)I hope that everyone who is low enough to knowingly participate in an adulterous relationship spends the rest of that relationship (and every one thereafter) worrying that their significant other will cheat on them, and that they will never feel secure in a relationship again. And by everyone I mean both the cheating spouses and the "other women/men". I hope they get cheated on, but more than that I hope they live with the fear of that in every relationship they have after that.
(Why yes, I do feel quite strongly about this, why do you ask?
For me, that almost makes it worse. She knew what her actions were doing to another person, and yet she chose to do it anyway. That's pretty selfish and sleazy. Even if she truly believed that she and the guy were "meant to be together" and that he and his wife could never be as happy as she and the guy would be, and even if she convinced herself that she was doing the wife a favor, there's still no reason for her to engage in a relationship with a married man. If he and his wife were irrepairably unhappy together he surely would have divorced his wife eventually. If he loved the other woman that much then he would have pursued her after divorcing his wife. And once he was divorced she could have become involved with him with a clear conscience, knowing that her actions did not contribute to the breakdown of a marriage.
And since I focused on the "other woman" (or man, as the case may be) in my inititial post, let me clarify that I do think the cheating spouse is the one who holds the vast majority of the blame. Obviously if they weren't willing to cheat, the "other woman" couldn't break up their marriage even if she was aggressively pursuing him. However, I still think there is something inherently wrong with anyone who would knowingly have an affair with a married person. I think that everyone ought to respect other people's vows enough to honor that commitment by not pursuing a relationship with someone who is married. I hope that everyone who is low enough to knowingly participate in an adulterous relationship spends the rest of that relationship (and every one thereafter) worrying that their significant other will cheat on them, and that they will never feel secure in a relationship again. And by everyone I mean both the cheating spouses and the "other women/men". I hope they get cheated on, but more than that I hope they live with the fear of that in every relationship they have after that.
(Why yes, I do feel quite strongly about this, why do you ask?
Affairs destroy more than the betrayed.
It all comes down to boundaries and character.
If you are married, and MEANT those vows, when you find yourself attracted to a person of the opposite sex you take yourself out of the situation. End of story. If it is a work situation and you can't literally remove yourself, you keep it business. No joking, teasing, flirting, drinks after work.
Abuse is not an excuse. An affair is just dropping a match on a powder keg in that example. Get out if that is the case.
Spouse not meeting your needs? Talk to him/her. Go to counseling. Search your heart and soul. Still nothing changes? Leave. Get out there and find the person or people who can make you happy.
If you decide to stay in the marriage for kids or whatever, YOUR VOWS STILL APPLY. Do you think your kids discovering an affair is going to hurt them less than an above-board divorce?
Need to feel good about yourself? Feeling insecure? Crave the attention to reaffirm your womenhood/manhood? An affair might be a temporary fix but when your spouse finds out, or your mom, or your church...how will you feel about yourself then?
As for the other person who knowingly participates...affairs don't just happen. You know if you are initially attracted, and you know when you are developing an attraction. You know if your heart races when you're getting ready in the morning, looking forward to seeing this person. You know this person is taken and you do not care. You are looking out for you. Textbook selfishness.
If you choose to go ahead and chase someone and not care if their spouse or children get hurt as long as you get whatever it is that you want?
That seems pretty black and white to me as well--it's wrong.
At least it is by MY moral code.
Just because it is not as big a crime/sin/breach of integrity as the spouse does not mean what she is doing is not WRONG WRONG WRONG.
The world would be a better place if people did not justify wrong actions with entitlement reasoning and 'but this case is different.'
I see that you left your first husband for your second husband. If you left before you began the romantic relationship then I'm glad you are happy. If you cheated. . . then you're right, I'm disappointed. But I guess there's still time for things to change.
