Why do parents insist on bringing gifts when the invite says "No Gifts!"

[disykat]

How could it be rude to honor the host's wishes? I still don't get it. I'm not a gift person. Honestly, although I'd love to celebrate with my friends I have to try to keep my birthday a secret because I don't want presents. I really, really, really don't want them! Every year I tell people until I'm blue in the face that I don't enjoy getting presents. Yet people insist. IMO it's VERY disrespectful of my wishes and feel like I spend ever gift occasion trying to be forgiving and understanding of people who feel their wishes are more important than mine. I understand they are trying to show love - I just don't understand why, when it is supposed to be my turn to be honored, they can't honor my wishes? I hate shopping and the whole gift thing, yet I go out and get them presents when it's their turn because I know they like that. Just once, why can't they do what I like?

We've always done the gift thing with our kids, but guess what? It must be inherited because neither of my kids enjoys getting gifts. They're like "what am I going to do with all this stuff?" Both stopped wanting birthday parties pretty early for that reason.

 

[Skywalker]

If someone brings a gift when asked not to, it should be immediately hidden away and not be opened at the event.

If someone takes the time, effort and money to give you a gift, I don't think treating it like an anthrax scare is such a polite thing to do.

 

[disykat]

By your logic, why go to WDW when there are rides and parks closer to home?

Why go on cruises when you can just tool around in a rented boat in your local lake?

Why go out to eat or watch a movie when you can do the same at home?

Life is about the journey and not about the destination and Switzerland is fantastically beautiful in the summertime.

I think going to Switzerland and the whole cow thing sounds interesting. For the life of me I can't figure out why a bunch of people who will brag about paying big bucks for all the WDW stuff they do (that to me often sounds outrageous) are getting their shorts in a twist about people participating in a cow-related tourist event in Switzerland.

 

[disykat]

If someone takes the time, effort and money to give you a gift, I don't think treating it like an anthrax scare is such a polite thing to do.

The polite thing to do is put it away because it's presence will make those who have actually honored the guests wishes feel uncomfortable. Asking guests not to bring gifts and allowing the gifts brought to be displayed would be highly inappropriate IMO.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

But it's not about you and what makes you feel good. It's about the honoree. You need to respect their wishes.

A good host/hostess would not want her guests to feel uncomfortable. I also stand by what I said in that mentioning gifts at all is completely tacky. It means that you actually assume you are getting one.

 

[pearlieq]

If someone takes the time, effort and money to give you a gift, I don't think treating it like an anthrax scare is such a polite thing to do.

I disagree completely. If someone brings a gift to a party where gifts were either not commonly expected or where the host requested no gifts, the gift should be put aside and opened later in private. A thank you note should be sent to the giver right away.

It doesn't have to be impolite at all. The host would merely say "Oh, thank you so much. Let me just put that here for safekeeping. Now what can I get you to drink?"

To open it in front of the other guests risks making them feel uncomfortable that they didn't bring a gift. Not to mention bored at having to watch the unveiling and admire the present.

 

[NHdisneylover]

^^ There is only one poster who seems to stand out to me in threads... normally I don't notice a pattern.


idk... some kids are just more into stuff like that. As for Build-a-Bear, I agree. BUT it probably wouldn't cost any less than what the OP is doing. My friend's daughter had a bday party there and my friend was really disappointed in it... and it was spendy.

I hardly ever remember specific posters from thread to thread, but this one really jumps out at me. We are only halfway through the month and already there have been threads about her kid singing Trent Resnor songs (and someone noticed and took the time to stop and read OP the riot act), the aforementioned wine, strip tease and web cam acts, now one cleverly titled "Has your child been exposed to Pee wee Herman yet" and a few more. I am not sure if the OP has posted on anyone else's threads or if she jsut joined this Disney message board (don' most of us start off trying to plan a trip and eventually find our way to the CB?) to post random, pot stirring topics on the CB Either way, It is hard NOT to notice in the span of only two weeks.

As far as the melting pot for 7 year olds. I am not all that familiar with such a place but I can appreciate that some kids are not into typical "kid" things. Neither of mine have ever liked anywhere with lots of kids being loud in an indoor space. DS11 used to ask to have creme brule at his birthday instead of cake and virgin pina coladas to drink (his party next week will have Key Lime Pie). A nice dinner out with a couple of friends, esecially if he could dress for it would be a lot more fun to him than most typical parties (though we went for typical this year because it is easier to do when inviting kids from 8 countries and not knowing all the traditions and wanting to be sure no one feels left out--he goes to an international school).

 

[testifyoncruises]

A good host/hostess would not want her guests to feel uncomfortable. I also stand by what I said in that mentioning gifts at all is completely tacky. It means that you actually assume you are getting one.

So would it be wrong to then host a Costume party? You are telling people in your invitation the "theme" of the party. As host you are telling people that you expect them to honor the theme of the party.

Well our theme happens to be a NO GIFT party. IMHO, a guest coming to that should respect the wishes of the host or just not bother coming at all.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think going to Switzerland and the whole cow thing sounds interesting. For the life of me I can't figure out why a bunch of people who will brag about paying big bucks for all the WDW stuff they do (that to me often sounds outrageous) are getting their shorts in a twist about people participating in a cow-related tourist event in Switzerland.

There has GOT to be a way to make a tag out of that somehow

For the record, I think the Swiss trip sounds nice and the cow is fine (I always encourage people to go off the beaten path when travelling and get to know the locals; local farmers would qualify in this case) if that is what you want to do. It is HOW the OP said it (and all the other oddball posts) that strikes me as "off" Again, it is absolutely possible the OP is legit--and that OP is whay I think you may want to be aware of how you are then unintentionally comming off (tone is hard to read in posts you know?).

 

[Mouse House Mama]

So would it be wrong to then host a Costume party? You are telling people in your invitation the "theme" of the party. As host you are telling people that you expect them to honor the theme of the party.

Well our theme happens to be a NO GIFT party. IMHO, a guest coming to that should respect the wishes of the host or just not bother coming at all.

No Gift is not a theme. Don't be ridiculous. A costume party is an event. A theme is something that is carried out through the whole party. Will you be reading books to the children about no gifts? Playing music that is about no gifts? Decorating with no gift decorations? Please.......

 

[pearlieq]

I also stand by what I said in that mentioning gifts at all is completely tacky. It means that you actually assume you are getting one.

I agree completely that mentioning gifts on an invitation is definitely incorrect, for the reasons you stated. However, if you are directly asked "So, what would you like for your birthday this year?" it's perfectly acceptable to convey your wishes for no gifts.

Even if the desire for no gifts is stated in an inappropriate way, I still think that giving a gift should be about the recipient, not the giver. If a person requests no gifts, impolite as that may be, it should still be honored. Bringing a gift because you find it enjoyable, or because you would feel uncomfortable not bringing one, strikes me as very self-centered. It's not about the recipient, it's about ME, ME, ME and what I want.

There really is no good way around this problem, that I can figure out. You can't request no gifts with an invitation, so you have to graciously accept what people bring. Even if you don't want the gifts, find the practice to be wasteful, or find the attention uncomfortable.

Here's the best I've figured out: When people ask for suggestions for what to get you, say that you really would prefer not to receive gifts. You'd be delighted with the gift of their presence at your celebration. Repeat as needed. Ask your spouse/mom to repeat the same if they are asked for gift suggestions.

When the party comes, some people will still inevitably bring gifts. Graciously receive them, set them aside, and continue on with the party. Opening them and otherwise devoting time and attention to them at the party just reinforces the practice. After the party, open them and send out thank you notes right away. Keep what you can use and take the rest to Goodwill.

It may take several years, but this will eventually cut the gifts down about 75%. The other 25% are die-hards and will never get the idea. Continue graciously receiving and acknowledging them, and support your local Goodwill.

 

[testifyoncruises]

Believe me, a no gift party IS an event. Cannot believe for the life of me figure out why some people are so hung up on the idea of bringing a gift. As said earlier in this thread bringing a gift is done to relieve a person's guilt when non in requested. That implies the party is about them when it is not.

Do you find it rude when someone says on an invitation or announcement, "In lieu of flowers, the family request you give to XYZ charity?" How about a wedding invite where it says where a couple is registered? Honestly it is about respecting the wishes of the person sending out the invitation or making the announcement.

I bet some of these are the same people who when they do give money gift a gift card instead of cold hard cash.

 

[NHdisneylover]

No Gift is not a theme. Don't be ridiculous. A costume party is an event. A theme is something that is carried out through the whole party. Will you be reading books to the children about no gifts? Playing music that is about no gifts? Decorating with no gift decorations? Please.......

I completly agree. Aparty without gifts is certainly an EVENT (as the OP says later)--parties are events, but no gifts is not a THEME.

Do you find it rude when someone says on an invitation or announcement, "In lieu of flowers, the family request you give to XYZ charity?" How about a wedding invite where it says where a couple is registered? Honestly it is about respecting the wishes of the person sending out the invitation or making the announcement.

I bet some of these are the same people who when they do give money gift a gift card instead of cold hard cash.

Afuneral announcement is vastly different than a party invitation (and is a general announcement not sent to specifically invited people only).
Listing where you are registered on a wedding invite is VERY rude. That information should only be given to those who ask. Listing it assumes people want to buy you a gift and want you to tell them what to get--tacky

Ihave no idea what the last statement has to do with anything. DMiL likes to give giftcards because she knows all of her frugal kids will put cash gifts towards things for their own kids and she wants them to spoil themselves a little--so she gets gift cards to palces they like that do not have things for the kids. This is wrong how?

 

[kidshop]

Believe me, a no gift party IS an event. Cannot believe for the life of me figure out why some people are so hung up on the idea of bringing a gift. As said earlier in this thread bringing a gift is done to relieve a person's guilt when non in requested. That implies the party is about them when it is not.

Do you find it rude when someone says on an invitation or announcement, "In lieu of flowers, the family request you give to XYZ charity?" How about a wedding invite where it says where a couple is registered? Honestly it is about respecting the wishes of the person sending out the invitation or making the announcement.

I bet some of these are the same people who when they do give money gift a gift card instead of cold hard cash.

Do you give goody bags or give something to the guests to take home?

 

[BelleWDW]

No she is turning 7 and two weeks later we leave for Switzerland to visit the cow we are leasing for the season.

So our DD is definitely not for want.

I also noticed your DD helps you deliver Meals on Wheels......so she is not in school?

and you still haven't explained the unopened Festivus presents from 2 years ago. Why let her get presents for a pretend holiday and not her birthday?

 

[lillygator]

the DIS never ceases to amaze.

We've tried the no gift thing - but people ignore it - and this was just family members. Our DD's are 7 and soon to be 5 and my family feels that they need to open something. We tend to spend quite a bit of money on the parties and get togethers and feel that is the main gift really.

 

[lillygator]

I really don't think it's fair to ask the op to explain other threads in this thread - some of us have no idea what you are talking about.

 

[testifyoncruises]

Ihave no idea what the last statement has to do with anything. DMiL likes to give giftcards because she knows all of her frugal kids will put cash gifts towards things for their own kids and she wants them to spoil themselves a little--so she gets gift cards to palces they like that do not have things for the kids. This is wrong how?

Oh I have friends who think it is tacky to give cash and will only give a gift card. The breakage on gift cards is extremely high. Also in the past year several people ended up with worthless cards when the places went out of business.

We believe if not giving a physical gift, you should give cold hard cash instead.

 

[testifyoncruises]

Do you give goody bags or give something to the guests to take home?

Nope, we do not believe in goody bags or favors. Coming to a party and getting to play in a bounce house or being fed ice cream and cake and playing games with your friend is enough.

We have received bags and bags of cheap plastic junk that gets tossed before we even get home that we just do not do it. Having it at a place outside of your home is the best way to get people to leave when your time is up...which is why I know some people use those goody bags as a way to get people out of their house.

 

[testifyoncruises]

I also noticed your DD helps you deliver Meals on Wheels......so she is not in school?

Homeschooled. We can travel when we want, not when some government official tells us we can.