Will you pay for your DD's wedding?

[pw2pp]

I agree with alot of others here. College is the priority. We are paying for college. After college, she will be a rich Doctor (maybe ) and she and whoever her fiancee will be (when the time comes) will be financially prepared for that themselves and can do it their way.

 

[mrsheppo]

We have given 3 of our DD's $5,000.00 each for their wedding budgets. Each have had different types of weddings but they all got what they wanted. We consider it a gift to each of our girls. Only 1 more daughter left to marry off.

 

[georgina]

We'll pay for college, and will make a contribution toward a wedding, but I think so many weddings are stupidly outrageous and overdone. If DD's want to have one of those affairs, they can pay for it! My parents paid for my reception (we kept it small and simple) and we paid for everything else.

 

[jfulcer]

I'll pay for a ladder and a bus trip to Vegas.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

If I ever have a DD..I'll make her pay for part of it. It's only right..if SHE wants a big,expensive wedding, she's gonna help pay for it! I refuse to go into deep hock over a WEDDING the way my ILs did with SIL. Her wedding cost more than her 4 years in college!

TOV

 

[disykat]

I don't have girls. We will probably give our boys a gift of a couple thousand dollars which they can use how they wish. I'm not a fan of expensive weddings, or of parents hosting them, so even if I had a girl I would be doing the same. They could use it how they chose and I would stay out of the wedding planning.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

We have given 3 of our DD's $5,000.00 each for their wedding budgets. Each have had different types of weddings but they all got what they wanted. We consider it a gift to each of our girls. Only 1 more daughter left to marry off.

4 GIRLS! You could become a wedding planner!

Lori

 

[Ranatra]

Our DD got married last summer and we paid for the wedding, which is something I have always expected and wanted to do. We also have 2 sons. When and if they do marry, I will pitch in.
Most of the weddings we have gone to, (family, friends) have been paid for by the parents.

 

[Chattyaholic]

DH and I paid for most of our DD's wedding 5 years ago. The groom's parents chipped in $2,000 towards the reception (they wanted alcohol and we didn't want to pay for that) and they paid for the rehearsal dinner. I personally paid for my DD's wedding gown, as my gift to her.

We only have one DD so I was glad we were able to pay. If we'd had more daughters maybe we wouldn't have been able to pay for each one.

 

[leighe]

My parents paid for my wedding and said they'll do the same for my sister and then if my brother gets married take care of an engagement party, rehersal dinner, and the honeymoon. I've just always assumed that having kids means eventually paying for college and cars and weddings (well, 1 each anyway.) Most of my friends parents have paid for their weddings as well.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We'll give DDs a lump sum that they can use towards paying for a wedding, down payment on a house, save for retirement, etc.

Ditto here!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I will probably give them all a set amount of money. It would equal the cost of a "simple" wedding. No frills, nothing fancy. If my DD wants to go all out, and have the whole package, then she can use the money I would of spent on a simple wedding (and I am talking JUST close family and close friends) and put it towards what she will be spending on her wedding.

My sister is a florist who specializes in weddings. So, I know 1st hand how much people spend on a wedding, and it is unbelievable. I had a simple wedding, just mine and DH's immediate family and a handful of friends. Had a JP come to our house, and my dad paid for the food. 3 years later, we got married in the Church, and that was even SMALLER! It was just us and 5 or 6 friends, and we went to a nice restaurant for dinner after the ceremony. I wouldn't change it. I think the smaller weddings are more memorable.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

My parents paid for my wedding and said they'll do the same for my sister and then if my brother gets married take care of an engagement party, rehersal dinner, and the honeymoon. I've just always assumed that having kids means eventually paying for college and cars and weddings (well, 1 each anyway.) Most of my friends parents have paid for their weddings as well.

And if you pay for all of these for your children, at what point do you think they will understand the value of a dollar?

I used to work with a guy who gave his kids the world! And their friends too, if it meant keeping the friends. There was nothing this guy would say no to when it came to what his kids wanted. Everyone who worked with him have always wondered how they would survive having work and earn their own money, and pay their own bills, ect. They will have no clue. Daddy will pay for it. Well, daddy will not be around forever. I'm sorry.

 

[leighe]

And if you pay for all of these for your children, at what point do you think they will understand the value of a dollar?

I used to work with a guy who gave his kids the world! And their friends too, if it meant keeping the friends. There was nothing this guy would say no to when it came to what his kids wanted. Everyone who worked with him have always wondered how they would survive having work and earn their own money, and pay their own bills, ect. They will have no clue. Daddy will pay for it. Well, daddy will not be around forever. I'm sorry.

Wow. I don't really equate parents paying for certain things with not ever learning the value of a dollar. My parents didn't just hand me anything I wanted. Everything came with a "price" so to speak - either actual money or increased responsibility. When I was growing up my parents usually gave me a set limit for certain expenses - school clothes, for example - and if I wanted something above and beyond (or something my mother just didn't like or want to pay for) I had to pay for it myself. My parents said no to plenty of things I wanted to buy or do. They certainly would have pulled the plug on college money if I had been fooling around, not going to class, getting bad grades, etc.

I think all three of us turned out to be responsible adults in spite of my parents best efforts otherwise.

 

[debloco]

Dh often comments about how he would love to pay for DD-8's wedding someday. It gives him much pride to do this for her (although he really doesn't want her to ever get married ). Anyway, I often think about this tradition. I feel that it's based on the tradition of a young girl's family basically "paying" for someone to marry her. Sort of like "OK, we're so glad that your son has agreed to marry our daughter, that we'll pay for the entire thing!". I know that this probably isn't the sentiment anymore, but I kind of feel that when a couple decides to marry each other, both families should want to pay for it. Giving your child a great wedding to start off their marriage should be what most people want, whether or not they have a son or daughter. Any thoughts?

Well, I don't think I can say that DH will "love" paying for the wedding! But we are both planning on it. It's more the "planning" of the wedding by his DW and DD that gives him the willies! And I don't think that I could ever force my DD to choose betweeen a "college or wedding". Like a couple of others who have posted, we are planning on paying for college and a wedding (we already paid for private school). That said, she only gets one wedding paid for by us! My DD is 15 now and it's something she talks about now and then...what song she wants to dance to with her dad, what kind of cake, how she would love to honeymoon at WDW and wear the bride ears! We know we'll have a great time planning the wedding together and are looking forward to whenever that is. Of course, I do keep telling her she doesn't have to get married, but she's 15 and I get the "yeah, yeah Mom...whatever...I want to get married"

And when a couple decides to marry, both families do pay for it. True, the bride's family pays more, but the groom's family pays for the rehersal dinner and the groom pays for the honeymoon and the engagement ring. Others contribute as well. The bridesmaids and groomsmen pay for their dresses and tuxes, transportation and (for the bridesmaids) to get their hair and nails done and shoes. Same goes for flower girls and ringbearers.

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't have children, so this won't be an issue for me per se, but I can tell you what my parents did.

When I got engaged, they told me they had "X" amount of money saved towrd my wedding, and I could spend it all on my wedding or I could not, but whatever I didn't spend, they would give me.

Let me tell you, that's a good way to get the bride-to-be to really think about each wedding expense. Don't get me wrong, I had a very wonderful, very "normal" (for my area of the world) wedding, with everything I wanted. But somehow the $400 wedding dress didn't look any nicer than the $2000 wedding dress when I realized that I'd be getting the $1600 difference!!!! I made the favors myself, did the calligraphy on the invitations myself, did a lot of little things myself less expensively. DH's parents also very generously paid for the band and the rehearsal dinner, inaditon to my bridal shower etc. We were very fortunate, and ended up with a nice little sum of money to start our life together.

 

[beattyfamily]

As much as we are able without going in to debt, yes we'll help out.

ITA but I really replied to you to say what a cutie your baby is!!!!! I LOVE poodles and have 5 Toy Poodles myself but your's is a major cutie pie!

 

[CEDmom]

I'm thinking about my mom now ... and I hypothesize that if she one day offers to pay for part of my wedding, and I turn her down, she might actually feel hurt, underappreciated, excluded. Anyone have that experience?

This is kind of how my mom felt. I was 32 when I got married and had been on my own since college. Although my mom had always talked about how my dad and she planned on paying for my wedding I honestly didn't expect her to. However, she paid for everything the bride's family is supposed to including my dress. I have to say DH and I had a small wedding because that's what we wanted and the total cost was well under $10,000, actually closer to $5000. Although my mom has always been generous I couldn't imagine expecting her to pay $20,000-30,000 for a wedding.

As I said in my previous post DH and I intend to pay for DD's wedding but we won't drain or retirement accounts or take on a 2nd mortgage to do so. Just because you want to do things for your children doesn't mean they can't learn the value of a $ or they are going to grow up expecting things all the time. Even at age 5 DD is learning a lot about that.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

If I'm rich, yes. My parents and my ex's parents each paid for half. I don't think any set of parents should pay for the entire thing themselves.

 

[disneygals]

I have 3 dd's. I plan to give them each a lump sum (to be determined after college, etc.) and I plan to smile and LOVE no matter what they plan or pick out.