Would you be mad at your spouse for this?

[Mkrop]

When my friends all turned 30, it was one surprise party after another. I begged DH NOT to throw me one, well my mom and my BF told him that must not be what I wanted, even though I told them both as well .

SO DH said he would handle inviting everyone and BF had her house and the food, except DH had a bad time at work and one of our cars died. He didnt call anyone until Thurs and everyone had plans (bday is in the summer so eveyone goes down the shore etc)

So we go, I think it is a party for BF's DD as we are born on the same day. I was so mad that it was for me and then it stunk that no one showed, I was so embarrassed.

I was mad that no one who cared about me LISTENED to me!

 

[SydneyBristow]

No way would I be mad at someone for going through the trouble to throw me a party, especially my husband. I'd be touched & grateful that he spent all that time and effort planning it.

Hope you have a great time!

 

[Mic_n_Min]

I would not like it if my dh threw me a surprise party after I had asked him not to. He tried to throw me a party that I would know about for my 35th bday 2 weeks ago. I asked him not to and he respected my wishes. I could tell he really wanted to do this for me, which was very sweet, but I really didn't want to cook, clean or have all of the attention put on me.

 

[akhenaten]

well it's too late - the party is next Saturday at our house. He loves parties - esp. outside summer ones. We throw an annual Christmas party. He just doesn't like to be the center of attention. I'm hoping after the initial shock he'll be fine. My friends just said keep giving him his beer and he'll be fine

I'll bet he will be fine!! Especially is it is casual..... his friends will make him comfortable....

The first few minutes may be chaotic ....but he will be fine....

Let us know how it goes!!

 

[BethID]

I would be very mad. I also hate being the center of attention. Now, if my DH wanted to wisk me away for a long weekend trip for a specail birthday I would be all for that!

 

[lvanleer]

Well, my DH wasn't my DH at the time however when I turned 23 he planned dinner out and miniature golf....All day I was looking forward to just the two of us having dinner however he ended planning a surprise party at the restaurant...the way I found out was when we arrived at the restaurant I overheard the hostess confirm the # of guests expected(I believe 6 or 7)....consequently I was a little upset with him although I did end up enjoying myself....I still tease him about it occasionally.

 

[Handbag Lady]

See, I have the opposite problem. My husband hates parties and I love them. Nothing would make me happier than to have a 40th Surprise party with my friends and family there.

I'm not holding out hope but I do know SOMETHING is going on as he's asked me to take time off from work and said I'm going to really, really like it.

I have faith in him but I don't want my friends to feel excluded from my birthday, but I know no matter what, he's going to knock himself silly making me happy.

Now if I did a surprise party for him, he'd kill me! He likes low key, so we're going to WDW for him.

I think if you did a party with his best buddies and only people he liked, maybe he'd be okay with it. Or, tell him he's having a party and who gets an invite?

 

[TomLovesBecky]

I have known a few people to be mad about surprise parties, some out of severe social anxiety and some out of sheer ungratefulness. Depends on the person. I would be totally thrilled with a surprise party, though! But have never told anyone not to throw me one, because I would love it!

 

[bumbershoot]

Sorry but I think that was terrible of her.

I don't. She said she didn't want one. He "surprised" her anyway. He's the rude one in this scenario, not her.

I'm with twinsinCA here.

Although there are times that it's good for adults to just suck it up and deal with what's going on, especially on one's birthday one shouldn't be expected to just deal with what people are doing! If there's ONE day a year where we should be able to do what we want it's that day.

OP I don't know why you asked the question when everything is planned. The time to ask for peoples' opinions was before you planned it. I hope your hubby likes it, but the responses you've gotten will show you that there are *plenty* of people who don't want a surprise party, and will see it as a problem in the relationship when their stated wishes were ignored by the one who is supposed to love them the most.

 

[Jennifer S]

OP here - I am shocked by the amount of people who would be mad. I guess it's my personality. I love parties. DH threw me a surprise party when I turned 30. I thought i owed him one too. Didn't want to wait until 50 so I thought 40 was perfect.

He'd never walk out. It's only his closest friends and his brother. It's a night of memories. Making a new one and living some old ones with friends. I made him a beautiful DVD of his life. I think it's going to be a very nice night. His college roomate who he never sees is spending the night.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

OP here - I am shocked by the amount of people who would be mad. I guess it's my personality. I love parties. DH threw me a surprise party when I turned 30. I thought i owed him one too. Didn't want to wait until 50 so I thought 40 was perfect.

He'd never walk out. It's only his closest friends and his brother. It's a night of memories. Making a new one and living some old ones with friends. I made him a beautiful DVD of his life. I think it's going to be a very nice night. His college roomate who he never sees is spending the night.

It sounds awesome!!!!!! You guys are going to have a great time!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I'm with twinsinCA here.

Although there are times that it's good for adults to just suck it up and deal with what's going on, especially on one's birthday one shouldn't be expected to just deal with what people are doing! If there's ONE day a year where we should be able to do what we want it's that day.

OP I don't know why you asked the question when everything is planned. The time to ask for peoples' opinions was before you planned it. I hope your hubby likes it, but the responses you've gotten will show you that there are *plenty* of people who don't want a surprise party, and will see it as a problem in the relationship when their stated wishes were ignored by the one who is supposed to love them the most.

Um it's a party. No need to rethink your entire relationship over it.

 

[CajunDixie]

I'd be highly po'd! One day a year a person should get to do what they want but someone comes along and decides what is good for them. Bahhh Humbug! Let the birthday boy decide what he wants to do, it's HIS day! If someone gave me a video of my life at 40 I'd ask them if I had been diagnosed with a terminal disease. Seriously I would think I must be hours away from being buried 6 ft under.

 

[mumom95]

I'm not one who likes to be the center of attention, but it isn't like at parties everyone is going to sit around just stare at the birthday boy all night long. He'll be the center of attention for the first few minutes, then for a few minutes while you do the cake and sing happy birthday and beyond that it'll just be an occasion for your closest friends and family to mingle.

Unless he has specifically said absolutely no parties, where there is no doubt in your mind that he doesn't want one, then I think you'll be fine. It sounds like you've got a nice, not over the top evening planned.

Wish your dh a happy birthday from those of us on the DIS!!

 

[jimmalru80]

No. I would not be mad. I had my 50th birthday in February and wanted nothing. To me, it's just another day. And it was in our house. Parties mean zero for me.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I'm not one who likes to be the center of attention, but it isn't like at parties everyone is going to sit around just stare at the birthday boy all night long. He'll be the center of attention for the first few minutes, then for a few minutes while you do the cake and sing happy birthday and beyond that it'll just be an occasion for your closest friends and family to mingle.

Unless he has specifically said absolutely no parties, where there is no doubt in your mind that he doesn't want one, then I think you'll be fine. It sounds like you've got a nice, not over the top evening planned.

Wish your dh a happy birthday from those of us on the DIS!!

I totally thought the same thing! At my party it wasn't like I sat on a throne and everyone was at my feet hanging on my every word for 4 hours! I walked in- they screamed surprise. I said OMG! Then went and said hello to everyone and socialized. They sang HB to me and then back to socializing. Same as any party I have ever attended.

 

[Judy from Boise]

Yup, put me firmly in the "if you completely ignore my expressed wishes, we have to evaluate this relationship" camp. I wouldn't view it as "just a party" but rather disrespect and a little patronizing.

Now in the OP's specific circumstances, I wish you all the luck in the world and hope your husband is happily suprised.

 

[disykat]

[/B]

Um it's a party. No need to rethink your entire relationship over it.

I agree with the statement that some people would be disappointed that their closest loved one ignored their wishes. I think it WOULD BE UNUSUAL if it didn't make people rethink their relationship. Forgiveable, yes, but certainly upsetting if you feel you aren't being listened to in your closest relationship.

I see women on this board all the time crying about how their loved ones didn't GUESS what they wanted. They actually get sympathy from some. Now we have someone telling their spouse exactly what they wanted (or didn't want in this case) and many think it's fine to ignore them and do want THEY want.

If I were the OP, I'd tell my husband what was coming to take the surprise element out of it.

I've had surprise parties and I've been a good sport because I know it was a sign that the people who planned them just didn't know me very well and may have thought they were doing it for my pleasure. ( Actually I think they just thought it would be fun and didn't stop to think that I might not) I would have questions if my dh did it.

When I talk about my 40th birthday, I still say I went to Las Vegas with my husband. That is where I went to avoid a party, but some insisted on doing it early. They even did it on Halloween. I can't stand Halloween and everyone knows it. And yes, I was uncomfortable with the photo montage of my life. I hate having my picture taken and having them displayed was uncomfortable. I "took my medicine" and was pleasant about everything, but it does still make me uncomfortable to even think about it - because it was exactly what I had tried to avoid and said I didn't want.

I don't think anyone is saying this is "deal breaker" stuff. The OP asked if anyone would be mad and some of us can honestly say yes.

 

[Tasha+Scott]

Neither dh nor I would be comfortable with a party for our b-days...especially a surprise party. We are just not comfortable being the center of attention. We both prefer an intimate evening out, either just the 2 of us, or with our child as well. It's just the way we are. It's certainly nothing personal.

However, if dh threw me a surprise party I don't think I'd really be overly mad. I would probably be more embarrassed than anything and I might even say something afterwards and ask that he never do it again. But I would not be all that mad. I think he would be the same way because that's also just how we are. Thankfully we both do realize how much the other would not be thrilled with the idea so I don't forsee this ever being an issue. I doubt I'd ever throw him a surprise party unless he brought it up (though that will probably never happen!) because I know how uncomfortable it would make him.

I admit I also was uncomfortable at both my wedding shower and baby shower. I was excited that people were nice enough to throw those for me and I really appreciated it but I just hate being the center of attention so it was a little uncomfortable for me initially. I had fun after the first awkward few minutes though.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Would I be mad if I specifically told DH that I didn't want X and he went ahead and thrust it upon me anyway?

Yeah.