Would you let niece's boyfriend come with you? (long)

[disneyeveryyear]

We are making our first trip "home" in November of this year. Me, DH, DS11, DD6, and my mom. Since we had five, we wanted to have enough space and reserved a 2 bedroom at OKW.

I had asked DN21 if she wanted to go with us. She always complains that we don't take her to WDW with us anymore (2 or 3 times when she was a kid). Figured difference between 5 and 6 no big deal. Still room in the beds for everyone.

So tonight she tells me she wants to go, but shen she told BF that she was going, he got all excited because "he had never been." He is 24, they have been dating about 2 or 3 months. I have met him once for 3 minutes. She says he is a really nice guy, all her friends really like him.

She wants to know if he can come with us. He is willing to pay his own way (that's good to know). We will have to get a 3rd room at POP for the first night. I am sure my mom won't want to share with the BF. He can pay for that.

It will definitely make sleeping arrangement more interesting. Guess we would have to use the sleeper sofa after all.

I asked her what if they still aren't dating in 6 months? "I am sure we will still be friends." I told her I would have to ask DH. He said it didn't matter to him.

What would you do?

 

[NJOYURLIFE]

That pretty much crowds and maxes out your 2 bedroom. I personally wouldn't be able to relax with a virtual stranger in our midst on vacation. The other thing is are there plane reservations and car rentals involved also. If so, that further complicates things. Its a tuff situation. I would also worry that if they did break up, he might not be on the same wave length as she is, ie. she thinks they are still friends and he uses the trip to try to get back together.

But, bottom line is whethor you and your family are comfortable with it. If I did do it, I would make absolute certain that we weren't inconvenienced in any way by the additional person and make sure terms are spelled out up front regarding that 3rd room, larger car rental if necessary, plane ticket (no way would I put money up front for a plane ticket), meal paying, food shopping, tickets etc. and most of all - I wouldn't want any hanky panky going on in my room - only by me and hubby , but if I had guests, I wouldn't want to be responsible, of course she is an adult, but I would still feel funny.

Oh, well, I think if it was a long term boyfriend - like over a year, and you really knew him it might make a difference to me. I am very selfish though, I don't like sharing my family vacation with anyone who isn't family.

Sorry I couldn't help more.

Lisa

 

[LeftCoaster]

I asked her what if they still aren't dating in 6 months? "I am sure we will still be friends." I told her I would have to ask DH. He said it didn't matter to him.

What would you do?

Ah, so you and innocent. That part was the funniest thing I've read in a long time....
Anyway, as long as you are comfortable with the space issues, I say go for it. The fact that he has already offered to pay his own way is a good sign. Are they close enough for you to meet him again? Maybe that'll give you a better indicator of how their relationship is going and his worthiness of going to WDW.

 

[manning]

whatever happened to the "family vacation"?????

I want to share my vacation with my Niece, not my niece sharing with her boy friend.

Let them go by themselves and pay their own way!!!

And where does he get off inviting himself (and he did with his comments).

 

[carol1231]

Have you asked her mom how she feels about the situation? And have you discussed it with your mom? I know for sure my mom would not go for it at all and then I wouldn't have to make the decision.

 

[newholidayx2]

Bev - it would be a nice gesture
But are you sure you could walk around in your nightgown w/him in the room? Youd always feel like you have to get dressed before you left your bedroom. What about changing from your wet bathing suit?
Let your Mom say No

 

[dianeschlicht]

Simple answer NO!

 

[Par8hed]

If she's 21 and he's 24 (adults by any standards) it seems that all parties would have a better time if they had their own studio and the privacy that goes with it..

 

[dianeschlicht]

I actually think your niece is being pretty bold to take what is an invitation and turning it into an imposition. That is exactly what I think it is...an imposition. If he wants to go so badly, he can get his own room and come visit her at your place, or she can share with him at his place. It is not fair to put the rest of you in an uncomfortable situation.

 

[rocketriter]

There are plenty of gray areas here for discussion, and a lot of factors that would be different from one family to another. But I'd say either "no" or "both of you get your own room." I would certainly make the effort to be nice about it, but I wouldn't get cornered into "owing" anyone anything.

 

[Terry Sheehan]

Am I the only kook out here who thinks this wrong??? You did say you are going with 2 children ages 6 and 11. What about them??? Am I the only 1 who thinks that this is a bad example for the kids??? What will you say to your 11 year old son in a few years when he wants to bring his girlfriend along? How about JUSY SAY NO!!!!

 

[Nanajo1]

I'm a no vote. I would be uncomfortable sharing close quarters with a stranger. Let alone the message it sens to the children. And as someone said could you walk around in your nitie, what about your Mom sharing the bathroom with him? What does pay his own way entail? Separate checks at dinner? If DN is comfortable sharing such close quarters with him then they should get a studio.

 

[RumpleMom]

DD23 took her boyfriend with us in January. We had a 2 bedroom. He had his own studio. No one was sleeping on the couch. We added on 25 points to cover the studio, offered him a reduced price for the studio compared to the best price he could get from Disney. Everyone was happy.

If you say yes, just be prepared to not see them for the week or make it clear that you would like them to baby sit for an evening in return, and plan which evening before leaving home.

 

[Granny]

Chalk up yet another person who thinks that since DVC is a timeshare, it is no problem to invite themselves and bring additional guests.

I agree with Diane...it is pretty cheeky to first of all "always complain" that she is not taken to WDW by her aunt. Why in the world is that her aunt's responsibility? And then after getting herself invited, she wants to bring someone else. Clearly, her goal is not to spend quality time with you but to just glom on to your trip and reduce her own vacation expense.

I think I'd vote no for all the good reasons already stated. I'm thinking that the fact that you are asking here indicates that you want to say no, and are looking for some moral support. I think you've got it!

 

[athenna]

I vote no also. Would you really feel comfortable w/him around? It's your vacation, your room, you should be able to walk around in your nightgown if you feel like it. I think if he wants to join in on the vacation, that's fine, but he needs his own room. You've only meet him once, she hasn't been with him very long, I say don't chance it. It may be a different story if they had been married for years, and he was like a part of the family anyway, but that is not the case. I personally, wouldn't feel comfortable with it.

 

[lllovell]

The implication that they would be sharing a room has been made here several times and we dont know that to be true, but it sure looks like it would put a kink into your comfortable vacation plans.

Tell your niece you would love to have her come with you, but that you haven't known her boyfriend for long enough to invite him. Perhaps next time, they can get their own room and join you.

I think it was rude of him to invite himself and also rude of her to handle it this way, but I also think things get mixed up sometimes and perhaps it is just leftover youth where parents/family pay for trips for children without second thought (and she probably was allowed to bring along friends before on family vacations - lots of people vacation like that). So, we probably shouldn't judge either of them, but I do believe that its your vacation and I dont think I would be comfortable with it at this time.

Good luck!

 

[rascalmom]

Another "no" vote. They've only been dating a short while. There is NO guarantee that they WILL still be friends if they should break up before the trip. If he is willing to pay his own way & still want to go, he should get his own room.

BTW - I was "the neice" in this situation, or one similar, years ago. It did not work out well for my family or for me & the BF. Say NO.

Good luck!

 

[crisi]

Nope.

 

[Deemarch]

No. NO! NO!!

 

[DisFlan]

We love to have family with us on vacation, but I vote NO. Might be different if you knew this guy well. Or if they were engaged. I wouldn't be comfortable with this setup.

IMO, your niece is inappropriately asking you to go waayyy out of your way for a "boyfriend." These are adults. Since he can afford to pay his way, tell them you'd be happy to help them plan their own WDW vacation. All of you would probably be more comfortable.

DisFlan