Why I'm terrified to sleep tonight (very, very long)

[DVC Sadie]

I didn't see the part that said she had sex with him. I also didn't see the part where she was asking about what to do with the guy and the relationship.

I did see the part where she said she was scared this woman was going to do something to harm her or her property which apparently no one else read. If the woman keeps making threats, i.e. breaking your windows or worse, I would file a complaint with the police dept. and get an order of
protection.

Great advice!

OP, are you sure he doesn't ever want to get married because he may already be married to this person he was argueing with on the phone?

I would keep away from both the guy and his deranged gf or whatever she is to him. No one needs friends with that much baggage and drama especially if it effects your well being ( both physically and mentally).

 

[WDWfan36]

I agree with disneyfan67 and poohandwendy regarding walking away from any relationship with this guy. His ex seems like she'll always be a drama queen.

Do what's best for you and be safe!

Exactly , sound like this could get you into more trouble with his ex if you keep hanging around him. His ex most likely will always be a drama queen

 

[RitaZ.]

You said that there is nothing physical going on, but I think it's odd for "just friends" to sleep over at each other's homes on a regular basis. Your "friendship" is definitely unconventional.

Time to cut ties, unless you are getting something out of this unusual arrangement. Good luck!

 

[MrsPete]

Ok first off thank you to those who offered support and advice. After reading through my original post there are a few things that I didn't quite make clear that I probably should have. First of all with the "sleepovers". This guy and I have not had a sexual relationship for some time now. I made that very clear when we decided that our relationship was not going to last and that we would look elsewhere. I do occasionally spend the night at his house and he does the same at mine but in seperate beds. When he first got the phone call we happened to be watching a movie in the same room. We truly are just friends. I am ok with him seeing anyone he wants and that included his exgirlfriend until last night (I really hope he finds someone not so crazy). I have no romantic feelings for him anymore and am actively looking for someone else. If he did restart his relationship with her, I can completely understand her feelings just not her actions. I never would have spent the night at his house no matter how innocent it was if he was serously dating someone. I know I'm still coming across as incredibly naive but there's no real way to accuratly explain the situation here. I just wanted to clear up a few things.
I was absolutely not looking for drama. I was scared, it was late and I wanted to vent to people who in the past had been very nice to me. I never actually asked for advice although I appreciate the advice that was given.

I think you're lying to yourself. If you really want to meet someone else and pursue marriage, you won't do it sleeping over at your ex-boyfriend's house (sex or no sex). Meeting for lunch = guy friend. Sleeping over at his house (again, sex or no sex) = more than a friend, potential for more than a friend, or at least interest from one of you.

 

[disneyfan67]

Come on people, lets be a little nicer to her, the OP. She was looking for advice and was scared at the time she wrote that post. She has a right to scared because her ex is one of the key players in this drama. My gut instinct is telling me that he is using this to his benefit and has created this monster. I don't have any proof but I can just imagine how some of his conversations with his ex girl friend has went so far in private. Never underestimate the depths some people will go to, so they can have their cake and eat it too. I may be wrong but part of me is seeing way too many red flags here.


To the OP, my advice is to put any feelings you might still have for him on a shelf and move on. Change your cell phone number right after you tell him why you don't need him, his ex, or any other baggage in your life. Wish him well and make you and your safety job 1.

A good friend of mine was in a situation like yours and it was destructive, to say the least. I don't think what you posted was drama, but if you still are dealing with this 6 months to a year from now, then you're part of the problem as well. Take care of yourself, be safe, and good luck with meeting the real Mr. Right. He's out there, trust me.


Eddie.

 

[Martha7]

OP~ I say run, don't walk from this situation. Your former BF will be able to defend himself from this unbalanced woman better than you will, I imagine. She can stalk you and attack you when you least expect it. I really dislike the fact that she works at a credit or collection agency and wonder if she could hurt you through your financial records somehow. Also, I wouldn't ever sleep at an ex-boyfriend's house. There's no reason to, unless you've been imbibing too much, which isn't a good idea either with the crazy ex-girlfriend around and looking to cause trouble. Please take care of yourself and make sure the ex can't find out where you live, (assuming she lost the info, as you hope).

 

[Chicago526]

You said that there is nothing physical going on, but I think it's odd for "just friends" to sleep over at each other's homes on a regular basis. Your "friendship" is definitely unconventional.

Time to cut ties, unless you are getting something out of this unusual arrangement. Good luck!

And

I think you're lying to yourself. If you really want to meet someone else and pursue marriage, you won't do it sleeping over at your ex-boyfriend's house (sex or no sex). Meeting for lunch = guy friend. Sleeping over at his house (again, sex or no sex) = more than a friend, potential for more than a friend, or at least interest from one of you.

Actually, I totally buy what the OP is doing. I dated a guy my senior year in high school for about a year. He broke up with me and we stayed friends. A year after breaking up he moved about 600 miles away. About twice a year I'd go up and see him and stay at his place for a long weekend. Seperate bedrooms! We'd hang out and have fun, then I'd fly home. Once or twice a year, he'd come and visit me, stay at my place (again, seperate bedrooms) and we'd go out and see all our old friends from high school.

All the while, after the break up, I'm dating other people and eventually meet and marry my now DH. My ex stood up in my wedding last fall, and he's comming out to visit us in August. DH and I were going to plan a trip to see him over the winter, but he may be moving again so that's on hold until he knows what's going on.

People can break up and really stay friends, and "friends" is all it really is, nothing more. Sure, it happens that one person may still have hopes that the other will "see that they are made for each other" and they'll get back together. That may even be the case more often than not, who knows! But "just friends" can and does happen, I'm living proof!

Anyway, to the OP. While I totally get the friendship, until he gets whatever it is with the ex straightened out, I'd stay away and limit contact to phone and e-mail (and get your phone number "unpublished" by the the phone company, they are prohibted from giving out your address or phone number to anyone, including crazy ex-girlfriends telemarketers! ).

 

[Robinrs]

First of all I wouldn't tell my mirror this story much less a message board full of strangers!!

You already know what to do. Now do it. Don't let her get her hands on you because she will turn you every which way but loose.... not funny.

 

[disneymom3]

OP--I get why you posted and I myself had a friend like that all the way through college from high school. He stayed over at my house a lot and we were never anything more than friends and he was in a separate room.

I would have been freaked out and scared too. The idea that this crazy woman may know where you live cannot be a good feeling. I think I would have been sleeping with the phone under my pillow so I could call 911 quick if I needed to!

I do agree though that I would not be doing anything with this friend for quite awhile in order to let crazy ex cool off.

 

[summerrluvv]

First of all I wouldn't tell my mirror this story much less a message board full of strangers!!

You already know what to do. Now do it. Don't let her get her hands on you because she will turn you every which way but loose.... not funny.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The sleeping over and other junk aside...you have to admit this guy is using YOU. For what purpose, well that seems to becoming clear, huh?

 

[Disney Doll]

I would distance myself from him...at least for a while until the ex cools off or disappears.

I'd be watchful of what is going on around me.

I'd keep a close eye on my financial records. I'd probably also get a credit report to see if she's tampered with it.

I might even considering calling the police officer that was there that night and seeing if there are any reports or whatever you should file since you know that she has some personal information about you.

The woman sounds nuts. You never know what a nut will do.