Why do we even try to take other people??

[appleorchard]

I see. Is it the same daughter (going to Disney but not coming for Christmas)? If so, I expect sis will get over it. After all, it's all about expectations.

Yes, same daughter, and yes, she's overly invested in her daughter and grandson. you're right--it's all about expectations. Really, she's seeing them the beginning of Dec. and beginning of Jan. for the little guy's birthday. I'm the one whose son and family had to cancel due to job loss--this is supposed to be our year to see them at Christmas and now we won't see them at all. So I'm disappointed myself and having a little bit of trouble sympathizing with her!

 

[BroganMc]

Yes, same daughter, and yes, she's overly invested in her daughter and grandson. you're right--it's all about expectations. Really, she's seeing them the beginning of Dec. and beginning of Jan. for the little guy's birthday. I'm the one whose son and family had to cancel due to job loss--this is supposed to be our year to see them at Christmas and now we won't see them at all. So I'm disappointed myself and having a little bit of trouble sympathizing with her!

If it were me, I'd be lighting a fire under my sis to join me. Twice in Disney is not so terrible. My dad will be there the 1st and last weekends in December.

What I'm getting at is that I'd feel so bad about leaving my sis on her own (taking mom away from her), I'd want her to join us.

I'm having a hard time adjusting to the trip plans that are coming together for my family trip next month. A week ago I thought my brothers were gonna be the no-shows in Disney. I counted on flying down with my sis and sharing everything with her and her boys.

Seemingly overnight plans changed. Now my brothers are flying down with us (or rather the same day) and we'll be sharing everything together for 24 hours before my sis can fly down. I'd pay to change her flight and get her a room if she could get away. Last thing I want is for her to feel second class to our brothers.

The daily itinerary planning is driving me nuts. I so want to carve out time for just my sis but the brothers are making it so easy to plan things with them.

I'm sure your family plans will change 20 times since departure date. Sorry to hear about your son's woes. I hope things work out for him and his family. This economy is scary for everyone.

 

[cjs123123]

lol sorry to hear you are having troubles. I have been there and done that.. You think in your mind wow this would be fun to bring others then it turns out to be a BIG mess!!!

 

[tinkerfan1]

Gosh, you guys are making me nervous. I can see this happening big time to us. I really, really want to be able to take other people with our new DVC membership but I know that the only person you can ever really count on is yourself!

 

[FinsUp!]

<---- Us on our next trip!

<---- Family members no longer invited...
due to greed!

This made me laugh out loud! I fear I may feel the same way after our first extended family trip in November. My DH says its a win/win. Either they love it or we never have to invite them again!

 

[Dean]

These type issues are why we book when we want to go (but for some trips purposefully within a time frame when certain people can likely go) and then invite people to go with us if we want to. We have simple rules:

• You don't wait on us, we don't wait on you.
• There will be an occassional alcoholic beverage but nothing to excess PERIOD.
• No one violates the smoking policy of the resort.
• Everyone pays their portion of the common expenses and all of any self generated expenses.
• There will be one group meal, expect it and plan accordingly.
• We provide the accommodations, our treat, join us if you can, your deadline to accept or cancel as applicable it X.
• If the rules aren't OK, DON'T GO!!!!
• If you violate the rules, there will be no future invitations.

These have served me well. I don't keep score other than these rules (might be one or two I forgot to include above though). I don't care if you say thank you or not as long as you behave yourself. I make dining reservations as applicable for the group at hand but the only required meal is the one family meal. It's been a lot of fun and we do this about 2 out of every 3 years. We had 35 people in Gatlinburg last year (2008) our largest group so far. The rules were modified given such a large group and the fact there were actually different groups with my immediately family as the connector. The only real change was not single group meal though we did end up by happenstance with a group meal for the two main groups at different times.

Fortunately we don't have any real deadbeats in the group we would invite. My brother and family aren't very good at planning but it's not purposeful or mean, just poor planning.

 

[appleorchard]

Just so people who have never invited others don't worry TOO much--although this trip didn't turn out the way we'd hoped, we HAVE had good trips with other people.We've taken my mom at least five times up until now, and it's always great! We went with my son and family two years ago, and had a lot of fun. My mom, sister, niece and nephew, and DH and I went in May and stayed in a a2 BR at BCV and had a perfect trip.

My sister, niece and nephew and I just went in Sept for 4 days in a studio and things went fine. This is really our first "bad" experience" and at least it's been salvaged since my mom can go. Even if she couldn't--well, we'd just have had an extra room for 3 days--a "pouting" room or something! Or a room where we could use the bathroom without worrying about the crack in the door at BLT.

Bottom line is, we've had lots of trips to Disney. On at least ten of them, we've had someone else with us. And this is our first negative experience. Maybe that's really a stellar record! I think my negativity came from the fact that this was a BIG trip for us--lots of expectations, lot of points!

 

[BroganMc]

Gosh, you guys are making me nervous. I can see this happening big time to us. I really, really want to be able to take other people with our new DVC membership but I know that the only person you can ever really count on is yourself!

We just got back from taking my aunt & uncle on their first ever Disney trip. They turned us down so many times, insisting Disney wasn't their thing (i.e. all characters and kiddie rides) we didn't have high expectations. But their son really wanted to take them and he was so wonderful to my dad and I last year we wanted to do something for him.

The trip turned out a major success. I'm still putting together the daily trip log for y'all to relive the journey with us. Suffice to say aunt & uncle no longer think Disney isn't their thing. We're planning another trip for next December to show them the World at Christmas.

Taking others can work out wonderfully. The hardest part is keeping your expectations in check.

1. Don't offer what you aren't willing to give away (points, rooms, time).
2. Make suggestions but don't let yourself get too wrapped up if guests don't abide by them. (You probably do know better, but everyone must experience for themselves.)
3. Remember who your core group is! (My dad and I are like Walt and Mickey. We like a lot of the same things and enjoy touring/vacation the same way. We pay for our trips equally and extend invitations to others equally. But while we're happy to accept tag-alongs in our plan we can't become the tag-along without making ourselves miserable.)
4. Know how your groups are with their dynamics. I have a SIL who is more comfortable leading and organizing her group and I have a sis who's happy tagging along. With my SIL I end up a tag-along (see note above) but with my sis I end up the tour guide (see point 1).
5. Remember these things and you can temper your hopes with reality to have realistic expectations.

I think every DVCer has the dream of sharing their joy with friends and family. We see those happy commercials and want that to be us. That's why it's so nice meeting up with other DVCers in Disney (or online) and sharing our love for the place.

 

[crisi]

Set expectations for you and them up front - like who pays for what.

Let them know that you'd rather they turn you down now when making the invitation than turn you down at the last minute. Its a big committment in - even if you pay for everything - time, and Disney isn't everyone's thing.

Have a backup plan for if they can't go. That may mean spending a few more points up front to have a studio you can drop instead of a two bedroom. It may mean spreading out and having three people in a two bedroom. It may mean that you know that your best friend Karen can drop everything to join you for a last minute trip because the room is available.

Take some time to think through the group dynamics. My husband and brother in law only tolerate each other - so we booked two rooms and limited out time where the two of them would interact without the buffer of eight other people - including two kids. My mother in law likes to sleep in - so our arrangment with her included meeting her later and letting her and her sister poke through shops without us while the kids rode rides. The worst trip we had was with friends who didn't know their own kids - talking before the trip, she said her kids would do anything and loved roller coasters - they got scared of the dinosaurs in Ellen's Energy Adventure.......everything turned out to be "Its a Small World"

Plan for and enforce some apart time. The bad thing about that worst trip was we couldn't shake them. They were good sports about someone staying outside with their kids - but I felt bad that one of them was always missing out. They flew out a day early and we had a day without them. It was heavenly to have our own vacation. So enforce it - even if enforcing it means tacking on a day they don't even know about until the last minute.

Put yourself in their shoes....someone stretched for cash probably isn't going to be comfortable with the bill at California Grill and might love the idea of cooking in the room. Someone who has physical limitations probably doesn't want to commando the parks. The trip you take with your thrill ride loving nephew might be very different than the one you take with your retired mother in law - and both those trips might be very different than the trip your family would take solo.

 

[jamstew]

don't try to get family to go with me. just make reservations for them when THEY can go. It works better for everyone.

besides when I do go with them - they think I should pay for everything.

I can definitely relate. I paid for 8 in May, and it will be a very long time before that happens again. I have an easy out though--I won't travel June-August (at least not to WDW), and with one of the DGC starting school next year, that's the only time they can go. If we do a family trip in the summer, it will be to SeaWorld San Antonio, which is two hours from home, or somewhere I can use one of my cheap timeshares No way I'd try to plan anything over the Christmas holidays--too many points & too many grandparents that I have to share with!

 

[jamstew]

I've got a sister who can't commit to a trip to Walmart, much less a trip to the world.

I have one of those, too. I'm trying to plan a trip next December that involves four nights at Bonnet Creek and four nights at BLT. My sis & my niece want to go to Universal for WWHP, and I'm game to visit one day. I told her the plan, and she said "let me know when it's booked." Uh, no--I need to know how many people are actually going before I decide what size unit to book.

 

[disneykidatheart]

We seem to have the opposite problem. My hubby and I can't seem to go alone anymore. For the last three trips we've had some, most, or all of our three sons, two wives, and two grandchildren. The last trip ended on Oct. 19. We booked a two bedroom for five days and a one bedroom for a few days for the two of us after the rest left. Well, those that had to go went. Those that didn't, didn't! And hubby and I only had one night for ourselves. Luckily, we have a good group, no griping, no sniping, all go along to get along. We have no expectations of them. We tell them what we want to do and if they want to do the same fine. It was so beastly hot when we were there; hubby and I only used one day of our military pass. We babysat while others went. We cooked a pot of chili, had lasagna and garlic bread, bacon, sausage, pancakes, cereal, eggs, nachos, lots of salad fixins, and deli meat. We celebrated a birthday with a cake from Publix. We ordered pizza in on the last Saturday while they vegged out watching football. If they were there for meals fine, if not, oh well!

On the drive home we felt a little deflated that, while we all had a good time, the trip wasn't what we were used to being able to do. So, and this is a secret SH-h-h-h, within one week we planned another trip for the two of us in December. I spent some time online looking for a hotel, knowing how busy December is for DVC. I finally told my hubby I was going to call MS and see if there was a studio available at OKW. The worst they could do was laugh at me at this late date! A very helpful CM found the last four nights but not the first and offered a one bedroom to begin the trip and then a move to the studio. Nope, I don't want to move. I suggested dropping the first day and adding one on the end. BINGO! Booked airfare with frequent flyer one way and cash for the other. Four days left on the military passes. Magical Express as our Disney Coach and Voila! we are Cindy and her Prince going to the ball. We haven't decided whether to let the kids know while we are down there or when we get home.

 

[DVCGeek]

We haven't decided whether to let the kids know while we are down there or when we get home.

Hope you have a great trip! I'd split the difference and mail them a postcard from the 'World.

 

[BroganMc]

We seem to have the opposite problem. My hubby and I can't seem to go alone anymore.

It was so beastly hot when we were there; hubby and I only used one day of our military pass. We babysat while others went.

Hmm, the cynic in me wonders if you didn't answer your own question as to why your trip(s) turn a little less than magical. You do realize you're supposed to be on vacation, not the vacationing babysitters.

 

[disneykidatheart]

Hmm, the cynic in me wonders if you didn't answer your own question as to why your trip(s) turn a little less than magical. You do realize you're supposed to be on vacation, not the vacationing babysitters.

Well, we didn't go to babysit but the baby was our little preemie born granddaughter whom we had only seen at birth and again at three months. Now at seven months she was still only 13 pounds and was especially fun and cuddly. We did take her into the MK on the day we went. She was an angel and slept through a lot of the heat. She was enthralled with Mickey's Philharmagic and It's A Small World.

Our sons live in three different cities and two different states so their time together is limited. It was nice to see their families have fun together.

 

[delaneyc52]

We make it a point NOT to travel with family (although we love them dearly). We are early birds, they are night owls, we have two meals a day, they have three, etc.etc. I go on vacation to relax and accomodating other people is not my idea of relaxation. We do, however, give them our points to use for themselves and their children/grandchildren.

If you don't travel with "Disney" people, it tends to get complicated. We can walk around World Showcase two or three times in the heat, for example, but some friends can't make it half way around without an issue. We'd like to get to a rope drop to make sure we have our daily dose of "Soarin", but can't get anyone else moving in the morning. One trip, we were eating at Big River Grille and a huge, long rain storm commenced. The couple we were with did not want to get wet. For us, it's a kick ... 90 degrees, walk a romantic bit in the rain to Beach Club, nice shower in the room.....

I know this sounds mean...but it's just easier to go with your own family who are on the same page as you when it comes to Disney.

 

[BroganMc]

Well, we didn't go to babysit but the baby was our little preemie born granddaughter whom we had only seen at birth and again at three months. Now at seven months she was still only 13 pounds and was especially fun and cuddly. We did take her into the MK on the day we went. She was an angel and slept through a lot of the heat. She was enthralled with Mickey's Philharmagic and It's A Small World.

Our sons live in three different cities and two different states so their time together is limited. It was nice to see their families have fun together.

Ah, I see. Part of the joys of family.

I find not every vacation we take to Disney is the same. We took my cuz last May and there were a few quirks about his style that grated on our nerves a bit. (He's a nightowl and would sleep away the morning in the sofabed of our studio.) My dad and I groaned about it the first day or so (to ourselves) but eventually we just adjusted. We'd go out for breakfast and whatever. If cuz woke up and wanted to join us then he'd call us to find where we were. Future trips, though, I'm looking to book a 1bedroom so the open sofabed is less bothersome. (For the record cuz is usually a fantastic DW travel companion. He's made it possible for me to ride several things I can't easily board and absolutely adores the place. We just need to make allowances for seasonal sleep schedules.)

This last trip we took his parents (Disney newbies) so spent most of our 8 days playing tour guide. A challenge with all that excruciating heat. It was fantastic showing them around and watching their first reactions to things. But we also enjoyed our 3 days after for some "alone" time.

I think we'd go a bit nuts if we always took people just as easily as we feel sad spending every Disney vacation alone. It's all in moderation.

 

[BroganMc]

I know this sounds mean...but it's just easier to go with your own family who are on the same page as you when it comes to Disney.

This sentiment always gives me pause. I hear it said a lot and it seems to refer to nuclear family (i.e. Mom, Dad, kids), but I've yet to know a nuclear family that always were on the "same page" about any trip.

Kids rebellion and parents desire for the more adult things. Heck, some husbands and wives don't move in the same lockstep while shopping let alone vacationing.

My ideal trip is one where a group of people can room together (or at the same resort) and form ad hoc groups based on who wants do what. I know there are times I really enjoy sneaking off to do late night EMH with my cuz or sis while GM prefers a good snooze under the heavy blankets; and then there are times I wanna ditch the sleepy nightowls and go for early morning strolls with early riser GM. There are even times I like to ditch everyone and go solo (but can't if it's just me & GM, cuz then I feel like I'm abandoning him).

My point is, there's no one perfect way to vacation, is there? (Well maybe "often" so you can have many different types during a year.)

 

[brandip22]

I've been trying to get family to come since we bought DVC almost 5 years ago. However, I don't want to be stuck with a larger-than-needed room, so I tell them that it will cost them "X" amount to cover the additional points and that I'd need to know for sure by whatever date and have the money for extra points by then as well. That's probably why they haven't taken me up on it! But, I just charge what I'd pay to rent points for transfer in since we don't actually have enough points to get a larger room. We could save them a ton, but they don't want to plan so far in advance. Oh well- we have fun without them!
We will soon start to need 2 BRs as our two boys get older, so I know we'll have to add on before too long. My guess is that I'll get a tag along or two at that time since there will be a bit more room, without the extra expense.
I do wish I could afford to take my Mom or MIL though as they'd love it. But, I'd have to pay for all of their meals and park tickets so that just doesn't work for us yet.
It is amazing to me that people put you through all that mess when you aren't even asking them to pay for any of the room. Good thing we all bought DVC for us and not them!

 

[toniosmom]

This past spring, my DS4 and I were supposed to be joined by a good friend in a 1BR at SSR. About 30 days prior, he cancelled due a job obligations. I was disappointed, especially since I had never traveled alone with my DS4 (with ADHD). Luckily, we had a 1BR, so him cancelling did not affect our room choice -- if I had originally planned the trip for just my son and I, I would have booked a 1BR anyway.

At the time, 3 of my adult (college-age) niece and nephews expressed an interest in joining us, but we were scheduled to go the week after their spring break, so it didn't work for them. So, we planned for them to come in spring 2010. I booked the 2BR for next March and asked them for a commitment. They appeared to be very non-commital, so I gave them a drop-dead date to let me know (which was a couple of weeks before the 7 month mark) and, as expected, they all backed out. I wasn't angry with them -- they had very good reasons for backing out -- so I was happy that I had given them the deadline and they honored it.

Turns out my parents decided to join us, so I didn't have to change the room size anyway. I also invited my 18yo niece and her BFF. I have told everyone that DS and I will be going to the parks in the mornings and expect to be back in the early afternoon for lunch, planning to spend the rest of the day at the pool. My parents are fine with this -- my mother is handicapped and isn't interested in going to the parks at all (was just there in 2008). My dad will probably join us for a few days. I fully expect my niece and her BFF to be on the opposite schedule -- sleeping until noon, pool in the afternoon, and parks at night (taking advantage of EMH). We will likely only see them during pool time. We are cooking all meals in the room. Other than that, we have no solid plans at all.

I know that my parents won't cancel on me. My niece and BFF have paid for their non-refundable plane tickets, so they won't cancel. I'm looking forward to a nice trip.

Having said all of that (sorry so long), there are some relatives that I will NEVER invite. My sister is one of them. Not because I worry that she will back out -- it's because she will make me miserable the entire time she is there. She causes a problem at almost every family gathering -- even a simple dinner. She completely ruined our 2008 Disney trip (pre-DVC). It's just not worth it. We all have someone like her in our families -- we just have to recognize that they are not the people we should vacation with.