Would you be comfortable letting your spouse carpool to work alone....

[Mkrop]

I wouldnt care. If the marriage isnt solid he/she will find it no matter what.

I have no idea who DH has lunch with or doesnt have lunch. He takes clients out, he does trade shows and has talked about eating with the other woman that were across from his booth. I mean they are all standing with each other all day. He has traveled overnight for work and trade shows, and I have no clue what goes on there. I mean he tells me things but I dont know what he is doing every minute.

So I have to trust him!

I worked with a guy once, him and I started around the same time, we worked on a lot of projects together, cross trained each other when we didnt, so most times since we were doing stuff together anyway it made sense to just go have lunch when we could break. We got teased, which we thought was a riot bc when we went out we talked about our spouse and our kids. DH knew all of this, met him a couple of times, no biggie.

 

[LaraK]

You really can not see why anyone would be worried about this? You can't even come up with 1 reason any other human being would have any issues.

OK....here are reasons people would have issue with it (see I can come up with some)
1. They are insecure about themselves and feel less value because they're not the one sitting in the car
2. They do not trust their spouse
3. They think other people will not trust their spouse
4. They are controlling
5. The are irrational


None of those reasons seemed very nice to me. I was assuming the best.

 

[englishteacha]

I'm all for carpooling. Who cares about the gender? As long as all persons are respectful of the carpool arrangement, it shouldn't matter.

As for "lunch dates," I'd be peeved if it were called a "lunch date." Maybe it's a phrase thing, but "Lunch date" doesn't sound as innocent as "Having lunch." I may be a bit uneasy if he had lunch with a woman every day. I'd wonder about the woman's motives, honestly. Every once in a while, even once or twice a week, wouldn't bother me, but if he were spending 3 hours in the car, working with her, and eating lunch every day with her, that does seem like a bit much. I would hope both people have other friends they eat with! Knowing DH, he'd be tired of the other person and would want a break from her at lunchtime.

In our relationship, I'm the one who carpools, but my fellow driver is a woman. Thank goodness for her...my car is out of commission and she has driven me to work the past few days so DH will still have a car. I also have lunch with her...but we're teachers, and everyone eats lunch together!

 

[Kathi OD]

Neither DH or I would have a problem with either. Carpooling to work with someone who lives so close makes a lot of sense, both financially and also environmentally. Having lunch with a coworker isn't a big deal either, to either of us.

I guess that it boils down to how comfortable you are in your marriage and how secure you are about your role in the marriage.

 

[MAKmom]

OK....here are reasons people would have issue with it (see I can come up with some)
1. They are insecure about themselves and feel less value because they're not the one sitting in the car
2. They do not trust their spouse
3. They think other people will not trust their spouse
4. They are controlling
5. The are irrational


None of those reasons seemed very nice to me. I was assuming the best.

I had a feeling you really did know why some people would have an issue with this. You never seemed clueless to me before.

 

[kaw1218]

I wouldn't have a problem. And don't think DH would either. He trusts me. I trust him.


As it is now, I work overnight in a locked down retail store with 12 guys. No other women. Every night I have lunch with a guy. Wanna talk about rumors

 

[countingthedays]

I am going to speak for both DH and myself - no issues from either one of us.

His BFF is a women he has known since childhood and routinely has lunch with his female (and male) colleagues.

I had a job that required a lot of traveling nationwide and overnight travel and more times than not, my traveling companions were male.

IF a member of the opposite sex, or same sex for that matter, wanted to drive us into work each day, I think both of us would say "woo-hoo, I don't have to drive today!" Of course if that were the case, we would always pay for gas.

I'm sorry your DH is having discomfort around this. Men and women can and do have wonderful platonic and/or business relationships. I can't imagine a life without them.

The only potential issue that may exist for me would be seeing my boss (male or female) that much

 

[MAKmom]

I am going to speak for both DH and myself - no issues from either one of us.

His BFF is a women he has known since childhood and routinely has lunch with his female (and male) colleagues.

I had a job that required a lot of traveling nationwide and overnight travel and more times than not, my traveling companions were male.

IF a member of the opposite sex, or same sex for that matter, wanted to drive us into work each day, I think both of us would say "woo-hoo, I don't have to drive today!" Of course if that were the case, we would always pay for gas.

I'm sorry your DH is having discomfort around this. Men and women can and do have wonderful platonic and/or business relationships. I can't imagine a life without them.

The only potential issue that may exist for me would be seeing my boss (male or female) that much

I would hate that too. What if he would want to make you work in the car.
I would just hate having to drive with anyone every day, I have a 40 minute commute & I like the down time I get.

 

[Stacerita]

I wouldn't have an issue with it.

 

[Beth76]

Sorry, but I really don't understand why anyone would have issues with this.

The only thing I can think of is insecurities in your marriage. But then that was a problem before the carpooling thing.

Wouldn't bother me. I think it would bother me more if two people who lived on the same street drove 1.5 hours seperately to work. Talk about a waste of gas money! Also not very environmentally responsible...

Absolutely!

DH has a lot of female coworkers/friends. While he doesn't carpool with them, he does go out to lunch with them. The only thing that bothers me about that is that he gets to go out to lunch. I'm not a jealous wife when it comes to other women, but I am about going out to lunch.

 

[CEDmom]

My DH isn't allowed to be within 10 feet of any woman besides me because I know they'll be all over him .




If someone can't imagine your spouse could be with someone of the opposite sex for an extended period of time without something inappropriate happening it doesn't say much for the strength of their marriage.

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

If your husband is still uncomfortable with the idea, why don't you offer to let him meet the person you'll be carpooling with? Maybe having a short interaction with the coworker in question would ease his mind a little.

My husband has carpooled before with a woman that I knew vaguely through a friend. It saved us a ton of money in gas, and gave us some funny stories to talk about in the evenings (she was a little silly ). He would have no problem with me doing the same.

 

[BroadwayGirl]

Sadly, despite your belief otherwise your husband DOES NOT trust you completely. If he did there would be no problems because despite what your carpool partner might try, he would trust that you would be faithful to your vows.

Part of the problem is that people are so selfish these days they forget their marriage vows and/or treat marriage as something disposable if they get bored or tired or "fall out of love" with their spouse.

If you and your husband have taken your marriage vows seriously then carpooling with a member of the opposite sex should be a non-issue.

 

[Caropooh]

No, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I should also say I'm a woman working in a mans world. (aerospace)
If you live so close together, it just makes sense to drive together.

 

[KristaTX]

I might easily have a problem with it, or not . I don't understand how some people here can say with 100% certainty that they would never possibly have even the slimmest chance of having a problem with it. And it sounds like some of you are making fun of people who don't say the politically correct thing.

It totally depends on the situation. For me as a woman it depends on what the person looks like and what their personality is like. I'm sorry if that's not PC, but I don't really care. And not that looks are everything, but if the person was an Angelina Jolie or Johnny Depp lookalike and had a wonderful, warm, and genuinely sexy personality, you can honestly say you would never in a million years have any concerns?? Even if they aren't a classically attractive, spending that much time alone (3 hours a day!) with anyone has a huge potential to lead to a very close friendship. I don't really want my husband's best buddy to be some woman he works with .

Now the savings would be terrific, but if I couldn't just move closer to work, then the best alternative for me would probably be to try to find a 3rd person to join the carpool. If I couldn't do that, then I might just commute together once or twice a week.

 

[MAKmom]

I might easily have a problem with it, or not . I don't understand how some people here can say with 100% certainty that they would never possibly have even the slimmest chance of having a problem with it. And it sounds like some of you are making fun of people who don't say the politically correct thing.

It totally depends on the situation. For me as a woman it depends on what the person looks like and what their personality is like. I'm sorry if that's not PC, but I don't really care. And not that looks are everything, but if the person was an Angelina Jolie or Johnny Depp lookalike and had a wonderful, warm, and genuinely sexy personality, you can honestly say you would never in a million years have any concerns?? Even if they aren't a classically attractive, spending that much time alone (3 hours a day!) with anyone has a huge potential to lead to a very close friendship. I don't really want my husband's best buddy to be some woman he works with .

Now the savings would be terrific, but if I couldn't just move closer to work, then the best alternative for me would probably be to try to find a 3rd person to join the carpool. If I couldn't do that, then I might just commute together once or twice a week.

ITA. The problem is some people are clueless to how good thier marriage is. 1 person thinks everything is fine the other person not so much. But they go years thinking this is the way it is supposed to be. There are woman & men who would never go looking to have an affair...it just happens.

Then what my mother was warning me about as a young woman is men who are in it for the game. They are habitual cheaters who love the chase. They get young girls & tell them thier marriage is over ect. If the same guy at the office only wants to have lunch alone with you everyday it could mean something.

This always makes everyone go crazy...... straight men do not really want women "friends". Woman can be just friends with men. IMO.

I do think is fine to car pool with this guy if you want to. I don't think everyone is in heat seeing the opposite sex. I have traveled on business trips with men.

 

[Va-bear]

On a same note, would you be comfortable having your spouse have lunch "dates" with a member of the opposite sex that they work with?

Yes, carpooling w/ the opposite sex is totally normal - my dad carpooled w/ 3 women and that was in the ancient times of the 1970's-80's!!! My mom wouldnt have thought twice about it. Trust is a big thing and trusting you is whats improtant, not the other person.....you're the one who's responsible (along w/ DH) in the marriage.

As for lunch w/ coworkers - that too is TOTALLY normal. I often eat w/ 3-6 men and my DH wouldnt begin to even think of them as lunch "dates" - they are work. But then I also eat dinner/lunch alone with male friends who are NOT coworkers - they are friends - and DH totally trusts me there, too. I would actually be very, very upset if he didnt. I, ofcourse, trust him to go out to a meal w/someone of the opposite sex too. But, this was something we established long before we got married.

Good luck with this.

 

[CEDmom]

I might easily have a problem with it, or not . I don't understand how some people here can say with 100% certainty that they would never possibly have even the slimmest chance of having a problem with it. And it sounds like some of you are making fun of people who don't say the politically correct thing.

It totally depends on the situation. For me as a woman it depends on what the person looks like and what their personality is like. I'm sorry if that's not PC, but I don't really care. And not that looks are everything, but if the person was an Angelina Jolie or Johnny Depp lookalike and had a wonderful, warm, and genuinely sexy personality, you can honestly say you would never in a million years have any concerns?? Even if they aren't a classically attractive, spending that much time alone (3 hours a day!) with anyone has a huge potential to lead to a very close friendship. I don't really want my husband's best buddy to be some woman he works with .

Now the savings would be terrific, but if I couldn't just move closer to work, then the best alternative for me would probably be to try to find a 3rd person to join the carpool. If I couldn't do that, then I might just commute together once or twice a week.

My thought is that if a spouse is going to cheat he/she will find a way to do it no matter how much you limit their contact with the opposite sex. I know to my core that DH would not cheat on me and he knows the same about me. While we have our ups and downs like any couple we have too much respect for each other and too much love for our daughter to do that.

I work with a lot of men since I'm in the technology sector and talk with them a lot. I'd go so far as to call some of them friends. However, I don't confide in them like I would a female friend. We mostly talk about kids, work, vacation plans - pretty generic stuff.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

He says, if this is normal and most people would do this, then for me to go ahead.
On a same note, would you be comfortable having your spouse have lunch "dates" with a member of the opposite sex that they work with?

Any thoughts on this?

Your husband is living in the Stone Age!

Seriously, if he trusts you, then what's the problem? Has he been living under a rock? Does he think it's a big deal? I would die laughing if my dh ever said anything like that!

And yes, I am perfectly comfortable with my husband having lunch with whomever he wants. Neither of us is jealous or mistrustful. We are not insecure or dishonest people, so it's no problem for us!

 

[KristaTX]

However, I don't confide in them like I would a female friend.

That is what would be my concern about spending 3 hours each day alone with someone. Unless you really didn't much care for the person's personality and were strictly trying to save money and just "putting up" with your carpool partner, it seems like it would be easy for the conversation to turn to such topics during 15 hours alone in the car each week. A 30 minute commute is one thing, but this is hours and hours a week.

Not that the OP shouldn't do this. It all depends on how exactly they "click" with each other. If it's strictly business and small talk, then fine. But after a while, the subject of the weather, the kids, the house, runs out of steam. Then they either have to learn to ride along in silence, or start talking about other more personal stuff. Too much "clicking" (even in just the friendship way ) would be weird and is what could potentially lead to too close of a friendship.