Will it get any better? (Pity party inside)

[lizardqueen]

Well for those of you who have been following the situation with us and our foster children/DYFS. The children were not brought back to our home after there 2 night visit with the bio parents. The bios made some sort of allegation against us that was bad enough to warrant them not bringing the kids back. Nobody has yet been out to tell us what is going on. DH and I are just beside ourselves. We haven't seen our babies in a week. We just pray that the kids are safe and happy wherever they are. We have court on Wednesday where the judge will make a decision on reunification.

My sister is getting married on Wednesday. And since we have to be in court, I am going to miss her wedding.

I can't sleep, I can't concentrate, I feel helpless and I just don't know what to do. There is nobody on "our end" of DYFS to help us understand what is going on and I can't help but think that I am going to feel like this for the rest of my life.

Sorry for the vent, but everyone around is feeling the same way that I am. It's just getting to be a little too much.

Thanks for listening and if you have any advice on, well anything that might be helpful -- I'm up for just about anything right now.

 

[CathrynRose]

That completely sucks. Im so so very sorry.

The bio-parents sound like real winners making accusations about the people who cared for their babies while they were out doing lord knows what.

 

[Blondy876]

I'm so sorry. You and your children are in my prayers.

 

[robinb]

{hugs} The bio-parents seem like a real piece of work. I hope whatever lies they are spewing backfire on them big time.

 

[luvthatduke]

I've been reading your posts about this,
and my heart breaks for you!
The foster care system really stinks IMHO.
I have known many foster families over the years
and they were treated horribly by the courts,
as well as the agency (i.e. your situation w/no information given).
God bless you, I said a prayer for you...

 

[mamajoan]

just a couple of quick ?..
Are you part of a Foster-adoption program or are you straight up Foster parents?
Do the kids have a CASA assigned to them?
Your county should have a Foster Care Parents support system, check it out.. they will be able to help you. They can be a huge resource. Many, Many foster parents have experienced your situation and are there to help.
Foster Care Licensing.. Check with them to see what was reported.. THEY have to tell you the accusation sometimes it just helps to know the full situation.

I am sorry that you are going to miss your sisters wedding. I am sorry that your heart is so troubled at this time. Please keep reminding yourself that you did a good thing. Those kids did benefit from your love and kindness.

 

[barkley]

up front-i'm not defending your children's svcs (i worked too long within the system that i could ever defend some of the things i saw happen) but-

i saw a previous post about the impending reunification and your plans for a party. since you knew that reunification was impending it could be that the birth parents did'nt make a 'bad' report about you (cuz if they did, in my experience in f.c. their would be no way you'de be given any opportunity this early after the complaint to have had a 'good bye' opportunity as you posted about in another thread)-it may be that the parents were concerned that the children were incredibly attached to you and it would be a very difficult transition to go from you to them in one fell swoop. they and the s.w. may also have caught wind of the farewell party and were concerned that it might create a big separation issue for the kids. you just never know in these situations. in fact some agencies in prep. for children moving from a long term fc placement back to their bio families purposely move them into transitional fc for just these issues.

i know these are terrible times for you (i honestly could never be a fc parent-too heart wrenching), but remember-the goal of the foster care program is bio family reunification, and you can take consolation in the fact that you provided a stable, loving and supportive environment such that children whose parents could not had that during their time of need.

 

[mamajoan]

barkley- you summed up my feelings. I just did not know how to put it as well as you did. You write so well... awesome!


"saw a previous post about the impending reunification and your plans for a party. since you knew that reunification was impending it could be that the birth parents did'nt make a 'bad' report about you (cuz if they did, in my experience in f.c. their would be no way you'de be given any opportunity this early after the complaint to have had a 'good bye' opportunity as you posted about in another thread)-it may be that the parents were concerned that the children were incredibly attached to you and it would be a very difficult transition to go from you to them in one fell swoop. they and the s.w. may also have caught wind of the farewell party and were concerned that it might create a big separation issue for the kids. you just never know in these situations. in fact some agencies in prep. for children moving from a long term fc placement back to their bio families purposely move them into transitional fc for just these issues.

i know these are terrible times for you (i honestly could never be a fc parent-too heart wrenching), but remember-the goal of the foster care program is bio family reunification, and you can take consolation in the fact that you provided a stable, loving and supportive environment such that children whose parents could not had that during their time of need."

 

[barkley]

barkley- you summed up my feelings. I just did not know how to put it as well as you did. You write so well... awesome!


"saw a previous post about the impending reunification and your plans for a party. since you knew that reunification was impending it could be that the birth parents did'nt make a 'bad' report about you (cuz if they did, in my experience in f.c. their would be no way you'de be given any opportunity this early after the complaint to have had a 'good bye' opportunity as you posted about in another thread)-it may be that the parents were concerned that the children were incredibly attached to you and it would be a very difficult transition to go from you to them in one fell swoop. they and the s.w. may also have caught wind of the farewell party and were concerned that it might create a big separation issue for the kids. you just never know in these situations. in fact some agencies in prep. for children moving from a long term fc placement back to their bio families purposely move them into transitional fc for just these issues.

i know these are terrible times for you (i honestly could never be a fc parent-too heart wrenching), but remember-the goal of the foster care program is bio family reunification, and you can take consolation in the fact that you provided a stable, loving and supportive environment such that children whose parents could not had that during their time of need."

thanks. dh and i were just talking about our time in fc the other day (he was a worker in it then i supervised). we remembered how some of the 'hardend vets' (fc workers and parents) talked of how you had to 'build up a shell' and 'get past' your personal feelings. well, we were both of the attitude that be it fc worker or fc parent-anyone involved in it-if they ever get to the point such that they don't feel something-they need to get the 'h' out.

i hold fc parents and families in the highest admiration-when dd wa little we told her the reason it takes a mommy 9 months to have a baby is so her heart has enuf time to grow big enough to have all the love a parent needs-fc parents are blessed with immediatly expanding hearts

 

[shirleyb]

Oh, Michelle, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through, and what the babies are going through. So much upheaval in their young lives....