Would you be comfortable letting your spouse carpool to work alone....

[Texa]

I'm so glad suspicion and jealousy aren't part of my marriage. I can't be bothered with that kind of petty BS.

You can call it whatever you want, but when you are calculating the risk that your husband/wife/SO might stray, if given X opportunity, then you don't trust that person 100%. AND, I might add, 75% of people have poorly-matched or otherwise unhappy marriages, so perhaps that suspicion is prudent for the majority of couples. Thankfully, I am not part of that group. My husband would NEVER cheat. I am totally secure in the fact that he could ride to work with whomever he wanted, every day of his life, and never feel the need to rip her clothes off and jump her--no matter how attractive or interesting or available she was. And, if he ever DID cheat (for the sake of argument), then my reaction would not be to fall to pieces and think that my life was ruined. I have way more self-esteem than that. I wouldn't blame myself for "allowing" him to carpool with the office tramp! More along the lines of, good riddance to bad rubbish! If your spouse is going to cheat on you just because he is "granted" a little bit of freedom, then what kind of marriage did you really have? The answer isn't pretty. I think it's sad that not every woman on this thread can say the same.

This has NOTHING to do with thinking my life is perfect, and everything to do with me being 100% secure in my choice of a mate and confident in his love and RESPECT for me. If I didn't trust him enough to carpool with a member of the opposite sex, I wouldn't have married him. My standards are MUCH higher than that. PERIOD.

WOW!

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't consider myself naive either. I am quite well aware that life cantake many twists and turns, some good, some bad, most of them unexpected.

I just don't choose to worry about things I cannot control. Perhaps my attitude is fatalistic. Perhaps I have just been fortunate. Perhaops the future will prove me woefully wrong and I will live to eat my words.

I prefer to think the best of my husband, to assume that our marriage means as much to him as it does to me, so that he would not thow it away.

I'll answer the OP's original question and then step away, because it seems to me as if the horse we are beating is pretty dead.

Yes, I would be comfortable with my husband carpooling alone to work with a female co-worker. It wouldn't bother me. I would consider it practical and environmentally conscious.

And if he ended up having an affair because he was so overcome by love, lust, emotions and whatever else, then I would wish him well on his journey, leave and move on with my own life.

I just can't expend the energy to be worried about all the encounters my husband has with women as all being "potentials".

 

[Dr Pepsi]

I think some of you are misunderstanding what the anti-carpool (for lack of a better word) people are saying. It's not about carpooling or working with other women. Really, it's not.

A lot of us don't think that it's a good idea for our spouses to spend 3 hours a day alone (as in without any other people around) with a person of the opposite sex outside of work (as in not at work).

If this wasn't a work situation, can you honestly tell me you'd be happy about your spouse spending 3 hours a day, every day, hanging out alone with a person of the opposite sex? Even if you say yes, I don't think you are being truthful.

It's not a question of trust. Or measuring each situation to try to determine the cheating possibility "factor". It's a question of a spouse keeping him/herself out of inappropriate situations. Obviously what is inappropriate will vary between marriages, but it's not like it's a totally bizarre screwed up thing if you don't want your spouse spending 3 hours alone everyday (outside of work) with a person of the opposite sex.

 

[Linzybrooke]

I wouldn't mind. My husband and I trust each other explicitly.

This seemed appropriate for this thread.

The Good Husband

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Party. Jack
is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all.
He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.
As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a
couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to
them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of
him, all clean and pressed.

He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly
clean. So is the rest of the house

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at
him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of
the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his
wife in lipstick : "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get
groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight.

I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming
hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son.. what
happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind You fell over
the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got
that black eye when you ran into the door. Confused, he asked his son, "So,
why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and When she
tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing , at the right time.


PRICELESS

 

[Mkrop]

That story was funny

I guess I see carpooling as work, as an extension of work so I would not see my spouse doing something nowork related if they carpooled

 

[OceanAnnie]

OP, didn't you say both you and your boss like listening to Howard Stern and would probably be listening to that during the drive? I couldn't do it. And with a boss?! That would be like having a feminine hygiene commercial on in mixed company, to me. That just has ICK factor all over it! Howard Stern is nasty.

 

[aprilgail2]

The funniest thing on this thread IMO, was the person who was horrified that someone suggested moving! I thought that was a great idea. If either one of us had a three hour daily commute, we'd move mountains to change that.

I agree! No WAY would I be spending 3 hours a day to get to and from work. I "commute" a total of 16 minutes- 8 each way, and that is enough of a commute for me! I would have to move closer to my place of business or get another job closer to home.

 

[BroadwayGirl]

I keep reading posts from people who are convinced that carpooling is the short track to an affair and I just continue to shake my head in disbelief.

You do realize that whether or not the OP is carpooling she is still missing that apparently precious 3 hours of time with her spouse, don't you? Instead of looking at the negatives why not consider the benefits such as the OP not being alone in case of an emergency or a crash or the savings on fuel and vehicle maintenance. Wouldn't the OP's spouse be more comfortable knowing that someone is with her waiting for a tow truck if she breaks down on the way to work.

Some of you appear to think that the carpoolers will be socializing nonstop during the trip. As someone who carpooled for years with a variety of people including members of the opposite sex let me tell you - it just doesn't happen that way most of the time. First of all, the driver is going to be focusing on the highway and the traffic (hopefully). In every carpool situation I've bee in we exchanged pleasantries and chatted for a few minutes in the morning and then whichever one of us was the passenger that day usually closed their eyes and took a nap until we got to the office. Sometimes we might finish up some work we brought home from the office. On the way home we might discuss the office gossip for the day and maybe we'd branch out for a few minutes of sports talk. Very rarely did we venture into anything even remotely like the intimate conversations some of you think will be occurring.

It also seems that maybe a lot of you don't live in traditional commuter neighborhoods. Where I grew up most of the people commuted into the City using mass transit, carpools and vanpools. Frankly, NJ Transit busses and trains provide more intimate settings and opportunities for dalliance than sharing a private car. I mean, in a car you are usually in your own seats, separated by a console of some kind and one of the people in the car MUST remain focused on the road. If you take the bus or the train everyday you will encounter the same people day after day and your spouse won't know anything about them. You might end up sitting together regularly and unlike a car you are shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh with high seat backs in front of and behind you. Anything can happen and the spouse would be none the wiser. And yet, while a few inappropriate relationships may develop on rare occasions, the vast majority of commuters, whether carpooling or using mass transit are able to remain faithful to their marriage vows and respectful of their relationship with their spouse. I know nothing in life is guaranteed but I just don't see carpooling as the evil path into temptation.

 

[poohandwendy]

I don't think there is a one size fits all answer to something like this.

I can tell you that in almost 22 years of marriage, we have been through many different stages and my answer would vary depending on where we 'were' at the time.

One thing that is interesting to me is that many people keep saying someone will either cheat or not, as if it is just a personality trait that person was born with. I don't think that is necessarilty true. I think for some people, that may be true. But for many, I think oppportunity and situation plays a very big role in cheating.

I think it can depend on the stage that particular person is at in their life, the stage the marriage is at (many factors can play a role like stress, responsibility, intimacy issues, etc) and lastly opportunity.

I know this will not be a popular thing to say, but I think pretty much anyone could cheat, given the right (wrong) set of circumstances, conditions and timing. I think it just takes a lot for most people to cross that line. And for some people, they toe that line all of the time so it's not a big shocker that they cheated.

That said, I would not have an issue with a commuting situation like that. There have been times in my marriage that I am sure I would not have been comfortable with it. It really just would depend on a whole bunch of things.

 

[trmcguire]

I wish we could just pack up and move closer, unfourtunately, it's not always so simple. We bought our house only a year ago, when I was at a different office. I was transferred to the one I am at now, and hopefuly will be able to get back closer to our home. Also, the houses in the area I work are very expensive and over our price range.

We are not going to be commuting every day, and in fact my husband just took a new job that is on my way to work, so most days we will commute together.

Besides, I told him what everyone on the board said, ans he said, well if it seems normal to most people I guess you are right . So thanks for eeryones input on this!