Would you attend this party?

[Erin1700]

I say don't go and don't feel bad about it. Perhaps you could spend the time of the party somewhere honoring your father.

 

[Metsfan520]

I would attend & give the $50.

 

[Stitchfans]

I would attend and bring a gift, but I would not contribute the $50...

same here

 

[EthansMom]

I wouldn't go.

It isn't like you're going to be able to spend quality time with her at a large party and it doesn't sound like you'd enjoy yourself, so I'd just send a birthday card to Grandma.

 

[Charade]

I would attend and bring a gift, but I would not contribute the $50...

That's what I would do. Eat before you go too.

 

[Charade]

I wouldn't go.

It isn't like you're going to be able to spend quality time with her at a large party and it doesn't sound like you'd enjoy yourself, so I'd just send a birthday card to Grandma.

Torn...

I like this idea too.

Crap...

 

[Disney Doll]

Papa, I am not going to try and convince you that what happened all those years ago when your Dad died was not exactly how you perceive it, because chances are, it was. You were 21 years old, which is quite old enough to recognize behaviors for what they really are.

I am not of the mindset that family should be able to crap all over you because they are "family".

I am also not of the mindset to easily forgive those who "can't cope" with life situations and therefore avoid them, leaving others in their wake who have no choice but to cope. I have been the "coper" far too often in life to buy the "I just can't deal with it" excuse. They can't deal with it because they know there is someone around who will be able to deal with it, so they don't have to.

All that being said...will you feel bad about not going for any reason? If your grandmother dies the day after the party, will you feel badly that you missed it? I guess what I am saying is that whatever decision you make, make sure you can live with the decision without regret later on.

If you decide to go to the party, I certainly wouldn't be contributing $50. Bring Grandma a gift...a nice picture of your family was suggested and I think that is a great idea...and celebrate the day with her, if you choose. Realistically though, I could understand perfectlyy well if you chose not to go.

 

[OceanAnnie]

After you confronted your grandmother whatever she said and did from that point on did not change your impression. Hard to change gears after that. ETA- I don't know if I could. It would seem more like honoring my dad by not going, if she thought it was more important to use the airline tickets she already had than to stay with her dying son. Just my .02.

 

[SandraVB79]

Ok, it is my grandmother's 90th birthday next month. We haven't been close in 20 years... but it isn't like we are not cordial. The reason we are not close came about when her son, - my dad - passed away. In any event, we are not close.

So, she has 7 living kids who want to throw her a party. As far as I know, none of them are hurting financially. These 7 adults - ranging from ages 55 - 68 - have asked all the grandchildren to contribute $50 to the party PLUS bring a gift.

Now, I know how my dad's family works. They like to scheme a little.... They will rent a VFW hall, and buy beer, and try to get a free DJ ( they used to ask me all the time but I never said yes, so they stopped asking )....

So what will happen, is that they will probably collect about $500 more than the party costs.... but they won't even give it to my grandmother.... they will split the overage among themselves. Here is another example, my one aunt collected $50 a person, for my uncle's 50th birthday party. She said the money was going to be used to buy him a big screen TV, which she did, but then she cancelled the hall and caterer and held the party at her home.... probably pocketing a nice $500 difference, maybe more. I did not participate.

Anyway, since I haven't been close to my grandmother for what happened when my dad died, I don't feel like I need to attend.... but it is especially true when you take into consideration the scheming aunts and uncles.

I don't plan to attend, but my wife thinks I should.... if only because 90 years is a long time to be alive.

If you were me, and given these circumstances, would you attend?

I hasn't happened a lot that I didn't know what to say, but now I'm speechless... wooow

 

[Minnesota!]

suck it up and go. I went through something similar when my dad died - and held my grudge against a person for far too long - about 6 years. I finally decided to be the bigger person. And my life has been happier since.

What your grandma did didn't change the outcome - your dad died. Her son.

Now move on and mend fences. $50 to make peace - more than worth it.