Woo-Hoo!! DS got engaged NYE!!

[pat fan]

So, funnily enough I read the previous thread where the grooms mom is supposed to wear beige, nod and keep her mouth shut! LOL!

Any tips from other MOTG's? I know it's traditional for bride's family to pay for wedding, and groom's to pick up rehearsal dinner and pastor. Anything else? We will be giving them the honeymoon, unless they need help with the wedding instead. SO EXCITED!!!

 

[NewRVLady]

Congrats MOG!!!

I am waiting patiently for my Unmarried son to do this

 

[wishesuponastar]

Congrats!! Wishing you happy times ahead. My daughter is getting married so I can't help you with the MOG angle but I'm keeping my mouth shut unless asked for opinions.

 

[mtemm]

congratulations!!!

not MOG or MOB yet, my kids are only 12/10/10. My plan when they do is to just give them a check for a certain amount and let them spend it how they want. its what my parents did, and I really appreciated it. and I remember not having to worry about things my friends who had parents who offered to pay for "x" or "y" or "z" instead. no worries about their opinions taking over, or on the flip side worried about conflicting budgets.

the other thing that I hope to remember when/if my kids get married some day is not to wear WHITE. my MIL, who I love dearly, wore white to my wedding. floor length white. it was a beautiful dress, perfect for a person in their 40s or 50s to get married in in fact. but I remember being horrified when she showed it to me...and told me how there was a no return policy at the store she bought it from (Jessica mcclintock?). I never told her I was irritated, I just went with it....but it did bug.

 

[usd2bmd]

congratulations!!!

not MOG or MOB yet, my kids are only 12/10/10. My plan when they do is to just give them a check for a certain amount and let them spend it how they want. its what my parents did, and I really appreciated it. and I remember not having to worry about things my friends who had parents who offered to pay for "x" or "y" or "z" instead. no worries about their opinions taking over, or on the flip side worried about conflicting budgets.

the other thing that I hope to remember when/if my kids get married some day is not to wear WHITE. my MIL, who I love dearly, wore white to my wedding. floor length white. it was a beautiful dress, perfect for a person in their 40s or 50s to get married in in fact. but I remember being horrified when she showed it to me...and told me how there was a no return policy at the store she bought it from (Jessica mcclintock?). I never told her I was irritated, I just went with it....but it did bug.

I can understand being bothered. My MIL wore black, with a deep V that showed an awful lot that she should not have been showing.

I lost track of the # of times people asked if she really did not approve of the wedding. (which I think deep down she really didn't)

But 20 years later and we're still here.

to the OP I think today anything goes really when it comes to who pays for what. Most couples I know pay for their own. they may get money from parents but they don't rely on it.

As far as dresses I think it is just getting a color that compliments the wedding party and waiting until the MOG decides on her dress. Congratulations and good luck.

 

[Wishing on a star]

WOW!!! Congratulations!!!!
You sound like you are over-the-moon!
I know I will be if/when that day comes for my son!!!

You know, I would try not to stress too much right away.
Take some time, and sit and talk to your son and his bride.
Listen to what kind of wedding they would like to plan.
See what they can envision that you can do, how you can be involved, and what things the bride's family might be planning on doing....

I really don't think that there is any real hard and fast rules here!
No real right or wrong!

Heck, for some reason, what they envision could actually include the mothers wearing white, or black!!!

How wonderful to gift them a nice honeymoon!

(Just don't be like the parent's on my husband's side, who actually JOINED his cousin on their honeymoon, after gifting them the accommodations... )

Congratulations!!!

 

[wishesuponastar]

congratulations!!!

not MOG or MOB yet, my kids are only 12/10/10. My plan when they do is to just give them a check for a certain amount and let them spend it how they want. its what my parents did, and I really appreciated it. and I remember not having to worry about things my friends who had parents who offered to pay for "x" or "y" or "z" instead. no worries about their opinions taking over, or on the flip side worried about conflicting budgets.

the other thing that I hope to remember when/if my kids get married some day is not to wear WHITE. my MIL, who I love dearly, wore white to my wedding. floor length white. it was a beautiful dress, perfect for a person in their 40s or 50s to get married in in fact. but I remember being horrified when she showed it to me...and told me how there was a no return policy at the store she bought it from (Jessica mcclintock?). I never told her I was irritated, I just went with it....but it did bug.

I feel so bad for you that your MIL wore white. My MIL wore black and my daughter says that means the MIL doesn't like the bride.

 

[christineann]

It is also tradition for the MOG to pay for the bride's bouquet, FYI.

Congratulations!

 

[NFLDERS]

Congratulations and enjoy!

Years from now perhaps a wee Patriot's fan in your future too!

 

[disykat]

My advice is to forget any nonsense about who traditionally pays for what and sit down and TALK about who is going to pay for what! I seriously believe all those "traditions" are outdated.

It's a big fear of mine that my boys will marry someone who wants a big traditional wedding and they'll have expectations of us. We plan on giving them a gift of some money and they can use it as they wish for their wedding or something else. We'll let them know the amount and that will be that. I'll happily stand off to the side, smiling and wearing whatever they want me to - it will be their day, complete with the decisions and the bills!

My biggest financial wedding gift to my future DILs will be a spouse with no debt for his bachelor's degree. We would have done the same if we had daughters. Helping them get their education was how we chose to set them up for success. They'll handle weddings on their own, anything we give them will be a gift.

 

[jerseygal]

CONGRATS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!

You must be SO HAPPY! Hoping for the same for our DS in '15!

 

[goofyintoronto]

It is also tradition for the MOG to pay for the bride's bouquet, FYI.

Congratulations!

never heard of that one before.

My advice is to forget any nonsense about who traditionally pays for what and sit down and TALK about who is going to pay for what! I seriously believe all those "traditions" are outdated.

It's a big fear of mine that my boys will marry someone who wants a big traditional wedding and they'll have expectations of us. We plan on giving them a gift of some money and they can use it as they wish for their wedding or something else. We'll let them know the amount and that will be that. I'll happily stand off to the side, smiling and wearing whatever they want me to - it will be their day, complete with the decisions and the bills!

My biggest financial wedding gift to my future DILs will be a spouse with no debt for his bachelor's degree.

Thank you! You took the words right out of my mouth! Those traditions are incredibly outdated! I think thats a lot of pressure to put on the brides parents. What if the brides parents really dont have any money to help pay for the daughters wedding? Tradition or not, i just dont think its fair. I agree that everyone needs to sit down and discuss who will pay what. Its the best way.

 

[donac]

Congrats. My ds got engaged in Nov. They have not started any planning yet. We tnink it will be spring or summer 2016. I think they are planning to pay for their own wedding since her parents are divorced and can't agree on anything. His cousin got engaged Christmas Eve and wants a winter wedding so I think I think she is looking at Dec 2015.

 

[NewRVLady]

never heard of that one before.


Thank you! You took the words right out of my mouth! Those traditions are incredibly outdated!

I think thats a lot of pressure to put on the brides parents. What if the brides parents really dont have any money to help pay for the daughters wedding? Tradition or not, i just dont think its fair. I agree that everyone needs to sit down and discuss who will pay what. Its the best way.

Took the words right out of my mouth!

I absolutely hate threads where peeps who think they are the New Ediquette Expert shake their heads in disdain over what goes on today.
Weddings are EXPENSIVE , and sometimes its the couple, and both sets of parents who have to figure it all out together.

 

[Kitty 34]

I had two sons get married in 2014 and the other son got married in 2013. Three very different weddings I must add!!

1st one got married at our courthouse. He and his bride wanted a quick wedding as he was stationed in Oklahoma and she didn't want to plan a wedding by herself up here. I offered to help but she didn't want a wedding.

Second son and wife had a very small intimate wedding last spring at a beautiful wedding chapel in Bloomfield Hills, MI. They wanted just family and a few friends there. My son and wife did all of the planning. It was a beautiful day.

Third son and wife had the typical huge wedding, huge reception, lots of showers and parties and fittings and what nots. There was a lot of stress and craziness but it ended up being a beautiful wedding and a fun reception. My son gave me a pic of him and I dancing the Mother/Son dance as a gift this Christmas. And of course I have the other 2,000 pics on an online site!

So between the three getting married there were a few "traditions" but not much. It pretty much all boiled down to what son and wife wanted for themselves and for their guests to enjoy.

The best advice a co-worker friend gave me several years ago was she and her DH decided to give their sons each a certain amount of money for their wedding so that's what we did. We gave each of our sons an amount and they could do whatever they wanted with it.

Also I should add that my sons are 25, 27, and 34 and that's the order of weddings, too!

 

[Kitty 34]

I forgot to add.......Congratulations to you son and enjoy it all!!!

 

[christineann]

The OP asked about "tradition," and I simply replied about the bride's bouquet. I just did an internet search, and that is listed as tradition (our wedding florist told us the same, too, but not as an absolute, of course).

No one is obligated to follow any tradition.....it's all about what works for the bride and groom and the families, and that may provide a starting point for discussion among them.

Again, congratulations to the OP and her son and future DIL.

 

[pat fan]

Years from now perhaps a wee Patriot's fan in your future too!

Shhh... (I KNOW!!!)

We're actually all getting together this weekend to talk about some stuff. I did tell the kids we would do the honeymoon unless they wanted help with the wedding. It's what we always told our boys, so they've kind of known. The church and minister are free because the parents belong to the church they're using (we'll tip the minister anyway), and the reception hall isn't too expensive, but I know the place they want to cater it is $$ and will most likely eat up the budget the dad gave them! LOL! I know the caterer includes the linens, dishes etc.... They don't want anything too fancy, so here's hoping it's not too much more. I'm thinking the food will be the worst thing! I know a reasonable photographer, but the church will video record the ceremony for like $50. So mostly it's just flowers, decorations for the hall and invites left.

 

[Snowysmom]

Congratulations! It is a fun time. I have been the MOG twice in 2 years. Both times we gave each son a check for a certain amount to use however they wanted. I mostly kept quiet except to ask how the planning was going. Both couples enjoyed telling us what they were planning. Older DS and daughter in law took us to look at a reception venue and food and cake tasting. Younger DS and daughter in law handled everything themselves with little input from us or the MOB. I planned the rehearsal dinners and showed up at the weddings wearing a fancy dress, not beige either time. Younger DS and daughter in law are now expecting their first baby, our first grandchild. It is a honeymoon baby. We are beyond excited.

Best wishes for a fantastic wedding.

 

[ronandannette]

My advice is to forget any nonsense about who traditionally pays for what and sit down and TALK about who is going to pay for what! I seriously believe all those "traditions" are outdated.

It's a big fear of mine that my boys will marry someone who wants a big traditional wedding and they'll have expectations of us. We plan on giving them a gift of some money and they can use it as they wish for their wedding or something else. We'll let them know the amount and that will be that. I'll happily stand off to the side, smiling and wearing whatever they want me to - it will be their day, complete with the decisions and the bills!

My biggest financial wedding gift to my future DILs will be a spouse with no debt for his bachelor's degree.

Congratulations OP - my DH's oldest DD got engaged on New Year's Eve too. We're not exactly over-the-moon about the situation - they are both 37 and between the two of them they have 6 kids and 5 ex-significant others. It will be the first "marriage" for both though and we expect they may want all the bells & whistles. While DH would love to give his little girl her heart's desire , we've both decided that going with a specified lump-sum as a gift is wiser all around. From there we will go into "shut up and show up" mode, although if they decide to elope we'll be fine with that too.