Will TarzansKat meet Captain Jack? ~A Pirate's Life for 3 Pre-Trippie~ We're back!

[Lady Lallie]

Aww, LL...I knew I could count on you! Feel like chattin'?

Of course I do!

 

[TarzansKat]

Of course I do!

Well, girlie, I'm going off topic here, but I had a rough day.

 

[Lady Lallie]

Well, girlie, I'm going off topic here, but I had a rough day.

I hear ya. I had a rough week last week and it's continuing. What's going on with you?

 

[TarzansKat]

I hear ya. I had a rough week last week and it's continuing. What's going on with you?

Meh...it's going to to take me a while to post it all, you'll need some background. Back in a flash, whilst I write it.

 

[Lady Lallie]

Meh...it's going to to take me a while to post it all, you'll need some background. Back in a flash, whilst I write it.

 

[TarzansKat]

Alrighty, so this is the situation of the TK family. I work part time as a bank teller so that we have health insurance. I kick in about half of my salary towards it, and the bank picks up the other portion. I basically make a little under $100 a week. This is only doable because my mom has watched my son for us while I work. I work Wed-Sat, so she has him three days. I'm very, very grateful for what she's done, but all the driving (the branch is about 20 minutes away, but very close to my mother's house) and not being able to leave right away because DS is still sleeping makes my part time days very, very long.

My parents previously owned a gourmet store/deli which they had to close this year. They still do their respective businesses, my mother does gourmet/fruit baskets from home and my father does his catering, and has another third shift job which provides their health insurance. DH also works with for my dad on the weekends. My mother is very, very busy now that she's working from home. I'm not denying that DS has wonderful care being with family, and he loves seeing my parents and my nana, but having done this for the past two years has worn me down. Without getting into all the family dramatics, suffice it to say I haven't really been happy with my situation, but I've done it, because we need health insurance, and if there's one thing about TK you need to know, it's that I do what needs to be done for my family.

Enter the problem/excitement. A full time position came open at a branch that is literally five minutes from where I live. I should add, this is the same bank, so I'd only be switching locations, not employers. Actually, mapquesting it indicates it's exactly 3.08 miles, so a little over 6 miles roundtrip. Currently, I drive about 30 round trip.

The reason I was so excited is because it's not full time full time. Allow myself to explain myself. I currently work 22.5 hours a week, but because of travel time, it's really like 29 hours away from home. This position is 30 hours a week. It's the least amount of hours you can work, but get full time benefits. I'd make more money, my insurance costs would decrease, but what to do about childcare? Therein lies the rub. I called my mom today and asked if she would consider coming here one day a week. Answer was no. Let's not go into details, it's not pretty, and part of me understands where she's coming from and part of me is pissed. No flames, please, it's complicated.

So I called daycares. Because the thing is DH and I have tried to avoid daycare like the plague as a personal choice. But this year, we were looking to send DS to preschool two days a week anyway. And all those reasons we didn't want him in day care don't really hold true if he's going to preschool anyway.

My schedule would be as follows. Mon & Tues 830-430, Thurs & Fri 830-200, and Sat 830-1200. I currently have three days off, so I would lose one. But I'd gain so much more time at home. The thought was to bring DS to Mom's twice a week, and put him in day care the other two days, preferably Thurs & Fri, since those are shorter and I'll be able to get him out earlier.

I have made an excel spreadsheet and when all is said and done, we'd gain about $1500 a year. That may even be a bit more considering I'd save on gas as well.

But for me, it's not about the money. At all. It's about working at a branch that's 5 minutes from my home. And getting DS into a preschool environment where it doesn't matter if he's potty trained. And taking some of the unbelievable pressure off that I've had on me for the past two years. And, God bless them, getting a little less enmeshed with my family and breaking out on our own and feeling less guilt all the time.

And it also means that if we ever wanted to have another child, I would qualify for FMLA. Which right now, working 22.5 hours a week, I don't. Even if we're happy as the three of us, that's still scary...I mean, what if something happens to me, or DS and I needed to be out of work...we'd lose our health insurance.

This has gotten longer than I meant it to, and I don't know if I hit all the points I wanted.

I discussed it with DH when he got home, and realized that if I didn't apply, I would regret it. At least let me put in the hands of the management team at the bank. Maybe I'm not the best candidate for this position. But if I don't try, then I'll never know, and for the most part, I try to live life without regret. So I'm sort of nervous, and excited, and unsure. Any thoughts?

 

[Princesskeyblade]

Go for it, there is no harm in trying!


I am sending some pixie dust your way!

 

[TarzansKat]

Go for it, there is no harm in trying!


I am sending some pixie dust your way!

Thanks for the dust. I could sure use it.

 

[Lady Lallie]

First of all.

I think you are doing the right thing by applying for the job. The benefits strongly outweigh any negatives and I think you know that. I think it is so wonderful that you have been able to be home with DS and have him with his grandparents as well. I also think it would be great for him to get into preschool. At the same time, it would be very very stressful for me personally to worry about losing insurance, god forbid anything happened to you or DH. At least if you went to the full time benefits you would be "covered" just a little more and probably be able to breathe just a little easier, at least I know I would.

Now, if you got the new position and DS went to daycare/preschool, would your mom still watch him on the other two days?

I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is with the family dynamic with your parents watching your DS. It's a wonderful thing for everyone involved but probably pretty stressful and hard to manage.

I don't know if anything I have said has helped, but I really feel for you TK. I get overwhelmed just thinking about DF and I starting a family and I know it won't get any easier as time progresses. Just know that I really admire what you do for you family.

 

[TarzansKat]

First of all.

Thanks, I need that.

I think you are doing the right thing by applying for the job. The benefits strongly outweigh any negatives and I think you know that. I think it is so wonderful that you have been able to be home with DS and have him with his grandparents as well. I also think it would be great for him to get into preschool. At the same time, it would be very very stressful for me personally to worry about losing insurance, god forbid anything happened to you or DH. At least if you went to the full time benefits you would be "covered" just a little more and probably be able to breathe just a little easier, at least I know I would.

I feel like it would be a little security blanket, kwim?

Now, if you got the new position and DS went to daycare/preschool, would your mom still watch him on the other two days?

I hope so since one of her big issues was my making any "rash decisions." i.e. putting him in daycare/pre-school full time.

I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is with the family dynamic with your parents watching your DS. It's a wonderful thing for everyone involved but probably pretty stressful and hard to manage.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have had this same fight with my mom/family. I've been talking about it for a little over a year now, that I'm very unhappy, that I wish things were different and I feel like everyone is always brushing it aside, and then I have to buck up and keep truckin' and just do it.

Just know that I really admire what you do for you family.

Well, it definitely helped, and actually, your post made me cry. It makes me realize some things about myself. And for all intensive purpsoes, you and I, but for the DIS are strangers to each other. You've never met me, and yet you are able to say such kind things about me. I have really begun to treasure the relationships I am forming here, and am so glad I started this pre-trip report. But sometimes, it just seems like everything is so difficult...I said to one of my friends tonight, I feel like I'm a bad mom because I want to work more, or because I can't stay home with him more, but also feel like I'm not making smart choices for my family either. Blech! Sometimes I really despise being a responsible adult.

 

[Lady Lallie]

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have had this same fight with my mom/family. I've been talking about it for a little over a year now, that I'm very unhappy, that I wish things were different and I feel like everyone is always brushing it aside, and then I have to buck up and keep truckin' and just do it.

I get the same feeling sometimes that people just brush my feelings aside. It's frustrating.

Well, it definitely helped, and actually, your post made me cry. It makes me realize some things about myself. And for all intensive purpsoes, you and I, but for the DIS are strangers to each other. You've never met me, and yet you are able to say such kind things about me. I have really begun to treasure the relationships I am forming here, and am so glad I started this pre-trip report.

I am so glad that I found the DIS as well. It gives me an outlet to be myself and be free. As cliche as that sounds. I look forward to "seeing" everyone here on the DIS and am more than a little sad when everyone is out and about. I hope that someday I can meet you and those DIS-ers that have touched my life on these boards.

But sometimes, it just seems like everything is so difficult...I said to one of my friends tonight, I feel like I'm a bad mom because I want to work more, or because I can't stay home with him more, but also feel like I'm not making smart choices for my family either. Blech! Sometimes I really despise being a responsible adult.

Above all, you have to do what is right for you and your family. You can't feel bad about it, it's very hard in these times to be able to survive as a one income family. I know DF and I can't do that. As much as I would love to stay home with our "future children", I don't think it's going to happen. Heck, if we could survive on one income, I would be a lady of leisure right now!
Don't feel bad about working/staying home. You need to do what is right for your family. Some people can't imagine working and others can't imagine staying home, it's what is best for you. I think you have a pretty good balance right now and it will be even better if you do get the position you want.
Keep your chin up, TK. Things will work out.
It's so much easier to tell you that, than myself.

 

[TarzansKat]

I get the same feeling sometimes that people just brush my feelings aside. It's frustrating.

I know how you feel. It's like talking to several walls. Who knew so many people could so easily turn into walls?

I am so glad that I found the DIS as well. It gives me an outlet to be myself and be free. As cliche as that sounds. I look forward to "seeing" everyone here on the DIS and am more than a little sad when everyone is out and about. I hope that someday I can meet you and those DIS-ers that have touched my life on these boards.

I'm totally with you on this one. I envision one day when we'll all meet at the World. Now that would be awesome!

Above all, you have to do what is right for you and your family. You can't feel bad about it, it's very hard in these times to be able to survive as a one income family. I know DF and I can't do that. As much as I would love to stay home with our "future children", I don't think it's going to happen. Heck, if we could survive on one income, I would be a lady of leisure right now!

I hear that! If we were living in my fantasy world, I'd be a stay at home mom pregnant with my second child now. Alas, my fantasies are not reality. I know that sounds funny, considering that I'm talking about working more, but it's really not taking that much more of my time away from my family, so to speak.

Don't feel bad about working/staying home. You need to do what is right for your family. Some people can't imagine working and others can't imagine staying home, it's what is best for you. I think you have a pretty good balance right now and it will be even better if you do get the position you want.

I was very blessed in that I was able to stay home with DS for the first year. That was a wonderful time, but I do enjoy my job. It's my conversation with adults time.

Keep your chin up, TK. Things will work out.
It's so much easier to tell you that, than myself.

Things will work out for you, too. I can tell. You're good people, and you and DF soon to be DH will find a way to make it work.

 

[Lady Lallie]

I know how you feel. It's like talking to several walls. Who knew so many people could so easily turn into walls?

That is exactly it!

I'm totally with you on this one. I envision one day when we'll all meet at the World. Now that would be awesome!

Bounceback dining anyone? Seriously, I would love to have a meet at the World. It would be great and I have just decided all by myself that it will happen. I am that determined! Plus, we can have tshirts and we all know how LL feels about tshirts.

I hear that! If we were living in my fantasy world, I'd be a stay at home mom pregnant with my second child now. Alas, my fantasies are not reality. I know that sounds funny, considering that I'm talking about working more, but it's really not taking that much more of my time away from my family, so to speak.
I was very blessed in that I was able to stay home with DS for the first year. That was a wonderful time, but I do enjoy my job. It's my conversation with adults time.

As much as I say that I want to stay home full time, I think me having a job will help keep me just a little more sane. Adult conversation is key.

Things will work out for you, too. I can tell. You're good people, and you and DF soon to be DH will find a way to make it work.

Thanks. We are just in the home stretch of planning and paying. The paying is what is getting to me. I have to have spending money for the cruise, finish paying of the WDW trip, all within a matter of weeks PLUS all the last minute wedding stuff. I am trying hard not to regret my camera purchase because it makes me so happy but it's hard to not feel guilty. Though, I have no guilt about the WL upgrade.
Did I mention...today is 40 days until the big day! Yikes.

 

[TarzansKat]

Bounceback dining anyone?

I already told DH if it's offered we're booking, so as to emotionally prepare him for the throw-down he'll have to have with his employer next year.

Plus, we can have tshirts and we all know how LL feels about tshirts.

You and the shirts.

As much as I say that I want to stay home full time, I think me having a job will help keep me just a little more sane. Adult conversation is key.

I don't know how to express this, because it almost makes me feel guilty, but I really, really like my getting away time. Even though it's work, I get to dress nicely, interact with people, and have some adult time. It was hard for me to leave DS as a baby, but now that he's older, and would benefit from social interaction with other children, it's a little easier for me to look at day care in a new light.

Thanks. We are just in the home stretch of planning and paying. The paying is what is getting to me. I have to have spending money for the cruise, finish paying of the WDW trip, all within a matter of weeks PLUS all the last minute wedding stuff. I am trying hard not to regret my camera purchase because it makes me so happy but it's hard to not feel guilty. Though, I have no guilt about the WL upgrade.
Did I mention...today is 40 days until the big day! Yikes.

Don't feel bad about the camera. You'll use it for many, many years, it was a worthy investment. I hate that feeling of everything crashing down all at once, but you will live through it!!! And we'll all be here to support you...perhaps with a new t-shirt???

 

[Lady Lallie]

I already told DH if it's offered we're booking, so as to emotionally prepare him for the throw-down he'll have to have with his employer next year.

I have said this to DF. I will glady forego souvenirs if it means a deposit for next year. It would be nice if some of our vaca days overlapped. Yep...we are talking vacation for next year and this years hasn't even come yet.

You and the shirts.

I'm telling you it's some deep down desire I never fulfilled in high school or college and I MUST FULFILL IT NOW!

I don't know how to express this, because it almost makes me feel guilty, but I really, really like my getting away time. Even though it's work, I get to dress nicely, interact with people, and have some adult time. It was hard for me to leave DS as a baby, but now that he's older, and would benefit from social interaction with other children, it's a little easier for me to look at day care in a new light.

I think it's perfectally normal.

Don't feel bad about the camera. You'll use it for many, many years, it was a worthy investment. I hate that feeling of everything crashing down all at once, but you will live through it!!! And we'll all be here to support you...perhaps with a new t-shirt???

A new t-shirt....???!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

 

[TarzansKat]

 

[Lady Lallie]

That is beauuuuuuuuuuuutiful and so true!

Thanks, TK! You just made my night!

 

[TarzansKat]

That is beauuuuuuuuuuuutiful and so true!

Thanks, TK! You just made my night!

And on that note, I'm off to bed. Thanks so much for all your support, sister. I'll catch you on the flip side, hep cat.

Translation: I'll see you tomorrow...when did I turn into a bluesy trumpet player...sheesh...

 

[Lady Lallie]

And on that note, I'm off to bed. Thanks so much for all your support, sister. I'll catch you on the flip side, hep cat.

Translation: I'll see you tomorrow...when did I turn into a bluesy trumpet player...sheesh...

It reminded me of Aristocats.
G'nite!

 

[2ScottishPrincesses]

Hi Girlies, I'm a bit late coming into all of the chat. I wasn't really into the Dis-ing last night due to 'Niamh-induced sleep deprivation'

Anyhoo TK, not that my opinion goes for anything but, I think that you are totally doing the right thing. Your wee peanut will have a ball at nursery and you'll be able to share his experiences from that day better when you don't have a long haul drive at the end of those days. I have also gone from having DH's parents caring for Niamh three days a week to two days a week and believe me though they are wonderful people and I love them to bits it is definately better to have her lokked after by them for less time (long story )

Your DH's got it in one, apply for the job and see what happens...as my DM always say "what's for you won't go past you".

I love the t-shirt for LL

I'm so jealous that you're all planning a meet next year...you should definately do it you would have a blast