Will you pay for your DD's wedding?

[princesspumpkin]

Dh often comments about how he would love to pay for DD-8's wedding someday. It gives him much pride to do this for her (although he really doesn't want her to ever get married ). Anyway, I often think about this tradition. I feel that it's based on the tradition of a young girl's family basically "paying" for someone to marry her. Sort of like "OK, we're so glad that your son has agreed to marry our daughter, that we'll pay for the entire thing!". I know that this probably isn't the sentiment anymore, but I kind of feel that when a couple decides to marry each other, both families should want to pay for it. Giving your child a great wedding to start off their marriage should be what most people want, whether or not they have a son or daughter. Any thoughts?

 

[RadioNate]

I agree. We started out with a lot of debt (NOT from a wedding) and it was really really hard and if I can spare my children from that I will.

We only have a son but we've already decided to pay for college and if he should get married we'll probablly give a lump sum to use for whatever he'd like.

That's the plan anyway. If something happens that we can't afford these things will work it out then to help as much as possible.

 

[chrissyk]

Absolutely not! We plan to pay for our future children's college educations (and maybe grad. school, depending on how they budget their education funds), but no way would we pay for a wedding! I've seen soooo many of my friends waste either their parents' or their own $$$ on a wedding, only to end up crying poor for years afterwards. It's just not worth it in either DH's or my opinion. If our child is old enough to get married, they're old enough to pay for the wedding that they desire. JMHO.

 

[Shugardrawers]

As much as we are able without going in to debt, yes we'll help out. I think that unless you have $50,000 laying around you really don't need to spend that on a wedding. For my first wedding my parents put out about $1,500 in 1988. When DH and I married we were much older and paid for everything ourselves and stayed within our means. It was very very small and we probably spent only $1,000 total but I married the man of my dreams and am no less married than my friend who spent well over 10X that. DH says we'll offer whatever we can to DD and her FH and they can take a lump sum and get married at the courthouse or they can put it towards something more elaborate but if they choose the latter they are on their own for the rest. I'm sure that her grandmother will want to throw the wedding of the century and more power to her (she can afford it) but we won't be pressured into doing more than we can comfortably afford. We are firm believers in staying out of debt except for cars and homes. A fancy wedding doesn't guarentee a good marriage. I'm much more concerned that she marry a good man who makes her happy.

 

[CyranoJones]

My DD is engaged and although they haven't set a date yet and probably won't be for a while, we've been thinking about this. More than likely we will decide on a set amount for them to spend. If there's anything they want over and above that amount, it will be their responsibility. I don't see that happening though.

 

[krissy3483]

my parents gave me the choice: college or a wedding. I chose college. I know that they will give me money towards a wedding, but I don't expect them to pay for all of it. It would be nice if they were in a position to do so, but I don't want to see them go into debt so that I can have a fancy wedding. Sure I would love to have a dream wedding, but I would rather save money for a house and have a much smaller, more intimate wedding.

 

[CEDmom]

We only have 1 child which makes things a lot easier. We'll be paying for everything private school, college and wedding. Luckily we started saving way before she was even born.

 

[Chicago526]

My parents have told me since I was 5 that "You'd better elope, because we aren't paying for your wedding!". Which is fine, you can't say they didn't warn me. They will give us a cash "gift" to use as we wish, but no where near enough to pay for the whole thing (maybe the honeymoon though). It isn't that they don't have the money, they do and then some! It's just how they've always felt about it.

I've got no problem with my parents position on this, but I think for my own kids, that I will give them a larger amount than what I'm getting. I won't pay for the whole thing (unless they plan a modest wedding), but I will give what I can.

 

[Sandy V.]

We will probably offer a set amount that they can apply towards a wedding, honeymoon, down payment on a house, etc. They would be responsible as a couple for anything additional.

We would probably make the same offer to both our daughter and our son.

 

[Jilliebean]

We'll give DDs a lump sum that they can use towards paying for a wedding, down payment on a house, save for retirement, etc. That's what my parents did for me!

 

[gina2000]

College first. I'm sure we'll set aside something for DS's wedding, though, assuming we have it.

 

[princess pooh]

Dh often comments about how he would love to pay for DD-8's wedding someday. It gives him much pride to do this for her

My dad feels the same way as your DH. He wants to pay for the whole thing himself but we're going to be dividing up the cost. I don't quite get why he wants to do it, maybe it's a dad/daughter thing??? All I know is that he's been so calm and supportive throughout all the wedding madness - I need that a lot more than money!

 

[Sandy22]

No. I would expect my DD to have a career in place prior to marrying. She can pay for it herself. As a gift, I might pay for a certain portion of it - like the food or the dress.

 

[cats7494]

It is not a priority to pay for dd's wedding. We want to pay for her college education - (still working on that one!)
I have always told her: College first, then build her career, then marriage, then children (if that is what she wants) Don't change that order though!

Dh and I paid for our own wedding - and that was totally fine with us! We did not expect our parents to pay for our wedding at all. If we are making the adult choice to get married we can be adults and pay for it

Although - as someone else mentioned - I may pay for pictures or flowers as a gift.

 

[MiJo]

Our DD and future SIL realize we are not rich, by any means. But, we do want to help out with their wedding costs. Fortunately, they are having a small wedding; only 50-60 guests. We have offered to pay for the food, soda and coffee at the reception but they are paying for most everything else themselves (photographer, flowers, music, cake, etc.). Of course, my DW will be purchasing a gown, I will be renting a tux and we will be giving them a gift, so that all adds up as well. She is our only daughter, though, and she deserves our help as much as we are able to contribute.
I know when we got married in 1976, our buffet dinner cost $3.50 per person! Not any more!

 

[4greatboys]

We only have boys but we will help out with the wedding. If I had a d and she wanted a $20,000 or more wedding I'd have to say no we wouldnt pay that much but we would help out.

 

[EltonJohn]

My parents paid for my college education (plus some grad school that I did not complete), and they are still supporting me while I look for work. They have done more than enough for me. If I get married I'd prefer that me and my hubby pay for it ourselves. Also, if we pay for it ourselves then we have absolute control over the wedding-we don't have to do this or that to please our parents, etc. I want a small wedding anyway, my focus would be on the Honeymoon to follow

 

[danacara]

We only have 1 child which makes things a lot easier. We'll be paying for everything private school, college and wedding. Luckily we started saving way before she was even born.

I hear you! I'm in that saver-upper stage!

I have always told her: College first, then build her career, then marriage, then children (if that is what she wants) Don't change that order though!

My mom always said exactly the same thing.

I don't think I'll have a tremendously expensive wedding. I do want some bells and whistles though ... we'll see. I haven't really discussed this with my mother.

 

[pixiemomma]

Nope. College, first car, downpayment for a house, yes. Wedding no.

 

[luv2nascar]

yes we will pay within reason probably set a certain amount.
We have two dd's and hopefully both will go to college too so we'll be broke.

edited to add I think I have convinced oldest dd to have a disney wedding someday so I'll need every cent we have.