Would you be offended?

[mefordis]

If i was given a tiny piece I would eat that then go back and grab another piece just to spite the person.

I was thinking, she SHOULD have declined the piece and handed it to the next person in line (her husband, who ended up getting a big ole hunk!) LOL!!! That would have been great. I think the shock just paralyzed her though and she was unable to think.

 

[mefordis]

I think your response to her was just as rude as her being given a smaller piece of cake.

I agree. We patched that up -- I made it better. It is worth noting that my response was in the context of a greater conversation - she was very upset about not being able to lose weight and I just added that living well is the best revenge and use it as motivation for your goals. So there was more said than what I originally posted. But it still should not have even been mentioned, I agree in retrospect!

 

[Dawnlight]

The more I think about this, the more angry I get.

MIL has no idea whether DIL was watching what she ate during the day so that she could allot for an indulgent piece of cake. Even if someone is watching what they eat and are trying to lose weight, it doesn't mean that they are forever restricted from enjoying different foods. That line of thinking, one of complete deprivation of foods, can lead right back to over-eating.

I've had so many types of comments like this from people within my religious community that I stopped attending services because it stressed me out and depressed me to hear remarks about what was or wasn't on my plate every single time I attended community events where food was served. I was sick of people who made comments about how I should stop exercising now that I was thin (huh?!, as if that's the only reason people exercise), people telling me it was okay to eat the cake or other sweets (they had no idea whether this would set me into binge-mode or not, whether I had already had a treat and couldn't afford those extra calories or not, etc...), telling me that they never would have thought I would fit into such and such's jacket (after being loaned one when cold)...

What the heck is wrong with people that they feel they need to make comment or act as this woman did when it comes to others' eating habits?

It doesn't end when one loses the weight; it's only gotten worse for me, and it can be so intensely hurtful.

OP, give your sister a hug from someone who's been there. (and if she is looking for a suggestion of a way to start, one book that helped me a lot was "The End of Overeating" http://www.amazon.com/The-End-Overeating-Insatiable-American/dp/1605294578 )

 

[Nennie]

Her MIL sounds like a horrible person. Many people who struggle with their weight are emotional eaters...so humiliating her by giving her a tiny sliver of cake in front of everyone else probably just made her want to go on an emotional binge.

I'm feel so bad for her!!!

 

[Stitchfans]

I would be. When I serve cake I always ask each person how large a piece they want.

this is exactly what I do also. this way no one is excluded or hurt. that MIL was very rude and very disrespectful. I am very much over weight and my cousin loves to point it out every chance she gets. Often she tries to hurt me and embarrass me in front of others. For example, a while back some of our church members were dressing up as different Bible characters to represent that character in a sermon being made. The sermon being, "Talking with Bible characters" I was Noah's wife.

While we were down stairs going through the trunk picking out our costumes one woman was holding up the clothing pieces for others to choose from. She held up a very large tunic which would have fit several of me in it. My cousin, laughing she said it, grabbed it tossed it at me and said, "oh this will fit Susan fine" The woman a friend of mine, turned red and grabbed it back and handed me a more suitable tunic. Nothing was said, but it sure was a tense moment. Guess there is all sorts of rude, uncaring people walking around, so called family members includes.

 

[ariel71]

I'm surprised people still feed into Art's deliberate efforts to be offensive and cause arguments.

I'm thinking they're trying to be that "wake up call". After all, lots of people don't ask for help, but many need help. Of course, it will probably be as effective as serving someone a small piece of cake.

 

[Jafar30]

I can't speak for others but if that happened to me I wouldn't be offended.

 

[ericstac]

I would of said "you kidding me right?", ate it and then got another piece... or passed that plate on to someone else.. I usually sit quietly waiting for everyone to get their piece then when everyone clears from the counter I cut my own ginormous piece of cake that way I don't have to worry someone got left outs when I kill the rest of it

 

[Dawnlight]

this is exactly what I do also. this way no one is excluded or hurt. that MIL was very rude and very disrespectful. I am very much over weight and my cousin loves to point it out every chance she gets. Often she tries to hurt me and embarrass me in front of others. For example, a while back some of our church members were dressing up as different Bible characters to represent that character in a sermon being made. The sermon being, "Talking with Bible characters" I was Noah's wife.

While we were down stairs going through the trunk picking out our costumes one woman was holding up the clothing pieces for others to choose from. She held up a very large tunic which would have fit several of me in it. My cousin, laughing she said it, grabbed it tossed it at me and said, "oh this will fit Susan fine" The woman a friend of mine, turned red and grabbed it back and handed me a more suitable tunic. Nothing was said, but it sure was a tense moment. Guess there is all sorts of rude, uncaring people walking around, so called family members includes.

That cousin deserves nothing short of a good old-fashioned slap.

 

[minnie mum]

Singling out one person in a social setting as described by the OP is mean spirited, embarrassing, and probably humiliating to the target. It speaks volumes about the lack of empathy in the MIL, as well as her appalling lack of manners. It also speaks volumes about anyone who would derive amusement at the expense of the target. One poster stated that you had to be fat or have been fat to see that particular act as offensive. No, you just need to be a person capable of empathy. And perhaps a smidge of compassion.

I'm too old and cranky to let that kind of passive aggressive bull patty slide. What would i have done in this situation? Although I wouldn't have called her out on it right there and then ( I would hopefully have the self control to take the higher ground), I would definitely have taken her aside at the nearest opportunity for a blunt attitude adjustment. And I would hope my husband (her son) would be there to back me up. The cake itself, and how big a piece I might have actually wanted, isn't really the point. It is the actions of the MIL that is the issue.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I found your story funny. I guess if I were fat, and that happened to me, I would take it as a wake up call. Lots of people don't ask for help, but many need help.

Would you welcome wake up calls when you're behaving or speaking inappropriately?

 

[EMom]

Would you welcome wake up calls when you're behaving or speaking inappropriately?

Thank goodness I didn't have Coke in my mouth when I read that. Spewing on the computer screen is never a good thing.

 

[lustergirl]

Would you welcome wake up calls when you're behaving or speaking inappropriately?

Hey Liberty, better watch it calling someone out for the true spirit they are, you will get points like me

 

[MickeySP]

I'm surprised people still feed into Art's deliberate efforts to be offensive and cause arguments.

I'm surprised when someone doesn't get when you describe them.

 

[rajak73]

It took place at my sister's house, so the mil was the one invited.

More than likely my sister will begin to tread lightly around her mil - this definitely seems to change the way she views her. Perhaps old age has caused her mil to begin doing whatever the heck she wants, with no regard to other's feelings. Maybe she's always had a hard edge to her and now it's coming out.

Don't let MIL cut and serve the cake next time.

 

[ckay87]

Of course somebody's going to be offended, it's 2015, the year to be offended by everything and anything! You know, just like my 9 and 7 years old grandkids, theirs have more frosting than mine, his has more whipped cream than I got, etc. Maybe 2016 will be the year we are not offended by everything, I can only hope!

That's such a boring and cliché sentiment anymore. With respect to this particular story, being polite to one's guests is, in fact, a very traditional and old-fashioned staple of our culture. There is nothing "2015" about etiquette and human decency.

Edited....alright it wasn't at MIL's house. Edit above to state "being polite to other people"

 

[rajak73]

That's such a boring and cliché sentiment anymore. With respect to this particular story, being polite to one's guests is, in fact, a very traditional and old-fashioned staple of our culture. There is nothing "2015" about etiquette and human decency.

Edited....alright it wasn't at MIL's house. Edit above to state "being polite to other people"

They didn't ask if it was polite or not, they asked if they should be "offended" If that would have been the question, the answer would have been, No it's not polite. MIL was being a ...

 

[ckay87]

They didn't ask if it was polite or not, they asked if they should be "offended" If that would have been the question, the answer would have been, No it's not polite. MIL was being a ...

You're not offended when someone is rude (the opposite of polite) to you? Forget it, it's just vocabulary at this point.

 

[cabanafrau]

this is exactly what I do also. this way no one is excluded or hurt. that MIL was very rude and very disrespectful. I am very much over weight and my cousin loves to point it out every chance she gets. Often she tries to hurt me and embarrass me in front of others. For example, a while back some of our church members were dressing up as different Bible characters to represent that character in a sermon being made. The sermon being, "Talking with Bible characters" I was Noah's wife.

While we were down stairs going through the trunk picking out our costumes one woman was holding up the clothing pieces for others to choose from. She held up a very large tunic which would have fit several of me in it. My cousin, laughing she said it, grabbed it tossed it at me and said, "oh this will fit Susan fine" The woman a friend of mine, turned red and grabbed it back and handed me a more suitable tunic. Nothing was said, but it sure was a tense moment. Guess there is all sorts of rude, uncaring people walking around, so called family members includes.

How ugly of her. If you should ever be in that situation again, a lovely response of, "oooh, I see we're on our best behavior, how churchy of you." Shame her a time or two with the light touch that scalds and I bet she'll back off.

 

[DawnM]

Yes, I would be offended. And someone pointing out my weight doesn't motivate me. That's like the parent who tells their kid all the things that are wrong with them......that does NOT motivate, it tears down, builds insecurity, and causes all sorts of issues.

Build people up if you want to motivate them.