Would you be mad at your spouse for this?

[Jennifer S]

Giving you a surprise party for your birthday? My Dh is such a great guy. He is always giving to others, never wants anything for himself. Well he made my 40th birthday so wonderful that I decided to throw him a surprise party for his. I never know what to get him. So I thought instead of presents just to throw him a party.

He insist he wants to do nothing and wants no presents. He is quite adamant. Would you be mad if you really wanted nothing and your spouse threw you a party?

I don't see how he could be but I'm starting to wonder. Thoughts?

 

[NY Disney fan]

I threw my mom a surprise 60th b-day party in April and she positively ripped me a new one. I'll never understand it.

 

[bumbershoot]

I don't like surprises or surprise parties. My husband loves them and thinks that if he keeps giving surprise parties to me I'll grow to love them. I haven't and I won't, and yes, I got mad at him for the last one. My friends know I don't like them, and very few of them come to them (making it pathetic)...I just hope he gets with the program someday soon!

 

[Jennifer S]

My DH has NEVER had a party as long as I have known him (20 years). So it's not like he would really know what it's like. I am just so excited. I invited his college roomates who he never sees. How can he be mad at spending time with friends?

Maybe he's just saying he wants nothing. i don't know.

 

[Va-bear]

Everyone's different but my husband would be really, really mad at me - and he has almost no temper at all..... BUT, part of the reason he has never had a party in the 22 yrs we've been together is he doesnt like them (he doesn't like to be the center of attention), plain and simple. The party itself might not upset him as much as thinking about how I hadn't listened to him....

Anyway, hope that it goes well and tell him we all say happy b-day!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Why doesn't he want gifts? Is it the expense? If so, I'd make him king for a day without spending much money. Make a crown for him to wear, serve him breakfast in bed, let him lounge on the sofa with the remote and a beer / smoothie, etc.

If it's because he already has too much or everything he needs, could you arrange a surprise party with his friends at a local pub. Specify no gifts or if guests insist, you could ask them to all bring a book they read that they think he'd like or a movie, etc.

I wouldn't get angry, but my husband might - he just doesn't like to be the focus at an event, that's why I thought the king for a day thing would be nice for him.

 

[horseshowmom]

My DH has NEVER had a party as long as I have known him (20 years). So it's not like he would really know what it's like. I am just so excited. I invited his college roomates who he never sees. How can he be mad at spending time with friends?

Maybe he's just saying he wants nothing. i don't know.

I can't say what's best, but I'm one of those "not a party" kind of people. I would NEVER get mad at my husband for trying to surprise me, and I would certainly act like I was having a good time, but it wouldn't be the way I wanted to spend my birthday. Everybody's different though...

 

[tazdev3225]

My DH tried to give me a "surprise" party 2 years ago, I gave him a list of friends, relatives etc. He lost it and I actually invited my aunt the day before. This year we are surprising him with a huge party and even though he may suspect something the kids and I will catch him off guard and he will be thrilled. He never had things like that as a kid. My grandmom gave him his only cake for his 20th birthday. We had just started dating and I didn't know it was his birthday. When we got to my gram's I asked her if she had anything we could use and thankfully she had a choc. cupcake. He had the hugest smile, even his own mother gave him nothing.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I would hate to be given a surprise party. I found my showers very awkward.

My mother said for years, quite adamantly, "Don't throw us a party for our 50th anniversary". Then, my SIL did, and my mother was SO impressed with her.

 

[Jennifer S]

well it's too late - the party is next Saturday at our house. He loves parties - esp. outside summer ones. We throw an annual Christmas party. He just doesn't like to be the center of attention. I'm hoping after the initial shock he'll be fine. My friends just said keep giving him his beer and he'll be fine

 

[shirleyb]

Yes, I would. I am like your DH - I want no fuss. If my spouse knew this, and did not respect my wishes, I would be mad, because I would feel like he knew me so little to realize how uncomfortable that would make me.

 

[Jpgirl]

My husband knows I hate surprises and threw me a suprise party for my 40th. Yea I was mad. First off he got me out of the house by asking me to take FIL to see Titanic-Ugh I had already seen it and I liked the movie but hated the length and the last thing I wanted to do on my birthday is waste half a day in a movie theater. The party was ok and I couldn't be mad but I hate hate being the center of attention.
So fast forward 10 years- he knew the surprise party thing would NOT fly again-but wanted to do something nice. So he told me that he wanted to have a get together with friends for my 50th and I could help plan or not. So I told him who I wanted there and he took care of the rest. We requested no gifts and for everyone to come and celebrate 50 years of life and the future.
So I don't know what to tell you except I wish my dh had respected my "No surprises" on my 40th. I think you know your dh best but if it were me I'd respect his wishes-or bring him into the planning

 

[Master Mason]

If I had asked you not to do something and you did it anyway, I would not be happy about it. I don't know if mad is the right word, probably more like disapointed.

 

[daisax]

If someone I had told I didn't want a party threw me one, I'd walk out.

Okay, maybe not, but it would be A Very Big Deal, and I would question why my wishes didn't matter.

 

[pyrxtc]

I hate surprises and surprise parties even more. My Ex MIL threw me a surprise wedding shower and I was so ill that day and didn't even want to get out of the house but was told we were dropping off a gift for a friends shower but letting them know how awful I felt. I was mad when I found out it for me. Of course I had to stay.....

 

[tigercat]

I threw a surprise party for my dh's 50th. He has always said that he didn't need anything ect... I had wanted a party for my 40th for several reasons, and what I got was nothing. My birthday wasn't even acknowledged. I was so upset. So I figured since I didn't get what I wanted I wouldn't give him what he wanted. Go figure...he loved it and had a blast. He also had NO idea that a party was in the works for him. I didn't know how he didn't know but I guess he is a guy... I catered the whole thing and there were 50 people there. To this day he says that that was the best birthday he had.
tigercat

 

[EdiePA]

my EX did this to me for my 30th (we were still together) and I was so upset. Why can't a spouse respect the other enough to listen to their wishes?

Edie

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Well my Dh did throw me a surprise party one year. It was for my 30th birthday although I don't know why because I kept telling him I was really 25. I do not like people doing anything for me. I would not even have a birthday cake if I didn't have to. However my DH felt that I should be celebrated. Not only did he put together a huge party for me but he also rented out a spa for the day for me and my Mom to have a mother daughter spa day (our birthday is in the same month). That was how he got me out of the house so he could get it ready for the guests. I was totally surprised and while I would never ask for a present for myself for anything I was extremely touched that my dh felt that I was worth it. He worked so hard and it meant so much to me. So personally I would throw the party. Getting people together to celebrate someone is a great thing to do. I would throw the party.

 

[mrsv98]

I innocently helped DH's coworkers throw a BDay party for him at work and he was furious! I think it was just work because his sister and I threw one for him for his 35th and his Dad's 70th and that was fine. Go figure

 

[breezy1077]

well it's too late - the party is next Saturday at our house. He loves parties - esp. outside summer ones. We throw an annual Christmas party. He just doesn't like to be the center of attention. I'm hoping after the initial shock he'll be fine. My friends just said keep giving him his beer and he'll be fine

That was going to be my suggestion. It's a stretch for an analogy, but DH always said he never wanted to go to Disney, but he now loves is almost as much as me. Just let yourself have a good time.

remember - noone is resposible for anyone's "good time" but themselves. A mantra that has helped me relax when throwing parties. And, chances are, if you're having a good time - he'll probably loosen up.