Why would a woman want to have an affair with a married man?

[WDWBarb]

Here are some of the reasons I've heard...

One - It makes the woman feel special because she's being chosen OVER another. It makes them feel powerful because they can actually take something from another woman that is so very valuable. She must be something really amazing to get a man to cheat on his wife, eh?

Two - It's exciting. The sneaking around, the secrets, the lies ... all of it just makes the relationship that much more interesting. There are some who get their thrills with that kind of stuff.

I once knew a woman that dumped her "married man" when he left his wife for her. Why? "It wasn't fun anymore."

Glad she ruined a family for a little "fun."

 

[kaytieeldr]

I believe this, and I think that they are victims just as much as the wives are. The men are the only bad guys in that situation. However, at some point the women find out that the men are married, and if they choose to continue to remain involved with the guys after that then I stand by my earlier post.

Well, I disagree. I stayed with a married man because... because... because... well, wait a minute. No I didn't. Once I found out he was married, that was it. And I didn't return any of his calls this past summer, twelve years after the last time I saw him.

 

[redrosesix]

For the life of me, I just can't see a reason. Does she think that if the guy cheats on his wife, he won't cheat on her? Is her ego so huge, that she thinks she is so perfect that he will stay with her forever?

Everybody seems to focus on the man in these cases, but there has to be some issue with a woman who would do that to another woman. Obviously in the case of celebraties, it is well known who is married & who is not. But even in the case of an ordinary guy who feeds some line to a woman he meets, she should still back off if the truth is found out.

I don't get it either.

I don't know but I think these women have some serious issues to knowingly enter a relationship with a married man. Talk about rock bottom self esteem.

I know they have no obligation to the woman or the family but they should be ashamed of themselves. It wouldn't be so easy for these men to destroy their families if these pathetic women weren't willing.

Exactly -- you could never have more than half of him, especially if he has kids.

marrieds having affairs:
whats that saying.....the grass always looks greener.....

I mean no talking "budget" or illness or work issues or family issues or kid issues A/K/A daily grind...instead,
just SELFISH time..................
all I know is first hand experience with a sibling that suffered thru it and it destroyed her family....fortunately she met a WONDERFUL man who stepped in, stepped up and became a father to an 18mos old baby girl, that had/has no relationship with her biological parent (she is 24 now) ....
(oh...just wanted to add....the woman involved was married, had four kids, she LEFT them with her husband (a fellow cop, YES, his partners wife) and she and the old BIL started their own "new" family...strange indeed......they deserve each other IMHO

Wow!

I agree with that.

When I was a billion years younger, I was approached by a guy in a club. <long story, long story> I went on a couple of dates with him and one holiday (Columbus Day, Ill never forget it!) he called me and asked if I could meet him for lunch. I told him I couldnt because I had a freidn over, but he was welcome to come over. He came, we all had lunch, then he left. I was going to a movie with my friend and hopped in the shower to get ready to go. My phone rang and my friend answered it. The person on the other end said "Is Adam there" My friend said.."No he just left" well the person freaked out!

She said "Who is this? Dont you know I am Adam's fiance? Why was he at your house?" etc.. The fiance had to work that day and when she got home, Adam wasnt there, so she hit redial on the phone (cell phones did not exist at the time!) and it rang to my house.

My friend got me out of the shower and I listed to this girl cry, scream, the works. She kept the phone at her mothers because I wouldnt give her my number and she called me DAILY to see if Adam attempted to call me.

Literally 24 years later......she's been my best friend for about 23 1/2 years!

We are both married with kids and nobody has seen loser Adam in years and years!

My pint is..I had no idea the fiance existed. I can easily see how a girl wouldnt know about a wife.

I just loved how this story turned out

 

[torinsmom]

I guess they don't realize that if the cheat WITH you, they will cheat ON you. My ex husband has a new woman who is about to find that out. His divorce from wife #2 is not final and he is already in a public relationship with this one.

Marsha

 

[Robinrs]

This reminds me of tha sitcom where the man went to the club with a wedding ring on because it attracted women!

I've also found that the married ones are the ones who make themselves more available due to the taboo. Single men are used to being pursued.

Why do they do it? I think there are more reasons than one, based on the individuals involved. I don't think there is ever one reason why.

 

[Mermaid02]

Why would a woman want to have an affair with a married man?
Because she's a skank and he's a He-skank.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

Why would a woman want to have an affair with a married man?
Because she's a skank and he's a He-skank.

I agree.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Many women who get involved with a MM don't do so with the intentions of "catching" him and ending up being THE woman in his life. They do it for the same reasons men do it--recreation. Sometimes they fall in love and then it gets nasty, and sometimes they don't. I think in many cases, the wife in the scenario, is never really thought about unless the relationship becomes serious so I don't think that the other woman is necessarily or consciously doing anything "to" the wife.

I completely agree. Not all of these women WANT relationships with these men. It's a no strings attached fun and I know a few girls that enjoy the presents and other things these guys give them.

I used to work in an environment where I was the only girl there. These guys were very open with me and I found out all but one consistently cheats on their wives. I was shocked as most of them seem to have great marriages and talked highly of their wives and sex lives (like I said VERY open but not just to me, we'd be in a group setting just talking). The main reason, I found, that these guys cheated was because they could. These, usually younger, girls were willing and they didn't think about the getting caught part, to them it was just innocent fun (not condoning it, in fact after a lot of what I've heard talking to men over the years it seems A LOT of guys get away with it and their wives never find out [as some had cheated early in the marriage and it had been 10-15 years since then] or have a clue it's going on which scares me!).

 

[PUZZLDY5]

Believe it or not, SOME women actually do not know the man is married when they start seeing him.

This actualy happens! Several years ago I had a friend meet this guy who was almost perfect in every. He took her to the nicest places, baught her nice things treated her like a queen and then..... she found out he was married when his WIFE called her and askd her to stop seeing him.

She was so embarassed and felt sooo bad for the woman. She broke it off with him the next day.

 

[ladycollector]

I dont understand it either. I just couldnt bring myself to mess around with a man who was married, or especially, had children. The thought makes me ill.

 

[Disney Doll]

Reasons I've Heard:
~No strings attached
~Sugar Daddy
~Didn't know he was married when we met
~I must be really hot to be able to get another woman's man

 

[ozziememz]

it excites some women/men, i dont personally understand it myself, they may just be phsically attracted and what to cheat, in tigers case $$$$$ & the power

 

[okeydokey]

Low self esteem maybe, like they figure they don't deserve any better?

 

[Bluestars]

I also think it is low self esteem. Maybe deep down inside they don't think they are worthy of someone who treats them decently. They are accepting a relationship with a liar and a cheater. A confident person wouldn't settle.

As for the women who don't know the person is married, I don't think they did anything wrong. However, when they find out and choose not to end it, then they are settling for a liar and a cheater.

There are men and woman out there who have morals, why settle for someone who doesn't? Life is too short to settle for someone who is dishonest and selfish.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Well, I have a friend who had a long term "thing" with a married man. The man and his wife had been seperated for years and years and years. She had her toy boys and he had his boy toys. They were fairly well-to-do but due to religious/family business issues, did not want to get divorced. Neither was really interested in a "real" relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

My friend wasn't interested in anything but a casual sex relationship with one person.

So, I guess you could call it an "arrangement".

Still, I know a lot of women who get hooked up with married men and their beaus always string them along with promises to leave their wives. There are always stories about how how horrible the wife is etc. It's never a good time for the guy to leave because of money or family. But he will leave, they swear it.

Uh, yeah. 90% chance he won't leave his wife. If he does, some day he'll do the same to the new wife.

 

[Buckalew11]

Reasons I've Heard:
~No strings attached
~Sugar Daddy
~Didn't know he was married when we met
~I must be really hot to be able to get another woman's man

I've heard this also. You know I hear a lot.

But what are they getting??? A cheating man? Woohoo! I say more power to the other woman because she's getting the kind of guy she deserves--a loser of a man.

 

[ginna74]

because they want what they can't have....

 

[Angelrose]

I really don't know why. I'll tell you a story. One year we were on a plane coming back from Disney. A woman came to sit in front of us next to a man which she called "sir". I knew they knew each other. She curled around him while they were flying. When we landed he left first and didn't look back as she called out "I love you". She was a nice looking women in her 40's I would guess. I felt so bad for her. I know that isn't right but I did. I wanted to tell her she could do better than this guy who was just using her as a, well, you know. She was crying as he left the plane. All she had was a few days shopping in Orlando with him. The wife, I'm sure was waiting for him at the airport. It was just a sad situation. Maybe she was lonely and he was what she could get. A few stolen moments is better than nothing in her view, I guess. Just sad. I've never forgotten her.

 

[jobhunter]

I think a lot of times the girl wants the wife's life. They think they can step right in and have that lifestyle, take that place.

And I think entitlement issues are sometimes a huge factor. They want it, they think they deserve it, and they go after it. They don't care who stands in the way, the wife is a non-issue. The fact that they don't deserve it? Never crosses their mind.

I think a lot of OW are mixed bags of narcissism and rock bottom self-esteem.

 

[bumbershoot]

For the life of me, I just can't see a reason. Does she think that if the guy cheats on his wife, he won't cheat on her? Is her ego so huge, that she thinks she is so perfect that he will stay with her forever?

Everybody seems to focus on the man in these cases, but there has to be some issue with a woman who would do that to another woman. Obviously in the case of celebraties, it is well known who is married & who is not. But even in the case of an ordinary guy who feeds some line to a woman he meets, she should still back off if the truth is found out.

I'll reply to this and then read the rest of the thread.

Why the assumption that the woman wants to marry him? That's most likely not the case.

And if you're talking about TW, this is a woman who saved his communications and showed/played them to/for her co-workers. This is NOT a woman who was thinking "oh and we'll be happy forevermore".

As for the rest of the post, from my experience, once someone goes looking, they might as well just end the marriage now. They are gone from it anyway. I personally think it's silly for people to cheat; they might as well just leave and be single. And no matter what the situation is, it's the married one who is absolutely at fault...the other man/woman didn't take even a single vow towards the other married one.