Would you have said anything to the creepy guy?

[npmommie]

When my daughter started riding the public city bus to high school every day, I talked to her about what to do in the event that she ever gets pinched, groped or felt up in some way. I know it's very likely to happen to her some day, as she's a high school girl riding a bus full of business men. And I told her it can happen in any crowd, so always be aware.

The "proper" thing to do is to turn around, face him, and very loudly say, "HEY!" If you've got the nerve, it's good to add a few more choice words along the line of, "CREEP!" and "He just PINCHED my butt!" (Or whatever he did.)

Sure, he'll deny it. But most people will believe you. Standing up for yourself makes you stronger, and public humiliation will have him crawling away in shame, like the maggot he is.

(BTW, this approach works very well on grabby high school boys, too.)

or better yet report him like this and have him charged with what he deserves

http://www.universalhub.com/crime/20110120-newton-man-charged-groping-green-line-passenger.html

http://www.patriotledger.com/news/c...th-indecent-assault-and-battery#axzz1F5TQqQJW

 

[Magpie]

There is a BIG difference between thinking EVERYONE is a dangerous "BOGEYMAN" and throwing a hood over your head so you are blind and can pretend EVERYONE is good sweet misunderstood soul who just needs a hug.

When there are indications of something being off a reasonable person would pay more close attention, which to me, sits somewhere in between the 2 poles, but that's just me.

So, like I asked you before. What do you think the OP should have done, other than saying, "Dude!"?

In an ideal world, what would you like to see happen to the man ahead of the OP in line?

 

[Rora]

I think what you did was right on target but he's definitely creepy. VERY creepy.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Wait... all the articles I read about that said he was a family friend, and that she left him the baby for TEN minutes. I didn't read anything that indicated he was a "nut" (whatever that means).

I'll assume you've never left your children in the care of a family friend (or sitter, or relative) for any length of time, much less ten minutes, but most of the rest of us have. It's usually not a problem.

My children's godfather is bipolar. That probably makes him a "nut", but he's still a good man - one of the best I've ever known.

So he was only a nut AFTER the fact? Really? No chance he was a nut BEFORE that very second?

I guess that means Jared Loughner was fine up until the second he hurt people? The Columbine kids Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were OK before they committed mass murder? Timothy McVeigh was a gem right until the bomb? The step Mom Elisa Baker? Phillip Garrido? John Esposito?

Not the way I think things happen but if that's your view of the world ok, I can accept that, but I'm sticking with my belief that people send signals and are messed up LONG before they do something criminal.

 

[holycow]

Good for you !

You need a new name Grizzly Dad Stay away from my little girls!

 

[npmommie]

my belief that people send signals and are messed up LONG before they do something criminal.

Orlando I agree with you. I think people either ignore the signals or just choose not to act on them.
but I agree they do send signals.
and we have to be aware and paying attention to notice it.

 

[Magpie]

So he was only a nut AFTER the fact? Really? No chance he was a nut BEFORE that very second?

I guess that means Jared Loughner was fine up until the second he hurt people? The Columbine kids Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were OK before they committed mass murder? Timothy McVeigh was a gem right until the bomb? The step Mom Elisa Baker? Phillip Garrido? John Esposito?

Not the way I think things happen but if that's your view of the world ok, I can accept that, but I'm sticking with my belief that people send signals and are messed up LONG before they do something criminal.

I'm not saying he wasn't messed up, I'm saying it's not that easy to read the signals.

You can sit around feeling smug because you never let your children near any one who sends off icky "signals". But that doesn't mean your kids are safe! I don't blame the parents of the little girl at all. Unless something comes out in the news that indicates they somehow knew this guy was "off", I don't see any reason to think that they "ignored" signals or were being PC or nice or putting their kid at risk because they didn't want to offend anyone.

How many times do people say, "But he seemed like such a nice guy!" "I trusted him completely." "He was my best friend!" Look at the wife of Colonel Williams. There he was, twisted sex murderer and all, and she had NO CLUE. She wasn't ignoring the signals. She just didn't know!

Meanwhile there's plenty of perfectly harmless people, who due to mental illness or disability, send off all kinds of "wrong signals". I used to be creeped out by a coworker of mine, until I realized the man suffered from an anxiety disorder. I was afraid every time I was around him, but it wasn't my fear - it was his fear. He couldn't hurt a fly. If anything, he'd have a panic attack if a fly landed on him.

I'm not saying you should hug the video store man. I think "dude" was the right reaction. I'm just saying it's unreasonable to jump to the conclusion that he's a predator, based on a "hello" and a silly song.

 

[N&B'smom]

A couple of months ago my DD 14 went to the the newest Harry Potter movie with a couple of friends and one of the friend's mother on opening day. The theater was very crowded as the movie let out and the lobby was packed with more people waiting to get in.

DD said a man her dad's age pinched her rear end twice when they were walking out of the theater and into the lobby! At first she thought it was an accident from someone who bumped into her because everyone was walking close together like a herd of cattle. But then it happened again, this time harder and more deliberate. She turned around and saw this creeper late 40's-ish to early 50's aged man right behind her looking at her right as she turned around to see who pinched her.

DD had gotten a little separated from her group in the crowd, but when they got out into the lobby she told her friends and her friend's mom what happened. They all thought it was funny and laughed. DD laughed with them to not show she was freaked out, but right after she was dropped off at home, she broke into tears and was so hysterical she couldn't even tell me what happened until she calmed down. It really scared her. Now had it been a teenager that pinched her she'd have laughed it off, but this was a man her dad's age!

I was a bit upset that the other mother took it so lightly, but she probably didn't know DD was freaked out. Had I been there with the girls, the mama bear would have come out in me. I would have found the creep, chewed him out and then followed him to his car and wrote down his driver's license number and reported him to the police for committing a lewd act on a minor. He would have denied it, I'm sure, but maybe the guy had a record which would have at least alerted the police to keep a closer eye on him.

Oh my gosh, your poor DD, trying to keep it together until she got home. That's such a shame. I would not find anything about that funny AT ALL. I also would have asked her to point me in the direction of the creep and he would have gotten a very public earful!

It might be a leap, but sometimes you just get a gut feeling and it's best to pay attention to it.

I agree completely!! Better safe than sorry!

 

[JerseyJanice]

So he was only a nut AFTER the fact? Really? No chance he was a nut BEFORE that very second?

I guess that means Jared Loughner was fine up until the second he hurt people? The Columbine kids Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were OK before they committed mass murder? Timothy McVeigh was a gem right until the bomb? The step Mom Elisa Baker? Phillip Garrido? John Esposito?

Not the way I think things happen but if that's your view of the world ok, I can accept that, but I'm sticking with my belief that people send signals and are messed up LONG before they do something criminal.

Even if the guy in the store is the country's next mass murderer, there's not anything the OP or the police could do about it. Smiling, saying hello and singing to the Muzak are not criminal actions.

911 what's your emergency?

I am in line at a grocery store and there's a man that said hello to my children then started singing.

All this said, people sometimes give off an unspoken or even invisible demeanor that's creepy, so if that's how the OP felt, his "Dude" remark is perfectly justified.

 

[JerseyJanice]

As to the little girl who was pinched, that guy would be dead meat if he did that to a child I was accompanying anywhere.

Sorry that happened to your DD, IDoDis. I would have reported the incident to the theater's manager if I were you.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I'm not saying he wasn't messed up, I'm saying it's not that easy to read the signals.

You can sit around feeling smug because you never let your children near any one who sends off icky "signals". But that doesn't mean your kids are safe! I don't blame the parents of the little girl at all. Unless something comes out in the news that indicates they somehow knew this guy was "off", I don't see any reason to think that they "ignored" signals or were being PC or nice or putting their kid at risk because they didn't want to offend anyone.

How many times do people say, "But he seemed like such a nice guy!" "I trusted him completely." "He was my best friend!" Look at the wife of Colonel Williams. There he was, twisted sex murderer and all, and she had NO CLUE. She wasn't ignoring the signals. She just didn't know!

Meanwhile there's plenty of perfectly harmless people, who due to mental illness or disability, send off all kinds of "wrong signals". I used to be creeped out by a coworker of mine, until I realized the man suffered from an anxiety disorder. I was afraid every time I was around him, but it wasn't my fear - it was his fear. He couldn't hurt a fly. If anything, he'd have a panic attack if a fly landed on him.

I'm not saying you should hug the video store man. I think "dude" was the right reaction. I'm just saying it's unreasonable to jump to the conclusion that he's a predator, based on a "hello" and a silly song.

Smug, no, I don't think there is any room for feeling smug where kids are involved. Grateful or sorry, yes but smug, not a word I'd use but maybe a feeling you were aiming for since it wasn't me who initiated pulling apart someone else's thoughts to prove them wrong. I don't make it a habit of trying to tell other people they are wrong... sorry I disappointed you by not rolling over.

I have a point of view and I will defend it when it's attacked but that doesn't mean I need to prove other people wrong. To each their own but don't try to tell me I'm wrong and then be indignant when the insult doesn't fly.

 

[Magpie]

Smug, no, I don't think there is any room for feeling smug where kids are involved. Grateful or sorry, yes but smug, not a word I'd use but maybe a feeling you were aiming for since it wasn't me who initiated pulling apart someone else's thoughts to prove them wrong. I don't make it a habit of trying to tell other people they are wrong... sorry I disappointed you by not rolling over.

I have a point of view and I will defend it when it's attacked but that doesn't mean I need to prove other people wrong. To each their own but don't try to tell me I'm wrong and then be indignant when the insult doesn't fly.

Sorry... I did not mean to offend you. "Smug" was the wrong word to use. I probably should have used something along the lines of "secure" or "comfortable" or "safe".

Anyway, do you really believe you can tell when someone is dangerous to your kids just by the "signals" they send off? Do you think we could all keep our kids safe if we just paid attention to the same signals as you?

Is it inconceivable that someone you trust absolutely might hurt your kids? That you might be wrong about someone?

 

[melissapealo]

I think you handled the situation very well. Whether it was all harmless or not no one will ever no, but it is certainly creepy.

 

[Mermaid02]

Sorry... I did not mean to offend you. "Smug" was the wrong word to use. I probably should have used something along the lines of "secure" or "comfortable" or "safe".

Anyway, do you really believe you can tell when someone is dangerous to your kids just by the "signals" they send off? Do you think we could all keep our kids safe if we just paid attention to the same signals as you?

Is it inconceivable that someone you trust absolutely might hurt your kids? That you might be wrong about someone?

Not all the time- but even if it's just one time I'd be glad I paid attention to my gut.

 

[dislaney]

I do find what the guy did creepy as well and think you handled the situation well.

I have brought up my kids to trust their instincts about people. I had one situation where their instincts about someone was different then mine. Long story there that I'm not going to go into. I have made sure that they are never around that particular person. I'm going to err on the side of caution - I really don't care if someone gets offended.

 

[Music City Mama]

I think the OP handled it appropriately -- nothing more that could be done. I agree with whomever said that you have to go w/ your gut -- even if it could have been completely innocent (doubt it), the guy gave off a vibe that the OP wasn't comfortable with.

On a side note, I have never let my kids sit on Santa's lap (gasp! ), because while I think 50% are grandfatherly types that love kids and/or just really need the money, I think the other 50% are child predators. Who else would deal with the beard tugging/crying/screaming (maybe even peeing on their lap)? I once had someone say to me, "Surely they wouldn't try anything with all of those people around." Um, so it's okay if some perv is getting their jollies off of your child sitting on their lap as long as they don't act on it?

Maybe I watch the news too much -- or maybe it's because my friend worked as a court reporter in too many criminal cases and I've heard the horror stories, but a red flag would have gone off for me, too, in that situation.

 

[EMom]

Last night I had my daughters with me in a store. We were in line to pay. California Girls ( Beach Boys ) was playing over the speakers. There was a guy in front of us waiting to pay when we got in line.

He turned around and saw my daughters and said "Hello little girls." And then he turned away after my kids said hello.

So he starts singing "I wish they all could be real little girls" instead of California girls. So I walked up to him and gave him an evil eye, and just said "Dude."

And then he said "Sorry", and paid and walked away.

What would you have done or said? Part of me wanted to call the cops, but he didn't actually do anything illegal. But he was really creepy.

The song, in all its 60s innocence, is still about hot girls and how the singer is assessing their assests. My radar would have gone off if the guy had changed the words of this song to, "I wish they all could be REAL LITTLE GIRLS." That is creepy, at a minimum. You reacted normally, under the cricumstances.

I don't give a rat's hiney if the guy is offended. My concern would be with the children. I'm getting creeped out just reading what happened, but then I've worked with enough abused kids to know what sends up red flags.

I say follow your instincts because they're there for a reason and too often, we suppress them. My instincts once told me that a handsome, charming, flirtatious man whom most women found adorable was creepy and I avoided him like the plague. He turned out to be a serial killer. Instincts are our friend.

 

[LuvOrlando]

OK Magpie, I understand, funny how much influence a word can have, huh?

No, it's not inconceivable at all. If it were easy to spot horrible people no parent or caregiver would ever let them near a kid, so most kids would never have to be subjected to trauma.

I do not think there is a perfect formula for keeping kids safe because if there was we'd all know it. Even if there was the bad guys would be onto it in a heartbeat and simply change their ways to avoid detection. The most anyone can hope for is that caregivers do their best, pay attention, make sure people around our kids know we are paying attention and ensure open dialogue with our kids so they feel safe saying they don't like someone and expressing why. The last time I read about it I think it takes 30 times for a child to be asked if they were being hurt before the kid opened up.... 30 times! How many parents do that?

Anyway, I think the OP's response was appropriate. His urge to get help was because he sensed that although own his kids were safe others might not be not be. Unfortunately, he might be right even though there is/was nothing he can do about it. To me it says Big Cuddly Bear has a good heart and I like that... the world can't have too many of those

 

[badblackpug]

It's borderline paranoid. Sorry, but a goofy guy saying "hello" and singing a goofy song in a checkout line, in a store, in front of a parent is not a predator. I wouldn't think he was "creepy." Maybe goofy, maybe socially inept, maybe annoying, but I can't see his behavior as menacing in any way.

 

[princessmom29]

I am glad that the folks on this thread don't get to decide MY fate on anything. I have most likely said sometrhing completely innocent that soemone misinterptreted at some point in my life (as has almost everyone). According to some here that makes me a dangerous psyco who should be locked away. Get real folks, this guy likely meant no harm at all, nad didn't think about how what he was saying would sound. That is infinetly more likely than him having some sort of dark purpose. No one here has any right to defame him to tthe degree that has taken place, and I think that the dergee of venom that has come out of this tread is evidence of the growing paranoia of some groups of parents. EVERYONE is not a treat to our kids. The vasty majority of poeple aren't. I really don't think I could live like some here, thinking there are monsters around every corner and everyone is out to get us.