Would you be mad/upset? **Update post #23**

[cardaway]

Because my dad had to work so hard to pay child support my visits to see him didn't include much time actually with him. Pretty poor situation but that's the system for you.

 

[SillyMe]

Because my dad had to work so hard to pay child support my visits to see him didn't include much time actually with him. Pretty poor situation but that's the system for you.

How did they figure out his child support? They take a percentage of your pay, no matter how much you earn. I surely don't see dd14's "donor" busting his hump to pay child support. They set the amount on the little bit that he does work. They certainly didn't tell him he has to work harder to pay more.

 

[wvjules]

Well its gotten no better. DD is homesick, scared and miserable. I can hear it in her voice.

She's coming home tomorrow. She wanted me to come get her tonight but as much as I hated to, I told her she had to wait until tomorrow. My cousin lives a couple hours away and is coming to WV tomorrow so she's getting DD and bringing her home with her. Of course if my cousin was unable to get her, I would have driven through the night to get her.

She said that ESM and her dad hit (smack?) the other kids and she's afraid they'll do it to her too. She said she's also afraid that they'll throw her out like they did last time. My heart is breaking. I will not be able to sleep tonight. As soon as my cousin has DD in the car she's to call me.

I'm taking off Friday We'll do whatever she wants to do that day. I have some ideas but the decision will be hers.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow, I am glad that your DD will be coming home tomorrow!

I did want to say, however, that as hard as this is for you as her mom, remember, aren't girls this age often drama-queens. I guess I am just saying (to everyone here) to be very careful about jumping too quicky to comment. It may not be nearly as bad as the DD has made it out to be???

 

[Wishing on a star]

Because my dad had to work so hard to pay child support my visits to see him didn't include much time actually with him. Pretty poor situation but that's the system for you.

I really don't mean to hijack this thread, but all I can say is

WOW, what a complete and utter travesty, your dad had to actually work and be productive in order to support his child.

Did he lay some kind of huge guilt trip on you and your mom or what!!!

Your dad made his decisions and set his priorities....

 

[wvjules]

Sure she has her drama-queen moments but I honestly dont' believe this is one of those times. She was so excited to go see him. You could hear it in her voice how miserable/sad/upset she is.

 

[Belle0101]

If the court says he gets the visitation, then he gets the visitation and there is nothing she can do about it. Sucks, but that's the way it is.

Jules, how old is your daughter? Can you petition the court to try to stop the July visitation since he hasn't bothered with her for 4 years? They might take that into consideration and at least shorten the visitation. I would've been livid about the stick incident!!

ETA: You were posting while I was posting...lol. I see her age now.

I'm gonna have to go with SillyMe on this one. If the Courts ordered it then that's the way it has to be. Straight from our counties guidelines "Court Orders regarding parenting time must be followed by both parents". If those orders aren't followed then the parent who interferred with the visitation may be penalized, those penalties being a fine, imprisonment and / or community service.

So how to lessen DD father's time? Lay out your concerns in a letter to him and ask that he agree to less time, all in writing.

If he doesn't voluntarily agree then get a good family law lawyer. Tell him your concerns, that you tried to negotiate with him and it failed. Ask him to petition the Courts.

Don't take the law into your own hands because you don't want to be taken into Court with him saying that you refused to allow visitation. You don't want him in Court saying that he loves his DD, wants a relationship, has half-siblings, a step-mom, extended family and they all love her and want to be involved in her life but you won't allow it.

Fortunately / unfortunately I have lots of experience with Family Law ... post here or PM me if you want to.

 

[Keli]

I'm sorry that your dd's visit didn't go as well as you'd both hoped. Unless your dd had her heart set of spending the whole month of July with her dad I think I'd break that up into two visits with a short visit home inbetween. It just seems too long for a child to be away from home with virtual strangers.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I would say that based on the past physical abuse with your child (that hickory switch is WAY over the line) and the current spanking of the other children I would say that you may be able to go back to get another visitation order. There is some emergency relief. I would speak to your attorney or call the family court this morning and explain what's happening.
Best of luck with everything. I'm so sorry that this is working out this way.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Well its gotten no better. DD is homesick, scared and miserable. I can hear it in her voice.

She's coming home tomorrow. She wanted me to come get her tonight but as much as I hated to, I told her she had to wait until tomorrow. My cousin lives a couple hours away and is coming to WV tomorrow so she's getting DD and bringing her home with her. Of course if my cousin was unable to get her, I would have driven through the night to get her.

She said that ESM and her dad hit (smack?) the other kids and she's afraid they'll do it to her too. She said she's also afraid that they'll throw her out like they did last time. My heart is breaking. I will not be able to sleep tonight. As soon as my cousin has DD in the car she's to call me.

I'm taking off Friday We'll do whatever she wants to do that day. I have some ideas but the decision will be hers.

WOW!!!!

They threw her out?

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I know this has to be really agonizing. I think it has to be hard enough to deal with something like this when the kid is across town - to have her so far away and try to deal with this is enough to drive any parent insane.

I don't know what to tell you about summer Jules. They are right in saying that if the Court papers state he has her in July, then if he pushes the issue he gets her in July. It is possible that he won't consider the issue worth fighting over if you talk to him, it is worth a try.

I know it is terrible to have to go back to Court over this again, but if Kendra is really insistent on not being with him, that is possibly what it is going to require. I think that the older she gets, the more and more the Judge will be willing to listen to her feelings on that living arrangement.

 

[aprincessmom]

Jules... to you and Kendra. It sucks to see someone they love cause them so much pain. My DD is close to the same age as yours and it just breaks my heart to see her having to come the realization that, as much as she loves her father, she's really not a priority to him nor is she really any part of his life and that nothing she does -- no matter how good she behaves or how much effort she puts into trying to be part of his life -- will change that.

I guess it falls up to us to love them even more...luckily that is so easy to do

Hugs to you both.

 

[aprincessmom]

I know it is terrible to have to go back to Court over this again, but if Kendra is really insistent on not being with him, that is possibly what it is going to require. I think that the older she gets, the more and more the Judge will be willing to listen to her feelings on that living arrangement.

BTW...we are doing this now with my DD and her dad. The process is really arduous and hard on everyone but I think it will work out for the best in the end.

 

[kilee]

I didn't get a chance to read everything. I just know we went through a similar situation. My ex was always busy and constantly leaving our son w/ his girlfriend. Who was actually a really nice person. Only she had no kids and resented being a built in babysitter, and ds resented seeing her all the time rather than his dad. Ended up the GF and my ds couldn't stand one another. When he got old enough he brought it up w/ his dad himself. He was about 11, and basically said if his dad couldn't spend the time w/ him, he didn't want to bother going to his house.
Now, maybe your ex could take your dd when he takes a weeks vacation. It's not fair to make her go away to spend a lot of time w/ her step-mom rather than her dad.

 

[kilee]

Out of curiosity how does her dad feel about her leaving early and her not wanting to be there?

 

[SillyMe]

Jules... to you and Kendra. It sucks to see someone they love cause them so much pain. My DD is close to the same age as yours and it just breaks my heart to see her having to come the realization that, as much as she loves her father, she's really not a priority to him nor is she really any part of his life and that nothing she does -- no matter how good she behaves or how much effort she puts into trying to be part of his life -- will change that.

I guess it falls up to us to love them even more...luckily that is so easy to do

Hugs to you both.