her mid-30's? Of course! But I want her to learn about real life, not through fear like I did, but through part-time jobs and having to save. I'm afraid her middle-class upbringing is hindering that somewhat. She seems to have a level head though, so we'll see.

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

if parents pass leaving minor children unless/until they get adopted by someone they will have to have a legal guardian appointed regardless of any money in their name or a trust. in some states it's an all in one guardianship (of the person and their estate), in others it's separate (my state is this way). different states have different laws but most are VERY particular on how any monies a minor parentless child is handled, preserved and protected-in mine whomever was the trustee for a trust would have to have an arm's length relationship from the minor child to protect against conflict of interest or they will be looking at court costs to get approval for any and every financial decision and disbursement (which can eat up a trust really fast). heck-here during the period of time guardianship is being applied for and the minor has a guardian ad litem-the guardian ad litem would look at all the assets and despite who someone named to oversee a trust might get the court to put it into the hands of a neutral impartial professional.

We have had our revokable living trusts set up since I was pregnant with #1. Our life insurance goes in there as well as our estate. The guardian and financial guardian are named. It's all done well. Same with my folks. I trust their estate-planning attorney. He does things well. I'm just not in agreement about kids inheriting money in their 20's or 30's. I think that once everyone calms down we can work this out. I'm sure I can talk to their attorney too...I have before for another trust.

ETA - Our kids college is 100% prepaid and they have decent 529s also for grad school so they won't need the $$ for education. If they did, I might feel differently. Education keeps coming up and I thought I should clarify that.

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

I can understand not wanting the kids to have the money until later in life, but not wanting them to have it at all because "it might cause problems"?

Seriously, what's the worst that can happen? They blow it? How would that leave them worse off than not getting the money at all?

No. The worst that can happen is that they learn to live high off the hog and continue to do so after the money is gone. I've watched that happen with a friend, and I don't want it to happen to my kids.

 

[Madteaparty001]

No. The worst that can happen is that they learn to live high off the hog and continue to do so after the money is gone. I've watched that happen with a friend, and I don't want it to happen to my kids.

That logic is backwards. If a friend of mine went on a cruise and drank for days and had to pay pockets full of cash to medical because she ended up dehydrated, does that mean I should never go on one? Just because your friend is terrible with money doesn't mean your children will be. If you have the foresight to teach them this, use it to your advantage. But don't punish them because somebody else had a problem.

 

[amylevan]

No. The worst that can happen is that they learn to live high off the hog and continue to do so after the money is gone. I've watched that happen with a friend, and I don't want it to happen to my kids.

So when exactly is an ok time to inherit money? People in their 40s could do the same.

I maintain that its not your job to tell your parents what they can do with THEIR money.

And I maintain that someone in their 20s is an adult and needs to learn to make decisions themselves - even if they must fail to learn a lesson.

 

[pryncess527]

That logic is backwards. If a friend of mine went on a cruise and drank for days and had to pay pockets full of cash to medical because she ended up dehydrated, does that mean I should never go on one? Just because your friend is terrible with money doesn't mean your children will be. If you have the foresight to teach them this, use it to your advantage. But don't punish them because somebody else had a problem.

Agreed. For me, getting money at 18 was less-than-ideal (though by no means tragic) because my mother had not taught me much about money at all. We both regret that now, but it was an avoidable problem had either of us had the foresight to realize how necessary it was. Water under the bridge now . . . our regrets are not that I got the money, but that I would have made better use of it had I gotten it later. Or made better use of it had I gotten smarter sooner. Both solutions we could have entertained given as much time as the OP has to know this is coming and teach her children to handle the responsibility.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

if parents pass leaving minor children unless/until they get adopted by someone they will have to have a legal guardian appointed regardless of any money in their name or a trust. in some states it's an all in one guardianship (of the person and their estate), in others it's separate (my state is this way). different states have different laws but most are VERY particular on how any monies a minor parentless child is handled, preserved and protected-in mine whomever was the trustee for a trust would have to have an arm's length relationship from the minor child to protect against conflict of interest or they will be looking at court costs to get approval for any and every financial decision and disbursement (which can eat up a trust really fast). heck-here during the period of time guardianship is being applied for and the minor has a guardian ad litem-the guardian ad litem would look at all the assets and despite who someone named to oversee a trust might get the court to put it into the hands of a neutral impartial professional.

Not always. I live in MD and was involved in a property guardianship case for a minor relative who was left a large insurance policy. I can assure you that despite the eventual court order of who was to manage this child's money and the requirement of filing an annual fiduciary report and getting permission from the court to spend over a certain amount of money per month, the state has taken zero interest in enforcing this, allowing the child's mother to spend his money freely.

None of this would have happened if the child's deceased parent's attorney had set up the trust to manage this money as he was supposed to.

 

[eliza61]

We have had our revokable living trusts set up since I was pregnant with #1. Our life insurance goes in there as well as our estate. The guardian and financial guardian are named. It's all done well. Same with my folks. I trust their estate-planning attorney. He does things well. I'm just not in agreement about kids inheriting money in their 20's or 30's. I think that once everyone calms down we can work this out. I'm sure I can talk to their attorney too...I have before for another trust.

ETA - Our kids college is 100% prepaid and they have decent 529s also for grad school so they won't need the $$ for education. If they did, I might feel differently. Education keeps coming up and I thought I should clarify that.

Can I ask what the difference is????

Money is one of those strange things. for example. When we were in our twenties Dh and I were waay more frugal than in our 30's. Probably because we were living on one salary. In our 30's we ramped up the spending seriously. now we never did cc debt but we both had excellent paying jobs with Pensions. so by dis standards we were more irresponsible.

Now I'm in my late 50's and my kids college tuition is paid for, I'm more spender than saver. I stopped with the "don't spend any money because you may need it when your 90" mentality, probably due more to some personal tragedies.

So once again using the dis "yardstick" I too am probably financially irresponsible. lol, hey I go on vacation while having debt, that alone makes me the antichrist to some here.

Does financial responsibilty mean handling your money the same way as someone else.

Someone mentioned weddings. I had a big, fat blow out wedding. Absolutely not one regret, am I irresponsible because I did not take the money and buy a house?? to folks here, probably. to me & my husband absolutely not

 

[eliza61]

Let me ask folks, what is the point of an inheritance??? is it to help the person live the way they want or is it to help the person live how you feel they should??

If a 25 year old gets an inheritance and takes it to travel the world is he irresponsible because he does not get a job and save it???

Personally I would love it if my 20 some thing did that. can you imagine the experience?? whowza

If a kid is passionate about music, takes his inheritance, drops out of college and tries to make it in music but doesn't has he " blown" his inheritance

 

[disney-inspired]

My sister's daughter in law received a $120,000 life insurance policy at the age of 20 when her father died. She blew through the money in less than a year and has nothing to show for it. I would not turn over a large inheritance to someone in their 20s.

If I had received that at her age, I wouldn't be student loan debt. It all depends on the child/grandchild's maturity level.

Setting up an age-specific trust could definitely help though.

 

[disney-inspired]

Let me ask folks, what is the point of an inheritance??? is it to help the person live the way they want or is it to help the person live how you feel they should??

If a 25 year old gets an inheritance and takes it to travel the world is he irresponsible because he does not get a job and save it???

Personally I would love it if my 20 some thing did that. can you imagine the experience?? whowza

I know my parents would want me to continue becoming a more financial stable and independent adult and I would want that for myself as well. Sure, I could use some of it to travel and do something I really love but I would put a large portion aside.