Would you send a gift?

[Jeafl]

We recently got a "flyer" in the mail saying "X and Y got Hitched, come help us celebrate". It then went on to say it was a pig roast, they were supplying the pig and some "suds" and that everyone else should bring a dish to pass.

Apparently, the daughter of my husband's cousin, whom I have never met, got married April 9 and just now decided to have a party to celebrate their marriage.

I have never met this girl, and in fact, have only met her parents once about 20 years ago. I'm embarrassed to admit I didn't even know that this girl existed! They live two states away, and we already had plans for that day (they only gave us about 2 weeks notice) so we didn't go. Now I am wondering if I should send a gift. It would not be a financial hardship to send something, but I have to wonder where to draw the line. If my husband was closer to his cousin (the bride's mom) I would definitely do it, However, they have only communicated once in the past 20 years.

What would you do in this situation?

 

[worm761]

I don't send gifts to strangers and these people are strangers. I would not send a gift. BUT if you are in the mood to buy presents....I have list!

 

[ilovesugar]

I would not send a gift. It is a potluck dinner, not a wedding reception and IMO, you should not expect a gift when your asking your guests to bring their own food.

 

[jrmasm]

I'd probably send a card and a $25 gc.

 

[WDSearcher]

I think that if they were expecting gifts, they'd mention where they were registered or something else equally "hint, hint." If they didn't -- and it doesn't sound as if they did -- then I would just send my regrets, along with a note of congratulations on their wedding.

Sounds like they weren't able to invite everyone they wanted to the wedding, so they are having this little blow-out BBQ party to celebrate. It would seem that the "bring a dish to pass" request is all the "gift" they are expecting. If you wanted to -- as a nice gesture -- you could send a $10/$15 gift card to a grocery chain near them so that they could pick up anything they needed at the last minute.

 

[fhtpdw20]

Sounds like a gift-grab to me. If you want to make an impressions you might consider "recycling" some of your famous christmas gifts. The rooster comes to mind.

 

[ICF]

no, we would not.

 

[WDSearcher]

Sounds like a gift-grab to me. If you want to make an impressions you might consider "recycling" some of your famous christmas gifts. The rooster comes to mind.

Was wondering how you got "gift-grab" out of an invite to a pig roast? They got married a few months ago and are having a summer party to celebrate. And they specifically asked people to bring "a dish to pass", which to me says, "if you want to bring something, bring food". Unless perhaps you suspect they will then move to keep all of the dishes the food comes in to help fill up their kitchen.

 

[AndreaDM]

Nope, maybe a card but that's it. I don't see it as a gift grab at all, more of a get together type thing. I'm guessing it was probably the idea of the bride or grooms parents, they probably wanted to get family together that they don't get to see often and that that was the perfect opportunity. I know it's sad, but I have a lot of relatives I only see at weddings and funerals and they turn into more of a family reunion type event.

 

[wenrob]

Sounds like a gift-grab to me. If you want to make an impressions you might consider "recycling" some of your famous christmas gifts. The rooster comes to mind.

I disagree. Some families you invite ALL relatives whether you know them or not and sometimes parents of the bride/groom insist on it. According to what the OP stated it sounds like a casual "celebrate with us" kind of thing.
I got a slew of graduation invites to a lot of my cousins kids this year. Some I've never met and some I hadn't seen since they were babies. My impression was they were sent because I was family and nothing more. No doubt they would have been shocked had I actually showed! I sent congrats to their parents through FB. If I was tight with a cousin as kids I sent a card. Honestly I don't think they will think a thing of it if they don't hear from you at all. Send a gift if you'd like to but you're not obligated in any way IMHO.

 

[DisneyJen0504]

I would not send a gift. It is a potluck dinner, not a wedding reception and IMO, you should not expect a gift when your asking your guests to bring their own food.

You said it best.

 

[ChrizJen]

I wouldn't send a gift. Mostly because it sounds like some obscure "relative" just looking for a gift.
But I've also always had an issue with people who go off and have a quick, cheap wedding, and then come back and throw a party or get-together and expect gifts. I think it's tacky. I mean, I can almost understand if it's a destination wedding and there are lots of folks who can't make it. Then come back and have a proper reception with food and the works. But if you choose to run off and "get hitched", don't have a party afterwards and expect a gift from me...

 

[Jeafl]

I just got out the flyer to clarify exactly what it said.

It said:

"X and Y got HITCHED! Come help us celebrate our union with a backyard pig roast. We will provide the pig and the suds, you provide a dish to pass.

It then goes on to explain they got married on April 9, and where and when to RSVP.


It also has this 2x2 in. grainy picture of what looks like their wedding in a justice of the peace's office. She is wearing a sun dress and he is wearing a plaid shirt and Dockers. They live in rural Michigan, so I am not totally surprised it was a small wedding, but I guess I am having trouble distinguishing whether it is a belated wedding reception, or just a family get together. One would require a gift, the other, probably not.

 

[ksjayhawks]

No, I would not send a gift or even a card.

Your family does not know this person; as another poster said they are really strangers. Sounds like a gift-grab to me and I don't do gift-grabs.

 

[Jeafl]

Sounds like a gift-grab to me. If you want to make an impressions you might consider "recycling" some of your famous christmas gifts. The rooster comes to mind.

LOL. Alas, the rooster met with its sad demise a couple of years ago. It was such an unfortunate accident...

 

[Motherofboys]

I just got out the flyer to clarify exactly what it said.

It said:

"X and Y got HITCHED! Come help us celebrate our union with a backyard pig roast. We will provide the pig and the suds, you provide a dish to pass.

It then goes on to explain they got married on April 9, and where and when to RSVP.


It also has this 2x2 in. grainy picture of what looks like their wedding in a justice of the peace's office. She is wearing a sun dress and he is wearing a plaid shirt and Dockers. They live in rural Michigan, so I am not totally surprised it was a small wedding, but I guess I am having trouble distinguishing whether it is a belated wedding reception, or just a family get together. One would require a gift, the other, probably not.

LOL, is it rural Northern Michigan?? Probably one of my DH's cousins!

Seriously, pot-luck "reception"?? The gift card to a grocery store was a clever idea, "sorry I couldn't bring a dish, so go buy one!" But that won't work if the only grocery store is an IGA!

 

[suzannecstarr]

In my humble opinion, any time you invite someone to a traditionally gifting occasion and you know they can't come (2 weeks-2 states, come on) its a gift grab. I assume the reason they didn't specify a registry is bc it is generally accepted as bad taste to register after an elopement. After all you don't really register for the wedding, you register for the shower. No wedding= no shower.

This may sound terrible, but if you have children that may wed in the next few years and you would like a reciprocal gift from the parents of this girl for your kids then send a check or gift card. I would send a greeting card at the very least.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

LOL. Alas, the rooster met with its sad demise a couple of years ago. It was such an unfortunate accident...

Did the cookie monster sweater eat him?

 

[gina2000]

Why not send a box of candy, a fruit basket, or some sort of packaged food item...it meets the criteria of bringing potluck, expressing your congratulations, and gifting the couple with a small token without breaking the bank.

 

[WDSearcher]

In my humble opinion, any time you invite someone to a traditionally gifting occasion and you know they can't come (2 weeks-2 states, come on) its a gift grab. I assume the reason they didn't specify a registry is bc it is generally accepted as bad taste to register after an elopement. After all you don't really register for the wedding, you register for the shower. No wedding= no shower.

This may sound terrible, but if you have children that may wed in the next few years and you would like a reciprocal gift from the parents of this girl for your kids then send a check or gift card. I would send a greeting card at the very least.

I still don't get how a pig roast pot luck is a "traditionally gifting occasion"? I mean ... if a family BBQ means presents, I've been gypping myself out of gifts for decades!!