Would this upset you? WWYD

[DSNLvR]

You have 2 kids and work full time. Your DH works full time. Your mom watches your kids while you work, she's asks that you pay her, you guys come to an agreed upon amount. You pay her weekly and have for years.


Your brother and sister in law both work full time, and have 2 kids - same ages as yours. They make more than you and have less bills. Grandma watches their kids for free because your SIL blows her paycheck before she gets it and puts her family in a financial ruin every month. Grandma will not ask them for money.

 

[SC Minnie]

You have 2 kids and work full time. Your DH works full time. Your mom watches your kids while you work, she's asks that you pay her, you guys come to an agreed upon amount. You pay her weekly and have for years.


Your brother and sister in law both work full time, and have 2 kids - same ages as yours. They make more than you and have less bills. Grandma watches their kids for free because your SIL blows her paycheck before she gets it and puts her family in a financial ruin every month. Grandma will not ask them for money.

Yes, IMO if gma is going to ask for payment for watching gkids during the day then she needs to get payment for watching all gkids- not just one family's and the others are 'free'.

 

[aprilgail2]

yup- would piss me off.....not piss me off that I am paying grandma as if she is watching them she deserves to be paid....but the fact that the other ones get over on her would annoy me!

 

[MizTink]

You have 2 kids and work full time. Your DH works full time. Your mom watches your kids while you work, she's asks that you pay her, you guys come to an agreed upon amount. You pay her weekly and have for years.


Your brother and sister in law both work full time, and have 2 kids - same ages as yours. They make more than you and have less bills. Grandma watches their kids for free because your SIL blows her paycheck before she gets it and puts her family in a financial ruin every month. Grandma will not ask them for money.

yeah, based only on what info is above, i'd be upset. i think......

 

[Boo'sMom]

MYOB....nope.....their arrangements are their arrangements, your personal opinion has nothing to do with their business agreement.

 

[DWGal210]

You have 2 kids and work full time. Your DH works full time. Your mom watches your kids while you work, she's asks that you pay her, you guys come to an agreed upon amount. You pay her weekly and have for years.


Your brother and sister in law both work full time, and have 2 kids - same ages as yours. They make more than you and have less bills. Grandma watches their kids for free because your SIL blows her paycheck before she gets it and puts her family in a financial ruin every month. Grandma will not ask them for money.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. We have something very similar in our family; one of my aunts has been "babied" by my grandmother her entire life, and things like this happen a lot in our family. I won't go into it all, then I would really be hijacking your thread!

I don't really know what you can do. The only suggestion I have is to tell your mom how you feel. Be prepared to hear a sob story about how DB and SIL "can't afford it, and I'm trying to help them out....". Again, been there, done that. Since you are paying for a sitter anyway, perhaps it would be better to look for another place for your kids. I guess if you think this won't come to any resolution as far as your mom is concerned, I might be looking at other day care options for my kids.

 

[legalsea]

You have 2 kids and work full time. Your DH works full time. Your mom watches your kids while you work, she's asks that you pay her, you guys come to an agreed upon amount. You pay her weekly and have for years.


Your brother and sister in law both work full time, and have 2 kids - same ages as yours. They make more than you and have less bills. Grandma watches their kids for free because your SIL blows her paycheck before she gets it and puts her family in a financial ruin every month. Grandma will not ask them for money.

Yes, I guess it would upset me to some extent. However, not enough to make it an issue with my mother, or my brother. I will note that since your brother and sister-n-law are in 'financial ruin' each month then they do not have the extra money, even if their bills are less than yours, and your mother is obviously taking that into consideration. I would scream silently and then try to forget it.

 

[DSNLvR]

Yes, I guess it would upset me to some extent. However, not enough to make it an issue with my mother, or my brother. I will note that since your brother and sister-n-law are in 'financial ruin' each month then they do not have the extra money, even if their bills are less than yours, and your mother is obviously taking that into consideration. I would scream silently and then try to forget it.

This is because SIL spends all their money on purses and shoes. I am not exaggerating, she hides her purchases throughout the home. So while we can afford to pay my mom things are tight at our house too but my SIL walks around like she just stepped out of a magazine with designer clothes and handbags. She is always going to the spa, hair appointments, nail appointments etc. Part of me is jealous because I sure would love to be able to do that but never at the expense of my mother.

I know I wont say anything because it is not my business but I am still upset about it.

 

[Disney Doll]

Would it bother me? Yes.
Would I "do" anything about it?
It depends on how much of an issue I wanted to cause within my family.

Part of me says if I am going to be paying for childcare, then I'll pay a stranger, because of the unfairness of my Mom being willing to take money from me but not my brother.

The other part of me would feel better having Grandma watching my kids.

FTR, it seems like every family has this "unfairness", where one person gets babied because they manage their life poorly and the others sort of get "screwed" because they manage their lives well. It's like if you do the right thing, you get punished by not being 'given" as much.

 

[DSNLvR]

I should mention my SIL asked me at the beginning of summer last year if I pay my mom. I said yes, she said I've been talking to your brother and we feel we should pay her too, she asked how much we pay her, I told her (she always asks me personal financial questions which make me uncomfortable but I answer anyways) so I figured my mom would start getting money from them. Well it's been over a year and nothing. Here's the thing, we drop our kids off to her and pick them up. She goes and picks theirs up and drops them back off again. They dont even give her gas money!

 

[luvmy3]

Yes, that would upset me. However its a family issue and I believe that family should be there to help out family members as needed. If your dh was blowing his money and not able to pay the bills would your mother do the same for you? Chances are the answer is yes

 

[DSNLvR]

MYOB....nope.....their arrangements are their arrangements, your personal opinion has nothing to do with their business agreement.

It's not about their business agreement. It's about her wanting compensation for watching my kids, her grandkids (which I am fine with paying her) but not her other grandkids. Like that time with them is grandma time but when it comes to my kids it's a busines transaction.

 

[MIGrandma]

That isn't fair at all, and if it were me I would be discussing it with my mother.

If she makes you pay, she should make them pay as well. Or don't take payment from you. That just isn't right.

 

[grumpeeduck]

Once you are told the information, it BECOMES your business.

 

[DSNLvR]

Yes, that would upset me. However its a family issue and I believe that family should be there to help out family members as needed. If your dh was blowing his money and not able to pay the bills would your mother do the same for you? Chances are the answer is yes

Sadly luvmy3, if the shoe was on the other foot I'd never hear the end of how irresponsible we were.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I would be upset but I would not do anything or bring it up. You probably have only heard part of the story. Whose to say that your brother isn't getting a gazillion calls from your mom telling him how horrible his wife is. (Not saying your mom is like that, but you never know). You are doing what your mother asks. I would take the feeling of doing the right thing and go with it. You are being responsible. Good for you.

 

[DVC Sadie]

Yes, IMO if gma is going to ask for payment for watching gkids during the day then she needs to get payment for watching all gkids- not just one family's and the others are 'free'.

I agree with the above 100%.

 

[DSNLvR]

I would be upset but I would not do anything or bring it up. You probably have only heard part of the story. Whose to say that your brother isn't getting a gazillion calls from your mom telling him how horrible his wife is. (Not saying your mom is like that, but you never know). You are doing what your mother asks. I would take the feeling of doing the right thing and go with it. You are being responsible. Good for you.

No my mom wouldn't call them and say anything. She has talked to me about it and said she wants to be paid but doesn't feel like she should ask because they are having such a hard time paying their regular bills.


They have told her in the past they would pay but never do. I believe last year she got a total of $40.

 

[Liberty Belle]

You have 2 kids and work full time. Your DH works full time. Your mom watches your kids while you work, she's asks that you pay her, you guys come to an agreed upon amount. You pay her weekly and have for years.


Your brother and sister in law both work full time, and have 2 kids - same ages as yours. They make more than you and have less bills. Grandma watches their kids for free because your SIL blows her paycheck before she gets it and puts her family in a financial ruin every month. Grandma will not ask them for money.

Possibly. What does SIL "blow" her paycheck on? Do they know you pay Grandma?

 

[bicker]

MYOB....nope.....their arrangements are their arrangements, your personal opinion has nothing to do with their business agreement.

I learned long ago not to let such things upset me. We aren't owed, from our parents (or anyone else for that matter), our own personal perception of fairness between siblings. Practically nothing constructive ever stems from harboring such expectations.