Would you be annoyed?

[NMAmy]

I think the thing to consider is that these are not the people he works with day in and day out but folks that are higher ups coming in for a short time frame to focus on a major task. I wouldn't consider it odd at all in that case.

 

[Tinkermommy]

I think the thing to consider is that these are not the people he works with day in and day out but folks that are higher ups coming in for a short time frame to focus on a major task. I wouldn't consider it odd at all in that case.

This. Sounds like a high pressure 2-weeks. If it were months on a normal job, then maybe I would be upset. But I have worked with some guys for a year or two before finding anything out about their personal lives.

 

[Magpie]

I would be slightly taken aback by it. The thing that would bother me most is if he wouldn't respond when I asked about it. My husband definitely has a business personality and a personal personality, but I can't imagine his business personality not letting on in any way that he has a family. Oh, and he doesn't wear a ring either.

Some men can be clueless. If the OP only mentioned it "in passing" or "casually", he may not have realized it was a matter of concern. You have to be very clear.

Sometimes I have to actually tap my husband on the top of his head to get him to realize I'm speaking to him. He'll be focussed on a game of chess, or reading the newspaper, and even though he's saying "Uh, huh," he's not actually hearing me.

When I want him to really HEAR me, then I sit down in front of him, get eye contact, and say it nice and plain. "Honey, when I went to your work site yesterday, no one knew you had a wife! This really bothers me."

Sometimes if he's puttering around, doing a million things, I actually have to grab him and make him look at me.

And sometimes, if it's something complicated that I need him to pay attention to, then I tell him I want him to come and walk the dog with me. (Well, sometimes I just do that for fun, too. It's nice to have company!) When we're walking the dog, I've got him all to myself and there's no distractions. That's when we have our best heart-to-hearts.

He's an extremely smart man, but he's also your classic MAN. He doesn't communicate the same way I do.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Call me sensitive, but it would have bothered me too, especially if I asked DH about it and he didn't respond like I would have expected him to.

 

[ChristaDeVil]

Wouldn't bother me at all. My husband doesn't wear a wedding ring to work and I know he doesn't talk about his personal life to his employees. To be honest, I don't talk about my personal life at work, either. (Unless it's to someone I've gotten close to) I have had people that I've worked with for over 5 years say "I didn't know you had a child." (Which is kind of odd because I do have a pic of him on my desk)

 

[Becc1]

It would bother me, but it's because DH is not the kind of person who wouldn't talk about me with his coworkers.

If keeping mum about personal stuff is normal for your DH then maybe that's just how he rolls. I'd be more concerned about his lack of communicating with you when asked directly about it.

Out of curiosity, are the people you mentioned (his coworkers who didn't know about you) were they men or women?

The vice president is a man and the head of training is a woman.

 

[Becc1]

I think it would bother me, but considering it is a work situation, it's only been 2 weeks, and he doesn't wear a ring, so I would try to write it off. For me, I would be wondering if he had been conducting himself in a way the last couple of weeks that would make them think he was single.

You know I think that the fact that he has been working 15-16 hours a day with no complaints probably makes them think that he has no family to get home to each night. He's the kind of person that will just work himself to death rather than complain or ask for help. His direct boss, who I have known for many years actually made him take the day off on Saturday and told him he was not allowed at the restaurant at all that he was to spend the day with the family.

 

[cluvsdisney]

It wouldn't bother me at all. I don't really discuss my personal life with work people unless I know them well or worked with them a long time (meaning years).

 

[Hannathy]

The thing that would bother me most is if he wouldn't respond when I asked about it.

Maybe he KNEW she would react the way she is and he really didn't want to get into it. Maybe he knew it would be full blown thing going on for who knows how long and he wanted to watch the football game or was TIRED from working under stress and long hours for 2 weeks and thought in his maleness "if I just don't respond I won't have to deal with the ongoing commotion"

 

[VisionPilot]

I would hope DW wouldn't be annoyed with me in the same situation, but she probably would. In most environments, it's just not something most guys talk about. Especially when I've had to work the kind of schedule that you describe for the 2 week time frame...family or other outside interests are rarely mentioned. In my current job, I didn't know one co-worker was married with children until almost 6 months on the job. Granted, I don't work with him as closely as I have some of the other people here, but our department is only 12 people, so it's not like I don't interact with him enough.

 

[Becc1]

Thanks for all of the responses everyone, it's nice to get an objective point of view. I think that I have been out of the work force for so long that I forget that not everyone lives revolve around their spouse and kids. Most people who I interact with on a daily basis know me as Christian, Ben, Sam and Emily's mom not Lisa. I guess the problem is maybe I never realized he may want to keep his home life private, all of his employees know me and the kids so I never thought about it. I may just be a little out of sorts because I haven't seen much of my Dh lately, he's been so busy with the reopening of the restaurant that I feel like the kids and I have been put aside. I know it's only temporary, soon everything will be back to normal. Sorry to vent

 

[Mama-san]

You know I think that the fact that he has been working 15-16 hours a day with no complaints probably makes them think that he has no family to get home to each night. He's the kind of person that will just work himself to death rather than complain or ask for help. His direct boss, who I have known for many years actually made him take the day off on Saturday and told him he was not allowed at the restaurant at all that he was to spend the day with the family.

And this sounds just like my husband. He's not chatty and gets down to business, too. Any doubt that I have would come from my own insecurities (which I do have) when in my brain I know he wouldn't do anything wrong.

 

[UKdisneytwinmummy]

I can see why you would be bothered but I don't think you should worry.

I went into myDh's office when I was nearly 8 months pregnant with twins and got lots of shocked looks,no one had any idea I was pregnant. Think they were so surprised it lead to some great baby gifts when I gave birth a few weeks later!

 

[mommasita]

Thanks for all of the responses everyone, it's nice to get an objective point of view. I think that I have been out of the work force for so long that I forget that not everyone lives revolve around their spouse and kids. Most people who I interact with on a daily basis know me as Christian, Ben, Sam and Emily's mom not Lisa. I guess the problem is maybe I never realized he may want to keep his home life private, all of his employees know me and the kids so I never thought about it. I may just be a little out of sorts because I haven't seen much of my Dh lately, he's been so busy with the reopening of the restaurant that I feel like the kids and I have been put aside. I know it's only temporary, soon everything will be back to normal. Sorry to vent

It is fine to vent. Don't have to apologize. I think at some point in our lives, most of us can relate.

 

[robinb]

Yeah, I think it would bother me too. In two weeks of being in each other's back pockets I would think that being married with kids would come up along the way. Especially if they went out to dinner together which is a more social situation. Also, I would think it would come up when the friends and family day was discussed and I assume he told them he would be there. They were surprised to see YOU not HIM.

OTOH, it can just as disconcerting when someone says "I've heard a lot about you." .

 

[Mermaid02]

Maybe he didn't like them enough to make small talk with them. Maybe they talked about themselves and their personal lives and he just wasn't interested in contiuing the conversations.

He took you to the restaurant- that's better than mentioning you in passing.

 

[MELSMICE]

Guys don't talk about that sort of thing too often

This.

Plus, a lot of people don't like to share their personal lives with their "work circle".

 

[Disney Doll]

Sounds like he's been having long busy days filled with a lot of decision making, stress etc. and dealing with the bigwigs of his company. he's trying to make an impression, trying to get this thing ready to go, trying to make it seem like no one is standing around having idle chit-chat sessions. Maybe he prefers his work and private life ot be separate. i wouldn't think too much of it.

 

[Anna_Marie]

I am a very sensitive person, especially to things like this, due to my first marriage. And this would not worry me at all. I think he was just very busy, had no time for chit chat, and like someone else mentioned, men don't talk like women do. I don't think there is anything to worry about.

 

[C.Ann]

No - I've worked with plenty of people and didn't know their marital status or if they had children.. Some people just don't mix their personal lives with business..