Would you send a gift?

[wvjules]

Send an edible fruit basket. Kills two birds with one stone! lol

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I'd probably send a card and a $25 gc.

This. I'd send a card & gift card, but if I wasn't going the party I wouldn't ship an actual gift.

 

[CleoPahd]

If I didn't personally know them and/or weren't extremely close with the parents I wouldn't go and I wouldn't send a gift.

 

[suzannecstarr]

I still don't get how a pig roast pot luck is a "traditionally gifting occasion"? I mean ... if a family BBQ means presents, I've been gypping myself out of gifts for decades!!

its a wedding that is being celebrated with a bbq. still a wedding though.

 

[autumnpalm]

If they were people I had never met, but still family, I would let them know I couldn't make it and send a card of congratulations. It really doesn't sound like they are expecting gifts anyways. The fruit basket idea is cute, though!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No I would not send a gift or even a card. I have to actually know you and that is even pushing it.

 

[WDSearcher]

its a wedding that is being celebrated with a bbq. still a wedding though.

It's not a wedding. It's a BBQ celebrating a wedding that happened three months ago. If they wanted presents, they'd have invited the OP to the wedding, or sent out announcements immediately after, letting everyone know that they'd been married.

The invite to this event just sounds way too informal, fun, family-ish and silly -- it's a summer BBQ party so that friends of the couple can gather, celebrate, eat, drink and be merry. To me ... that doesn't automatically say, "Buy me stuff." YMMV

 

[Jeafl]

It's not a wedding. It's a BBQ celebrating a wedding that happened three months ago. If they wanted presents, they'd have invited the OP to the wedding, or sent out announcements immediately after, letting everyone know that they'd been married.

The invite to this event just sounds way too informal, fun, family-ish and silly -- it's a summer BBQ party so that friends of the couple can gather, celebrate, eat, drink and be merry. To me ... that doesn't automatically say, "Buy me stuff." YMMV

In theory, I agree with you. However, one thing is throwing me off. We have NEVER been invited to ANYTHING this family has done. No birthdays, holidays, graduations, etc. I didn't even know this girl existed. Why invite us to this then, if it is not considered a wedding? I know we have relatives that we don't invite to holidays or birthdays, but we do invite to weddings. That's what makes me think it is a belated wedding reception. Especially since their actual wedding was immediate family only.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

In theory, I agree with you. However, one thing is throwing me off. We have NEVER been invited to ANYTHING this family has done. No birthdays, holidays, graduations, etc. I didn't even know this girl existed. Why invite us to this then, if it is not considered a wedding? I know we have relatives that we don't invite to holidays or birthdays, but we do invite to weddings. That's what makes me think it is a belated wedding reception. Especially since their actual wedding was immediate family only.

So if you are not a part of their family, why are you sweating it? Put it in the circular file and be done.

 

[Disney Doll]

I wouldn't, but since this is your DH's relative ask him.
Would it create HUGE family disharmony if you don't send a gift?

Do they KNOW you received the invite? You could do one fo those "Gee, I never got that invite" things.

 

[Pumbaa_]

If I don't know you, you get no gift. simple as that

 

[C.Ann]

Probably not.. They bascially sound like total strangers..

 

[WDSearcher]

In theory, I agree with you. However, one thing is throwing me off. We have NEVER been invited to ANYTHING this family has done. No birthdays, holidays, graduations, etc. I didn't even know this girl existed. Why invite us to this then, if it is not considered a wedding? I know we have relatives that we don't invite to holidays or birthdays, but we do invite to weddings. That's what makes me think it is a belated wedding reception. Especially since their actual wedding was immediate family only.

The mere fact that you have NOT been invited to anything else, but are to this, is what makes it seem so totally informal and NOT gift-related to me. If they wanted to eke gifts out of relatives who were total strangers, they'd have invited you to the wedding or shower somewhere along the line. Or they'd have sent out "Just Married" announcements immediately after the wedding, with photos from the wedding and saying that they wanted to "share their special day." They didn't.

But now, they have their own place and it's apparently large enough for a big ol' pig roast, and they seem to be using it as kind of a celebratory family reunion. They're iniviting everyone because they can. And if they were limited in either budget or venue to an immediate-family wedding, this could be their way of kind of apologizing to everyone for not inviting them. A pig roast is NOT a cheap thing to pull together. They're spending some money on this if they're providing the main course and the beverages. And all they're asking is that, if you come, bring a dish to pass.

It just seems to me that if they expected gifts at this event, they wouldn't have asked people to bring food. They'd have said something like, "You don't have to bring anything ... just your well wishes for our new home and new life!" (THAT, to me, would say "gift grab".)

Either way, if you don't want to send them anything, don't send them anything. But do be nice enough to RSVP.

 

[wdwfan16]

I would ask your DH what he wants to do.

 

[luvmy3]

I wouldn't send anything because like others I think its more of a family get together to celebrate their marriage, not a reception or gift-grab.

 

[design_mom]

I would probably send my regrets and a nice card of congratulations, but I probably would not send a gift. If you're in a gift-giving mood, I am sure a gift would be appreciated, but I don't think one will be expected because:
1) it's a potluck (says family get together, not reception to me)
2) you're "distant" relatives
3) aside from mentioning that they're married now, no other "hints" about gifts were made.

I think it was merely a wedding announcement with a family barbeque attached. (When we adopted our second child, we didn't have any parties or showers. I'm not even sure a lot of people knew we were in the process of adopting again. I included an "announcement" of sorts in our christmas card because I knew people would wonder why there were two children in the photo instead of one. A couple of people sent gifts or congratulations, but many did not and I was not expecting anyone to. I just wanted to let them know.

 

[scrapbookworm]

I wouldn't send a gift to a stranger. I usually ask myself the question, if the roles were reversed, would they send me a gift? Usually the answer is no.

Don't take that like I'm coldhearted and uncaring. It sounds harder in type than I mean, lol. It's just that I've tried really hard to help people out, to be there for them, to the point that I've gone overboard, but when the roles were reversed (like during my recovery from surgery, when my stepdad died, etc) none of them even bothered to check on us, much less send flowers, visit, etc.