Would like your thoughts, pronto, please

[TeresaNJ]

I just found out that the daughter of a woman whom I was what you could call bff with in grade school & high school, committed suicide a few days ago, leaving behind two young children. Another HS friend was the one who called me today to tell me. The viewing is tonight and the services are tomorrow morning. I feel awful that this has happened to my former friend and her family. I live in fairly close proximity to the funeral home and church. Even though we haven't seen each other in 25 years, nor had any type of communication, I feel I should go to pay my respects, but on the other hand, would it be seen as a "gawker" moment. I'm torn. We didn't part due to any animosity, we just drifted apart as sometimes happens. Any thoughts are appreciated.

 

[Jennasis]

Go. Pay your respects. I am sure the family would be happy to know that there are people who cared about her and wanted to come.

 

[piglet too]

I think it would be very nice of you to go and support your old friend at this horrific time. By no means would it seem like a "gawker" thing.

 

[ilovejack02]

Go!

 

[MouseketeerOvaHere]

I think you should go, as well. When my mother passed, there were people there that I didn't even know but my mom's siblings knew them from when they were younger. It meant a lot to me that these people showed up even though I had no idea who they were. And to be honest, whom showed up will be the last thing on their mind, but knowing that people care enough to say goodbye to your loved one is reassuring.

BTW, sorry about your loss.

 

[AshleyW]

When my grandpa (mom's dad) passed away almost 4 years ago now, my mom had a lot of high school/college friends that showed up to the visitation to see her. It really meant a lot to her. I think your friend would really appreciate it if you went to pay your respects.

 

[Sanchez]

Having not made an effort to communicate in 25 years I would see it as a "gawker" moment.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Go to the funeral home and pay your respects. When a family member passes on you meet all kinds of people. It is nice to know that you are there to support the family. Reaching out to people in pain is the right thing to do.

Sorry for your loss.

 

[MEK]

I certainly think you should go, but if you are uncomfortable with that, certainly send your former friend a letter of condolence. What a tragic loss.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

I certainly think you should go, but if you are uncomfortable with that, certainly send your former friend a letter of condolence. What a tragic loss.

I agree with this. Go with your gut. Do what you feel is right.

 

[honugirl]

Go. I think it would be food to pay your respects. Hugs! That must be so hard. You're in my prayers.

 

[solotraveler]

Go.

 

[akcire]

Go, if you are looking to keep up even a casual friendship going forward.

Make sure you have your contact information written out in advance for your former friend (so there is no awkward exchange of information--pen searching & so she is not obligated to provide hers if she does not want)

 

[Bren's Mom]

I am not a fan of wakes, so I avoid those at all costs. In this case, I'm assuming the daughter was somewhat young so I'm guessing the wake will be a real mob scene. If it were me I'd go to the funeral if I could, and if I couldn't I'd send my old friend a sympathy card with a handwritten note in it telling her I was thinking of her and how sorry I was for her loss. If I lived nearby, I'd also likely offer to help any way that I could and give my contact info.

 

[TeresaNJ]

Thanks for all of your thoughts. This is the third death in three months related to friends who I was at one time extremely close to, and I am indeed feeling guilty that I didn't make more of an effort to stay in touch. Granted, they didn't either, but that is no excuse. It's the old saying that you only see many friends and relatives at wedding and funerals that keeps going through my mind. We both mutually drifted apart, and with effort could have found each other, but as usual, we let life get in the way. I think I am going to go. I want her to know that I am now indeed here should she ever need another shoulder to cry on. I am not going to let feelings of guilt keep me away, which would be the comfortable thing to do.

 

[TeresaNJ]

Her daughter was 32, and the extended family is a large one. The idea of writing my contact info in the card is a great one. Thank you. I just hate that the first time I am seeing my friend in 25 years is under these circumstances.

 

[antmaril]

I would go. I think it will mean a lot to your friend to see you there.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I would go. I would have been very touched to see an old friend at either of my parents funerals. I can't imagine in my sorrow, thinking they were there for any reason other than to support me.

 

[Muushka]

I agree with everyone else, go.

Someone very close to me (a relative) committed suicide. I was surprised that his death was not acknowledged by my close friends. It is not a comfortable situation for those left behind. But it is a death and needs to be treated as such. OP, that is not directed at you, but just a heads up for anyone wondering how to treat those left behind by suicide.

 

[JustineMarie]

My husband and I are going to a viewing tonite for a woman who committed suicide too. The family lives around the corner from us and although we aren't close and have only seen her in passing, we feel that showing our neighbors that we are there for them if they ever need us is important. My daughter goes to school with her little boy and it is just devastating that this has happened.

I think you should go! I'm sure you going and showing support for your friend and her family will be comforting to her.