Why Do Men Cheat?

[poohandwendy]

The following is just my opinion, you can flame me, tell me I don't have a clue what I'm talking about or whatever. But here goes

Why do Men Cheat?

Because sex with someone new is fun and exciting and most wives aren't providing what the men want! It's that simple. Not to mention that if you are suffering from depression, being at home is probably not the greatest place to be for him. Honestly I wouldn't want to be around someone that is suffering from long term depression and he probably doesn't want to either.

I could say I feel sorry for you, but really that would do nothing to help your depression and really would just validate your feelings.

What you need to do is deal with the depression first, tell your husband that you will not tolerate this type of behavior, be prepared to leave him if he continues. But you also need to make your home and marriage a place he wants to be. Find out what he wants and expects from the marriage, cook good meals, make the home pleasant, seduce him, let him know he's important, ask him how his day went (and really listen to his answer without commenting). If he is enjoying the time with you then he won't go outside the home.

This is just my opinion, by I have been with my husband for 23 years now. It takes a lot of effort to keep a marriage going and to keep a man from straying. But if he's getting what he wants at home, he probably won't seek it elsewhere!

Ok, I will bite:

a) wives cannot provide 'new'...so for men who are that into the chase, nothing will stop them. And they should not be married.

b) I wholeheartedly agree with finding out what your mate likes...but let's talk about that going both ways, k? Cause men are not a species that cannot communicate. Communication laziness and burying their heads under the sand when they are unhappy are not good excuses for looking outside of your marriage for your needs. Perhaps if the OPs DH was thinking about more than himself and his wants, they would not be in the place they are right now.

c) Living with a depressed person is not fun, but how about not adding salt to the wound, eh? How about supporting your spouse, even when things aren't optimal? Isn't that what you are asking of the OP?

d) It just is NOT all about him and his needs...nuff said on that

e) People who cheat are reflecting their own issues more often than their spouses shortcomings. Marriage isn't solely a womans responsibility. It is a partnership.

f) I agree it takes alot to keep a marriage going. But, the goal should not be keeping your man's **** in his pants. That should be a given. And it takes TWO to keep a marriage going.

 

[Christine]

.

 

[grlpwrd]

The following is just my opinion, you can flame me, tell me I don't have a clue what I'm talking about or whatever. But here goes

Why do Men Cheat?

Because sex with someone new is fun and exciting and most wives aren't providing what the men want! It's that simple. Not to mention that if you are suffering from depression, being at home is probably not the greatest place to be for him. Honestly I wouldn't want to be around someone that is suffering from long term depression and he probably doesn't want to either.

I could say I feel sorry for you, but really that would do nothing to help your depression and really would just validate your feelings.

What you need to do is deal with the depression first, tell your husband that you will not tolerate this type of behavior, be prepared to leave him if he continues. But you also need to make your home and marriage a place he wants to be. Find out what he wants and expects from the marriage, cook good meals, make the home pleasant, seduce him, let him know he's important, ask him how his day went (and really listen to his answer without commenting). If he is enjoying the time with you then he won't go outside the home.

This is just my opinion, by I have been with my husband for 23 years now. It takes a lot of effort to keep a marriage going and to keep a man from straying. But if he's getting what he wants at home, he probably won't seek it elsewhere!

Well, men can also have emotional affairs. It's not always about sex.

Doesn't the military have laws prohibiting impropriety regarding adultery? I know that a man of high rank at Fort Eustis or Fort Monroe (can't remember exactly) was fired for having an extramarital affair.

OP, please update us when you can.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Can I have some? I brought drinks.

Sure! Plenty to go around.

 

[Princess19]

PLEASE JUST REMEMBER....

Everything happens for a reasons and even though that reason is not clear to us now, God will always pick up the pieces. God Bless and I wish you all the best. Brighter days will come and what is meant to be will be. My advice is relax, take a deep breathe and start to heal and become stronger. That will allow you to better deal with whatever the outcome of this situation might be.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, sameyeyam, your advice is well-intended, and I hope it's intended for the men in the world as well as the women.

Here's the deal. When you go into a marriage as a woman, I think you go into with certain expectations, one of which is that my husband will not cheat on me. When the going gets tough, he is still going to adhere to his marriage vow, and try and help.

Yes, the OP is going through a tough time. She has been depressed., No it can't be fun to live with a depressed person. It also can't be fun to live with a military man who isn't home much, maybe goes off on deployments leaving the wife to keep the home fires burning, and so forth.

So, I would ask you, since both of them are doing equally difficult tasks in the course of their marriage (he being deployed and she dealing with evrything while he is deployed), why is it her responsibilty to keep him happy and not his responsibility to keep her happy? Why does she have to make the extra effort to do right by her man, while he can behave like an idiot?

My marriage is a prtnership. My DH doesn't expect me to be at his beck and call, waiting for him to decide what his needs are. We communicate, we talk, sometimes we argue. But the one thing we do do is stay true to our marriage vow of forsaking all others.

Here's my take on the OP's situation. I think her husband has one helluva nerve treating her as he has been, I think he has one helluva nerve disrespceting her and their marriage as he has been, and I think he has one big set to think he is the offended one when he has brought another person into their marriage. I can only speak for what I would do in this situation, but my DH is very well aware that cheating means all bets are off. I have often told him to make sure the other woman is worth losing everything he has ever worked for, because he will.

I cannot and will not tolerate it. No excuses, no explanations. There is no good reason for cheating. Ever.

 

[brerrabbit]

A better question would be why do some men cheat? I've been married for 24 years this month and have never cheated. It takes a huge commitment from two people to make a marraige work and a lot of times its the man who is not willing to make that commitment. I am sorry the OP is going through this and wish her the best and agree with others about protecting herself and her family. However as some earlier posters said and got scolded for we don't know the entire story. Nobody other than the two principles know the whole story, we are just observers. I have seen many relationships where one or the other of the couple has "let themselves go" and this has caused problems in the relationship. Over time people have ways of changing in terms of their goals, and their views of life. There are enough stresses on relationships that I admire any couple who can make it together through all of lifes challenges.

I guess the moral of my story is only some men cheat, not all of us.
Of course that goes with my associated theroy that in a healthy relationship the first think a man has to do is accept the fact that all men are pigs. Since all women believe that fundamentally then the sooner a man accepts it the sooner you can move on in your relationship.

 

[MyLittlePony123]

OP here with an update. Thanks again for the words of support. I can't say that enough.

I did end up flying to see DH because he sent me an email where he said he was absolutely refusing to speak to me by phone, text or email. I felt he was totally in control of the situation and that just drove me nuts. Yes there were lots of tears and even some raised voices for the past 2 days but right now we are going to try to work things out. We are both giving each other some space but I think with some help we can work thru this.

He knows what he did was totally unacceptable and also knows that if anything like this ever happened again there was no chance of us staying together. Right now my trust level with him is zero so he knows he has to work to regain that trust - and it won't be easy.

I feel I owe it to myself and my family to give this everything I have to make it work but I also know better than to be the only one in the relationship.

I am taking the kids on a trip tomorrow alone and hope that gives me some time to breathe and not think constantly about all of this.

I have lost several pounds since this started and am still not able to hold much food down but that is getting better.

I am hopeful but guarded. Please keep us in your prayers.

Thanks!

 

[Planogirl]

Good luck mylittlepony. Remember that you come first right now but if you can meet him halfway, you may be on to something.

 

[SplshMtn99]

Thanks for the update. I just thought of you & was about to go look for this thread when I saw it on top of Pg 1 again. Have a good time on your trip & take care of yourself.

 

[*Fantasia*]

my thoughts and prayers are with you. i hope things work out for the better. i'm just curious.. what kind of space does he need? i mean break for what? it's not like you see each other 24/7. he got all the space he needs what more does he want?

 

[poohandwendy]

OP here with an update. Thanks again for the words of support. I can't say that enough.

I did end up flying to see DH because he sent me an email where he said he was absolutely refusing to speak to me by phone, text or email. I felt he was totally in control of the situation and that just drove me nuts. Yes there were lots of tears and even some raised voices for the past 2 days but right now we are going to try to work things out. We are both giving each other some space but I think with some help we can work thru this.

He knows what he did was totally unacceptable and also knows that if anything like this ever happened again there was no chance of us staying together. Right now my trust level with him is zero so he knows he has to work to regain that trust - and it won't be easy.

I feel I owe it to myself and my family to give this everything I have to make it work but I also know better than to be the only one in the relationship.

I am taking the kids on a trip tomorrow alone and hope that gives me some time to breathe and not think constantly about all of this.

I have lost several pounds since this started and am still not able to hold much food down but that is getting better.

I am hopeful but guarded. Please keep us in your prayers.

Thanks!

Good luck to you. It sounds like you have a level head. I hope you two can work it out and have an even stronger relationship than ever. And if it doesn't work out, I know you will make it through that and be stronger too. Please take care of yourself, continued thoughts and prayers!

 

[MAKmom]

You go Girl!