Would you ever allow your teen D to spend the night alone with a 50 yr old man?Update

[The Mystery Machine]

Okay, now it's becoming difficult to think that nothing is going on. Wife and son are out of town again. Out early getting the newspaper - neighbor's garage door opens and the student pulls out of the garage in her "distinctive vehicle." It's not a high crime area and no hailstorms were predicted, so I assume they've now figured out that the neighbors can't help but notice when her vehicle is there all night.

There's something that seems so intimate about parking in someone else's garage.

That is because they finally did the deed the other night and now they are paranoid.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Given that you have freely spread this rumor all over the neighborhood (and the internet) without ever talking to him, it appears that you don't think very highly of him already.

I really don't believe you believe what you're posting. I really think you're just trying to stir the pot. And seriously, what do you care if she spreads it all over the internet and neighborhood? Are you the person the OP is talking about? If you believe OP is spreading untruths and lies, then I would think you wouldn't want to be associated with such rubbish.

 

[missypie]

That is because they finally did the deed the other night and now they are paranoid.

I recently heard someone talk about their priest visiting a certain single mom a lot. She had a special needs child and people originally thought he was being such a wonderful, attentive priest. Then he started parking his car around the corner instead of at her house....A while later he quietly left the parrish.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

OP,

I first must apologize because I had misread your original post. This musician who works out of his home is married, and has this young woman come to his home ONLY when the wife and child are not there?

If the above is true then I would have a bit of an issue with that. BUT, if he is a musician or works in the music business maybe he has a studio there and is helping her create an album? Or helping her that way and that is why she is there so much and even stays over.

Also do you know for certain that she is under the age of 18? Many of my sister friends who are 19 or 20 look a heck of alot younger than they really are.

I thought you had said that a couple had a Teacher friend living in their home and a young girl was staying over. That is not what you wrote. But in all honesty I don't understand why you really care either? We have heard bad arguments from some of our other neighbors and its their business not ours. I am sure they heard a few from us. Never anything more serious. A woman across the street with whom we don't like b/c she blocks our driveway ALL THE TIME, has a different man stay over almost every night, we thought she was a "Lady of the Evening" for awhile but hey she wasn't bothering us, so we left it alone.

I just hope that it isn't as bad as we are all assuming it is. Maybe he is just helpling out this young woman get a music career?

 

[Imzadi]

Is there still that law that teens with learner's permits can't drive after 9pm, especially unaccompanied? Maybe the neighbor is being "kind" in letting the teen stay over after 9pm than risk get a traffic ticket driving home.

 

[missypie]

Oh, he probably is helping her with her music career...but does this help require overnight visits? And if she's over 18...it certainly doesn't make any physical contact okay with his wife.

Believe it or not, I am almost oblivious to what my neighbors are up to. My next door neighbor had been working out of the country for months before I noticed he was not around any more. I don't even know the names of the guys who live on the other side of me. That house is a rental and there is a lot of turnover; I was never even sure who the last tenants were and whether there were three people living there or four.

But we've known the neighbors across the street for over 20 years. Our kids have grown up together. We've been in each other's homes often. When you have neighbors like that, you do tend to notice more what goes on at their house. If it looked like someone was breaking in, I'd call 911 right away. We have a key to their house and they have a key to ours.

 

[sbell111]

Maybe drop an anoymous news clipping about a statutory rape in the neighbor's mailbox. That might get them to stop having these nightly "visits," even if there is nothing going on.

It hasn't been established that the girl is underage or that there is anything physical going on.

Oh, he probably is helping her with her music career...but does this help require overnight visits? And if she's over 18...it certainly doesn't make any physical contact okay with his wife.

Ummm, you said that you didn't think that there was any inappropriate physical contact.

 

[horseshowmom]

Why do you care?

I've got to tell you that I would be very concerned about an adult who wasn't concerned about this situation. I would hope that we would all care if we saw a minor in a situation that was inappropriate.

The girl is spending the night while the man's family is gone (at least twice). The first time sounds like the car got left outside. The second time almost sounds like it was thought out better and that it might be better to keep it out of sight. The odds of this being okay are not good.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

But OP,

Do you know for a fact that this girl is underage and that the wife and child are not there when she is?

You did also say that you didn't think something was going on physically.

What does this man do exactly for a living? If you say that you have "known" them for over 20 years then you must know more than you are telling us. Has he cheated before and you know abou it?

 

[horseshowmom]

But OP,

Do you know for a fact that this girl is underage and that the wife and child are not there when she is?

You did also say that you didn't think something was going on physically.

What does this man do exactly for a living? If you say that you have "known" them for over 20 years then you must know more than you are telling us. Has he cheated before and you know abou it?

I know a lot of people that I've known for more than 20 years. No matter how highly I thought of them, I would find the described behavior to be very suspicious (even if I had no knowledge of anything previously happening). This behavior is VERY suspicious. I know that things can sometimes be misunderstood, but this is pretty blatant. It's so blatant that even if nothing is going on, you would have to question whether the man has completely lost any sense of judgement.

 

[missypie]

But OP,

Do you know for a fact that this girl is underage and that the wife and child are not there when she is?

You did also say that you didn't think something was going on physically.

What does this man do exactly for a living? If you say that you have "known" them for over 20 years then you must know more than you are telling us. Has he cheated before and you know about it?

I do not know her age. I do know that she's been driving there by herself for about a year. Her age may matter in a legal sense, but not in terms of judgment or morals. My D will turn 18 early her senior year in high school; that would not make me think any differently at all about her spending the night alone with a male.

Yes, I did say that I didn't think there was anything going on physically when he was behaving as if he had nothing to hide. But putting the car in the garage overnight introduces a measure of concealment.

I know what he does for a living. He is one of those whom I can't imagine ever cheating, but I've been surprised before. (There was a guy I know who was caught cheating on a security camera video and he was the sweetest most conservative Christian guy you'd ever want to meet.)

 

[Handbag Lady]

One would think that with the OP being friends with the man and his wife for 20 years, that it is her business.

She sees something suspicious that could mean a lot of things, the worst probably being that the husband is dallying with an underage person. Along with this, the wife in the situation is her friend. Friends shoudl tell friends when their husbands are cheating.

I guess the question is, how do you go about saying something? Do you talk to the wife and just say, "Look, I know this sounds crazy but I saw so-and-so girl pulling her car out of your garage in the morning when you were out of town. Should I be concerned or it is none of my business?"

If I were the wife, I would want to know and I'd feel good about my friend telling me if something were amiss. If the wife knows all about it, then she can either explain or tell the friend to mind her own business.

 

[missypie]

I guess the question is, how do you go about saying something? Do you talk to the wife and just say, "Look, I know this sounds crazy but I saw so-and-so girl pulling her car out of your garage in the morning when you were out of town. Should I be concerned or it is none of my business?"

That's sort of a nice way to put it. My husband is a stay at home dad. During the school year, he is alone in the house 7+ hours a day and all kinds of things could be going on. If my neighbor observed "things" I'd certainly want her to mention them to me.

 

[monkey68]

What's the girl's home life like? Maybe things at home are not going so well, and he's providing the girl with a safe haven, a place where she can go when things get crazy. Life isn't always peaches and roses like it may seem on the DIS, some families are really screwed up and sometimes the kids just need an out and can't take being in that environment anymore.

 

[alexandria674]

How do you know she stays up all night? not to be confrontational, but are you up all night watching what is going on? If you know the family enough, then I would ask the wife but in a nonpushing kind of way.

I would personally not have my daughter there

However, if she was of legal age and not in my house then I would tell her my problem with her staying the night but not forbid her.

 

[missypie]

What's the girl's home life like? Maybe things at home are not going so well, and he's providing the girl with a safe haven, a place where she can go when things get crazy. Life isn't always peaches and roses like it may seem on the DIS, some families are really screwed up and sometimes the kids just need an out and can't take being in that environment anymore.

It's possible. But if so, still unwise for the man to put himself in a vulnerable position with an upset teen.

He is being paid by her parents. I guess that it is possible that abusive parents are providing her with a nice vehicle and extensive music instruction (her dad could be a Joe Jackson clone); but if it's just the typical teenager telling a sympathetic adult "my parents are so mean", I wouldn't think that would justify overnight visits.

This does bring up one point, however. As far as I know the parents are still paying him, which must mean that they approve of the state of things as they know it. It is entirely possible that they don't know that wife and child aren't at home - but if they are Facebook friends with him, they know.

 

[missypie]

How do you know she stays up all night? not to be confrontational, but are you up all night watching what is going on?

I have no idea whether she stays up all night. But when someone pulls out of the garage early in the morning, you assume she was in the house all night. I doubt that she had a 5 am music lesson (and parked in the garage during it.)

I have teenagers, including my own 18 year old, so we are not exactly locked in for the night at 9 pm.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Missypie, my advice to you is to stay the hell out of it. I would not say a darn thing to anyone in the neighborhood.

It really is a MYOB deal. Even if your neighbor is carrying on with this girl that is between them.

 

[FireDancer]

Maybe the guy has a younger piece on the side and maybe it is innocent. As long as she is 17 (the legal age of consent in Texas) it is not illegal. The moral issue is between him, his wife, and whichever God he worships.

I am single and 31 and there is no way I would have any of my friends daughters over once they were even close to that age. I've babysat some of their kids, boys and girls, but they are between 1 and 4. That being said, if there was an emergency I would also not deny them a place to stay, I would just make sure I had someone else over at the same time. It is kind of sad you have to cover yourself like that but it is what it is.

Something else that hasn't been mentioned, maybe the neighbor is this girls father. He may have had an affair 16 or 17 or whatever years ago and fathered a child and just doesn't want to tell anyone. It is just as likely as many of the scenarios that have been thrown out there.

 

[LKHomemail]

No , it's completely inappropriate.