Would you help a niece with getting birth control..........

[HunnyPots]

Condoms, yes. Birth control pills or shots, no way. Those involve a medical decision. And yes, parents of 16 year olds have a right to know if their child (yes I said child!) is receiving any medical treatment.

 

[HelenePA]

Because they are their parents. With a minor parents should know if they're on birth control or are having sex.
I would be livid if my sister took my son (who is 7 months old so that's not going to happen ) to get BC without my knowledge. And if I did that with my niece or nephew my sis would have my head and I wouldn't blame her.

Teenagers are not short adults. No matter how mature they may seem they lack the capacity to make those kinds of decisions.
What if I helped my niece get bc without her mother's permission and then later found out she was sleeping with a 30 year old?

While I love my family I would never undermine a parent's authority. Should my niece ask me to help her clandestinely get BC, I would suggest that she talk to her mom and I would mediate if need be (although I would prefer to wait until marriage). But I wouldn't go behind a parent's back.
Just my $.02

But you do realize that these girls can go to Planned Parenthood with out parents or any other adults and get on BC with out anyone's permission them self? at least if they asked some adult for "help" it would be better right?? and your son could go to the corner store for BC with out your permission at any age. So could my daughters or my son's.. I'd like the double protection of BC and Condoms.. but lets face it they ARE children having sex. Lets do what we can to protect them from teen pregnancy and STD's.

 

[LisaR]

For the love of God, can girls today not go get their own birth control? Everyone I knew went to Planned Parenthood. Those who couldn't drive got their friends to drive them. .

That's what I was thinking. Can't teens get BC without an adult?

 

[HelenePA]

That's what I was thinking. Can't teens get BC without an adult?

Yes. That's why I dont see the big deal of "helping". They can even go to their family doctor and ask... the dr can NOT tell the parents why they were there unless the child say's they can know I believe... Someone correct me if I'm wrong...

 

[Planogirl]

I wonder too. I don't recall girls having any problem getting their own BC pills when I was a teen. Basically, we helped each other through situations by the younger teens getting advice from older teens. Parents or even aunts were never part of the equation.

 

[Tink & Goofy]

But you do realize that these girls can go to Planned Parenthood with out parents or any other adults and get on BC with out anyone's permission them self? at least if they asked some adult for "help" it would be better right?? and your son could go to the corner store for BC with out your permission at any age. So could my daughters or my son's.. I'd like the double protection of BC and Condoms.. but lets face it they ARE children having sex. Lets do what we can to protect them from teen pregnancy and STD's.

It's been a long time since I've been on BC.
I don't think any minor should be able to get prescription medication without their parent's permission. Too dangerous. BC's have a myriad number of side effects, some of which can be lethal. Parents need to know if their daughters are on prescription BC.

As for protecting my son, I'm going to buy some iron underwear.

I think teaching abstinence as well as about safe sex may help. They teach them sex ed as if the teens are going to do it anyway and not being sexually active isn't an option. But that's another thread entirely.

I just don't think getting a minor prescription BC behind her parents backs is a good idea.

 

[HelenePA]

It's been a long time since I've been on BC.
I don't think any minor should be able to get prescription medication without their parent's permission. Too dangerous. BC's have a myriad number of side effects, some of which can be lethal. Parents need to know if their daughters are on prescription BC.

As for protecting my son, I'm going to buy some iron underwear.

I think teaching abstinence as well as about safe sex may help. They teach them sex ed as if the teens are going to do it anyway and not being sexually active isn't an option. But that's another thread entirely.

I just don't think getting a minor prescription BC behind her parents backs is a good idea.

You might not like it but that's how it works.... Lord knows what its gonna be like when our kids are 16... BC (pills) might be OTC by then...

 

[shortbun]

Yep. Been there, done that.

 

[NMAmy]

Yes, I would help a niece or nephew get birth control. I know my sister and I know she'd do the same for dd if my child felt she couldn't come to me nor would she freak out if I'd assisted my niece when she was younger.

Of course, we've also made sure our kids know that you can go to Planned Parenthood without parental permission, as well. I'd rather my kid be protected than have an issue because she was afraid to come to me.

 

[barkley]

my concern would not be with helping the girl get birth control but moreso helping her get on a perscription medication that has potential side effects, can have issues with drug interactions and that may have risks she/i my be unaware of with regards to her familial medical history. my dd for instance would be a very poor candidate for using bc pills because of an unusualy high instance of strokes on my side of the family-a well meaning family member on dh's side would likely not be aware of that and therefore is not equipped to help dd make the safest birth control choice. another issue with dd is she uses an antibiotic treatment for her acne-i don't know that she would even think to share this with a family member or a clinician, but it's something i'm aware of (as is her regular doctor) that would compromise the effectiveness of the pill such that it would'nt be the optimal choice.

another issue i see is absent of the knowledge of knowing your own child is sexualy active a medical emergency could occur that might not be addressed appropriatly absent that knowledge. certain symptoms can be looked to differently if a doctor knows a young woman is sexualy active vs. not-a parent needs to know this unless the child is going to be forthcoming and honest with medical providers they encounter (a tubal pregnancy's symptoms are in the initial stages similar to other non potentialy fatal conditions-if the provider is being told theres no sexual activity they may not find it necessary to consider this condition as quickly as is imperitive-to fatal consequences). some very important drugs that may be used in an emergency situation can be compromised by bc pills-a parent not knowing their child is taking it can't correctly inform the child's doctor or emergency treatment staff.

 

[aprilgail2]

I wonder too. I don't recall girls having any problem getting their own BC pills when I was a teen. Basically, we helped each other through situations by the younger teens getting advice from older teens. Parents or even aunts were never part of the equation.

We always just helped each other out as kids, parents never entered the picture when it came to things like that! You went tothe local clinic and got the stuff on your own, at 15 or 18! Personally I felt my parents had no business knowing about my sex life as long as I handled things and there were no pregnancys or STD's then I was doing ok!

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Of course I would help!

If that meant finding a doctor, or paying for the appointment, or driving her there, or even answering any questions.

I am amazed often at how many parents here on the DIS do not talk about sex openly, use fake words for body parts, and assume their children would never do anything without their knowledge!

Sex is a personal issue and I do not believe parents should be involved in most situations. Obviously there are exceptions.

 

[jax677]

I had a neighbor that I was casual friends with. Our girls hung out. My neighbors 19 year old daughter, not my daughters friend, came to me crying and saying she is pregnant. She didn't know who which guy the father was and she wanted guidence on who and where to call for help. I talked to her about all options.She was brought up in a strict, no sex till marriage family. At this point in life the girl was living on her own and supporting herself. I did try to get her to tell her mom right away, but she just kept saying not yet. Very soon after, she did go to her parents, but must have told them I knew first. So goodbye friendship.

I don't know how I would have felt in her place. My sister and I have always said, do what any of our kids need and worry about our feelings after. But we are very close and talk about everything. We came from a very open family and have brought our kids up the same. So these kinds of talks are not unusual.

 

[NHdisneylover]

My DD is 11 and is the oldest grandchild. I have tried (and continue to try) to arm her with lots of information to help her protect herslf on many, many topics including "big" ones like sex and drugs. I have also tried (as much as it is hard to share my precious girl ) to be sure she develops strong relationships with other adults. I know the odds are something will come up someday that she is uncomforatable spaeking to us about (not because we are not open to discussion but because we are parents plain and simple). Odds are if she is that uncomfortable it is something that getting advice or even emotional support from a mature adult (not just teen friends) would be a good thing. I sure hope if she goes to them that my SiLs, neighbor, her best friend's mom, etc. will be there for her and offer her guidance and words of wisdom and any other help she may need or want.

 

[PatsGirl]

I would talk to her and let her know where the closest Planned Parenthood clinic was. If necessary, I would give her a ride. And, I would feel honored that she trusted me enough to ask me Then as a favor to me, I'd ask that she listen to my rant on Pro-Life ideals so that she started thinking about the issue for herself. Hey, if you're old enough to have sex, you better start thinking about the consequences of an unplanned pregnancy as well. BC is not 100% full-proof, just ask my mid-life crisis love child, DD11

 

[smartestnumber5]

Teenagers are not short adults. No matter how mature they may seem they lack the capacity to make those kinds of decisions.
What if I helped my niece get bc without her mother's permission and then later found out she was sleeping with a 30 year old?

Well 30 year olds can impregnate just the same as 17 year olds--so I'd still be darn glad she was protected from getting pregnant.

But I'm not sure why her parents would be any more able to make her tell them who she is having sex with than I would be. Surely a girl who is sleeping with a 30 year old without her parents knowing is pretty good at hiding things. In fact, if she were sleeping with a 30 year old he could probably take her to PP and pay so she wouldn't need to be asking me!

my concern would not be with helping the girl get birth control but moreso helping her get on a perscription medication that has potential side effects, can have issues with drug interactions and that may have risks she/i my be unaware of with regards to her familial medical history. my dd for instance would be a very poor candidate for using bc pills because of an unusualy high instance of strokes on my side of the family-a well meaning family member on dh's side would likely not be aware of that and therefore is not equipped to help dd make the safest birth control choice. another issue with dd is she uses an antibiotic treatment for her acne-i don't know that she would even think to share this with a family member or a clinician, but it's something i'm aware of (as is her regular doctor) that would compromise the effectiveness of the pill such that it would'nt be the optimal choice.

another issue i see is absent of the knowledge of knowing your own child is sexualy active a medical emergency could occur that might not be addressed appropriatly absent that knowledge. certain symptoms can be looked to differently if a doctor knows a young woman is sexualy active vs. not-a parent needs to know this unless the child is going to be forthcoming and honest with medical providers they encounter (a tubal pregnancy's symptoms are in the initial stages similar to other non potentialy fatal conditions-if the provider is being told theres no sexual activity they may not find it necessary to consider this condition as quickly as is imperitive-to fatal consequences). some very important drugs that may be used in an emergency situation can be compromised by bc pills-a parent not knowing their child is taking it can't correctly inform the child's doctor or emergency treatment staff.

I do understand the concerns about prescriptions. And though the pill probably is the most common b.c. that teenage girls use, it's not the only kind available. I think the best thing parents can do about this issue is tell their daughters their thoughts on why they are/are not good candidates for certain types of birth control long before they think the child needs it so she is aware of the potential dangers that are particular to her situation.

And I do think that parents can make a big difference to whether their kids come and talk to them about sex by making it clear that they are open to that conversation and that they would judge or try to interfere in the kid's life or yell and scream or what have you. I knew a girl who were having sex in high school (from age 15 or so I think) and never talked to their parents and I was darn glad she didn't--these parents seemed to never have a good thing to say about their daughter. I was amazed at how they spoke to her (always as if they were angry at her) on a normal basis, just to call her in the other room to ask her a question. And there were other girls who were reluctant to talk to their mothers, but eventually did it (usually after first having unprotected sex) and their moms reacted fine. But the girls had been scared that their moms would judge them or would disagree with their sexual choices. (And I don't think that the moms had done that much to make their openness and non-judgmentalness that clear.) In my own case, my mom did the whole required speech "please don't have unprotected sex--please come to me first so we can't put you on birth control" but it was also completely apparent that she didn't want me to have sex and would probably have been particularly disappointed with the sexual choices I made. So I just never told her anything about sex and I think she preferred it that way.

I guess the issue of a parent needing to know about sexual activity for a medical emergency I don't really see. I would think there should be (my guess is there already is) a standard medical protocol such that the ER always assumes that any woman of child-bearing age is sexual active with men just in case unless told otherwise by the woman herself. (Actually once in the ER GF was told that even though she's a lesbian and denied ever having intercourse with men that they were still going to do a pregnancy test anyway. The nurse/doctor--can't remember which--just looked at us a little apologetically and said "you'd be amazed at how many people lie about stuff like this saying they're virgins and then we find out two days later they're pregnant.) I mean, take your average 35 year old single woman, not in a relationship with anyone, who's brought unconscious into the ER by a friend or family member. How is the friend or family member supposed to know if she's had sex with a man in the last few months. The Drs. better just assume that she has to be safe. I would think the same thing would be the case with teens. 50% of teens are sexually active--doctors know this and tend to be pretty non-judgmental "just the facts please" about it unlike a lot of parents. So I would hope that no doctor would ever take the parent's word about a child's sexual activity when considering how to treat the child.

 

[mjkacmom]

They can get BCP on their own, so I don't think it would be wrong of me to help them. I would hope my sister would do the same.

 

[barkley]

Well 30 year olds can impregnate just the same as 17 year olds--so I'd still be darn glad she was protected from getting pregnant.

But I'm not sure why her parents would be any more able to make her tell them who she is having sex with than I would be. Surely a girl who is sleeping with a 30 year old without her parents knowing is pretty good at hiding things. In fact, if she were sleeping with a 30 year old he could probably take her to PP and pay so she wouldn't need to be asking me!




I do understand the concerns about prescriptions. And though the pill probably is the most common b.c. that teenage girls use, it's not the only kind available. I think the best thing parents can do about this issue is tell their daughters their thoughts on why they are/are not good candidates for certain types of birth control long before they think the child needs it so she is aware of the potential dangers that are particular to her situation.

And I do think that parents can make a big difference to whether their kids come and talk to them about sex by making it clear that they are open to that conversation and that they would judge or try to interfere in the kid's life or yell and scream or what have you. I knew a girl who were having sex in high school (from age 15 or so I think) and never talked to their parents and I was darn glad she didn't--these parents seemed to never have a good thing to say about their daughter. I was amazed at how they spoke to her (always as if they were angry at her) on a normal basis, just to call her in the other room to ask her a question. And there were other girls who were reluctant to talk to their mothers, but eventually did it (usually after first having unprotected sex) and their moms reacted fine. But the girls had been scared that their moms would judge them or would disagree with their sexual choices. (And I don't think that the moms had done that much to make their openness and non-judgmentalness that clear.) In my own case, my mom did the whole required speech "please don't have unprotected sex--please come to me first so we can't put you on birth control" but it was also completely apparent that she didn't want me to have sex and would probably have been particularly disappointed with the sexual choices I made. So I just never told her anything about sex and I think she preferred it that way.

I guess the issue of a parent needing to know about sexual activity for a medical emergency I don't really see. I would think there should be (my guess is there already is) a standard medical protocol such that the ER always assumes that any woman of child-bearing age is sexual active with men just in case unless told otherwise by the woman herself. (Actually once in the ER GF was told that even though she's a lesbian and denied ever having intercourse with men that they were still going to do a pregnancy test anyway. The nurse/doctor--can't remember which--just looked at us a little apologetically and said "you'd be amazed at how many people lie about stuff like this saying they're virgins and then we find out two days later they're pregnant.) I mean, take your average 35 year old single woman, not in a relationship with anyone, who's brought unconscious into the ER by a friend or family member. How is the friend or family member supposed to know if she's had sex with a man in the last few months. The Drs. better just assume that she has to be safe. I would think the same thing would be the case with teens. 50% of teens are sexually active--doctors know this and tend to be pretty non-judgmental "just the facts please" about it unlike a lot of parents. So I would hope that no doctor would ever take the parent's word about a child's sexual activity when considering how to treat the child.

there is a procedure in place at least at some places-dd goes to a shriner's hospital and there is a sign prominantly displayed in radiology that tells that any female 11 years of age or older will be privatly asked by staff if there is any chance she may be pregnant. i don't think this is the norm though-with our dd (14) i can't think of one time i've taken her to the doctors or an emergency facility and have had someone ask her if she preferred to be seen privatly-it's just presumed i'll be going into the exam room and staying with her. if she were the type to want to keep this kind of information from me it would'nt be me conveying misinformation to the doctor it could be her for not having the opportunity to discuss it privatly.

 

[kelleigh1]

I can't say for sure what I would do until I'm in that situation.

But I have told my niece (who will be 15 in a little over a month) that she can come to me for anything, especially if she doesn't feel comfortable talking to Mom. And I told her (and my sister), that unless it is something that I feel will be harmful to her, I will keep it between us until she is ready to tell her parents.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, it would seem to me that if my niece needed to come to me, as opposed to her mother, for BCP help, then perhaps she & her mother don't have the best relationship around. There's usually a reason why kids don't go to their parents for things...it's because they pretty much know the way their parents would react, and it probably wouldn't be pretty.

It really is a situational thing though. I can't say a complete yes or no to the question, because it would depend on who it was, what my perception of the parent/child relationship was, how I thought the parents would react.

Sometimes kids need help and if they don't feel like they can get it from their parents, then they have to get it from somewhere.