Would You Sit at a Saved Table?

[Mermaid02]

umm, no. I have no idea what you mean. I don't go back months and months and read previous posts to reply on current ones.

Well it kind of is to me. I mean the way the past posts are being brought up and then poked fun at to demean the OP for saving seats....IDK...just seems a little uncalled for. Whether or not you agree with her seat saving methods, why intentionally go back and search for statements she may have said in the past to poke fun? That's all I am saying.

Oh, there are some things you just REMEMBER and don't need to go searching for. And if I'm having a conversation with someone IRL I'm very likely to bring up past occurances... wouldn't you? I dont' think that's odd in the least.

Well the fact that she PM'd you and you copied and pasted it into the forum screams you are trying to front her out. Also, just imagine you are standing around talking with folks about a topic. Everyone is disagreeing with you and then they start talking about past things you have said amongst each other with you standing right there. That's what the past two pages have seemed like TO ME. Now, of course this is a discussion thread, but IMO it turned rude about page 6 or 7.
You can always agree to disagree.

The OP went to pm's because she KNEW if she posted that here folks would see it for what it was... Like my Grandma said, don't ever put anything in writing you don't want the world to know!

 

[Ceila]

And the OP being too scared to post it in public was my point (and the mark of a bully, in my opinion) - wants to seem big and scary by chastising another poster, but needs to do it behind a curtain.

This deserves to be repeated. Hiding behind a PM in order to attack someone is rude and uncalled for, and I think posting it for all to see is justified. If you don't want people to know you wrote something, you probably shouldn't have written it in the first place. And anybody that's been on the internet for any length of time surely knows that nothing is truly private once it's been sent to someone else. I think it's funny that the OP expected any kind of courtesy at all from someone she just insulted!

 

[ols386]

This deserves to be repeated. Hiding behind a PM in order to attack someone is rude and uncalled for, and I think posting it for all to see is justified. If you don't want people to know you wrote something, you probably shouldn't have written it in the first place. And anybody that's been on the internet for any length of time surely knows that nothing is truly private once it's been sent to someone else. I think it's funny that the OP expected any kind of courtesy at all from someone she just insulted!

Oh there have been plenty of insults being thrown around in this thread, and the op isn't the only one who has thrown them out there.

I would also say that personally, I would never send a pm or an email if it's something that I wouldn't want anyone else to read. Those things can be forwarded and re-posted very easily.

Thirdly, I think it's tacky to send a pm if the intent is to insult, and I also think it's tacky to re-post it publicly. JMHO

 

[Aisling]

Once the PM is sent, it belongs the one receiving it (not the one sending it). If that person chooses to post it (send it out in an email to others, take out at ad in the New York Times for it, etc.) that is their right.

Of course it's their right. I didn't say it wasn't their right. I'm saying it's a BIG lack of integrity to post a message in public that was meant to be private, as in Private Messages.

I agree with most of you here that being angry an the lady sitting at a "saved" table is . However, I lost that train of thought and was really taken aback by that poster putting a message sent privately out here. That's just wrong on so many levels. It goes beyond having an argument or debate; it shows poor character if that's what someone resorts to when making their argument. The poster who did it is funny and snarky and I enjoy her posts, but she sunk low doing this, in my eyes. It's wrong.

 

[ols386]

This deserves to be repeated. Hiding behind a PM in order to attack someone is rude and uncalled for, and I think posting it for all to see is justified. If you don't want people to know you wrote something, you probably shouldn't have written it in the first place. And anybody that's been on the internet for any length of time surely knows that nothing is truly private once it's been sent to someone else. I think it's funny that the OP expected any kind of courtesy at all from someone she just insulted!

Disagree. I think reposting the pm is just as tacky as sending an insulting pm to begin with. You are then lowering yourself to the level of the one sending the insulting pm...again, that's only my opinion.

 

[Nancy]

At a school function, I would have thought that the chairs that had things placed on them were saved, but not the whole table!
So I might sit at empty chairs at that same table....

Right. I would not have removed the backpacks and stuff on the chairs but if other chairs were empty I would assume not saved then.

Must have been a good table to sit at location wise.

 

[wvjules]

Honestly, if the PM had been insulting and name calling I would have just deleted it and not posted or responded. HOWEVER, the PM had information that I didn't deem "private" or "confidential" and it had additional information thad hadn't already been posted. I didn't see why that had been sent in a PM when there was nothing "private" about it. I didn't see the need to get into a PM conversation with the OP about the thread.

I have never posted a PM before and I probably never will again BUT this one did not need to be a PM, IMO and had information relevant to the conversation. I am not a PM poster, forwarder, sharerer.

 

[GinnyEmma]

I was speaking specifically to things said on this thread (so, the actual seat saving issue was not being considered).

Once the PM is sent, it belongs the one receiving it (not the one sending it). If that person chooses to post it (send it out in an email to others, take out at ad in the New York Times for it, etc.) that is their right. It is not something that I would do, but I recognize that it is their right to do so (so I would never send a PM that I was scared about showing up on the board, unless it was to someone I knew and trusted).

And the OP being too scared to post it in public was my point (and the mark of a bully, in my opinion) - wants to seem big and scary by chastising another poster, but needs to do it behind a curtain.

No kidding. If you send me something unsolicited, I can do with it what I like. There is not a moral law to such things. OTOH, saving beach chairs, tables or chairs with crap is rude. Plant your heinie if you want the seat!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I read most of the thread, so here is my opinion:

1. I do save seats, but only for small groups. No need for my younger child to get somewhere early if dad and I can split up. Or maybe a person in our group was stuck in traffic.

2. When I save seats, each spot is "marked" in some way. As long as there are other options, I will continue to save seats b/c yes, I am in the "everyone is doing it camp". But if it is prohibited, then I won't.

3. I would not save a whole table. I have no need to do so and I do find that rude. The only exception, perhaps: We have done some dinners at our church. They are served buffet style, so if the group is waiting in line, they are actively there. There is no harm in allowing the group to sit together. Not the same situation as the OP since she was not there.

4. I don't do confrontational. I choose the path of least resistance. I would have avoided the table. But this is not out of consideration for the savers--this because I don't want to "deal" with anyone who would get upset when their intentions were not obvious. Had it been the last table, I would have sat.

5. I don't do passive aggressive. Get as feisty as you want in the privacy of your car ride on the way home or in whispers when you visit the ladies room. Someone being rude doesn't entitle you to be ungraceful in your conduct.

6. The PM thing--I am mixed on that. However, I do feel that you are not in the position to get upset with someone and their supposed "bullying" when you demonstrated that behavior in your experience.

I am not anti-seat saving--just do it correctly. People cannot read minds nor can they read bookbags. Also, be considerate in your saving. Save for your immediate group only. Once you have bottoms present, then save for additional people.

I don't like the whole row saving at recitals either. Saving for siblings, parents is fine. Saving for 4-8 grandparents, not so fine.

What I have learned--the front seat is not always the best row.

Happy Trails!

(And don't do the seat tipping thing. It is a tripping hazard!!!! )

 

[cabanafrau]

OP, I definitely think your seat-saving method was less than clear. Step back, take a look at what you've stated & think you'd have to concede it isn't polite to save so many seats for people you don't know are coming. If they can't commit enough to be there for sure, they're on their own.

I have to agree w/ a previous poster who pointed out that it's inevitable that many of those who arrive late wind up causing a serious distraction as they make their way up to their prime seats. I always find it so heartwarming when they then proceed to take the next 3 or 4 minutes to make their way to their seat, hugging & greeting the folks they're meeting up with. Sometimes I'm even able to eavesdrop & hear where they got the cutest dress or the to-die-for sandals & bag -- I really love picking up where the deals are, too!

Someone posted far up the thread about bathroom stalls. I really don't mean to crowd you or invade your privacy. I'm all about the having toilet paper -- toilet paper that I can unroll & use as necessary. I'm even more all about me because I kind of scope out clean too. I know, I know, inconsiderate that your need for privacy & space between your stall and mine doesn't even make it in my top two list.

 

[happygirl]

WOW, We aren't seat savers, in my family,

 

[suzanna1066@comcast.]

I think it is rude period to save that many seats for a school concert.

You should get to save one max (e.g. for your spouse). To the OP, you think the families of some of the other performers may have wanted a good seat too?

 

[Ceila]

Disagree. I think reposting the pm is just as tacky as sending an insulting pm to begin with. You are then lowering yourself to the level of the one sending the insulting pm...again, that's only my opinion.

To me, it's refusing to allow someone to hide behind PMs. If they get away with it, what's to stop them from sending snarky PMs to other posters? People say all the time on the Dis that bullies keep bullying because nobody ever stops them. I'm not quite ready to call the OP a bully based on one known incident, although sending snarky PMs is along those lines, but I do see this as a similar kind of situation.

 

[a1tinkfans]

Here's my take on it. Why didn't you pick up the stuff and move to one of the other open tables? In my perfect world, tables can not be 'saved' if there is no one in the party there. Exception, a paid charitable event where tables are purchased. I think she had as much right to sit there as you did. Kids in a school throw backpacks all over the place. I wish you hadn't passively picked on her until you irritated her. You should have gone somewhere else to sit. Sorry.

I kinda agree. Why drop hints and be "just as rude" (your words, as I do not see it as rude actually) to her if she was there and you were not?
I prob would not have sat there to begin with, but it was not a "paid for" table, thus open to the public, kinda like parking on a street, where ever you want.....hope you enjoyed the function... despite the drama

 

[cabanafrau]

To me, it's refusing to allow someone to hide behind PMs. If they get away with it, what's to stop them from sending snarky PMs to other posters? People say all the time on the Dis that bullies keep bullying because nobody ever stops them. I'm not quite ready to call the OP a bully based on one known incident, although sending snarky PMs is along those lines, but I do see this as a similar kind of situation.

I've sent PMs in the past to people I've been talking with in threads, at least once to someone I was disagreeing with in a thread. I wanted to communicate directly with each person for different reasons. I can't remember the situation on contacting one of them, but I know it involved some personal details that I didn't think belonged in the general conversation -- not negative, just something that pertained to that person specifically in the conversation. In the situation of talking to someone I was disagreeing with on the thread I thought they may have been offended by something I "said" so I PMd to let them know, hey, I think potato, you think potahto, by expressing my disagreement I'm not ripping on you, I just disagree & that's A-OK in my book.

 

[kelma]

I've sent PMs in the past to people I've been talking with in threads, at least once to someone I was disagreeing with in a thread. I wanted to communicate directly with each person for different reasons. I can't remember the situation on contacting one of them, but I know it involved some personal details that I didn't think belonged in the general conversation -- not negative, just something that pertained to that person specifically in the conversation. In the situation of talking to someone I was disagreeing with on the thread I thought they may have been offended by something I "said" so I PMd to let them know, hey, I think potato, you think potahto, by expressing my disagreement I'm not ripping on you, I just disagree & that's A-OK in my book.

Here's an important life lesson that in these days of constant texting, emailing, etc. so many these days don't seem to get. Once you send something in writing, it is out there for ANYONE to use. This is true of things you send to your friends and strangers alike. I cannot for the life of me imagine why anyone would PM anyone else on an internet chat site with private information that they would not want the world to know.

And for bullying/unkind PMs - I think it would be great if everyone shared them so the jerks couldn't hide behind their more public personalities. Bullying and general jerkiness need to be outed.

As for ownership of the email and whether or not the receiver has the right to post it, of course they do. Just as they would have the same right to print a letter that someone had sent them.
Kelma

 

[goofy!]

I just slogged through the entire 12 pages of the sordid thread.

Having three older kids, I have been to my fair share of events. And since some of it has involved travel teams, I have experienced "saving" all over the country.

General consensus:
If you want to save seats, you must save each individual seat. Be it by tipping the chair, placing a jacket, shoe, napkin, etc on the seat, each seat must be individually saved.

On a table that sat 10, especially one in an apparently prime location such as the OP's, a backpack on a table would absolutely not indicate that the whole table was saved.

If I came to an event and there was a table front and center with a backpack on it and no other indication that other seats were occupied, you bet I would be sitting at the "open" seats. That backpack was saving a single seat, the drink a second seat. That left 8 open seats to be claimed by the next group of people that wanted a good seat.

If there were napkins removed and placed at the seats, chairs were tipped or there were personal items at each place, then no, I would not sit at a seat that is obviously occupied.

The lady that was sitting there had more rights to the seat and the one she was saving for her friend as she was actually sitting at the table.

It is beyond rude to save seats for people that "might" show up. I have no problems saving a table for relatives if you know for certain they are coming. But to take up prime spots "just in case" somebody may show up is plain old boorish behavior.

We (my kid's team) has been known to save seats at competitions. However, we know that we cannot save more than 1 or 2 per person (for our kid that is competing and coming back after the performance) AND that we have to have a backpack or a coat on the seat to physically indicate it is saved. Nothing on the seat, it is open for anybody to sit in. Unless you are sitting there and can verbally explain that the seat belongs to your child, husband, etc.

 

[cabanafrau]

Here's an important life lesson that in these days of constant texting, emailing, etc. so many these days don't seem to get. Once you send something in writing, it is out there for ANYONE to use. This is true of things you send to your friends and strangers alike. I cannot for the life of me imagine why anyone would PM anyone else on an internet chat site with private information that they would not want the world to know.

And for bullying/unkind PMs - I think it would be great if everyone shared them so the jerks couldn't hide behind their more public personalities. Bullying and general jerkiness need to be outed.

As for ownership of the email and whether or not the receiver has the right to post it, of course they do. Just as they would have the same right to print a letter that someone had sent them.
Kelma

Thank you for schooling me on internet safety protocol with your internet use lecture? Rest assured I am a grown woman who can figure that out for herself.

In regards to the personal details shared in PM, it was nothing of an identifying nature. I'm not one who likes to get into many of the nitty gritty details out in public. Whatever the information I had to share, I felt more comfortable saying in a PM. I really wasn't concerned about the person re-broadcasting it out into cyberspace because, even if I don't remember the exact details, I can assure you they weren't even close enough to salacious for anyone else to be interested.

 

[SaraJayne]

OP has shown in the past she has a problem with people "invading" space she believes belongs to her and her alone.

This situation is no different.

And if there are no butts in the seats, I have no problem putting my own there.

 

[Goofyluver]

If there are no other options, an open seat is my seat.

Ran into a woman at the movies once who had a row of seats saved...in the only open row left for all 4 of us to sit together. She said her "party wasn't there yet"...but we were. Yup. We took her seats. She threatened to tattle, and I told her to go ahead. She came back in a huff a minute later after the manager ignored her pleas and informed me what a "jerk" I was. I was going to feel bad until she tattled, and then, not so much.