Would you be annoyed?

[allison443]

The thing about mentioning your family or not at work reminded me...
when I was interviewing for jobs after law school I was already married at that time...conventional wisdom at the time among us women was to take off any engagement/wedding rings for interviews. You didn't want the prospective employer to get the impression you might be starting a family soon.

I also had an interviewer during a scholarship process ask me if I was engaged or had any marriage plans, or anything else that would derail my studies. Yeah, pretty sure he wasn't supposed to ask me that.

I am talking about the early 1980s. Yes I am old!!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Yes.

But only because--one time, I went with my dad to his workplace (Pentagon) after he moved to DC. (had been stationed elsewhere of course). He had been there a while by the time I had visited his workplace on this particular summer visitation. He introduced me to a coworker (who clearly knew him...) and the coworker was actually shocked as he said "I didn't even know you had a daughter". That pretty much sealed the deal for me.


In your case--it would concern me....but then again--if he was so busy with business, it may have just never come up and I *might* be inclined to give him the BOD. It just really depends. Men just don't talk much like that, I guess. 2 weeks is such a short period of time. Now if it were months and months and months....it would be weird.

As for my dad--the absence of anything that showed I existed was bothersome. Odd. Weird. Still Odd. Weird. To this day. If you were to go to there home--you wouldn't know I existed unless you looked in a photobox that is buried in a hexagon end table.

 

[Becky2005]

It would be one thing if you didn't have rings because you couldn't afford them. . .but just choosing not to wear yours. . .is NOT an option to me. It's dishonesty at it's very core.

I don't know, my DH hasn't worn his ring except I think the day we got married...maybe on the honeymoon? I don't remember really. He doesn't wear ANY jewelry though - no watch, no ring, no necklace, nothing. He pretty much gave me his wedding ring for safe keeping (and I'm not even sure where it is!!! OOPS! I think I know but I'm not really sure). I'm highly doubting it would even fit anymore as he has definitely gained a few pounds since we have been married.

I don't wear my wedding rings either & it's been years since I have. They don't fit & I didn't want to get them resized until we were done having kids but no matter, we can't afford to get them resized anyway.

It's never been an issue.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I am just curious, because lots of people have expressed that they wouldn't be concerned because he is at work. . .and honestly I can understand that during a stressful transition at work, like seems to be the issue, that this would be normal. I can get that.

My issue with all of this is that he doesn't wear his wedding ring. Why on earth would somebody not wear their ring? My ex was a painting contractor. . .he didn't always wear his when he was doing work. . but it went right back on as soon as he was done spraying. .it was on when he was driving, when he stopped at the store for bread, when he stopped to get coffee. Now that I am divorced I run into lots of married men that slip their rings off. I'm sorry, but honestly, that is not a good sign. If I had a dime for every married guy out without his ring on that tried to hit on me. . .I would be at WDW right now, because I would be a wealthy woman! Not wearing your ring is NOT an option for me. It would be one thing if you didn't have rings because you couldn't afford them. . .but just choosing not to wear yours. . .is NOT an option to me. It's dishonesty at it's very core.

Well, my dad never wore one (never even owed one) because he does not like any jewelry--does not care how it feels against the skin. My mom quite wearing hers after about 10 years because she began having allergic reactions and skin rashes from wearing it (she has always had reactions to most metals, could wear gold for a while, then they bought her a better quality gold but even that eventually began to cause problems.

There are a lot of weeks when my husband's stays home. He travels internationally as an internal consultant in a manufacturing environment. Jewelry (including wedding rings) is not allowed on the shop floor. Many of the places he travels to do not have anywhere safe for him to keep the ring while he works (and he often has not checked into the hotel until after working a few hours on Monday and he checks out before going in a few hours Friday morning--not that there are safes in the little hotels in the middle of nowhere in Czech or Thailand or Hungry, etc anyway).

Me? I wear mine most of the time. I can't stand to sleep with rings on though and I do sometimes forget to out it back in the morning. Funny, but I get hit on about as often whether I have the ring on or not.

It is just a symbol, you know? As someone else pointed out, it is ironic that you use your EX as an example of how important the ring is. Obviously things did not work out between the two of you (and I am sorry about that) in spite of his always wearing his wedding ring.

 

[MariDisney]

My issue with all of this is that he doesn't wear his wedding ring. Why on earth would somebody not wear their ring? My ex was a painting contractor. . .he didn't always wear his when he was doing work. . but it went right back on as soon as he was done spraying. .it was on when he was driving, when he stopped at the store for bread, when he stopped to get coffee. Now that I am divorced I run into lots of married men that slip their rings off. I'm sorry, but honestly, that is not a good sign. If I had a dime for every married guy out without his ring on that tried to hit on me. . .I would be at WDW right now, because I would be a wealthy woman! Not wearing your ring is NOT an option for me. It would be one thing if you didn't have rings because you couldn't afford them. . .but just choosing not to wear yours. . .is NOT an option to me. It's dishonesty at it's very core.

My DH and I have very beautiful rings (and I have an engagement ring). Neither of us wears them regularly. I don't like the feeling of them on my hand. He does a fair amount of physical work at his job. When we go out somewhere particularly nice we'll put them on. But on a day to day basis we don't wear them. I don't see anything dishonest in it all, not even a shred. We know we're married. That's all that matters. No little bit of gold is going to make that more or less true.

 

[bumbershoot]

My issue with all of this is that he doesn't wear his wedding ring. Why on earth would somebody not wear their ring? ....It's dishonesty at it's very core.

It's just a symbol, and not a universal symbol at that. Plenty of people in the world don't wear wedding rings, it's not even part of their culture, and still, they are married.

When I was single and making strange choices, the ones WEARING wedding rings were actually more attractive to me. Why? Because some other woman had said "this guy is good enough to marry", and it seemed like a "reference". While I never went trolling for guys like that (I managed to fall into situations where they had just moved out (that one was true), where it was convenience and they had agreed to see other people while he was a seaboard away at school (he certainly did see a ton of people, but I don't know about her, and they stayed together after he graduated and moved home), etc etc), PLENTY of other women see that ring and drool over it.

So when hubby did not have a ring that fit, I actually liked it more, because he didn't have the stamp of approval on him. And even before we married, the "approval" of having a fiance was interesting...he was the quintessential Nice Guy, the one that no one would date b/c it would ruin their friendship. He would walk co-workers home halfway through Seattle just so they wouldn't get mugged. And as SOON as word got out that he was dating, those friends got all weird and jealous of me; I had stamped a mark of approval on him, and the female friends reacted strongly to it.

I resisted getting hubby a new ring simply because of that. But he loves wearing a ring to show everyone he's married, so I did have to give in.

 

[clh2]

In addition to the arguments others have made, another thing no one else has mentioned is that he was working with some higer ups in the company. Sounds like people he doesn't typically work with on a day to day. That is typically when you are putting your best foot forward and not standing around chit chatting. It wouldn't bother me.

Yep - I totally agree. Higher ups do not like to waste time discussing personal things.

Oh - and the dinner??? Again - if they were higher-ups, I would keep the conversationg strictly business. Really - you take your clue from them.

Now - what about giving your DH a nice family pic so he can put it on his desk at work??? Might make a nice Christmas present????

 

[hambirg]

Really not trying to be rude, but your ex always wore his wedding ring and you still got divorced.
I currently don't wear a wedding ring and have been happily married for 26 years.

edited to add, I am not being snarky but my point is simply wearing a wedding ring isn't any guarantee of a successful, happy marriage.

No I understand that. He was never unfaithful .. . we had other issues and I was the one to seek a divorce. I do get your point. I really think my issue with it stems from how many married guys I see out there trying to cheat on their wives. I have learned to always look for a ring. .. and I think it is dishonest not to wear one. Of course, if they are totally faithful than it shouldn't be an issue. ..but many guys aren't and they slip the ring off on purpose. Just trust me on this one. I would just wonder about my spouse if he insisted on not wearing his. . .I would think WHY? You are married and that is the message you should be sending others.

ETA-thanks to all you who responded. I'm not being trying to be snarky. Obviously I know that there are practical reasons for not wearing one. I always took mine off when I was cleaning house because if the cleaning chemicals slipped between me and the ring I would get a nasty rash. It's just that I do see it as an outwardly sign to the world that "I'm taken." I'm glad for people that are in a committed relationship that feel secure even if their spouse doesn't wear his ring. I would just be suspicious. . .gee did I mention that I dated a guy for 6 months before I found out he was married! And how I found out was that he forgot to take his ring off! I'll be honest, I was devastated. . and felt like I was deceived. I would never in a million years knowingly cheat with somebody else's spouse. I just feel like it was a very dishonest thing for him to do. I have run into men that do have their rings on and hit on you regardless. . .I actually have more respect for them. . .because at least they are being honest.

 

[allison443]

No I understand that. He was never unfaithful .. . we had other issues and I was the one to seek a divorce. I do get your point. I really think my issue with it stems from how may married guys I see out there trying to cheat on their wives. I have learned to always look for a ring. .. and I think it is dishonest not to wear one. Of course, if they are totally faithful than it shouldn't be an issue. ..but many guys aren't and they slip the ring off on purpose. Just trust me on this one. I would just wonder about my spouse if he insisted on not wearing his. . .I would think WHY? You are married and that is the message you should be sending others.

I'm glad you weren't offended by my post...I think it just shows how our personal experiences really affect how we view/react to different things.

Of course a wife could say "oh, my husband always wears his wedding ring" and meanwhile he is slipping it off when he is out somewhere....while another husband may not wear a ring ever and is totally faithful.
I just don't think wearing a ring or not is such a dealbreaker. Other things are much more important. (to me). YMMV.

 

[hambirg]

I'm glad you weren't offended by my post...I think it just shows how our personal experiences really affect how we view/react to different things.

Of course a wife could say "oh, my husband always wears his wedding ring" and meanwhile he is slipping it off when he is out somewhere....while another husband may not wear a ring ever and is totally faithful.
I just don't think wearing a ring or not is such a dealbreaker. Other things are much more important. (to me). YMMV.

No. . not offended at all. It is just something I'm truly curious about. If it was me, I would want my spouse to wear his ring. . .proudly. But like you said. . it's doesn't guarantee that he isn't slipping it off when it's convenient for him,

 

[PaulaSB12]

Some men can be clueless. If the OP only mentioned it "in passing" or "casually", he may not have realized it was a matter of concern. You have to be very clear.

Sometimes I have to actually tap my husband on the top of his head to get him to realize I'm speaking to him. He'll be focussed on a game of chess, or reading the newspaper, and even though he's saying "Uh, huh," he's not actually hearing me.

When I want him to really HEAR me, then I sit down in front of him, get eye contact, and say it nice and plain. "Honey, when I went to your work site yesterday, no one knew you had a wife! This really bothers me."

Sometimes if he's puttering around, doing a million things, I actually have to grab him and make him look at me.

And sometimes, if it's something complicated that I need him to pay attention to, then I tell him I want him to come and walk the dog with me. (Well, sometimes I just do that for fun, too. It's nice to have company!) When we're walking the dog, I've got him all to myself and there's no distractions. That's when we have our best heart-to-hearts.

He's an extremely smart man, but he's also your classic MAN. He doesn't communicate the same way I do.

Not classic man because I don't understand it either. Its work not socialising. Do these who say they would be upset expect them to do a sort of aa thing and stand up and say hello my name is Bob I have a wife and 3 kids before doing anything else?

 

[Nancyg56]

I just don't think wearing a ring or not is such a dealbreaker. Other things are much more important. (to me). YMMV.

This is how I feel, I never wear my wedding ring and DH has not worn it since we married. The ring was a symbol during our ceremony but how we treat each other is what matters to me.

No. . not offended at all. It is just something I'm truly curious about. If it was me, I would want my spouse to wear his ring. . .proudly. But like you said. . it's doesn't guarantee that he isn't slipping it off when it's convenient for him,

I thought that way when we first married. I just coud not understad why DH did not want to wear his ring when he was not working but when I started leaving it in my jewelry box because I could not get used to putting it on, taking it off.....I got it. We both act like people who are in a committed relationship and that is what counts.