Would you be comfortable letting your spouse carpool to work alone....

[LaraK]

I guess this is one where I really don't get it. Of course, it helps that my husband is far to lazy to go through having an affair. I love him dearly, but he'll tell you himself that he prefers computers to people because he doesn't have to talk to them.

 

[Tiggernut_jadie]

I wouldn't have a problem with this at all - my DH usually commutes using public transport but there is a woman who lives close to us who works in the same building and if she sees DH standing waiting for the bus she gives him a lift. At one point last year she seemed to be always leaving at the same time as DH and we joked that she was 'planning' it due to his wit, charm and undoubted good looks!!!! Sriously it was no problem as I trust my DH 100%!

On the other question - about lunch 'dates' - I'm the one who's guilty of this more than DH. I work with a mixture of men and women and personally find it easier to get on with the men. The women at our place can be so snarky about others and from how they talk about others as they leave the room I'd bet any money they do the same about me. I won't join in their daily 'b*****ness' so prefer to eat with my male co-workers. One guy in particular is on my wavelength and we have a great laugh. there is absolutly NOTHING romantic or sexual about it, we just have fun. My DH knows all about this and has no issues....nor would I expect him to!

 

[liamsaunt]

Gas is so expensive right now, I think you would both really benefit!

I would not have an issue with this. My married Dsis used to commute alone with a man (also married) before she became a SAHM. Her DH was fine with it.

 

[CEDmom]

That is what would be my concern about spending 3 hours each day alone with someone. Unless you really didn't much care for the person's personality and were strictly trying to save money and just "putting up" with your carpool partner, it seems like it would be easy for the conversation to turn to such topics during 15 hours alone in the car each week. A 30 minute commute is one thing, but this is hours and hours a week.

Not that the OP shouldn't do this. It all depends on how exactly they "click" with each other. If it's strictly business and small talk, then fine. But after a while, the subject of the weather, the kids, the house, runs out of steam. Then they either have to learn to ride along in silence, or start talking about other more personal stuff. Too much "clicking" (even in just the friendship way ) would be weird and is what could potentially lead to too close of a friendship.

You can carry on a lengthy/friendly conversation that doesn't touch on things like your relationship with your spouse. Honestly if you live in the same town as the other person that gives you even more things to talk about.

 

[Briarmom]

I wouldn't have a problem unless the woman was hotter than I am.
Is your boss hot?

 

[disykat]

I voted "no" because it said "comfortable" not "let." No, I wouldn't be particularly comfortable with my dh spending 3 hours a day of social time (not busy working, just chit chatting as they drive) with another woman. Frankly, I'd be jealous of that. We sometimes have a hard time finding time to spend together. It would be hard knowing he was talking to her about his day, etc., not me.

 

[KristaTX]

You can carry on a lengthy/friendly conversation that doesn't touch on things like your relationship with your spouse. Honestly if you live in the same town as the other person that gives you even more things to talk about.

I agree. If both people played by those rules, then it could potentially be a non-issue. But I still wouldn't do it, and wouldn't want DH to. But different families work different ways. There is the potential for nothing "bad" to happen in this situation, but there is the potential for sparks to fly as well. Just to be on the safe side, DH and I would choose not to put ourselves in that position. In fact without even talking to me about it, my husband has made that decision before.

It's fine for other people not to make the same choice as us, though . I am just pointing out that this is not a black and white issue, which is what it sounds like some here seem to think. There are many factors for each person/couple to consider.

 

[RachaelRol]

That is what would be my concern about spending 3 hours each day alone with someone. Unless you really didn't much care for the person's personality and were strictly trying to save money and just "putting up" with your carpool partner, it seems like it would be easy for the conversation to turn to such topics during 15 hours alone in the car each week. A 30 minute commute is one thing, but this is hours and hours a week.

Not that the OP shouldn't do this. It all depends on how exactly they "click" with each other. If it's strictly business and small talk, then fine. But after a while, the subject of the weather, the kids, the house, runs out of steam. Then they either have to learn to ride along in silence, or start talking about other more personal stuff. Too much "clicking" (even in just the friendship way ) would be weird and is what could potentially lead to too close of a friendship.

If I am completely honest I'd have to totally agree. DH would agree too, so we're perfectly okay.

 

[RachaelRol]

I voted "no" because it said "comfortable" not "let." No, I wouldn't be particularly comfortable with my dh spending 3 hours a day of social time (not busy working, just chit chatting as they drive) with another woman. Frankly, I'd be jealous of that. We sometimes have a hard time finding time to spend together. It would be hard knowing he was talking to her about his day, etc., not me.

What she said!

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

I voted yes, not a problem. If my husband carpooled with someone and chose to have an affair, I wouldn't want him as a husband and our marriage would have been a lie. Either a person will cheat or they won't. If my marriage was so bad that I would want to have an affair with someone, I would just get a divorce.

I have worked closely with a male coworker for years. He is now divorced. If we chose to carpool together, that would not make me more likely to have an affair with him. I would never cheat on my husband, and hopefully my husband will never cheat on me. If he spent several hours a day carpooling with someone, I don't think that would change his commitment to our marriage. If it did, I wouldn't want him any way.

 

[CEDmom]

I agree. If both people played by those rules, then it could potentially be a non-issue. But I still wouldn't do it, and wouldn't want DH to. But different families work different ways. There is the potential for nothing "bad" to happen in this situation, but there is the potential for sparks to fly as well. Just to be on the safe side, DH and I would choose not to put ourselves in that position. In fact without even talking to me about it, my husband has made that decision before.

It's fine for other people not to make the same choice as us, though . I am just pointing out that this is not a black and white issue, which is what it sounds like some here seem to think. There are many factors for each person/couple to consider.

Personally I wouldn't carpool and neither would DH but it has nothing to do with worrying about what the other is doing. We each look at the drive as our time to decompress and be by ourselves. We arrive home much happier that way. If I had to make idle chit chat constantly I'd go crazy.

 

[KaitlinsMom]

I vote no -

Someone that I use to work with did this and ended up having an affair, eventually leaving her husband for the carpool guy -

 

[Mermaid02]

Truly- how many men/women who find out their spouse is having an affair say, "I totally saw that coming...." NOBODY thinks their spouse is going to cheat on them.... that being said, I don't want to depend on anyone else for my ride to/from work and I dont' want to be responsible for someone else getting to/from work. No carpooling for us.

 

[Va-bear]

I vote no -

Someone that I use to work with did this and ended up having an affair, eventually leaving her husband for the carpool guy -

You lose me with this argument. My friend had an affair with the guy who worked at the grocery store.... so, should I stop buying groceries.
Should I also not drive because some people I know have been in car accidents? People have affairs at many places/times, all the time.....these are people who are CHOOSING to have an affair. We all hope it will not be our spouse, and try to choose a good one accordingly, but you can't let the possibility of an affair make you miss out on life, or not do "normal" things because it "might" lead to an affair. Your spouse deserves your trust until they prove you wrong - at which point you have a bigger problem to deal with. You have to have trust and peace....

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'd have no problem with either one.

 

[HaleyB]

No.

Perhaps the word trust needs to be explored, I think feeling uncomfortable with you carpooling with someone of the opposite sex is the very opposite of trust. If there is no lack of trust, what is the possible issue? It takes two to tango.

Same thing on the lunch question.

 

[Dr Pepsi]

Being uncomfortable with the idea doesn't mean you lack trust for your SO. I wouldn't be involved with someone I didn't trust.

However, I do believe in being realistic. Something like half of married men admit affairs and the numbers for women are not far behind. I wouldn't object to my husband having women friends, but I would object to him spending 3 hours alone every day with a woman who is not me unless it was necessary (i.e. it's necessary to work with females. It's not necessary to ride for 3 hours a day alone in a car with one).

I wouldn't object to my husband having lunch alone with a female coworker, but I would object if he had lunch alone with the same one every day, unless she was a family friend and I knew her well.

Now, I'd never forbid my husband from doing something - he's a responsible adult after all - but hopefully my husband would consider my feelings (as I would his) when making these sorts of decisions.

 

[OceanAnnie]

That is what would be my concern about spending 3 hours each day alone with someone. Unless you really didn't much care for the person's personality and were strictly trying to save money and just "putting up" with your carpool partner, it seems like it would be easy for the conversation to turn to such topics during 15 hours alone in the car each week. A 30 minute commute is one thing, but this is hours and hours a week.

Not that the OP shouldn't do this. It all depends on how exactly they "click" with each other. If it's strictly business and small talk, then fine. But after a while, the subject of the weather, the kids, the house, runs out of steam. Then they either have to learn to ride along in silence, or start talking about other more personal stuff. Too much "clicking" (even in just the friendship way ) would be weird and is what could potentially lead to too close of a friendship.

I agree! Plus I wouldn't want to be with my boss for 3 hours. When I'm off work, I'm off work. Thankyouverymuch.

 

[Poohnatic]

For about a year, my boss at a previous job and I carpooled. He lived around the corner from me and we both opened the store on Mondays, so it made sense.

I loved it, and I think he enjoyed it, too. We got to bounce ideas off each other that we probably wouldn't have discussed otherwise. It was great.

Suzanne

 

[DMickey28]

Going out to lunch a few times a week with a group of co-workers or even a single co-worker who is the opposite sex is one thing.

Going out to lunch everyday with the SAME opposite sex co-worker is a different story in my book. If that is the same co-worker you are spending an additional 3 hours a day alone in the car with, you are then spending at least 4 hours a day with that person with next to nothing interferring with your time. I think it's totally natural that it's possible feelings could develop. Great conversation, no stress, no pressure to feed and bathe the kids, especially for a male who has a woman that is talking WITH him and not AT him to get things done in the house.

To me it's similar to letting teenagers have co-ed sleep overs etc. Sure if they want to have sex they will regardless. Why make it easier? Why set up the breeding ground for something to happen? Marriages have ups and down as a PP said. A great week with the traveling co-worker and a hard week at home could be the beginning of a disaster no one saw coming.