Would you "let" your child go to college 700+ miles from home- and UA

[carrie1626]

My DD is considering the University of Alabama for college based on a very generous scholarship she could get there. It is a 12 hour ride by car from our home. Yes, I know she'll be 18 and it should be her choice but it is hard for me to even think of her being that far away. Does you student attend college far from home? How do you make it work? Do you ever worry that if there is some kind of emergency for your child they'd be hard to get to? The scholarship almost makes the school too hard to pass but I still worry.

I'm leaving in 3 days to make the 1000+ drive from SE WI to Rochester, NY.
I knew my daughter would be fine ( because she was an independent kid from day ONE). She's gone thru the usual growing up stuff: loved it, yr1, thought of leaving, yr 2, maybe transferring closer to home, yr 3, realizing during year 3 that stricking the hardships out was THE BEST DECISION SHE EVER MADE AND NOW CAN'T WAIT TO GET BACK

It's not an easy thing- the first year I was spending $$ all the time sending boxes of goodies ( magazines, candy, $10 gift cards for Starbucks etc)

we flew her home during Thanksgiving and Christmas ( once during a MAJOR Blizzard) and Spring breaks ($$$) but we make it work.

Now this year kid #2 will be going to a UW school on the other side of town, about 10 miles

 

[arminnie]

I would say it depends on your definition of "succeeds". I guess I am referring to stuff outside of the classroom, fitting in, feeling like you belong, liking where you are. Sure the academic stuff they can do anywhere but having a successful college "experience" doesn't happen if you don't like where you are.

I went to college at the school that gave me a full scholarship. I really had no decision to make.

I so did not fit in. Private woman's college in the South. Filled with debutantes - while I grew up in abject poverty. These were the daughters of privilege - very, very smart daughters though.

But boy did I grow as a person. No one ever rejected me because of my background even if it was very difficult for me personally at times. Many, many of these women are my best friends decades later.

And it was so worthwhile to go to an academically selective school. By sophomore year I was taking grad level math classes with phd students. (My college was part of a major university). It is so important to go to school with other smart students so the classes don't have to be dumbed down.

 

[Hannathy]

Of course not! This choice is about THEIR future, and the adult-child is the main decision maker about where they'll attend.

If we've done our jobs as parents, they are well ready to help make and own this decision by the time they're seniors in high school.

And for parents to sit around and argue about "my kid's college is better than your kid's college" is just really pathetic... again, it's the quality of the student that makes the real difference here, not the credentials of the school.

This is what many of us have been trying to say. That the parents shouldn't restrict the school to one that was close enough to require a monthly visit. That by the time they were 18 they should be mature enough to be the primary decision maker and shouldn't have their mail censored so they don't go where the parent doesn't want them to.

I really didn't see anyone saying their state was better than another.

 

["Got Disney"]

My issues weren't with the fact that she was limiting her daughters choices but that she was being vilified by some posters that instead of debating it they just posted Nasty remarks....

I agree her daughter should have a say in where she wants to go....but that should not be the first all end all......

I say sit down with her and look at all her options.....my son wants to go to a UC school....luckily for us there are so many great ones to choose from here in CA...and after all who doesn't want to go to school in CA

Good luck....and remember this is about her.....it's hard to let go isn't it!


By the way has she said why she wants to go to that University? My son will be about 8 hrs away....and I plan on visiting him....Santa Cruz is beautiful.....I'd be crazy not to....I will miss him desperately....

 

[Planogirl]

Not all kids mature at the same speed.

DS is a freshman in college right now and is going locally. This was his decision and it was primarily because he is very unsure about what he wants to do. I don't think that I in some way didn't do my job - I just think that he is being a little slow in being ready. We've had other kids in the family do the same.

He does know which college he wants to go to in a year or two though and even though it's only two hours away, I'm going to urge him to stay on or near campus. He should have that college experience even if it might end up being a bit shorter. I never had it but I always recognized that it could mean something.

I will in no way choose anything for him though! It's up to him now and I can only advise and stand by when needed. It's his life to plan and live, not mine.

 

[Magic Mom]

Not all kids mature at the same speed.

DS is a freshman in college right now and is going locally. This was his decision and it was primarily because he is very unsure about what he wants to do. I don't think that I in some way didn't do my job - I just think that he is being a little slow in being ready. We've had other kids in the family do the same.

He does know which college he wants to go to in a year or two though and even though it's only two hours away, I'm going to urge him to stay on or near campus. He should have that college experience even if it might end up being a bit shorter. I never had it but I always recognized that it could mean something.

I will in no way choose anything for him though! It's up to him now and I can only advise and stand by when needed. It's his life to plan and live, not mine.

We went thought the same with my son. He wasn't ready for a dorm and a 4 year school away from home.

He wanted those things, but he will admit now he would have flunked out. Instead he will transfer with an AA out of a community college in FL to a 4 year FL university. Instead of living in a dorm, he lives with my mom until he transfers. That was great for him. It eased him into a free, away from home life, but he had her right there to help him when he needed it. He's ready now for real college life......I hope

 

[java]

I understand your fear. My son is looking at 2very far away schools and it scares me. But it's not my decision. I can offer opinions, explain how it's nice to be able to come home whenever you want vs. Being limited to one or two trips home a year. My bigger concern is that he would unhappy though. I just want him to find the perfect place for him.

 

[golfgal]

Not all kids mature at the same speed.

DS is a freshman in college right now and is going locally. This was his decision and it was primarily because he is very unsure about what he wants to do. I don't think that I in some way didn't do my job - I just think that he is being a little slow in being ready. We've had other kids in the family do the same.

He does know which college he wants to go to in a year or two though and even though it's only two hours away, I'm going to urge him to stay on or near campus. He should have that college experience even if it might end up being a bit shorter. I never had it but I always recognized that it could mean something.

I will in no way choose anything for him though! It's up to him now and I can only advise and stand by when needed. It's his life to plan and live, not mine.

and that is the entire argument on this thread, it needs to be THEIR decision where they go. I see nothing wrong with parents saying that they will pay XXX dollars a year and the kids needing to find a way to make up the difference but to say they have to stay within xxx miles of home, why?? If a kid wants to go to the school next door, fine, but don't MAKE them go.

 

[golfgal]

I went to college at the school that gave me a full scholarship. I really had no decision to make.

I so did not fit in. Private woman's college in the South. Filled with debutantes - while I grew up in abject poverty. These were the daughters of privilege - very, very smart daughters though.

But boy did I grow as a person. No one ever rejected me because of my background even if it was very difficult for me personally at times. Many, many of these women are my best friends decades later.

And it was so worthwhile to go to an academically selective school. By sophomore year I was taking grad level math classes with phd students. (My college was part of a major university). It is so important to go to school with other smart students so the classes don't have to be dumbed down.

You made the decision to apply there in the first place didn't you?

 

[Robinrs]

You made the decision to apply there in the first place didn't you?

You don't necessarily have to apply to be offered a scholarship. I was offered scholarships for 3 schools I had never contacted.

But of course that was in the Stone Age!

 

[Swan4Me]

You made the decision to apply there in the first place didn't you?

Did you ever attend college? Just wondering-you never offer antedotes about your academic life

 

[golfgal]

Did you ever attend college? Just wondering-you never offer antedotes about your academic life

Yes and I have frequently offered "antedotes" about my college life???

If you want specifics on how I chose college:

My parents filled out the FAFSA, that's all the input they gave me. I went on tours by my self, did all my own research, figured out what I wanted on my own, paid for 100% of my own school.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I like the idea of an antedote to college. Would it protect you from getting smart or drunk?

 

[marcyinPA]

Depends on your description of a 'good' student.

What WmK describes is a mature individual with the will to succeed. A good student is not just an "honor" student or an A student, it's a complete person with a goal and the ability to achieve it.

All the successful people I know had a goal. They persevered and made it. I've seen some of the most "brilliant" ones fall to the wayside because they only depended on their "book knowledge". It is not always a guarantee of success.

I agree with you...I think they were talking about the complete package when they said "good student". Obviously, if one has zero drive and ambition, success will not be easily attainable.

 

[Allison]

I like the idea of an antedote to college. Would it protect you from getting smart or drunk?

 

[Swan4Me]

My parents filled out the FAFSA, that's all the input they gave me. I went on tours by my self, did all my own research, figured out what I wanted on my own, paid for 100% of my own school.

That didnt exist 20 some odd years ago-did it?

 

[jrmasm]

That didnt exist 20 some odd years ago-did it?

I have no idea but you still made me laugh!

 

[Swan4Me]

did all my own research, figured out what I wanted on my own, paid for 100% of my own school.

Wow-how did you do that
Back in college I was making like $2 an hour working on the weekends

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

That didnt exist 20 some odd years ago-did it?

It was created in 1992.

ETA: Three links. http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sour...1LGXCQ&usg=AFQjCNHx18UjKTqTygmhfDjhVbPP4atDeg http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sour...1LGXCQ&usg=AFQjCNE5HfA7sB7a0RC75NR_MQlS7MYc0A http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sour...rdmTCQ&usg=AFQjCNELuU_NnzBJARmDkRLvbfMYmn186g

 

[golfgal]

That didnt exist 20 some odd years ago-did it?

Yes, they did . It was paper form where you filled in the bubbles though, certainly not online since PCs were not around really.

Wow-how did you do that
Back in college I was making like $2 an hour working on the weekends

Scholarships, grants, loans and jobs. I think minimum wage was about $5/hour then...Schools were less expensive then too. The private school I attended was about $16,000/year total costs, same school now is about $40K. My DH paid for 100% of his own school too.