Would you ever allow your teen D to spend the night alone with a 50 yr old man?Update

[Nancyg56]

Wow, it appears after reading all of these posts that teenage girls are horrible creatures who are just waiting for the chance to make up horrible stories about any older man they are alone with.......Do you people even think about what you are saying? I got news for you the whole myth about kids "making up" stories about sexual abuse is just that a myth!!! WHen kids say something happened it means it did!!!! I was a 13 year girl when the dean of my middle school made improper advances to me and I am glad my parents didn't just think "oh you know how teenage girls are making up these "stories"......The bias against young girls is amazing on these threads.

I think that you are taking this very personally. No one has said that the girl is going to make up a story, we are simply pointing out that it does happen and that man never recovers.

I am so sorry that you were a victim of abuse, but as a woman who has suffered that crime, would you leave your teenage daughter alone with an adult male?

We know that men in authority have abused teenagers, it happened and it was often overlooked. Because of the perceptions that others now have most men make sure that they never give parents an opportunity to worry, and parents make sure that they never place their kids in circumstances that could endanger them. When a 50 YO music teacher, who surely has had some knowledge of the consequences this kind of sleepover can have, places himself in this position, well I have flags raised.

 

[pandora174]

Wow, it appears after reading all of these posts that teenage girls are horrible creatures who are just waiting for the chance to make up horrible stories about any older man they are alone with.......Do you people even think about what you are saying? I got news for you the whole myth about kids "making up" stories about sexual abuse is just that a myth!!! WHen kids say something happened it means it did!!!! I was a 13 year girl when the dean of my middle school made improper advances to me and I am glad my parents didn't just think "oh you know how teenage girls are making up these "stories"......The bias against young girls is amazing on these threads.

I'm sorry but I will have to respectfully disagree & I myself was a victim of abuse at a very younf age.

But we had a young relation, 14 who had been abused at the age of 12 by a coach (the pervert exposed himself). Of course the poor kid had a lot of issues but when she reached 14 her behavior got a little out of control, lying, leaving the house, skipping school, mouthing off etc. She was in counseling with a provate therapist but one day her dad, a relative of my SIL, had enough & grounded her for a month.

Well she called the police & said her dad was molesting her & threatening to kill her The police came, when she saw the seriousness of it she took a bottle of Tylenol & even though she admitted to the police & the Dr's at the ER & her therapists, that she was mad at her dad & made the story up there still was an investigation, home visits from child services, etc etc. until the matter was closed. Afterwards the entire family went into counseling together because the feeling of trust was broken. Both her mom & dad were terrified to ground her in case she did soemthing like this again. It was a very stressful for this family & there are still some of my SIL relative's that think the dad "most of done something" & this was 10 years ago.

It happens, rarely yes, but sadly it does.

 

[jemgumby]

I think that you are taking this very personally. No one has said that the girl is going to make up a story, we are simply pointing out that it does happen and that man never recovers.

I am so sorry that you were a victim of abuse, but as a woman who has suffered that crime, would you leave your teenage daughter alone with an adult male?

We know that men in authority have abused teenagers, it happened and it was often overlooked. Because of the perceptions that others now have most men make sure that they never give parents an opportunity to worry, and parents make sure that they never place their kids in circumstances that could endanger them. When a 50 YO music teacher, who surely has had some knowledge of the consequences this kind of sleepover can have, places himself in this position, well I have flags raised.

Oh sorry should have answered the op's question but I was just so caught off guard by people actually feeling that the 50 year old music teacher would be a "victim" in that she teenage girl might "make up stories" about him. My first instict was to protect the girl and get her out of the situation. So that being said NO WAY would I allow my DD to spend the night. NEVER.......it is best not to even allow our children in such a vulnerable position. Also here are some links to some very interesting facts about child abuse as far as kids lying about it, the myths about the perpetrators, etc. Just click on the links below:

Note the very first myth on this page:

http://www.rvap.org/pages/myths_and_facts_about_child_sexual_abuse/

http://www.americanhumane.org/about-us/newsroom/fact-sheets/child-sexual-abuse.html

It's a good refresher for all of us to remember these important facts.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Wow. We're jumping to a lot of conclusions here.

I'm working on the assumption that the parents are well aware and that he is either family or 'like family'. If the parents trust him with their child, I'm inclined to believe that there is nothing going on. Without any evidence to the contrary, I don't see anything thats worth getting all Kravitsy about.

Like Michael Jackson? Whether something is "going on" or not, you don't put yourself in that situation to be accused of something inappropriate.

 

[sbell111]

... When a 50 YO music teacher, who surely has had some knowledge of the consequences this kind of sleepover can have, places himself in this position, well I have flags raised.

Gosh, you guys sure are taking liberties with the facts of the case.

That guy might be the girl's uncle. Heck, he might be her grandfather, for all we know.

He also might not even have been home at the time. Perhaps he went out of town with his wife and the girl was pet sitting for them. Finally, we have no knowledge that the girl in question is even under age. Perhaps she is of legal age and they are having an affair. While unseamly, that would not make him some kind of child molestor.

There are plenty of reasons that strangers should butt out of people's lives. Those are just a few.

Regarding perception versus reality. If two people do something completely above board and innocent and a third spreads shameful rumors about it, the two people are not at fault. Mrs Kravitz is.

 

[sbell111]

Like Michael Jackson? Whether something is "going on" or not, you don't put yourself in that situation to be accused of something inappropriate.

I don't know my neighbors very well. They don't really know me and they don't know my family.

Should I forbid my niece from visiting me unless my wife is home because some nosy neighbor who knows nothing about my family might read something bad into it? I think not.

 

[bubie2.5]

I don't know why this thread reminded me of Morgan Freeman. I read somewhere he was leaving his wife of 25 years for his step granddaughter!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I don't know my neighbors very well. They don't really know me and they don't know my family.

Should I forbid my niece from visiting me unless my wife is home because some nosy neighbor who knows nothing about my family might read something bad into it? I think not.

And you're assuming a lot of "good" from this complete stranger.

That, however, would be your prerogative to handle the situation as you see fit; however, don't be surprised if the po po come a knockin' and askin' questions 'cause ole' Gladys Kravitz was curious.

What irks me is if this girl was to claim she was raped/abused by this neighbor, how many people on this very site would call OP out for having see something questionable and having not reported it to the proper authorities?

 

[sbell111]

I don't know my neighbors very well. They don't really know me and they don't know my family.

Should I forbid my niece from visiting me unless my wife is home because some nosy neighbor who knows nothing about my family might read something bad into it? I think not.

And you're assuming a lot of "good" from this complete stranger.

That, however, would be your prerogative to handle the situation as you see fit; however, don't be surprised if the po po come a knockin' and askin' questions 'cause ole' Gladys Kravitz was curious.

What irks me is if this girl was to claim she was raped/abused by this neighbor, how many people on this very site would call OP out for having see something questionable and having not reported it to the proper authorities?

Are you honestly suggesting that the police should follow-up on a report that an unknown, apparently teen-aged female is in a private home with an adult male? Really?

In general, police follow-up on reports of laws that are actually broken. Mrs. Kravitz's suspicions don't rise to that standard.

 

[missypie]

Gosh, you guys sure are taking liberties with the facts of the case.

That guy might be the girl's uncle. Heck, he might be her grandfather, for all we know.

He also might not even have been home at the time. Perhaps he went out of town with his wife and the girl was pet sitting for them.

The two are not related. Wife and son were not home. Teacher and student entered the house together late at night and unless Mr. Scott beamed one of them up to the Enterprise, both spent the night in the house.

 

[sbell111]

The two are not related. Wife and son were not home. Teacher and student entered the house together late at night and unless Mr. Scott beamed one of them up to the Enterprise, both spent the night in the house.

How well do you know the neighbor and the girl's family?

Exactly how old is the girl?

What exactly is the relationship between the girl and her teacher?

Why was she staying at his home?

Without the answers to these questions, I refuse to get excited about the issue.

 

[missypie]

How well do you know the neighbor and the girl's family?

Exactly how old is the girl?

What exactly is the relationship between the girl and her teacher?

Why was she staying at his home?

Without the answers to these questions, I refuse to get excited about the issue.

Then I'll put you down as voting that under certain circumstances, you would allow your teen D to spend the night with an unrelated 50 year old man. As I said in an earlier post, when I think about all of our dear family friends, I just can't think of a circumstance where I'd think it appropriate for our 16 year old D to spend the night alone with one of husbands.

 

[pandora174]

Then I'll put you down as voting that under certain circumstances, you would allow your teen D to spend the night with an unrelated 50 year old man. As I said in an earlier post, when I think about all of our dear family friends, I just can't think of a circumstance where I'd think it appropriate for our 16 year old D to spend the night alone with one of husbands.

Sorry Missypie but not that I'm speaking for sbell111 but you don't know the exact circumstances in this family's household. My niece is 25 years old & looks easily 15, 16 very petite.

My DH is 42 & has lots of gray earlier this summer she was coming over during the day to tutor DS6. She would come over when I was at work. If my neighbors where "assuming" they could of thought he was having an affair with a teenager when his wife is at work We just moved a little over a year ago & niece hasn't visited until recently. So it's all assumptions JMO


& NO I would not let my daughter )if I had one) or son stay with a teacher overnight under any circumstances. I just think this situation is not so black & white (sorry no MJ pun intended) There are so many variables out there without all the facts I would not judge ANYONE. It's not a personal attack in anyway please & don't take it as such. But I have learned sometimes the hard way that if you post on the DIS, you have to expect people to voice different assumptions/opinions/see things differently than you.

 

[missypie]

Sorry Missypie but not that I'm speaking for sbell111 but you don't know the exact circumstances in this family's household. My niece is 25 years old & looks easily 15, 16 very petite.

We know she's a home schooled high school student. She can drive (the distinctive vehicle I mentioned in the original post) and she didn't graduate this year, so she's either 16 or 17. The husband and wife refer to her as his music student. Before the overnight visit, I actually teased the husband about the pictures of him and the student posing with their arms around each other that he posted on his facebook page, how if I didn't know better, I'd think he was taking up with a little hottie. He just laughed.

 

[pandora174]

We know she's a home schooled high school student. She can drive (the distinctive vehicle I mentioned in the original post) and she didn't graduate this year, so she's either 16 or 17. The husband and wife refer to her as his music student. Before the overnight visit, I actually teased the husband about the pictures of him and the student posing with their arms around each other that he posted on his facebook page, how if I didn't know better, I'd think he was taking up with a little hottie. He just laughed.

OK, that sounds like you know "alot" more about these neighbors if you're friendly enough to be facebook friends & know that the "girl" is home schooled etc. So why not ask him about the sleepover in a non confrontational way ? Or if the girl is there so often & you see her distinctive vehicle, go & check your mailbox & make a casual comment. If she is being abused she might reach out ?

That's what I would do if I was worried about this girl's welfare & wanted to see if there is something potentially dangerous to this girl ?

 

[horseshowmom]

The two are not related. Wife and son were not home. Teacher and student entered the house together late at night and unless Mr. Scott beamed one of them up to the Enterprise, both spent the night in the house.

Not appropriate. As a parent, I would not allow this to happen. As an adult, I would not allow myself to be put in this situation.

We know she's a home schooled high school student. She can drive (the distinctive vehicle I mentioned in the original post) and she didn't graduate this year, so she's either 16 or 17. The husband and wife refer to her as his music student. Before the overnight visit, I actually teased the husband about the pictures of him and the student posing with their arms around each other that he posted on his facebook page, how if I didn't know better, I'd think he was taking up with a little hottie. He just laughed.

Was this a hug type thing or arms loosely around each others backs as they posed for the picture?

 

[luvsJack]

The two are not related. Wife and son were not home. Teacher and student entered the house together late at night and unless Mr. Scott beamed one of them up to the Enterprise, both spent the night in the house.

And the distinctive vehicle was outside the whole night? Wouldn't they be a bit more discreet if something was going on?

And when you made the comment about the picture, there is the chance that he didn't know how to answer. As in, "how on earth could anyone think that"?


In answer to your question; no I would not allow dd to spend the night with a non-relative male. BUT, I have never been faced with a situation that would warrant having to make that decision either. Maybe some emergency was going to require the girl stay at home alone all night and her parents were not comfortable with that.

 

[FireDancer]

Not to be Oliver Obvious but just because her car is there doesn't mean she is there. He could have borrowed the car from her or her parents who most likely own it anyway. It may have broken down and was kept there or she left it there and he took her to the airport. All are plausible if unlikely.

You also can't say she isn't 18 (not that it matters, 17 is legal in TX) just because she hasn't graduated. She could have been held back and had a late birthday. I have friends that graduated at 19.

The original question of letting a teen aged girl spend time at a non-related older gentleman's house is a bit creepy on the face of it but who knows the circumstances.

 

[missypie]

We do know a lot about them and they know a lot about us...we've been neighbors for over 20 years. (Who knows-they may be posting on some message board about something they've observed at our house. I have three teens and a SAHH, so there could be lots going on that I don't know about.)

The Facebook picture was the arms-around-each-other-posing-for-a-picture type - she was dressed up for some big event, so she looked really cute. Thus the teasing from me. (Of course, I don't have any pictures of me with teens other than my own on my Facebook, but whatever.)

Without going into facts that might identfy them, somthing happened during the night that makes me certain that both were there all night (unless, like I said, they were beamed somewhere else.)

I'd never mention it to him. Like I've said before, for reasons that I won't go into here, the husband is behaving as if he has nothing to hide and I don't really think anything physical is going on. I do think he displayed poor judgment.

 

[kimmar067]

Hopefully there was a good explanation for her spending the night.....

...when you think of one, let ME be the first to know....


...even if 'nothing' was going on, this situation sure does look bad....NO WAY would I allow a teenage daughter to spend the night at an adult male's home....that just spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E!