Work Retreat Cruise - Don't Want to Go!

[Christine]

The point was, some were saying that either the OP didn't trust her husband because they like to vacation together. Or that they must be young newly weds.

I think the confusing part that led to the "no trust" statement is that the OP was fine leaving her husband for the girls-only trip, but that for her husband to be away for a work only trip, all of sudden it was too hard for them to be apart and they've never been apart more than 4 days.

 

[Alesia]

The point was, some were saying that either the OP didn't trust her husband because they like to vacation together. Or that they must be young newly weds.

But she doesn't trust him, so those people were correct. She has stated that the reason that she's uncomfortable with him traveling without her is because one time he did and he fell asleep behind the wheel and had a serious accident. Being afraid that your husband will have another car accident if you're not there absolutely shows a lack of trust - it's not always about fidelity.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

But she doesn't trust him, so those people were correct. She has stated that the reason that she's uncomfortable with him traveling without her is because one time he did and he fell asleep behind the wheel and had a serious accident. Being afraid that your husband will have another car accident if you're not there absolutely shows a lack of trust - it's not always about fidelity.

And you really think that is what this poster meant?

Somebody doesn't trust her husband...

I obviously read the post wrong. Because it seemed to me that DLgal mean fidelity.

 

[rodeo65]

Interesting thread and has me thinking about how my relationship has shifted over the years. Twenty two years ago, I was definitely the one who wanted to be together all the time and when apart would be happy that he called to check in. DH was way more independent and needed a lot of alone time. We had many disagreements about it and over time came to a middle ground. Now, though, it's the opposite. I'm the one craving time alone.

Our lives have shifted a lot in the last two decades. Back then DH worked outside the home as I did. Now, we both work from home. Until this year I also home schooled our kids and had a second job outside the home. So I am never alone. Ever. He is almost all the time. His office is in the basement and when school was here we were on the main level so I'd be busy with the kids school plus extracurricular, and my work, and then another job in the evening, which happens to be at the studio where the kids train so they are with me then too. We'd get home and he's been isolated all day and wants someone to talk to and all I want is to be alone. New phase of trying to find middle ground. The kids started high school this year so that is some pressure relieved, but I am still much more needing time to myself than he is.

At this stage of my life, I am firmly in the camp of can't wait for him to go somewhere (doesn't help me that he's a homebody) and YAY!! He is taking a business trip in a few weeks. First one since he started his business and I can't wait. I know after a few days I'll miss him and be excited for him to get back, but for the moment I'm happily planning my "time off."

 

[Alesia]

And you really think that is what this poster meant?

I obviously read the post wrong. Because it seemed to me that DLgal mean fidelity.

I have no Idea what DLgal meant.

In all honesty, it doesn't matter. In the very first post, it was pretty clear to a lot of people that there were trust issues in play. It's certainly possible that many of them assumed that it had to do with fidelity (that's the most common conclusion that people jump to.) But in reality, not trusting your husband is a problem and I don't think it makes a difference what the reason is. The fact of the matter is that people who pointed out that the OP doesn't trust her husband weren't wrong.

 

[CarolAnn856]

One of the reasons I do not like DH to travel alone is because he was in a car wreck while traveling alone for work. I believe he feel asleep at the wheel on the Interstate. He works very hard at whatever he does and for long hours. (His boss calls him a 'grinder'). DH's car rolled several times according to witnesses. He was unconscious and taken to the hospital in an ambulance. His wallet and phone were loose in the car, so it took many hours for the hospital to track me down since DH couldn't remember my number after his concussion. We were very lucky his injuries were not life-threatening. But that is where my anxiety about him traveling alone comes from.

I find it a bit odd that the above didn't make the cut in your first post. In fact, you just said:

DH needs me on this work cruise so he doesn't go insane, get too bored, or annoyed.

Not quite the same level of issue as something as serious as a terrible car accident.

 

[Nancyg56]

But she doesn't trust him, so those people were correct. She has stated that the reason that she's uncomfortable with him traveling without her is because one time he did and he fell asleep behind the wheel and had a serious accident. Being afraid that your husband will have another car accident if you're not there absolutely shows a lack of trust - it's not always about fidelity.

I have to disagree. I trust my DH ability to drive. He is a professional with an impeccable record, makes a very difficult job look like a walk in the park, and has done so for longer than I have know him. After his surgery I was the one with the issue. I worried about him. It was not that I did not trust his ability or his skills, it was that I was just a cluster. Sometimes worry does not need to make sense, and many times it is not rational.

I have no Idea what DLgal meant.

In all honesty, it doesn't matter. In the very first post, it was pretty clear to a lot of people that there were trust issues in play. It's certainly possible that many of them assumed that it had to do with fidelity (that's the most common conclusion that people jump to.) But in reality, not trusting your husband is a problem and I don't think it makes a difference what the reason is. The fact of the matter is that people who pointed out that the OP doesn't trust her husband weren't wrong.

It was not clear to me. What I got from that post was that the OP did not want her DH to go, period. No reason in particular, because the reasons she gave made no sense to me, but they were hers, so they are valid. I saw no issues with trust.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I have no Idea what DLgal meant.

In all honesty, it doesn't matter. In the very first post, it was pretty clear to a lot of people that there were trust issues in play. It's certainly possible that many of them assumed that it had to do with fidelity (that's the most common conclusion that people jump to.) But in reality, not trusting your husband is a problem and I don't think it makes a difference what the reason is. The fact of the matter is that people who pointed out that the OP doesn't trust her husband weren't wrong.

I got the impression OP did not trust her husband not to overspend on drinks and other extras! Infidelity never even crossed my mind LOL

 

[Alesia]

I have to disagree. I trust my DH ability to drive. He is a professional with an impeccable record, makes a very difficult job look like a walk in the park, and has done so for longer than I have know him. After his surgery I was the one with the issue. I worried about him. It was not that I did not trust his ability or his skills, it was that I was just a cluster. Sometimes worry does not need to make sense, and many times it is not rational.



It was not clear to me. What I got from that post was that the OP did not want her DH to go, period. No reason in particular, because the reasons she gave made no sense to me, but they were hers, so they are valid. I saw no issues with trust.

But the OP is letting fears cause het to want to prevent your spouse from doing something that is necessary for his job. That is a real problem. You're right in that our fears are often irrational, but it is our responsibility to get them under control. Putting our own issues onto our loved ones is never a good idea.

And while it might not have been clear to you, it definitely was to others. You can't say someone else is wrong just because they saw something you didn't - especially when that observation is later confirmed.

 

[DLgal]

And you really think that is what this poster meant?

I obviously read the post wrong. Because it seemed to me that DLgal mean fidelity.

I meant it sounded like she doesn't trust her husband to be gone on a work cruise without her there, period. Maybe she didn't trust that he would not party too hard and drink a ton and gamble away all their money. Maybe there is a woman he works with that has a thing for him and if her husband was alone on the cruise, the lady might try to make a move on him. Maybe when he drinks he says foolish things and since these are his co workers, he might say something inappropriate. Whatever.

Her laundry list of whiny excuses for how him traveling without her on a cruise with his co workers for 4 days (or 135 hours or whatever nonsense) was absolutely this ridiculous notion but him being home for 3 days alone while she is with her girlfriend is absolutely not an issue at all.

It seemed to me that something about work + cruise + husband alone set her off.

OP at least admitted she was being ridiculous, and therefore I was probably wrong in my assesment, but it was not an illogical jump. The fact that everyone "assumed" I meant infidelity is interesting though...

 

[BLAZEY]

How does your husband not have his birth certificate. It is your first and most vital piece of identification? You can't get most other pieces of identification without showing your birth certificate first.

 

[BLAZEY]

Your DD22 wouldn't happen to be a member of CISV(Children's International Summer Villages) our family has been involved with them for years and I helped with cooking at Villages hosted by our local chapter. They have the same grouping as you mentioned and the same purpose.

 

[BLAZEY]

I wish one of our employers would offer one of us a free cruise!

I am in the "Suck it Up" camp. He knew that he'd have to do this when he accepted the job. Honestly, in today's employment market, who turns down a job because they don't want to go on a week-long cruise? If he doesn't go, he won't have to worry about next year's business trip, because he is going to be viewed as not a team player, someone not dedicated to his job, and he'll be working for someone else (or unemployed) before the next business trip rolls around! Time for both of you to grow up!

Besides, a week is not that long. DD22 and her very serious BF23 had just started moving to Connecticut and setting up their apartment when DD had the opportunity to take four 11 year olds to Portugal, to participate in an international gathering to promote international peace and understanding. Of course she went- fabulous opportunity for her! Her BF stayed home, set up the apartment, worked his job, etc., and they were SO happy to see each other when she came back! Certainly if a couple of "kids" just starting out on their exciting new life together can manage a month apart, you can manage a week.

Your DD22 wouldn't happen to be a member of CISV(Children's International Summer Villages) our family has been involved with them for years and I helped with cooking at Villages hosted by our local chapter. They have the same grouping as you mentioned and the same purpose.

 

[Nancyg56]

But the OP is letting fears cause het to want to prevent your spouse from doing something that is necessary for his job. That is a real problem. You're right in that our fears are often irrational, but it is our responsibility to get them under control. Putting our own issues onto our loved ones is never a good idea.

And while it might not have been clear to you, it definitely was to others. You can't say someone else is wrong just because they saw something you didn't - especially when that observation is later confirmed.

I understand it is never okay to let fears interfere with a spouses ability to do the job. I totally understand the line that cannot be crossed. My DH never knew that I was a mess for months when he went back to work, and I would have chewed glass and died before I ever placed the responsibility of my fears on him. I was trying to explain how fears do not need to make sense but they may not have anything to do with trust. They just are what they are at times.

AS to my own opinion on the OP not trusting her DH, I do not recall ever saying anyone was wrong. I said that I did not see that in her post. I also said that her fears may not have to do with not trusting his ability to drive, but that they may be just fears. As were mine. I knew my DH could do his job. I was a mess because I had almost lost him, and that took a long time for me to manage.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

The point was, some were saying that either the OP didn't trust her husband because they like to vacation together. Or that they must be young newly weds.

See, it wasn't that there is something wrong with those that want to be apart or are okay with it. It was insinuated that those that don't must not be adults. Or that they weren't trustworthy.

I'm 50, been married almost 25 years. In fact, we are currently planning our anniversary trip. I love and trust my husband completely. But I absolutely hate it when he travels.

I noticed the same thing, which is why I posted. Those who like to spend time away from their spouse were the ones giving the OP the hardest time & making plenty of insinuations about her marriage. The only post I saw that even insinuated couples may have a problem, if they love time alone was posted on this page (page 7). The insinuations that there is a right or wrong way to behave as a married couple came from those who like the time alone. Those comments started at the beginning of the thread.

For anyone who's curious, DH & I will be celebrating our 25th anniversary next month. We've actually been less willing to be apart as we've aged.

I really think this is a personality trait more than an indicator of a healthy marriage. We're all different people with different personalities, so what works for one couple may not work for another. People should do what they think is necessary to maintain a healthy marriage & not worry about others marriages.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

How does your husband not have his birth certificate. It is your first and most vital piece of identification? You can't get most other pieces of identification without showing your birth certificate first.

My husband doesn't have a copy of his birth certificate. And our son has only ever used his once, since his birth.

It isn't as mandatory as people seem to think.

 

[LiveYourLife]

OP-I am like you-DH and I don't like to be apart. We worked foe same company for many years
I don't understand those who at DYING for a few days without their DH( to go to the spa? Just GO TO THE SPA!!)
not me

Nancy-there was a poster earlier who said she loves to be away from her DH to go to
the SPA

Yes. That was me. THEE SPA.

Apparently that make me a terrible wife by your standards, LOL! Careful not to clutch your pearls too tight.

 

[Nancyg56]

Yes. That was me. THEE SPA.

Apparently that make me a terrible wife by your standards, LOL! Careful not to clutch your pearls too tight.

Please don't think I feel that way!! I don't wear them!

 

[LiveYourLife]

Please don't think I feel that way!! I don't wear them!

I know you don't Nancy

 

[Nancyg56]

I know you don't Nancy

Thank you!!!!