WINNING CANDIDATES TO VOTERS: SUCKERS!!!
In Victory Speeches Across U.S., Winners Promise to Break Campaign Promises
With remarkable unanimity, winners in Tuesdays congressional and gubernatorial elections used their victory speeches to send a clear, unambiguous message to the voters who elected them: campaign promises are meant to be broken.
To all those voters who supported me because I promised to increase government services while cutting taxes, let me say this: suckers!!! said winning congressional candidate Jim Cooper (D-NE) in a Omaha hotel ballroom packed with supporters.
Newly elected congressman David Hawkins (R-OH) echoed Mr. Coopers sentiments, telling supporters in Cincinnati, Tomorrow Im going to roll up my sleeves and get down to the hard job of breaking all of my campaign promises, one by one.
Mr. Hawkins, who ran on a platform of no more business as usual, amended that promise slightly, saying that as of his victory Tuesday night, it was business as usual.
In a stirring conclusion to his speech, he promised to serve the private interests that funded my campaign and to let everyone else kiss my fat ***.
Dr. Calvin Porter, professor of political science at the University of Minnesota, called the candidates public pledges to break their campaign promises refreshingly candid and a positive trend.
By openly telling the public that theyre going to break all of their campaign promises, these candidates are making themselves accountable, Dr. Porter said. When they come up for re-election, the public will judge just how well they have broken all of the promises they promised to break.
Nebraskas Cooper, perhaps, best exemplified this new trend Tuesday night when he told his supporters, To all of the promises I made during this campaign, let me now add one word: NOT!!!
****Borowitz Reports***
In Victory Speeches Across U.S., Winners Promise to Break Campaign Promises
With remarkable unanimity, winners in Tuesdays congressional and gubernatorial elections used their victory speeches to send a clear, unambiguous message to the voters who elected them: campaign promises are meant to be broken.
To all those voters who supported me because I promised to increase government services while cutting taxes, let me say this: suckers!!! said winning congressional candidate Jim Cooper (D-NE) in a Omaha hotel ballroom packed with supporters.
Newly elected congressman David Hawkins (R-OH) echoed Mr. Coopers sentiments, telling supporters in Cincinnati, Tomorrow Im going to roll up my sleeves and get down to the hard job of breaking all of my campaign promises, one by one.
Mr. Hawkins, who ran on a platform of no more business as usual, amended that promise slightly, saying that as of his victory Tuesday night, it was business as usual.
In a stirring conclusion to his speech, he promised to serve the private interests that funded my campaign and to let everyone else kiss my fat ***.
Dr. Calvin Porter, professor of political science at the University of Minnesota, called the candidates public pledges to break their campaign promises refreshingly candid and a positive trend.
By openly telling the public that theyre going to break all of their campaign promises, these candidates are making themselves accountable, Dr. Porter said. When they come up for re-election, the public will judge just how well they have broken all of the promises they promised to break.
Nebraskas Cooper, perhaps, best exemplified this new trend Tuesday night when he told his supporters, To all of the promises I made during this campaign, let me now add one word: NOT!!!
****Borowitz Reports***
