Would you attend this party?

[Papa Deuce]

Ok, it is my grandmother's 90th birthday next month. We haven't been close in 20 years... but it isn't like we are not cordial. The reason we are not close came about when her son, - my dad - passed away. In any event, we are not close.

So, she has 7 living kids who want to throw her a party. As far as I know, none of them are hurting financially. These 7 adults - ranging from ages 55 - 68 - have asked all the grandchildren to contribute $50 to the party PLUS bring a gift.

Now, I know how my dad's family works. They like to scheme a little.... They will rent a VFW hall, and buy beer, and try to get a free DJ ( they used to ask me all the time but I never said yes, so they stopped asking )....

So what will happen, is that they will probably collect about $500 more than the party costs.... but they won't even give it to my grandmother.... they will split the overage among themselves. Here is another example, my one aunt collected $50 a person, for my uncle's 50th birthday party. She said the money was going to be used to buy him a big screen TV, which she did, but then she cancelled the hall and caterer and held the party at her home.... probably pocketing a nice $500 difference, maybe more. I did not participate.

Anyway, since I haven't been close to my grandmother for what happened when my dad died, I don't feel like I need to attend.... but it is especially true when you take into consideration the scheming aunts and uncles.

I don't plan to attend, but my wife thinks I should.... if only because 90 years is a long time to be alive.

If you were me, and given these circumstances, would you attend?

 

[disneyjunkie]

I would attend the party and hope that I'm blessed to live as long as grandma has.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Why punish grandma for the other peoples dishonesty?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I would attend and bring a gift, but I would not contribute the $50...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Maybe, but I wouldn't shell out 50 clams to them.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I guess the tipping point is how you feel about your grandmother now. Something happened when your father died that effects how you feel about her. Was it purposeful? Is it forgivable?

 

[C.Ann]

Regardless of how "you" feel about her, she is your childrens great-grandmother and therefore I think you should attend as a family..

However, I would not "chip in" - I would purchase a gift on my own..

 

[clh2]

Can you just visit your grandmother at a different time? Just a short visit? And then you can skip the part altogether!

As far as a gift goes -I would think a card would suffice. Unless you know she specifically needs something.

 

[Scornelius]

The only factor I would consider would be whether you want to see youry grandma. If you do, go and bring a gift if you so choose. Forget the $50. I refuse to partake in such shenanigans. I also wouldn't let scheming relatives keep away if I wanted to see someone on their birthday.

 

[TomLovesBecky]

I would attend and bring a gift, but I would not contribute the $50...

This is exactly what I'd do. And if you really don't care about having relationships with these people, I'd tell them exactly why (AFTER the party) if they ask where the 50 bucks is.

 

[krcit]

I agree with the other posters. I would go to the party but would not contribute the $50. I never understood how people want to throw a party but expect other people to pay for it

 

[Bluestars]

I would attend the party. If you don't want to contribute, just let them know you are not able to do so.

I can't blame them for asking you about being their DJ in the past. I come from a large family and we all help out in different ways. My brother works for a computer company, so he will help us build and purchase one. Things like that. My daughter is a photographer and she would have no problem taking photos for a family event. It's not something that people should expect, but it is nice when a family member is able to help out. I can see how relatives might try to take advantage of this though.

 

[Papa Deuce]

Why punish grandma for the other peoples dishonesty?

I don't think she'll miss me.... like I said, we are not close.

 

[Papa Deuce]

I would attend the party. If you don't want to contribute, just let them know you are not able to do so.

I can't blame them for asking you about being their DJ in the past. I come from a large family and we all help out in different ways. My brother works for a computer company, so he will help us build and purchase one. Things like that. My daughter is a photographer and she would have no problem taking photos for a family event. It's not something that people should expect, but it is nice when a family member is able to help out. I can see how relatives might try to take advantage of this though.

I would, if only because these folks are takers, and NEVER givers. And, I rarely see any of them anyway... usually only at funerals.... but they always managed to call when they wanted a DJ.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Does your grandma see your kids, has she ever acknowledged them?

 

[Piecey]

Don't you have daughters?

Do they enjoy seeing her?

Go for them. I loved my grandmother dearly.. and she died at 78 December 27th.
I'm 21, the youngest grandchild, and it was a very difficult time.

I'd of given anything to have had more time for her and for her to have met my baby...
I know she'd of LOVED to have met him, too!

 

[Bluestars]

I would, if only because these folks are takers, and NEVER givers. And, I rarely see any of them anyway... usually only at funerals.... but they always managed to call when they wanted a DJ.

That would bother me too. It does seem like these people have no problem taking advantage of other people. I would not let someone take advantage of me. I don't mind helping with something, but the minute I feel like someone is taking advantage of me or expects me to do something, then it's all over.

 

[Papa Deuce]

Does your grandma see your kids, has she ever acknowledged them?

Sure...but in 7 years she has seen them about 3x. Again, not really an issue, IMO... my kids wouldn't recognize her if she walked in my front door.

 

[brasswillow]

Don't you have daughters?
I loved my grandmother dearly.. and she died at 78 December 27th.
I'm 21, the youngest grandchild, and it was a very difficult time.

I'm in the same boat. My grandmother passed away at 89 on December 28th. I was very close with her so my automatic reaction was to say go! You never know how much time you will have with someone.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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