Would you ever allow your teen D to spend the night alone with a 50 yr old man?Update

[Papa Deuce]

Different spin. I am 47. My next door neighbor would trust me with her 2 daughters. And they would be fine.

But "I" would not accept that responsibility unless it was an emergency.

Sad, that it has come to that, but it has.

 

[Octoberbride03]

Earlier this year, a local man resigned from an elected position after he was home alone with their foreign exchange student and she claimed that he groped her. He was arrested and is awaiting trial; the student was removed from their house and placed elsewhere. I have absolutely no idea whether the guy groped the student or whether the student made up the story because she was unhappy and wanted to be placed in a different home. But the guy's reputation is shot, whether or not there is a criminal conviction.

What protection does my neighbor have if the girl decides to make up a story about what happened in the house? Nada.

You're worried about your neighbor

I'm worried about the teenage girl

Where are my priorities?

 

[dalt01]

Different spin. I am 47. My next door neighbor would trust me with her 2 daughters. And they would be fine.

But "I" would not accept that responsibility unless it was an emergency.

Sad, that it has come to that, but it has.

i struggle with that. i have a teenage daughter and we take her friends....well, even to WDW.....and as close as we all are, grownup wise, i still make sure i am never alone with any of them. scarey aint it.................

 

[Papa Deuce]

You're worried about your neighbor

I'm worried about the teenage girl

Where are my priorities?

If you were a good, honest man, you would know what was being said. Yes, the MEN need protection as well. There is a girl who lives on my street that I would not allow in my home with me alone under ANY circumstances.

 

[dalt01]

How is that a "save"? It's an example of how serious situations like this can be.

look, i have been married for 26 years, i know i am never going to win this discussion just a little spirited conversation, no hard feelings i hope.................peace...............out.........

 

[pandora174]

Different spin. I am 47. My next door neighbor would trust me with her 2 daughters. And they would be fine.

But "I" would not accept that responsibility unless it was an emergency.

Sad, that it has come to that, but it has.

To the OP no I would not allow my DS to stay over an unkown adult's home. But I agree with Papa Deuce totally. My DH stays home & is the "soccer dad" & we are very careful because you never know, not that he would ever harm a child but it's a different world nowadays.

Like this OP said if it's true or not but because of posts like this DH is very careful with any neighbor kids playing with DS, he is always outside & makes sure another adult is present. He's dropped DS off at playdates but we feel more comfortable to schedule any playdates at "our" house when we're both there. DS has 2 little neighbor girls that he loves to play with & they live at the end of the block. They come over all the time. Imagine if someone thought 42 year old man, 2 little girls inside for an hour or 2 ? The mom is very young & has met both DH & I & said anytime the girls are playing it's ok they come over as long as they let her know.

But nope, the oldest drives on her bike & DS tells DH "his girls" are there & outside they go & he has the youngest go tell mom that "if they want to play to please have a grown up outside, just in case, to keep a better look out for cars" .

Sadly there are lots of people that can make up stuff or make "judgements" or assumptions" whatever. It's sad but true.

 

[missypie]

You're worried about your neighbor

I'm worried about the teenage girl

Where are my priorities?

All of the above.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

Funny the "Teacher" is the same age as MJ isn't it????????????


Anyway, OP you have NO idea how their arrangement works and you are making ALOT of assumptions about this person. Do you know all of this for a fact or just assuming this is what is going on between them? My Aunt and Uncle got divorced when I was very young and I still spent weekends with him at his apartment I was 5/6 he was in his late 20's early 30's. Would that be weird? Would that be strange? He was an amazing Uncle, he was not a molestor. You have to be careful with that word. Alot of people throw it around. Interesting though no one has brought up a very big molestor which would be R. Kelly. Funny that no one says anything about him....but I guess he wasn't weird so that is okay what he did.

Now I do understand that in many child molestation cases it was people that were very close to them....which is why I STILL would go to Michael Jackson and hang out in his bedroom with all the other kids (male and female!) and have a huge sleepover!!! Many may not agree with my on this site and that's fine, I am not trying to change your opinion but don't begrudge mine.

 

[missypie]

Anyway, OP you have NO idea how their arrangement works and you are making ALOT of assumptions about this person. Do you know all of this for a fact or just assuming this is what is going on between them?

I haven't made any assumptions - am only stating facts. A 16 or 17 year old girl spent the night in a house alone with an unrelated 50 year old man. Period. As a parent I would not give permission for that to happen, and as an adult of that age, I would not let that happen.

 

[teacups]

I STILL would go to Michael Jackson and hang out in his bedroom with all the other kids (male and female!) and have a huge sleepover!!!

I would have rather had a slumber party with him when the kiddies were at their own home. Just my own personal choice

BUT in this case, probably best that it NOT happen rather than have to muck out all the problems that COULD arrise from it. Obviously she lives close so she could probably get home just fine. In the end its not my kid so I cant really say.

 

[TheAmazingSpidey]

No way.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Sounds like you don't have all the facts to be making judgements.

I didn't go through all the pages, and I don't know all the facts.
But... I'd judge too...from the view I see. That's just not a smart move.
No way would I let my daughter stay the night with a 50 yr old man who isn't family while his wife and kids were away. Nope

Perception is Reality.

 

[sbell111]

I didn't go through all the pages, and I don't know all the facts.
But... I'd judge too...from the view I see. That's just not a smart move.
No way would I let my daughter stay the night with a 50 yr old man who isn't family while his wife and kids were away. Nope

Perception is Reality.

Perception is not reality, nor is rumor. Only reality is reality.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Perception is not reality, nor is rumor. Only reality is reality.

Exactly!

You have the perception things are on the up and up and I do not. Both of us are operating under "perception".

 

[sbell111]

Exactly!

You have the perception things are on the up and up and I do not. Both of us are operating under "perception".

Actually, I have the 'perception' that the OP has not enough information to make the assumption that anything wrong is happening.

All she knows is that someone who she doesn't know and may or may not be underage is often at the neighbor's house, who she also doesn't actually know. She doesn't know what is going on. She doesn't know whether the parents are aware of the situation. She doesn't actually know much of anything about this issue.

So, for me, not enough information has been given to make me suspect anyone of anything, with the exception that perhaps the OP should pay less attention to what happens at the neighbor's home.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Actually, I have the 'perception' that the OP has not enough information to make the assumption that anything wrong is happening.

All she knows is that someone who she doesn't know and may or may not be underage is often at the neighbor's house, who she also doesn't actually know. She doesn't know what is going on. She doesn't know whether the parents are aware of the situation. She doesn't actually know much of anything about this issue.

So, for me, not enough information has been given to make me suspect anyone of anything, with the exception that perhaps the OP should pay less attention to what happens at the neighbor's home.

Right so that is your "perception". Mine is no different than yours.

 

[Wishing on a star]

It looks like the OP really doesn't have enough info....
Has it been posted whether the OP is sure that it isn't a family member or close friend?

But, aside from that, yes, the very thought is disgusting!!!!!

I have seen a situation where a 60 year old man offered friendship and financial perks for 'favors' from a young teenaged girl.

I don't know enough to pass judgement in this situation... But, I do know that this kind of liason is actually VERY common!!!

 

[jemgumby]

Wow, it appears after reading all of these posts that teenage girls are horrible creatures who are just waiting for the chance to make up horrible stories about any older man they are alone with.......Do you people even think about what you are saying? I got news for you the whole myth about kids "making up" stories about sexual abuse is just that a myth!!! WHen kids say something happened it means it did!!!! I was a 13 year girl when the dean of my middle school made improper advances to me and I am glad my parents didn't just think "oh you know how teenage girls are making up these "stories"......The bias against young girls is amazing on these threads.

 

[missypie]

She could make up a story. He could make an advance. Each could sleep peacefully in a separate room. But why open yourself up to accusations or advances?

And for those of you who think I'm jumping to conclusions (which I haven't - no conclusions other than that they spent the night) - Is your answer to the original question that if he was a family friend, you would give permission to let your teen D spend the night?

 

[Nancyg56]

All she knows is that someone who she doesn't know and may or may not be underage is often at the neighbor's house, who she also doesn't actually know. She doesn't know what is going on. She doesn't know whether the parents are aware of the situation. She doesn't actually know much of anything about this issue.

So, for me, not enough information has been given to make me suspect anyone of anything, with the exception that perhaps the OP should pay less attention to what happens at the neighbor's home.

Actually, that is all that I need to know. The Op asked if any of us would think that there are circumstances that this is appropriate behavior. Nope, can't think of any. This is a recipe for disaster.


As a Mother I am appalled. As an adult who has seen several cases of men accused of sexual misconduct and then later exonerated I am shocked that any man would put himself in this position. It is impossible to undo the damage from that kind of accusation.
And quite frankly, if my husband thought that he was going to spend the night alone in my home with a teenage girl he would find that little idea gone by the wayside very quickly. No way would I open that door for any speculation to affect my family