Would you date a relative?

[Mickeyluver37]

DS goes to school with a 7th cousin and they are always joking about getting married one day. I actually told him that I didn't see a 7th cousin as a problem although they are just joking. I would say 7th is about what I would go with on it being okay.

In my mom's family, however there are 1st cousins who married. I know GROSS, but they've been married now for 50 years and have 3 normal children, of who, 2 are very successful doctors. So I guess it can work even though it's kind of gross.

7th cousin? WOW- wouldn't that mean that their great-great-great-great-great-great grandparents were siblings?

My kids are actually close with a lot of their 2nd cousins- dh has a HUGE family. But I don't know that we even know anyone beyond that. I just met some of my second cousins for the first time this year at a reunion! So, I guess for the ones that have kids- they would be my kids' 3rd cousins. But these aren't people we talk to on a regular basis or would even recognize in a grocery store.

 

[nannerbadnanner]

If you're from Alabama it's ok, anywhere else I'd say no.

Being an Alabama native, my first reaction was to be really offended. Then I remembered that two of my cousins (1st cousin!) dated so I decided to keep my mouth shut. FTR, I have around 70 first cousins and the rest agree that dating a cousin is disgusting.

 

[sahd2one]

Well if you believe that the Creation story is a literal one, everyone is related to each other. So then yes I would date a relative, in fact I am married to one.

 

[KyraS]

The reason they know is because her mom is a geneology geek (no offense meant) and has it all mapped out. Yes it's something like that, great, great, great and so on...........

So really if they married it wouldn't be that big of a deal but they call each other cousin and my son is soooo protective of her in a family way that I don't see it happening.

 

[DMickey28]

Well, after thirty years and one kid, my dh discovered thru his genealogy hobby that he and I are twelfth cousins, twice removed. I think that's sufficient degrees of separation.

Seriously, though, from his genealogy hobby one thing he has learned is that most of us are related to each other in some way or other. So it depends upon the degree of separation with which you are comfortable.

From a biological stand point I think I'd be ok with it from 3rd/4th or 5th cousins and beyond. However if the families where close, knew of each other and participated in family 'things' then I would not be.

 

[daisax]

Most of us probably have dozens (hundreds?) of third cousins, and wouldn't ever realize the connection unless there was equal interest in genealogy back at least 3 generations. (Many people do know their direct line, but not the lines of their great grandparents' siblings) Figure 16 great-great grandparents, then track all their siblings children's children...

It's highly likely that our parents and grandparents, if they lived in ethnically linked communities already married people with that level of relation.

It makes no difference genetically, so if they're perfect strangers, what's the problem?

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm from the South, I think we are related to everyone somehow. I married a Michigan boy for a reason. I'm not about keeping it in the family

 

[smartestnumber5]

I did a poll asking at what degree of cousin-hood two cousins can date with it being "icky": http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2001968.

3rd and 4th cousins got the most vote in the poll, but there were quite a lot of "never" votes--though on average any two random individuals are said to be between 40th and 100th cousins, so really it's all a matter of degree.

 

[Alice's Mom]

Being an Alabama native, my first reaction was to be really offended. Then I remembered that two of my cousins (1st cousin!) dates so I decided to keep my mouth shut. FTR, I have around 70 first cousins and the rest agree that dating a cousin is disgusting.

that's funny, when i first read the original post i thought someone would be offended, but you made it hysterical! by the way, you have 70 1st cousins i have three, all girls, 2 under the age of 10.

i would not date a relative...but ultimately we are related somehow, so i guess you can't help it...never knowingly though.

 

[AuntieM03]

What does once or twice removed mean? I have always wondered that, but nobody I know knew

I did kiss my stepbrother when I was 8 or 9, and he came to stay for the summer

 

[Scurvy]

I think for me 3rd or 4th would probably not be icky, but I'm not sure. I definitely think if you see each other at the annual family reunion you shouldn't be dating. If it takes research to know you are some kind of cousins then I wouldn't think it's a big deal.

And by the way I'm in Alabama and was trying to decide whether to be offended . . . I don't think I know anyone here that is dating their cousin but maybe they just don't broadcast it. I do know someone from Michigan who dated their cousin, though, so apparently it isn't just a southern thing.

 

[chisnpeke]

I think everyone is related in one way or another.

I believe I read somewhere that you can have children with your second cousin without their being any harm to the potential children.

 

[mickeysgal]

Oh ick. Ick. Ick.

At what degree of separation is it to be legal to be married to a cousin?

 

[PaulaSB12]

DS goes to school with a 7th cousin and they are always joking about getting married one day. I actually told him that I didn't see a 7th cousin as a problem although they are just joking. I would say 7th is about what I would go with on it being okay.

In my mom's family, however there are 1st cousins who married. I know GROSS, but they've been married now for 50 years and have 3 normal children, of who, 2 are very successful doctors. So I guess it can work even though it's kind of gross.

Why gross? I know people who have married cousins its not considered at all odd over here.

 

[powellrj]

DS is bestfriends with his great grandfathers sisters great grandson. They were best friends before they knew they were related. This friend has a twin sister and we have always teased him and told him they should hook-up. We just get an eye roll and a gross mom comment.

I am bad at these things and not even sure what they are called....how many removed cousins would they be?

 

[Vijoge]

Third cousin once removed? That's hardly what I'd call a close relative! I know a couple of my second cousins but not any third cousons let alone third cousins once removed.

 

[Vijoge]

Oh ick. Ick. Ick.

At what degree of separation is it to be legal to be married to a cousin?

It varies by state. I think in IL no closer than second cousins unless the couple (cousins) are over fifty, in which case first cousins may marry.

 

[Barb D]

What does once or twice removed mean? I have always wondered that, but nobody I know knew

I did kiss my stepbrother when I was 8 or 9, and he came to stay for the summer

DS is bestfriends with his great grandfathers sisters great grandson. They were best friends before they knew they were related. This friend has a twin sister and we have always teased him and told him they should hook-up. We just get an eye roll and a gross mom comment.

I am bad at these things and not even sure what they are called....how many removed cousins would they be?

The children of your parents' siblings are your FIRST cousins. They share the same GRANDPARENTS.
The grandchildren of your grandparents' siblings are your SECOND cousins. They share the same GREAT-grandparents.
The great-grandchildren of your great-grandparents' siblings are your THIRD cousins. They share the same GREAT-GREAT-grandparents.

The "removeds" come when the generations are different.

My first cousin's children are my first cousins once removed. (They are one generation DOWN from me.) They are my children's second cousins. My children and my cousin's children share the same GREAT-grandparents; their grandparents are siblings.

My mother's first cousins are also my first cousins once removed. (They are one generation UP from me.) Their children are my second cousins. My second cousins and I share the same GREAT-grandparents; our grandparents are siblings.

 

[c4a]

Even though I joke to dh about the "kintucky" thing (being a native Hoosier) & "incest is best...in Kentucky they put their family to the test." I have to say absolutely no. That is just gross. Nor do I know anyone (in Indiana, Kentucky, or Tennessee) who has done this.

 

[AuntieM03]

The children of your parents' siblings are your FIRST cousins. They share the same GRANDPARENTS.
The grandchildren of your grandparents' siblings are your SECOND cousins. They share the same GREAT-grandparents.
The great-grandchildren of your great-grandparents' siblings are your THIRD cousins. They share the same GREAT-GREAT-grandparents.

The "removeds" come when the generations are different.

My first cousin's children are my first cousins once removed. (They are one generation DOWN from me.) They are my children's second cousins. My children and my cousin's children share the same GREAT-grandparents; their grandparents are siblings.

My mother's first cousins are also my first cousins once removed. (They are one generation UP from me.) Their children are my second cousins. My second cousins and I share the same GREAT-grandparents; our grandparents are siblings.

Great explanation-thanks!!!