Will u allow or not allow your child to go away to college?

[Anne34]

Heck yes...actually I would insist. Although - DD picked a school in a different state - 4 hours away, so really, it worked well for me.

College is not only a time to learn about your intended major. It is a time to learn about "life". College is a great time for that to happen.

I do feel very strongly about this. And have for my entire adult life. Is it cheap. Heck no. Worth it...every penny.

I feel exactly the same way!

I have seen the way of thinking with some of my DD19's friends parents. They feel there are excellent schools in the Chicago area & why go away and spend all that money. It's more about learning to deal with life than just going away. I'm still amazed by some of the things my daughter calls me about -- can't imagine if she lived at home and was just moving out in her 20's

 

[Marionnette]

I feel exactly the same way!

I have seen the way of thinking with some of my DD19's friends parents. They feel there are excellent schools in the Chicago area & why go away and spend all that money. It's more about learning to deal with life than just going away. I'm still amazed by some of the things my daughter calls me about -- can't imagine if she lived at home and was just moving out in her 20's

There's plenty of time to learn how to deal with life. Do you know how many college graduates move back home after they're done with school? They do it because they can't afford to be out on their own! Those student loans can be crippling!

It makes much better sense to postpone that lesson in independence until they are a bit more mature than it is to throw them out and have them come back because they can't afford the debt they have accrued.

 

[TnTWalter]

got a scholarship. I would also say that if the child wants to work to pay would also work for me.

I also assumed the mom was willing to pay in state tuition so the child would only have to figure out how to pay for the difference. There are many scholarships especially for an honor roll student, etc. and many job options.

I think a big problem today is how easy and acceptable it is for people to get student loans....and the amounts sometimes are completely off base [i.e. $80k to get a degree in something that typically earns <$40k per year or something].

17 or 18 year olds taking out student loans just for an 'EXPERIENCE' is silly. College is actually supposed to be for an EDUCATION, not an EXPERIENCE.
I'd rather my child take summers before or during college to get an EXPERIENCE.

Trish

 

[scrapquitler]

I am on the fence about this one. It is very hard for me to justify spending tens of thousands of dollars for my child to have food and a place to live when I am already paying for food and a place to live for the whole family. If my child (HS junior) really wanted to live away from home, I wouldn't forbid it, but I would discuss with her whether she really wanted to take out loans to pay for something I'm already providing for free.

Our personal circumstances play into this a little bit. We live in an area where there are many high quality universities in commuting distance. We have saved enough money to pay for a reasonable tuition for my child, but probably not room and board as well. My husband commuted to college. I lived in a dorm for two years (hated it) and moved back with my parents and transferred to a different school because I was very unhappy living far from my family. I made very good friends in my dorm that LOVED the dorm experience so I understand that it is not the same for everyone.

I pretty much agree with everything above. We have told our daughter (a junior) that she WILL be going to college locally for at least the first two years because if she does that, we can pay out of pocket for it (as we probably won't get any financial aid). At this point, it is a priority for us to have her get her undergraduate degree with as few loans as humanly possible because she will probably have to get at least a masters degree, and we do NOT want her saddled with tens of thousands of dollars of loans as a young person starting out in life.

Now, even telling her that she needs to live at home while attending college locally doesn't mean that her choices are very limited. We have some good state schools, a decent community college sytems, and lots of private universities all within easy commuting distance from home (heck, if she wins a scholarship she can even commute to an ivy league school in less than 15 minutes, so its not like she doesn't have good local choices...but that Ivy would require a BIG scholarship lol), but I'm not paying $8000 for her to live on campus when she can live at home for free. If she gets a full ride scholarship out of state...see ya! have fun.

 

[mjkacmom]

I wasn't allowed to apply to any local colleges - my parents wanted us to go away, and have the typical college experience, and start to be independent. Thank goodness! Dd16 wants to go away - far away - lol!

 

[HM]

I think the mom is acting in a financially sound manner.
I do feel sorry for the daughter if that choice doesn't suit her though. But I think she'll be very glad and praise her mother when she's not paying back loans later in life.

I did have a classmate who got into our local school and her parents insisted that she live at home rather than a dorm (which she wanted to do). She really did not enjoy school much.

 

[CammelleandBre]

I would encourage it but if she didn't want to I would not force her. I want her to have the whole college experience. Things I did not get to do because I became pregnant at 17, and had her at 18. I went to a Community College.

 

[Ginny Favers]

My parents wanted me to live in a dorm and get the full college experience, but they also strongly suggested that I go to college within a close (30 minute) drive. I found one college I LOVED but it was 8 hours away by car, and I was nervous, being that far away from home. I also had medical issues that made it much more sense for me to be closer to home. SO I am glad I listened to them.

I agree that it depends on the child. I can already tell my daughter is outgoing and much braver than I was, and would probably LOVE to go to school in another part of the country. I would not hold her back. Of course I would make suggestions based on her personality and needs, like my parents did, but it would ultimately be up to my child.

 

[codimouse]

My DD wants to be a radiologist. Her 1st 2 years will be at a jr college a few hours away. It is a lot cheaper than if she just jumps right in to a university. She did choose a school a couple hours away just to experience living on her own and in a dorm.
She graduates in June and then in July she is off.

Sandi; sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[Colleen27]

There's plenty of time to learn how to deal with life.

No kidding. I think we overthink these "first world" problems so much that we lose sight of the big picture - the majority of American adults don't have a college degree, so obviously it is possible to learn how to deal with life without doing so in a dorm.

 

[Bete]

at my original post.

I'm just trying to say there are a lot more temptations going to college away from home. It might not be a bad idea to delay that aspect. I could have joined into college parties even doing a commuting school.

Mostly, I feel it's economics. If I can go to a so-called better school by staying home, then that might be a better choice. I think in this economy it's smart to think about the future and the chances of getting a better job or just a job out of college. These times are very different from when I went to school.

Everyone is different. Getting a college education without debt (or the least amount possible) I would think should be the goal in this economy.

 

[Granny square]

You can grow up without going into debt for the next 30 years. My kids can do what they like and each will probably make different choices. But they will know that they can go to college and spend their college fund there, or they can go to a less expensive school and have a house at the end.

The idea that college dorms bring about anything but continuing that adolescent phase is ridiculous.

 

[mommy22gurlz]

My DD20 spent her first two years at home attending community college, she didn't want to leave home, and that was perfectly fine with me. Plus it was cheap enough for us to pay out of pocket as opposed to loans. If I made her home a happy one that she didn't want to leave then kudos for me, lol.

She just moved in August to a University about 4 hours away. I knew she needed this and I'm not going to lie, it was a little tough on all of us, especially my DD13. But we are learning to adjust, make trips to visit and she does come home about every 3rd week. She was so dependent on us that she needed this to learn to live on her own and pay her own bills, etc. Her dad and I always told her we'd pay for her bachelor's degree, so we are paying the loans for these two years and as she goes on to her Master's she's on her own for that.

As far as partying, I know PLENTY of kids that party living at home. I don't think sending them off to college makes them do that, especially if they listen to what they were taught.

As for me, we made the right choice for our family...but every family and their situation is different.

 

[kkmcan]

My dd will go to whatever college we can afford. I do not believe that she or we should have to use loans to pay for it. I have friends in their 30's and 40's who are still paying on college loans- ridiculous! And some of them don't even have a job/career in those areas that they got their degree in. What a waste! I will not be taking out loans to pay for educations.

Lucky for dh and I, our parents didn't have college funds for us but were able to send us to the local community college for 2 years and then the university for 2 years without having to take out loans. We've never had the stress of having to pay for colllege or loans. I'd like to be able to do that for my kids.

 

[DawnM]

I won't disallow it, that is for sure. I might suggest that if they can get what they need locally that it would be better financially for them to stay at home and attend college, but I certainly won't insist either way.

As far as paying for it, we have told our kids we will pay the equivalent of the local 4 year school for them (and living at home) to either go "free" locally OR they can opt to take that and apply it to their choice of school and pay the difference.

 

[ICF]

My kids can go wherever they want. The only thing is that we'll only be paying $X amount towards their school.

Going to an in-state public school is going to be a lot cheaper than going to an out of state private school, in most cases. So, if they want to go to a more expensive school they'll have to pay more on their end.

 

[Minnesota!]

I really like the rule a friend of mine instituted for her kids....the college chosen has to be at least 250 miles from home. That way it forces the kid to get used to doing things on their own, but 250 miles can be covered in a pretty short time if a need arises for parents to come/kid to come home for something.

I will encourage my kids to go wherever they want - as long as they are living on campus. I do feel, though, that the farther away, the better. Makes them stand on their own 2 feet quicker.

I went to school 2 hours away and it was too close - I came home weekly and never developed ties to the school. I dropped out after 1 year. If I hadn't been able to come home so often, I would have had to learn to live where I was. Not just be there for a night or two and essentially live at my parents...

 

[mjkacmom]

The idea that college dorms bring about anything but continuing that adolescent phase is ridiculous.

I'm assuming you did not live in a college dorm? Because that experience was one of my best experiences. I'm still very close to the women I met at orientation. There was a group of us who lived with rooms next to each other for 4 years. Of course we had other friends, and joined a sorority, but the laughs and the tears we had together formed an incredible bond. They are still my dearest friends, even if we only get together once a year.

It was a great way to bridge childhood and adulthood. When I graduated, I did move home for a year before getting an apartment with a roommate, and then my own apartment. While it was nice being home for a bit, after being away for those years, I really wanted to get out on my own.

 

[ccgirl]

I just finished a conversation with my neighbor. Her daughter is in her 1st year of college - she is an excellent student - honors in H.S.! She is going to school to be a physical therapist. The girl wanted to go away to college but the mom refuses to let her. Does not understand why kids need to go away if they can get the same education from a local school etc. She won't allow her daughter to take out a loan - she said if she gets a "full" scholarship she can then go next year...

I disagree - i think if my child wants to go away i would allow them - not saying i would pay for the entire thing - i have a certain amount i can give them towards college but i think it could be a good experience if that is what they are looking to do.

What is your opinion?

My answer would be it depends on finances. I agree with the mom, in part, because if they can get the education at a local school and not have to take out loans why not do it? I think teaching our "children" smart finances is a great thing. Why should they be saddled with student loan debt if they can avoid it?

 

[NotUrsula]

I'm not sure how I could "make" my 18 yo adult child choose any particular place, but FWIW, he will not be living at home once he starts college. Part of our condition for financing his tuition is that it means learning to manage his own life, and we don't trust him to make a full effort at that if he is still under our roof.