Would you "let" your child go to college 700+ miles from home- and UA

[golfgal]

It was created in 1992.

There most certainly was a federal financial aid form people filled out LONG before 1992...

Back then I guess it was called the FFA or something like that...

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

There most certainly was a federal financial aid form people filled out LONG before 1992...

Back then I guess it was called the FFA or something like that...

Yep, looks like this is what came before fafsa:

1976: CSS introduces the Financial Aid Form (FAF) as a replacement for the Parent's Confidential Statement (PCS) and Student's Financial Statement (SFS)

I don't believe it was free like the fafsa is though. Not sure.

 

[MrsPete]

I disagree. If a student isn't comfortable on campus, doesn't like their surroundings, etc. they are not going to succeed. I have seen this happen many times with very good students that either didn't make the right choice for them or their parents made them go to schools they didn't want to attend, could they have done ok, sure, but they didn't because they did not want to be there.

I agree with that.

A good student can "make it" in a less-than-ideal setting, whereas a poor student might flounder and just give up. But even a good student may become worn-down by bad circumstances.

For me, the hardest part of college was the money. Not only did my parents not help me financially, they threw roadblocks in my way. As a result, I worked many more hours than were good for me. I was at a good school that was a good fit for me, but my time was limited, and I suffered because of it. Yes, I made it through, but I could've done better if I hadn't been hampered by working so many hours. I don't regret my choices -- they were the best ones available to me at the time.

And I have another personal example: My first semester I fell into a bad dorm. It was an honors study hall dorm, so in theory it should've been a good place . . . in reality, it was all upperclassmen who'd lived in that same spot for 3-4 years, and they were not friendly to freshmen. The whole floor was very clique-y, they all dated one another, all went to dinner together every single night, and (even though they were serious students Sunday night - Thursday night) they drank and partied hard every weekend. I shared a room with a high school friend, and apparently the girls who'd lived in that room the previous year had been good friends with "the crew". The upperclassmen went out of their way to be mean to us -- mean comments drove us out of the lobby and study areas, they'd purposefully close the elevator doors as hurried towards them. Once I hurt myself in the bathroom (opened the heavy door, tore my big toenail right off), and the girl who was in there with me laughed. The RA was useless; today I'd be smart enough to go above the RA's head, but back then I just didn't know what to do. We dealt with it by sticking together and keeping our door closed all the time. On weekends she escaped by going home, and I escaped by finding friends in other doorms -- in fact, when I returned to my floor to sleep, I'd exit the elevator and walk the loooooong way around to avoid a trip through the lobby -- they were worst when they were drinking, and on weekends they were always drinking.

Did my roommate and I succeed in spite of this? Well, we both passed our classes, but the living situation didn't help us. In December, we were first in line to move to another dorm, where we were made to feel welcome. We both improved in many ways that second semester, and it had a lot to do with not being harassed "at home".

Obviously, the thing I did right was to leave that situation at the first opportunity -- and a good student, when faced with a bad situation, will seek out a way to change that bad situation -- but what if it'd been something I couldn't alter? Something I would've been forced to live with for my entire college career? I don't know that I could've "made it" if staying in that place had been my only option.

But would you make your child go somewhere they didn't want to go in the first place?

In spite of so many people jumping on the "forcing your kid to go to a certain school" thing, I don't think that happens in reality a great deal. Personally, I've heard kids say, "The only thing my parents and I can afford is the local community college" (or the university right next to us), but I have not personally heard anyone say, "I want to attend __, but my parents are making me go to __." I've heard a whole lot of kids say, "I'm going to __ even though my parents think it's a mistake."

I do think a whole bunch of kids, however, choose schools for the wrong reasons or fail to research the schools thoroughly . . . and those students end up wanting to leave quickly. What're the wrong reasons? Well, I have 20 years of working with seniors behind me, so I can give a few examples: Choosing a college just because it's near the beach/mountains/in Florida, choosing a college because your best friend or boyfriend has already chosen it, choosing a college because it's as far from your parents as you can get, choosing a college because it has a great game room/pool hall, choosing a college because your parents/older siblings went there, choosing a college because they offer an English elective on the Harry Potter series, choosing a college because they have a great football team (and you're not a football player), choosing a college because they have a cool student union, choosing a college because you went to volleyball camp there and had a great time . . . really, some students' reasons are quite superficial. That's why they need parental guidance to choose wisely; transferring can be so time-consuming and expensive.

And for parents to sit around and argue about "my kid's college is better than your kid's college" is just really pathetic... again, it's the quality of the student that makes the real difference here, not the credentials of the school.

Ehh, disagree. Somewhat.

A quality student in a bad situation doesn't always "make it". I'm thinking of my first roommate, who ended up dropping out of school. Academically, she was absolute tops. But she had one horrible semester -- it doesn't even sound like it could be true, but she lost her mother and then her grandmother (she was very, very close to both), and when she started clinicals she realized that nursing wasn't for her. And just to kick her in the teeth again, she realized what we'd all known for some time -- her boyfriend was gay. She left school with the intention of coming back the next year in a new major. She started working in a job that was beneath her, ended up attending suicide. Now, 25 years later, we've lost track of one another. I do hope she came back and finished school because she is a wonderful person and an excellent student, but what 19-20 year old could endure all that and perservere? Even with a super-supportive dad and friends, she crumbled.

I will agree that MOST of the time a good student can overcome bad circumstances, but I don't think it's an etched-in-stone truism.

 

[MrsPete]

That didnt exist 20 some odd years ago-did it?

I graduated high school in 1984, and financial aid forms weren't new then. It's been around forever.

 

[MrsPete]

Wow-how did you do that
Back in college I was making like $2 an hour working on the weekends

When I was in college, minimum wage was $3.35. Tuition and fees, dorm and meals, and books ran $5000-6000 at state school.

Here's how I paid my own way:

Freshman year I had a Pell grant, an NC legislative grant, a couple small scholarships (which at that time were only $100-500) and savings from my high school job. I also had a work-study job that was pocket money for me. In retrospect, that was my easiest financial year, though I spent nothing.

Sophomore year was the worst. I again had a Pell grant, but my parents refused to fill out financial aid paperwork 'til late-late-late, so I didn't get the NC legislative grant. I worked two jobs all summer but wasn't smart enough to save enough, so that school year I worked three part-time jobs. still, I was always short of money and was very afraid that I wasn't going to be able to come back spring semester. It was only another job over Christmas break that allowed me to pay for my books. One was my work study, one was at diner, one was the desk in my dorm. At $3.35, it takes a lot of hours to pay for school, but without a car I was very limited.

Junior year things improved significantly. Knowing I couldn't continue what I'd done my sophomore year, I became an RA; this gave me a private room for free, 1/2 my tuition paid, a telephone paid (I'd not had a phone up to that point), and a few other little niceties. I continued my work study job and my dorm desk job. That year my parents refused to do the financial aid paperwork at all, so I got no Pell grant; however, the RA job made the difference.

Senior year I continued all I'd done my Junior year, but I traded out the desk job for an internship that paid $8/hour. I had a car for the first time. My parents did the financial aid paperwork, so I again had a Pell grant. I was able to save money, and things were so much better.

 

[golfgal]

Yep, looks like this is what came before fafsa:

1976: CSS introduces the Financial Aid Form (FAF) as a replacement for the Parent's Confidential Statement (PCS) and Student's Financial Statement (SFS)

I don't believe it was free like the fafsa is though. Not sure.

There were no fees to fill this out. You had to do it all by hand, it was about 6 pages long of filling in those bubbles with a #2 pencil and making sure you filled in each bubble completely. It took about 2 hours to fill out the entire form. The newer online version is a breeze.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

The Evolution of Financial Aid makes a point to mention that the new FAFSA, established in 1992, was required to be free. Hence the name. Which is why I stated I didn't know for a fact whether the previous version of financial aid forms was free or not.

 

[punkin]

The Evolution of Financial Aid makes a point to mention that the new FAFSA, established in 1992, was required to be free. Hence the name. Which is why I stated I didn't know for a fact whether the previous version of financial aid forms was free or not.

Whatever I had to fill out for 1985 and the next 4 years was free. I have no memory of what it was called, but I know I paid nothing for it.

 

[declansdad]

I disagree. If a student isn't comfortable on campus, doesn't like their surroundings, etc. they are not going to succeed. I have seen this happen many times with very good students that either didn't make the right choice for them or their parents made them go to schools they didn't want to attend, could they have done ok, sure, but they didn't because they did not want to be there.

Do you work on a college campus as well as retail and in the public schools? You seem to have lots of experience observing all these things happen.

 

[golfgal]

Do you work on a college campus as well as retail and in the public schools? You seem to have lots of experience observing all these things happen.

Yes, I was an athletic trainer on campus, worked retail during the summer as well as for our park and rec department. I had 3 summer jobs when I was in school, daytime was the park and rec and evenings/weekend I worked part time at a cosmetics store and part time at a clothing store . Also, it's called life. People you know have experiences, you talk to them about that, you see people around you and what they go through. I don't live in a bubble??? We have also moved around a lot for DH's job, observed things in different parts of the country, talk to friends/family that live all over the country, etc. Don't you???

 

[golfgal]

The Evolution of Financial Aid makes a point to mention that the new FAFSA, established in 1992, was required to be free. Hence the name. Which is why I stated I didn't know for a fact whether the previous version of financial aid forms was free or not.

I think that was more so people understood that it didn't cost anything to fill out the form so more people would, not sure though.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

That didnt exist 20 some odd years ago-did it?

Oh yea. 25yrs ago my dh was filing out the aid forms and arguing with financial aid to go over the FAFSA gods because his mom was an unmedicated schizophrenic that would NEVER fill out a government form. He had to jump through the hoops every semester.

He got aid, grants, and also had to major loans and he worked.

 

[cabanafrau]

Of course not! This choice is about THEIR future, and the adult-child is the main decision maker about where they'll attend.

If we've done our jobs as parents, they are well ready to help make and own this decision by the time they're seniors in high school.

And for parents to sit around and argue about "my kid's college is better than your kid's college" is just really pathetic... again, it's the quality of the student that makes the real difference here, not the credentials of the school.

As a parent w/ the oldest getting close to pulling the trigger on making the college decision I agree. What's kind of nerve-wracking as the parent is hoping that the opinions we're giving in discussing this with her are sound. It's her decision & she's going to have to decide where she fits & we let her know what will fit our finances & if we think she's overlooking anything.

She's trying to sort through the realities of attending the creme de la creme for undergrad versus what she could get out of going Big Ten closer to home & their proposal to customize her curriculum to double-major in four years. I think she'd give her right arm right now to be able to get a Magic 8 Ball to answer her questions for her.

She has some options on the list right now that are a significant distance away. We're more nervous about some than others because we have reliable friends close at hand to some options who would instantly be at her side in an emergency & some options leave her w/ just us many hours away. That's my big fear, something like appendicitis, etc., w/ steady, reliable help far away.

 

[declansdad]

Yes, I was an athletic trainer on campus, worked retail during the summer as well as for our park and rec department. I had 3 summer jobs when I was in school, daytime was the park and rec and evenings/weekend I worked part time at a cosmetics store and part time at a clothing store . Also, it's called life. People you know have experiences, you talk to them about that, you see people around you and what they go through. I don't live in a bubble??? We have also moved around a lot for DH's job, observed things in different parts of the country, talk to friends/family that live all over the country, etc. Don't you???

That is quite the resume you have there but it seems as if you don't stay in one place for very long. On the other hand, it has allowed you to develop many skills that are useful in helping people here on the Dis.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

As a parent w/ the oldest getting close to pulling the trigger on making the college decision I agree. What's kind of nerve-wracking as the parent is hoping that the opinions we're giving in discussing this with her are sound. It's her decision & she's going to have to decide where she fits & we let her know what will fit our finances & if we think she's overlooking anything.

She's trying to sort through the realities of attending the creme de la creme for undergrad versus what she could get out of going Big Ten closer to home & their proposal to customize her curriculum to double-major in four years. I think she'd give her right arm right now to be able to get a Magic 8 Ball to answer her questions for her.

She has some options on the list right now that are a significant distance away. We're more nervous about some than others because we have reliable friends close at hand to some options who would instantly be at her side in an emergency & some options leave her w/ just us many hours away. That's my big fear, something like appendicitis, etc., w/ steady, reliable help far away.

You can't let fear of the unknown drive your decision. My dd is a JR and right now is in the middle of a medical issue with her heart.

I spent half of the summer in doctors offices with her. They thought she needed a pulmonary valve replacement however her stuff is not that severe YET. They give her 1-5yrs before she needs open heart surgery.

Anyway she ended up with surgery because she had a problem with her heart cath she had done and needed her femoral artery repaired and then barely recovered and then drove herself to school.

She may have other issues and we are working on getting her testing done there. Plus she needs cardiac rehab to get herself back in shape. She is tired a lot, which is a part of her medical issues.

You make it work. Would I rather her be here, you bet. This is taking a toll on her mentally as well. But you know what, sitting around here going to school is not going to help her. She is living in the sorority house this yr and trust me, she has to grow up and manage her health no matter where she lives.

Hopefully that puts a little perspective in for you. Good Luck!

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

That didnt exist 20 some odd years ago-did it?

It existed when I went to college in '87 - '91.

 

[golfgal]

That is quite the resume you have there but it seems as if you don't stay in one place for very long. On the other hand, it has allowed you to develop many skills that are useful in helping people here on the Dis.

Not by MY choice. We got moved around about every 2 years for DH's job. A few of those transfers were back to places we had already been but for a while there we had moved 7 times in 11 years. We have been here for 6 years which is the longest we have lived in one place since we were married... We will not move again until our kids are out of high school and then after that it looks like we have another transfer in the works

 

[cabanafrau]

You can't let fear of the unknown drive your decision. My dd is a JR and right now is in the middle of a medical issue with her heart.

I spent half of the summer in doctors offices with her. They thought she needed a pulmonary valve replacement however her stuff is not that severe YET. They give her 1-5yrs before she needs open heart surgery.

Anyway she ended up with surgery because she had a problem with her heart cath she had done and needed her femoral artery repaired and then barely recovered and then drove herself to school.

She may have other issues and we are working on getting her testing done there. Plus she needs cardiac rehab to get herself back in shape. She is tired a lot, which is a part of her medical issues.

You make it work. Would I rather her be here, you bet. This is taking a toll on her mentally as well. But you know what, sitting around here going to school is not going to help her. She is living in the sorority house this yr and trust me, she has to grow up and manage her health no matter where she lives.

Hopefully that puts a little perspective in for you. Good Luck!

Oh, she's not making her decision based on my fears about that at all. It's just the kind of stuff that runs through the mom's mind, which I can see you can relate to.

Best of luck to you & your DD in finding the path to what's best & healthiest for her!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Oh, she's not making her decision based on my fears about that at all. It's just the kind of stuff that runs through the mom's mind, which I can see you can relate to.

Best of luck to you & your DD in finding the path to what's best & healthiest for her!

Oh yea. I called her after I posted that. I know she has her first class at 9:40.

The flu is the worst thing. They are sick and away from home and then you don't want to go get them and then infect your house.

Just make sure you pack the "I am sick" care package with soups, teas, crackers, thermometer, etc....

My dd better get the flu shot this yr. She has had it 4 times since living in the dorms. It is certainly not good for her heart or anyone's for that matter.

 

[mjantz]

My kids aren't quite to college age (teen & pre-teen) but we have been discussing it already. DS will probably either go to our alma mater (out of state but he'd get in state as a legacy) or an in-state school. Alma mater is 6 hours away but it's better to drive it so who knows how often he'd be home. In-state would probably be closer but this is TX so maybe not.
DD is a whole different kettle of fish. She gifted & has expressed interest in attending an accelerated program where she can earn a few years of college along with her HS degree. If that happened we could have 2 kids going 'off to college' at the same time.

DH & I both went in-state to one of the state schools. I feel we both received great educations & would be happy if our DS went to the same school.