Would this bother you?

[HunnyPots]

thanks. i'm gonna have that chat with him very soon. i just hope he doesn't think i'm being silly or anything.

yeah i hope he does too, it's driving me a little nuts! lol.

Sweetie, it does not matter if he thinks you're being silly. The fact is, your husband is in an inappropriate relationship that has to stop ASAP! A married man does not need a female "buddy". You need to insist that he end this and end it now. Nothing good will come from this relationship.

 

[cjb71870]

Exactly, who gives a **** what he'll think. He needs to start giving a **** what you think!!! The "wine" story, he made you feel stupid, or you let him make you feel stupid!!! He said he really don't care who drinks it? Open the darn thing now and I'll cheer to you!!!

 

[chisnpeke]

Yes! That would bother me a LOT!!!

Have a talk with him and if he doesn't get it then maybe you should have a talk with the friend. I don't know how you are holding yourself back because I probably would have had a "talk" a long time ago with her. But I'm confrontational in situations with men when another woman is involved.

Hope everything works out for you!

 

[ladycollector]

Please, please, take care of this *right now*. Make sure he knows this is not appropriate behavior and how much it bothers you and is not good for your marriage. I would probably even say it's me or her. You are (or should be) more important to him than this woman. If you're not, there's a problem. Tell him it's not appropriate and if he needs a buddy to make male ones.

I just absolutely would not tolerate this behavior in a marriage or relationship.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Am I the only one who doesn’t think the husband is clueless?

I'd give him a couple of choices. Knock it off, or don't, and sleep with your eyes open.

OP, I think you need to put both of them in their place. Let the "friend" know she had better back off NOW. Let your husband know he needs to cut ties with the woman NOW.

Yes, trust in a relationship is important, but that doesn't mean you should ignore your instincts and common sense.




OT - Anyone listen to Steve Harvey's radio show? I swear this could be a Strawberry letter.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

"Bother me" is an understatement. If I asked my DH to stop and he didn't I would know that my marriage is not important to him and that is a serious problem.

Basically he is dating her openly.

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[disneyjunkie]

The big question to ask is if you really believe anyone would be honest with you if something not innocent was going on? If your Spidey senses are tingling, then listen.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

it's really been getting me down lately, aside from him losing his job and me having to work extra to pay the bills, so i've been kind of depressed and this situation isn't helping at all, you know?

Oh honey that is a recipe for an affair. A man losing his job is the biggest blow to his ego.

I would certainly be open with him and tell him to stop dating this woman as you guys are married.

Dating is over for him.

 

[cabanafrau]

Oh honey that is a recipe for an affair. A man losing his job is the biggest blow to his ego.

I would certainly be open with him and tell him to stop dating this woman as you guys are married.

Dating is over for him.

^^^^That is absolutely the truth. The job loss could easily trigger him to act in a way he wouldn't ordinarily.

Did you have sort of an understanding regarding the bottle of wine & he's backed away from that now that she's in the picture?

Nip this situation in the bud.

 

[kaysmommie]

I agree with the PP, but a stop to this pronto . Nothing but trouble can come from this inappropiate relationship.

 

[kristilew]

If nothing else, your husband should care about upholding your reputation. He should be overly cautious about doing anything that could be construed as inappropriate, lest it reflect badly on you.

Regardless of what is or is not going on, or what trust you do or do not have, this situation looks like an affiar to anyone on the outside. That is entirely disrespectful to you, period.

 

[jam217]

Agreeing with the others that you definitely need to stop this now. It's not an appropriate relationship, particularly since it makes you feel uncomfortable. What bothers me is that you've told him that the relationships makes you uneasy and he is still continuing it. That isn't right. She needs to find some female friends and he needs some male buddies to hang out with.

 

[happygirl]

Yes it would bother me A LOT!!! It would also bother me he kept doing it after you expressed your concerns

 

[Took]

Let me offer the same advice as others plus a slightly different insight.

I have a good male friend. We've been friends for over 20 years, long before I met DH. We've never been anything more than friends, almost like siblings, especially since I have only one sister and he's an only child. There were no sexual undertones to our relationship or anything like that as far as I could ever tell.

I'm married now (15 years), and the male friend has made a good effort to b/c a friend to my DH, too. The male friend has been in a serious relationship for about 5 years, and i've made an effort to be friends with his DGF. Things appear absolutely fine.

Even with that positive scenario: My good friend and I, because we value the fact that we are "with" other people, have been careful since my marriage and (perhaps even more) since his relationship began, to back off on the close and private side of our relationship (if that makes sense). We do talk on the phone once in a blue moon (he lives 7 hours away now) and email/facebook a bit more but everything else includes DH and his DGF. In fact, We know that somehow this is best. Men and women can be friends, even after one gets married, but the friendship must take, and must be seen to take, a secondary place to the marriage/serious relationship or it will bring friction, IMHO.

Anyway, your DH's relationship with this young woman has crossed boundaries just by making you uncomfortable. I think the "hanging out alone" stuff needs to end, also. That's a recipe for disaster, especially for a vulnerable newlywed.

Trust your instincts on this--they're guiding you correctly.

Any, just my take on things.

 

[mjkacmom]

Um, yeah.

 

[MushyMushy]

I went through something similar, but I nipped it in the bud a whole lot earlier! I have a friend who's a young widow and didn't mind when she needed a man to do a thing or two for her, but it started getting more and more frequent kind of like a "rent a hubby" but with companionship. But my DH wasn't clueless -- he expressed an uneasiness with it himself. So I just decided to be firm and tell him I didn't like it and it needed to stop.

I think your husband needs a wake-up call.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I was about to say yes, but then I thought some more about it. We have four friends, two married couples, who are collectively our best friends in the world. All, in fact, were introduced to their significant others by DH and myself. I would have no problem with my DH doing any of the listed activities with either of the two girls (or both at once). Nor do I think DH would mind me similarly hanging around with the two boys. This, however, is a special situation, and I'm sure my (and his) acceptance would not extend to persons beyond this very intimate group.

 

[brockash]

would it bother you if your DH did things like going to the movies with another woman, grocery shopping with another woman, and going to her house during the day while you're at work to watch television shows or movies? because i keep trying to explain to him that i understand that this woman is a friend of ours, but i think this friend thinks she's something more to DH.....and he doesn't agree. and i really don't think anything "strange" is going on, i really do think he thinks it's harmless.....but i'm trying to think of a nice way to tell her to ease off a little bit. we're just newlyweds, i think we still need some time to ourselves.

*yes i know i haven't posted in forever, my computer crashed about 3 times since May, so i gave up for a while there lol*

Ummm, yes that's pretty weird to me. -Does he work?? How does he have all of this free time without you? Yes, I think it's very weird, especially for the amount of time it seems he's spending with her. How would he feel if you were doing and spending that much time with another guy? I think it's very strange. I could see if it was a couple times, and they were really close friends and maybe he was helping her out with something, but going to movies, grocery shopping, going over to watch movies while you're at work...very very odd.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Ummm, yes that's pretty weird to me. -Does he work?? How does he have all of this free time without you?

She says he has been laid off.