Would you attend this party?

[OceanAnnie]

Sure...but in 7 years she has seen them about 3x. Again, not really an issue, IMO... my kids wouldn't recognize her if she walked in my front door.

Well it seems like the die is cast.

 

[Papa Deuce]

I'm in the same boat. My grandmother passed away at 89 on December 28th. I was very close with her so my automatic reaction was to say go! You never know how much time you will have with someone.

If I was close, I could appreciate that.

Here is what happened.... my dad was dying from a brain tumor. The doctor told us all that he would be dead within a week. He actually died 2 days later... my grandmother decided that she was going to fly to Florida for her monthly winter snowbirding, while he was less than 48 hours before dying....

Her reason - as she stated - was that she already had plane tickets.... Eventually someone talked her inti staying, but I can't imagine how she ever though it was a good idea to go.... my dad died when he was 42. Grandmom was about 65 then.... and had full faculties.

So, maybe you can see why I am not close.....

 

[kirbsam]

25 years ago and you are still letting it hang over you? time to forgive and let it go, and tell your grandma that you love her, go to the party, buck up and reestablish the relationship. if this sounds harsh, sorry. i just dont understand why these things are just allowed to fester forever in families. if anything, do it for your dads memory, because having a relationship with his mother would probably be the right thing to do to honor him.

 

[tlens]

Be the bigger person and go.

 

[MinnieMe87]

If I was close, I could appreciate that.

Here is what happened.... my dad was dying from a brain tumor. The doctor told us all that he would be dead within a week. He actually died 2 days later... my grandmother decided that she was going to fly to Florida for her monthly winter snowbirding, while he was less than 48 hours before dying....

Her reason - as she stated - was that she already had plane tickets.... Eventually someone talked her inti staying, but I can't imagine how she ever though it was a good idea to go.... my dad died when he was 42. Grandmom was about 65 then.... and had full faculties.

So, maybe you can see why I am not close.....

Hugs to you, that's awful. I'm in the minority here..I wouldn't go if I were in your shoes.

 

[Scornelius]

If I was close, I could appreciate that.

Here is what happened.... my dad was dying from a brain tumor. The doctor told us all that he would be dead within a week. He actually died 2 days later... my grandmother decided that she was going to fly to Florida for her monthly winter snowbirding, while he was less than 48 hours before dying....

Her reason - as she stated - was that she already had plane tickets.... Eventually someone talked her inti staying, but I can't imagine how she ever though it was a good idea to go.... my dad died when he was 42. Grandmom was about 65 then.... and had full faculties.

So, maybe you can see why I am not close.....

I'm very sorry about your father, but I'm just going to play devil's advocate for a minute. Hopefully, you've never lost a child and so you can't imagine how she felt knowing she was outliving her son. Maybe she was running away from that, KWIM? A cross between fear and denial.

Unless she and your father had an awful relationship and you think it was out of malice, I don't think you should hold it against her. It's been a long time, and if she died tomorrow I bet you'd have some pangs of regret for holding a grudge.

Having said all that, I still think you should go, just ignore the request for $50.

 

[Papa Deuce]

Be the bigger person and go.

She's 90. I don't get where you think all this money being pocketed is coming from. 7x50 is 350.00. How can they pocket $500.00 more than the party is worth.

No... the 7 adult kids of my grandmother want $50 from every GRANDCHILD.... there are about 30 or 40 of us....

 

[Papa Deuce]

I'm very sorry about your father, but I'm just going to play devil's advocate for a minute. Hopefully, you've never lost a child and so you can't imagine how she felt knowing she was outliving her son. Maybe she was running away from that, KWIM? A cross between fear and denial.

Unless she and your father had an awful relationship and you think it was out of malice, I don't think you should hold it against her. It's been a long time, and if she died tomorrow I bet you'd have some pangs of regret for holding a grudge.

Having said all that, I still think you should go, just ignore the request for $50.

Not "awful", but not really good.

 

[Scornelius]

Not "awful", but not really good.

It's a really long time to hold a grudge, especially when the slight was never directed at you. I completely understand why you feel the way you do, but personally I think the time has come to let it go. You'll feel better.

 

[Piecey]

I'm with what others have said...

I'd go. You don't know why she was ready to do to FL. Did you ask her? Talk to her about it? Tell her why you were upset?

I knew Grandma was dying, too. The Dr. told us Friday morning and my parents called me at work. DH came and got me and I spent Friday night with her... Saturday morning she was still alive and I had to decide to go and be with her or not.
I decided that I couldn't go sit there and wait for her to die again. So DH and I went to Lowe's (we just bought a new house) and she died Saturday afternoon while I was working on my house...

I just couldn't be around to witness it, I needed a distraction.
Maybe FL was your grandma's distraction?

 

[OceanAnnie]

If I was close, I could appreciate that.

Here is what happened.... my dad was dying from a brain tumor. The doctor told us all that he would be dead within a week. He actually died 2 days later... my grandmother decided that she was going to fly to Florida for her monthly winter snowbirding, while he was less than 48 hours before dying....

Her reason - as she stated - was that she already had plane tickets.... Eventually someone talked her inti staying, but I can't imagine how she ever though it was a good idea to go.... my dad died when he was 42. Grandmom was about 65 then.... and had full faculties.

So, maybe you can see why I am not close.....

I'm sorry about those circumstances. That explains your end of the relationship. What about the grandmother, did she try to have more of a relationship?

 

[Papa Deuce]

I'm sorry about those circumstances. That explains your end of the relationship. What about the grandmother, did she try to have more of a relationship?

No, not really. The extent of our relationship has been basically to just say hello to each other if we were attending the same event. No open hostility or anything. Neither of us tried to keep in contact.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Given those circumstances, I wouldn't go.

 

[OceanAnnie]

No, not really. The extent of our relationship has been basically to just say hello to each other if we were attending the same event. No open hostility or anything. Neither of us tried to keep in contact.

That's strange to me. Does she know how you felt? Or does other family members that might have told her, know how you felt?

 

[Papa Deuce]

That's strange to me. Does she know how you felt? Or does other family members that might have told her, know how you felt?

Yes, she knows. I told her at that exact point in time. And she keeps in touch with my mother, but not me....

 

[Loverly]

If I was close, I could appreciate that.

Here is what happened.... my dad was dying from a brain tumor. The doctor told us all that he would be dead within a week. He actually died 2 days later... my grandmother decided that she was going to fly to Florida for her monthly winter snowbirding, while he was less than 48 hours before dying....

Her reason - as she stated - was that she already had plane tickets.... Eventually someone talked her inti staying, but I can't imagine how she ever though it was a good idea to go.... my dad died when he was 42. Grandmom was about 65 then.... and had full faculties.

.....

Sounds like a story that was "told' to you and maybe embelished a bit?
You;re pretty young-so how old were you 25 years ago?

I'd just go by another day and visit her-I think a party that large is a bit overwhelming for someone that old, BTW

 

[Papa Deuce]

Sounds like a story that was "told' to you and maybe embelished a bit?
You;re pretty young-so how old were you 25 years ago?

I'd just go by another day and visit her-I think a party that large is a bit overwhelming for someone that old, BTW

I'm 46 and I was there... I lived it front row and center.

 

[N&B'smom]

I would attend and bring a gift, but I would not contribute the $50...

Absolutely! Personally I think it's pretty tacky to ask people to come to a party and tell them they need to pay $$. If she has 7 children, they should be able to split the bill between them! Why should others contribute?

I do think you should go though. It may mean more to your grandmother than you think!

 

[OceanAnnie]

Yes, she knows. I told her at that exact point in time. And she keeps in touch with my mother, but not me....

Oh. I see. I don't fault you for your feelings.

I wouldn't go.

 

[N&B'smom]

Okay, somehow I missed your story about your Grandmother wanting to skip town while you're Dad was very ill. I take it back, don't go.

We had something similar in our family that I will never forget. (hope you don't mind me sharing) My grandfather died, quite suddenly. He had been in the hospital but was improving and then all of a sudden we got the call. MY grandmother's sister (his sister in law), who lives in the same town, just minutes away couldn't come to the funeral. Why? She had a Tupperware party to go to that day. SELFISH!!!! I will never forget that she acted like he was of such little importance.

Anyway, I know it's not the same but I understand a little of how you feel.