Work Retreat Cruise - Don't Want to Go!

[Forevermarypoppins]

It's WORK obligation for him- he goes!! New job and might not go over to miss it, right?

Hardship on you to go-stay home.

Being apart isn't the end of the world.

Make sure you do attend his next employee event!!!

 

[Micca]

Any chance you might actually enjoy a cruise? You don't think you'd like it, but here's a chance to find out for sure.

 

[sk!mom]

People keep saying they'd pay for the priavte room----if you are unfamliar with cruising OP, you may not realize that on most lines paying the single supplement is essentially the same cost as taking a second person--it is not a minor cost at all! My point being, if he is eally dead set against sharing with a coworker, you'll be paying to go anyway, if you can possibly get the time off at that point I would recomend it (or maybe he can take his mom or a sibling or something?).

I hadn't thought of it this way- very good point. I'd probably try to go since we'd be paying anyway.

Oddly enough, a lot of dental offices around here do this. It strikes me as a strange business model, but that's what they do.

I think it's pretty common in private solo practices. If the dentist/doctor/chiropractor is going on vacation, it makes more sense to have everyone go on vacation at the same time and shut it down, rather than pay people to work when you aren't making money seeing patients. I know of one office where they get 3 weeks vacation, two of the weeks the office is closed and they have to use two of their weeks then. The other one they can pick.

 

[MSLRAC]

Any chance you might actually enjoy a cruise? You don't think you'd like it, but here's a chance to find out for sure.

Exactly! DH was convinced that I'd hate cruising. I'm claustrophobic, hate open water, and don't like beaches. But we were looking for a cheap vacation for just the two of us to kill DH's last week of vacation time before he lost it and a cruise fit that criteria. So I booked it, went with an open mind, and I loved it!! Now cruising is one of our favorite vacations and I'd love for one of our employers to make us this kind of offer.

 

[pearlieq]

I can empathize with the OP. This "gift" is going to cost you in either money (single supplement, docs, etc.) or unpleasantness (having to room with a random co-worker ) I don't blame you for being disenchanted. Maybe it would help to stop thinking like it's supposed to be a good thing and just think of it as one more kind of scut work that comes with any type of job.

He has to go on a business trip to a bunch of boring meetings and team-building activities. This one just happens to take place on a boat instead of a Holiday Inn.

 

[Disney Doll]

He knew about this when he took the job so no boo hooing.

He should go. If you can swing it you should go. If you can't, he should still go. If the rooming situation concerns him, pay for the single room.

 

[cbg1027]

Thank you to those who were able to put things in perspective without being rude and condescending. I see I am being a bit ridiculous.

I want to clarify a few things. DH and I have been married 3 years. I am in my thirties and DH is in his forties. We're not naive twenty somethings. We do not count the hours we spend away from each other, nor do we lack the ability to do things alone (and enjoy them). I quoted the hours for the two trips to illustrate that it was not a one day difference, but rather that the cruise is almost twice the length of my girls trip.

This isn't the first work trip we have dealt with. DH used to travel frequently at his old job but not for more than three nights.

One of the reasons I do not like DH to travel alone is because he was in a car wreck while traveling alone for work. I believe he feel asleep at the wheel on the Interstate. He works very hard at whatever he does and for long hours. (His boss calls him a 'grinder'). DH's car rolled several times according to witnesses. He was unconscious and taken to the hospital in an ambulance. His wallet and phone were loose in the car, so it took many hours for the hospital to track me down since DH couldn't remember my number after his concussion. We were very lucky his injuries were not life-threatening. But that is where my anxiety about him traveling alone comes from.

Maybe Florida is different than most stats about birth certificates because you don't need one to get a job or a marriage license here. Every job I've had I used my driver's license and social security card.

DH's company is small, maybe twenty people. Everything centers around one guy, who is a speaker and author. So they can shut down the office for a week without it really impacting the bottom line.

Somebody doesn't trust her husband...

Seriously? Was that comment really necessary?

I really wish people would get off of the idea that everyone would just love for their husband to go away for a trip.

And if they don't just love the idea, then they obviously haven't been married long or they don't trust him.

Some couples actually like spending time together, and miss each other when one travels. Some couples look forward to retirement because that means that one or both of them won't be leaving every day for work. They look forward to all of the time that they can spend together.

Now, I agree that they OP needs to suck it up or put on her big girl panties and deal with it. This is part of her husband's job and they knew this was part of it from the beginning.

But it is getting tiresome reading about how only newly weds like spending time together or as you put it, somehow they don't trust each other.

Thank you. I agree. Everyone has a different relationship norm. My aunt and uncle love it when the other takes a trip without them. They will be apart for six weeks at a time. My husband and I choose not to do that. Each couple does what works for them and makes them happy.

 

[aprilgail]

One of the reasons I do not like DH to travel alone is because he was in a car wreck while traveling alone for work. I believe he feel asleep at the wheel on the Interstate. .

Well he is not piloting the cruise ship so that excuse is not valid for this trip. Let him go on his work trip and don't make a big deal about it- its part of his job so it is what it is.

 

[Southernmiss]

I'm resigned to the fact that dh is destined to drive a distance just to get to work every day. Old job it was an hour one way. New job it's 40 minutes one way, sometimes 90 depending on the job site.

He also referees high school soccer in many different towns in the area after working all day.

Yes, I worry, but he's a grown man and it is what it is.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Well he is not piloting the cruise ship so that excuse is not valid for this trip. Let him go on his work trip and don't make a big deal about it- its part of his job so it is what it is.

It isn't an excuse. It is an explanation.

Just like the fact that I don't like visit someone in the hospital on the 6th floor. My father died there. So, whenever I go up there, I get upset. Now, obviously my father isn't going to die again, but that is my explanation for being upset while on the 6th floor. Or even at the hospital, at all.

Heck, the first time I was in the hospital after his death, my doctor had to give me something to call me down. He understood completely.

 

[cbg1027]

It isn't an excuse. It is an explanation.

Just like the fact that I don't like visit someone in the hospital on the 6th floor. My father died there. So, whenever I go up there, I get upset. Now, obviously my father isn't going to die again, but that is my explanation for being upset while on the 6th floor. Or even at the hospital, at all.

Heck, the first time I was in the hospital after his death, my doctor had to give me something to call me down. He understood completely.

Thank you. I was going to say that as well (the explanation not excuse part).

 

[Nancyg56]

Thank you. I was going to say that as well (the explanation not excuse part).

My DH drives a lowbed for a construction company. It is a stressful job that he makes look easy. A few years ago he had brain surgery to have a benign tumor removed and in the process the hearing in his left ear was lost. He went for hours and hours of pt to adjust, not to only the loss but to manage the vertigo that developed as a result. It's been over three years and I still wait for him to walk in the door.

I understand that it is hard to let worry go, but you need to. My DH can move that rig, fully loaded anywhere under just about any condition, with his eyes closed. He's been driving for his living over 40 year. If he knew that I was nervous for him when he returned to work I believe I would have eroded the confidence he had in himself, and that's would not be okay.

My worry like yours, is my issue. It's a valid reason, but it cannot be indulged. Your DH took a position that requires this working vacation. He needs to go so at this point you have to take a step back and help him make it work. I would pay the extra so he does not share a room and make plans to accompany him next trip.

I just wanted to add, I was not joking that I wished DH would take a little vacation with the boys. I love the man but I have not had one day alone since we have been married. Not one. I don't count when he was undergoing surgery and the nightmare complications during his recovery. Sometimes it's good to have space that is in an unexpected way.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

OP, my DH & I don't like to be apart either. We even work together. Neither of us would consider a friends trip. We only split up for emergency situations for the most part. If I were in your situation, I'd cancel the Disney trip. Since you're already committed to your friend, I'd fly down to meet her for a few days as cheaply as possible & go on the cruise with DH. I'd rather be with DH on a great vacation, than go to Disney & be apart for a week, because of that decision. IME, a cruise can be as good as a Disney trip. Some cruises we've been on were much better than our Disney vacations. At this point in our life, we wouldn't consider a Disney cruise (maybe, if we ever have grandkids), so our experiences have all been on other cruise lines.

FWIW, birth certificates don't cost enough to make or break any decision. Cut out a few coffees, smoothies, etc. & it's paid for. If your DH brings up the price of a birth certificate, he'll likely have co-workers laughing behind his back for days, if not weeks.

 

[PopSugar]

OP-I am like you-DH and I don't like to be apart. We worked foe same company for many years
I don't understand those who at DYING for a few days without their DH( to go to the spa? Just GO TO THE SPA!!)
not me

 

[Nancyg56]

OP-I am like you-DH and I don't like to be apart. We worked foe same company for many years
I don't understand those who at DYING for a few days without their DH( to go to the spa? Just GO TO THE SPA!!)
not me

Let me help you understand the other POV. My DH and I have been together 37 years. WE spend a lot of time together, however for years and years, my DH left for work before the sun was up and rarely got home before dark. Weekends during the Spring, Summer and Fall were at the farm. I was used to a lot of time to myself. I had my own routine, managed the house, and all that encompassed on my own, while he took care of the yardwork I could not do. Winter he was laid off and we spent every day together. By Springtime he was like a caged bull.....pacing, pacing pacing. WE knew it was time for him to get back out and moving.

Well three years ago he had that messy surgery. He was housebound and miserable, and I was working full time as well as full time in school for accounting. Then right after he went back he fell at work, broke his ankle, loaded his equipment and drove the whole shebang til he could not drive any longer. During surgery he almost died, and was out of work for a year. In the Spring, Summer and Fall. WE discovered by that time that we are not those people. We love each other, we care about each other and we enjoy each others company. But we both need some time alone. He gets that time...I oblige happily vacationing with family and going away once in a while with friends. He does not care to do that. I understand, but for a person who has spent the better part of our lives together with a lot of time on my own, this is a huge adjustment. To say "go to the spa" is kind of disparaging. No one has suggested that I, or others like me, are looking to indulge in spa treatments. No. WE have honestly stated that for a short period of time it would be nice to have time to only have ourselves to consider. When my DH is home, while he asks for nothing, I consider him. What he likes to eat, what he enjoys on TV, where he would like to go. For a weekend, it would be nice to know he is enjoying himself while I am vegging on the sofa watching Top CHef, eating cereal for breakfast, lunch and a cheeses plate with wine for dinner. So yes, I am DYING for that.

THis does not mean I do not adore my husband. He raises my Sun and sets my moon, and because of him I have the best life on the planet. But I crave a little of that space I had for over 30 of the 37 years we have been together.

 

[PopSugar]

Nancy-there was a poster earlier who said she loves to be away from her DH to go to
the SPA

 

[MrsDuck]

@cbg1027 I can sympathize with your anxiety and concern. I hope you're able to go with him, if not this trip, in the future. I hope the time apart flies by.

 

[Nancyg56]

Nancy-there was a poster earlier who said she loves to be away from her DH to go to
the SPA

AHHHH! I like the spa but usually go when DH and I are on a little getaway. Not when I have to come home right after! LOL! I like to book it when I can relax in the Jacuzzi sipping cucumber water, get my massage, read with my herbal tea, hang by the pool, then shower, take a nap. WHile all this is going on...DH takes a nap. LOL! Then we go to dinner and throw away all that goodness on wine an dessert.

 

[Missy1961]

Nancy-there was a poster earlier who said she loves to be away from her DH to go to
the SPA

And there is nothing wrong with that. You can love your spouse completely, but some couples don't need to be together every minute of downtime. Some of us need to be alone to decompress once in a while. Others don't need that. And that is okay, but please don't think the couple that needs to be alone is doing it wrong. That's what works for them.

I always think of my two sisters as the perfect examples. Both have been married for many years, both have busy lives with kids and jobs, but they handle their downtime differently. One couple does everything together - they have never taken a vacation without the other. The other couple does. Both marriages are strong and happy - because they do what works for them. Neither way is right or wrong.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

And there is nothing wrong with that. You can love your spouse completely, but some couples don't need to be together every minute of downtime. Some of us need to be alone to decompress once in a while. Others don't need that. And that is okay, but please don't think the couple that needs to be alone is doing it wrong. That's what works for them.

I always think of my two sisters as the perfect examples. Both have been married for many years, both have busy lives with kids and jobs, but they handle their downtime differently. One couple does everything together - they have never taken a vacation without the other. The other couple does. Both marriages are strong and happy - because they do what works for them. Neither way is right or wrong.

The point was, some were saying that either the OP didn't trust her husband because they like to vacation together. Or that they must be young newly weds.

See, it wasn't that there is something wrong with those that want to be apart or are okay with it. It was insinuated that those that don't must not be adults. Or that they weren't trustworthy.

I'm 50, been married almost 25 years. In fact, we are currently planning our anniversary trip. I love and trust my husband completely. But I absolutely hate it when he travels.