Would you ever allow your teen D to spend the night alone with a 50 yr old man?Update

[sbell111]

... I'd never mention it to him. Like I've said before, for reasons that I won't go into here, the husband is behaving as if he has nothing to hide and I don't really think anything physical is going on. I do think he displayed poor judgment.

...even if 'nothing' was going on, this situation sure does look bad....NO WAY would I allow a teenage daughter to spend the night at an adult male's home....that just spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E!

If nothing happened and she didn't claim that anything happened, I reject the idea that poor judgement was used.

Not too long ago, there was a thread about a dad needing some kind of out-of-state medical care and the mom needing to go with him. The problem was that she didn't know what to do with the teenaged child while they were out of town. The teen couldn't go out of town due to other commitments. As I recall, the solution that was suggested in the thread and that was implemented by the mom is that the teen stayed with a family friend. It's strange that in this thread that this idea is unfathomable.

Per the OP, a teen-aged girl spent a night at an adult's home and nothing happened. I fail to see the angst.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

If nothing happened and she didn't claim that anything happened, I reject the idea that poor judgement was used.

Not too long ago, there was a thread about a dad needing some kind of out-of-state medical care and the mom needing to go with him. The problem was that she didn't know what to do with the teenaged child while they were out of town. The teen couldn't go out of town due to other commitments. As I recall, the solution that was suggested in the thread and that was implemented by the mom is that the teen stayed with a family friend. It's strange that in this thread that this idea is unfathomable.

Per the OP, a teen-aged girl spent a night at an adult's home and nothing happened. I fail to see the angst.

I don't think OP said "nothing happened". I believe it was your argument earlier that she couldn't prove anything happened. That, however, does not mean something didn't happen. Just means nothing was witnessed.

Maybe nothing did, maybe something did. You'll continue to believe it was all innocent, I'll believe, at a minimum, it was a poor decision made by an adult. As the mother of a daughter, I'd be interested in hearing if someone thought my daughter might be having an inappropriate relationship with an adult. If they are well aware of that particular relationship, then no harm no foul. And even if she's old enough now, that doesn't mean she was old enough when (and if) an inappropriate relationship began.

 

[missypie]

Not too long ago, there was a thread about a dad needing some kind of out-of-state medical care and the mom needing to go with him. The problem was that she didn't know what to do with the teenaged child while they were out of town. The teen couldn't go out of town due to other commitments. As I recall, the solution that was suggested in the thread and that was implemented by the mom is that the teen stayed with a family friend. It's strange that in this thread that this idea is unfathomable.

If I was calling family friends to find a place for my teen D to stay and if the wife said, "Sure, your D can spend the night, but the kids and I will be out of town so it will just be Joe", I'd politely move on to the next family friend on the list. In reality, I'm pretty sure the family friend would say, "Actually, the kids and I will be out of town so it would just be Joe so no, that won't work out."

It's also hard to think of a situation where a teen who is old enough to be driving and who lives nearby would have to stay the night at someone else's home. Kids that age can stay alone. If the house was being painted and the parents were out of town, wouldn't you call a girlfriend for her to stay with instead of a male teacher?

 

[luvmy3]

If I was calling family friends to find a place for my teen D to stay and if the wife said, "Sure, your D can spend the night, but the kids and I will be out of town so it will just be Joe", I'd politely move on to the next family friend on the list. In reality, I'm pretty sure the family friend would say, "Actually, the kids and I will be out of town so it would just be Joe so no, that won't work out."

It's also hard to think of a situation where a teen who is old enough to be driving and who lives nearby would have to stay the night at someone else's home. Kids that age can stay alone. If the house was being painted and the parents were out of town, wouldn't you call a girlfriend for her to stay with instead of a male teacher?

See, I'm the opposite. I would let my dd stay with certain family friends even if the wife and kids weren't going to be there, and they wouldn't have a problem with it either. These friends are as close as family and we all trust eachother and don't have any reason not to. If neighbors and people on the internet wanted to speculate about what is or isn't happening, then let them do it. That being said, the bolded part of your post makes a very good point. When my dd is old enough to drive then she'll pretty much be allowed to stay home alone for a night and wouldn't need to stay there.

 

[missypie]

As I was typing that, the thought did slip into my head that perhaps she was in no condition to go home/face her parents - e.g. perhaps she was intoxicated. But my neighbor doesn't drink at all so it is highly doubtful that he would have provided alcohol to her.

Then I thought, well, if someone is ill they might not be in a condition to drive home. In that case, you'd expect the adult to drive the teen the short distance home rather than have her spend the night.

 

[missypie]

Okay, now it's becoming difficult to think that nothing is going on. Wife and son are out of town again. Out early getting the newspaper - neighbor's garage door opens and the student pulls out of the garage in her "distinctive vehicle." It's not a high crime area and no hailstorms were predicted, so I assume they've now figured out that the neighbors can't help but notice when her vehicle is there all night.

There's something that seems so intimate about parking in someone else's garage.

 

[clutter]

Perhaps the 'distinctive vehicle' gets garaged at home?

Anyway, I hope you waved!!!

 

[Mickeyistheman]

I first want to say I am not trying to offend anyone I am just asking a question to make a point. I personally feel there is still not enough information to make a judgement that something "wrong" is going on.

However I want to pose this question OP:

What if the music teacher was Gay? Would you have an issue with the girl staying with him then?

Like I had said I mean not to offend just trying to understand why this man is guilty by associciation?

 

[missypie]

What if the music teacher was Gay? Would you have an issue with the girl staying with him then?

Interesting to ponder. I guess I wouldn't have as many concerns for the girl, but just as many for the man. Is "but I'm gay" a legal defense if the girl claims the man touched her in an inappropriate manner?

If he was gay and unmarried/unattached, I also wouldn't be concerned about his wife. If the kids and I were out of town and I found out that a teen girl had spent multiple nights at our house, parking her car beside his in the garage, I'd be irate, no matter what did or did not happen. I consider both neighbors to be friends and I hate that the whole neighborhood knows something that she may not know.

 

[Camicar]

We had a very similar scenario happen in our neighborhood about 25 years ago, only the student was technically an adult (very naive). It got more and more blatant as time went on.

Long story short: guy divorced his wife and married the girl who was young enough to be his granddaughter.

 

[5forDiz]

Her parents may be aware but jmho they are not.

And there may not be anything "going on" between said 50 yr man & teen

but again jmho, it's a situation that imho can lead quite easily to TROUBLE.

To answer op's question NO my DH and I would never ever allow it with

our DDs or our DS.


And apologies, I didn't get to read through entire thread as of yet but

does this teenaged girl ever spend the night there when his wife & child are

at home ?

If the answer is no, I think that is very telling - then I'd think her spending
the night there only when his wife & kid aren't home isn't due to
coincidence.

 

[Katy Belle]

Interesting to ponder. I guess I wouldn't have as many concerns for the girl, but just as many for the man. Is "but I'm gay" a legal defense if the girl claims the man touched her in an inappropriate manner?

If he was gay and unmarried/unattached, I also wouldn't be concerned about his wife. If the kids and I were out of town and I found out that a teen girl had spent multiple nights at our house, parking her car beside his in the garage, I'd be irate, no matter what did or did not happen. I consider both neighbors to be friends and I hate that the whole neighborhood knows something that she may not know.

I have not read the entire thread, just saw it this morning. Are you good friends with his wife? I think someone should tell her. Perhaps she knows and its no big deal, but if she doesn't she should. I agree with you, if my DH was doing this I would want to know. Please tell her when she returns.

Katy

 

[MarkBarbieri]

So is this what people mean when they say "gossip?"

 

[sbell111]

I don't think OP said "nothing happened". I believe it was your argument earlier that she couldn't prove anything happened. That, however, does not mean something didn't happen. Just means nothing was witnessed. ...

Actually, I based that bit of my post on this comment made by the OP:

... Like I've said before, for reasons that I won't go into here, the husband is behaving as if he has nothing to hide and I don't really think anything physical is going on. I do think he displayed poor judgment.

Okay, now it's becoming difficult to think that nothing is going on. Wife and son are out of town again. Out early getting the newspaper - neighbor's garage door opens and the student pulls out of the garage in her "distinctive vehicle." It's not a high crime area and no hailstorms were predicted, so I assume they've now figured out that the neighbors can't help but notice when her vehicle is there all night.

There's something that seems so intimate about parking in someone else's garage.

Perhaps he read this thread and chose to have her park in the garage so no busybodies would see her car and think something inappropriate was going on.

Perhaps he just asked her to park in the garage so cars would not be sitting in the driveway. (Some neighborhood associations actually require this.)

Why do you care?

 

[Ally192]

I'm a 17 year old girl and I know I would feel uncomfortable staying alone with an older, unrelated man and my parents would never even make the suggestion for me to. Honestly, I don't see where people are coming from saying that it could be perfectly harmless. It all seems very weird to me.

OP, have you asked any of your other neighbors if they have seen all of this? And has the girl ever spent the night while the wife and kids were there? I don't remember seeing these questions but I apologize if they've already been asked.

 

[missypie]

I haven't, but there is one neighbor who I think is telling everyone she talks to. She is the type of person who sits outside a lot, so she really does see everything that goes on in the neighborhood.

 

[missypie]

Why do you care?

I've known them for over 20 years and consider them both to be friends. If he is having an affair (with a girl over 30 years younger), I don't think I'll think quite as highly of him.

 

[sbell111]

Given that you have freely spread this rumor all over the neighborhood (and the internet) without ever talking to him, it appears that you don't think very highly of him already.

 

[Imzadi]

Maybe drop an anoymous news clipping about a statutory rape in the neighbor's mailbox. That might get them to stop having these nightly "visits," even if there is nothing going on.

 

[missypie]

Given that you have freely spread this rumor all over the neighborhood (and the internet) without ever talking to him, it appears that you don't think very highly of him already.

I really haven't talked to anyone about it but my husband and as I've said, he heard about from another neighbor, not from me. I have left out info from the story that could be used to identify them on the internet.