Would you have your DD/DS excused? ***UPDATE 1st page***

[Lorix2]

*********UPDATE**********

I spoke with the 6th grade counselor who dealt with my daughter's incident earlier in the year. She spoke to the principal and told him that the science teacher spoke of "self pleasuring" and he was going to speak directly to the teacher about it and they would get back to me.

As for my daughter, the counselor and principal both agreed with my request to excuse her from the class at least for the next few days (there are only 6 days left). My daughter will meet with the counselor and spend time in her office. I asked if she will try to make my DD open up and she said that was her intention. She willingly gave up all the info about the boy last time, so I'm hoping she'll get it off her chest and her and I can talk more at home. I'm anxiously awaiting a phone call later today....





My daughter is 12. In science this past week, they've been learning about the female anatomy. She had to leave the class on monday and tuesday because the subject at hand bothered her so much. I really don't know why, but I was told by the nurse on the 2nd day that she actually vomited on both days. It bothered her that much. She dwells on it.

She also told me that the teacher spoke about how natural it is for women (and men) to self pleasure

I realize the human anatomy is nothing to be ashamed of, but she's really uncomfortable with everything else being taught about it.

Today they start with the male anatomy and she's been full of anxiety all weekend about it, despite my talking to her about it. She didn't sleep at all last night and I sent her out at 6:40 this morning for her bus, feeling ill.

Now - would you have your child excused if they were that uncomfortable? I know she has to learn, but it's obvious that it's really affecting her and she's not ready or immature at this age to handle it.

I really don't know what I should do and if I'm going to excuse her, I don't have much time.

Help?

 

[Virgo10]

I would but I would also try and get to the bottom of what's bothering her.

When I was in nursing school we had a rotation at a maternity hospital. One of my classmates was so upset about the process of having children that she swore she'd never had a baby herself.

Certainly there was more going on with her... and maybe your daughter... than meets the eye.

Good luck.

Roberta

 

[phorsenuf]

I think if it's too the point where she has already been so upset she threw up, yes, I would have kept het home and "taught" he myself. If she was that upset learning about her own body, I'm sure its going to be ten times worse learning abut a boys body.
I would also call and speak to her principal and explain why you are keeping her home. I'm sure they would be very understanding.
I, personally, would also let them know I was none to pleased that my children were being taught (spoken too, whatever) about "self-pleasuring". That is NOT a school subject and should be left out of the classroom. Especially for a bunch of 12 year olds. Not appropriate.
Good luck and let us know who she does.

 

[Lorix2]

phorsenuf - exactly my thoughts, I forgot to mention I was displeased about that little piece of info.

I did send her to school, but science doesn't start until 10:00.

Roberta - i've tried to talk to her but she gets squeamish and embarrased - but it won't deter me from trying again until she will open up to me at some point.

 

[N.Bailey]

Just to cover all basis, I would have a talk with her and ask her if anyone has ever sexually abused her. I know that might sound horrible, but she's really bothered about something. I don't mean to frighten you, but in my opinion, these are some classic symtems. I'm not saying it's a fact, just that it might be a possibility.

I would definitely get her removed from that class.

 

[Boo'sMom]

Originally posted by N.Bailey
Just to cover all basis, I would have a talk with her and ask her if anyone has ever sexually abused her. I know that might sound horrible, but she's really bothered about something. I don't mean to frighten you, but in my opinion, these are some classic symtems. I'm not saying it's a fact, just that it might be a possibility.

I would definitely get her removed from that class.

ITA, I'd try to resolve why this is bothering her so much.

Good luck.

 

[Teris]

As another mom with two girls, I would remove her from the class,, but also be concerned about her reactions as being a symtom of something else that is really bothering her, as the previous posters have also said.

 

[dumboiu]

Originally posted by Boo'sMom
ITA, I'd try to resolve why this is bothering her so much.

Good luck.

DITTO!

 

[Lorix2]

N.Bailey - I had a feeling someone might mention that and I am 100% positive that she has not experienced anything to like of that.

Do you remember that this is my daughter that was sexually harrassed (verbally) in the beginning of the year by a boy? I think it didn't click until N. Bailey raised that question!!! Yes that's it! The school counselor commended her courage and strength by reporting him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I just spoke to the school guidance counselor about it who remembers my DD's incident and agreed she should not have to sit in right now AND she's going to school administrators immediately to find out which topics are appropriate and which are not.

I now feel a bit embarrassed that this didn't make sense to me sooner but she got over that really well back then.....but I guess it's left quite an impression.

Thank you DIS'ers, I'll keep you posted.

 

[Teris]

Ahh,, yeah,, that makes total sense. I went thru something similar with my older daughter,,much more extreme than verbal harassment tho, and nearly 3 years later, she is much better,, but it will always be with her. school Will hold good thoughts for you DD.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes, good for you for not ignoring the symptoms! Getting to the bottom of it & helping her, sounds like the right thing to do. Good Luck!

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Well, IMO, if the subject matter is making her physically ill, it is probably being presented in a way that is not very professional. I think children should have a basic sex ed class in school, to learn the basics and to learn human anatomy. Whether or not it should go beyond that to cover ************ is debatable. I don't really see any major harm in briefly covering it and saying that a lot of people do it and it's okay (esp. if presented as an alternative to actual sex) to not make any kids feel uncomfortable if they do so.

My guess is that presented in a scientific, professional way, most kids would giggle at this stuff at most. I would probably not only excuse her from class, but also demand to sit in on a class or find out exactly how this material is being presented.

Another scary scenario that pops into my head is that some of the other children may be giving her a hard time, or teasing her and using the new terminology they are learning to do so.

I hope everything works out.

 

[Serena]

Poor kid.

 

[browneyes]

Does your dd discuss with you anything that was discussed in class? Is she comfortable talking to you about the female and male anatomy?

 

[damo]

Originally posted by EsmeraldaX
Well, IMO, if the subject matter is making her physically ill, it is probably being presented in a way that is not very professional. I think children should have a basic sex ed class in school, to learn the basics and to learn human anatomy. Whether or not it should go beyond that to cover ************ is debatable. I don't really see any major harm in briefly covering it and saying that a lot of people do it and it's okay (esp. if presented as an alternative to actual sex) to not make any kids feel uncomfortable if they do so.

My guess is that presented in a scientific, professional way, most kids would giggle at this stuff at most. I would probably not only excuse her from class, but also demand to sit in on a class or find out exactly how this material is being presented.

Another scary scenario that pops into my head is that some of the other children may be giving her a hard time, or teasing her and using the new terminology they are learning to do so.

I hope everything works out.

ITA. Sometimes the teacher feels it is their responsibility to answer any "question" that the children may ask. It is my experience that some these "questions" are mearly bait to see what reaction they can get from the teacher and other kids. Kids can be so goofy when it comes to sex ed and your daughter may have been at the end of some of this goofiness. If it is bothering her so much, and nothing else is going on at school that she might miss, I'd keep her home until it passes over. You don't want this developing into a panic attack problem or a school phobia issue. You could also talk to the school counselor for their advice.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Reading this thread, it occurs to me that both predominant opinions expressed might be on the right track. If she was sexually harrased, the she certainly might feel uncomfortable with the content of the class and the fact that it is discussed in front of others, and possibly those who harrased her. I would probably go to school and try to meet with the teacher prior to the class and explain your concerns. I suspect the teacher might be sympathetic and might let you present the material to her in private so she can still pass the test.