Why Do Men Cheat?

[MyLittlePony123]

Sorry I just wanted to vent somewhere. Posting under my alter ego to keep the kids from seeing this.

We are a military family. DH was deployed when I suffered a miscarriage back in January. Things haven't been back to normal with us since. I have been battling depression on and off but have been feeling better the past 2 months.

DH is back stateside and has now gone TDY for classes because he is switching branches and I have sensed that things aren't right with him. He doesn't do any of the sweet things he used to do - send me morning texts, call me as much as he can just to say he loves me, etc... He says he doesn't know what he wants anymore - even if he wants to be with me. I am floored - this came out of the blue. He swore there was no one else - just that he was unsure of anything anymore.

Today I find that he has a MySpace page and that some girl he knew from his last assignment is posting love notes to him talking about their future. She has icons all over her page about "loving her military man". I confronted DH with this and he said the girl was just a friend but within minutes her posts were deleted from his page and then his page was gone entirely. I know he has sent her love notes back too. Those are also gone but I have screenshots of them.

He hasn't called or emailed or texted since that happened and I am going out of my mind right now.

I know from talking to other military wives that any time you switch posts or jobs that it is very stressful and sometimes men get in a "funk" but then snap out of it.

I have no idea how far things went with this girl and DH. I don't know if I he still wants our relationship or if I can even stay with him if he does want to try to work things out.

Prayers, pixie dust, advice - any of it welcome right now.

Thanks!

 

[JennyMominRI]

 

[Sparx]

 

[southernbella]

No real great advice, but I do offer . Sorry you are dealing with this right now.

That page is unexcusable, I don't care how much stress he's under. If it were me, I would get in touch with the girl & get her side of the story. Sbella

 

[megan4777]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

[Race the Reaper]

 

[elliemae1192]

I'm so sorry. I went through the same thing years ago with my first husband and I know how hard it is. I hope everything works for the best. No matter what that may be.

 

[momrek06]

! Sorry to hear all this, OP.

Please keep us posted. We are here for you!

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Cheating spouses stink.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

Why do men cheat? Because they fear death.

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I know that feeling.

Don't wait around to let HIM decide how YOUR life is going to be. If he isn't willing to own up to his behavior, I don't think you'll ever be able to trust him.

 

[alliecats]

No advice, just sincere sympathy. I am so sorry you're going through this.

 

[ynottony99]

Sorry for your situation. Kinda takes the wind out doesn't it? Why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? Is it really any different?

 

[poohandwendy]

I am so sorry. One thing, I am not sure how you could even begin to mend fences if he is not at home with you. (even if you were willing)

I am not sure why people cheat. There are probably a thousand reasons, including selfishness, boredom, wanting an easy thrill...whatever. I think making excuses isn't very helpful to the person feeling the pain.

The only advice I would give you is to

a) Protect you and your kids FIRST and foremost. Talk to an atty familiar with military divorces. Get a bank acct in your name only. Prepare like it is over and then go from there.

b) Do not get involved in a 'love triangle'. Meaning, if he is not willing to cut off this relationship immediately and permanently...do not get involved with fighting someone else for him. No one is worth that and if he even has to think twice about it, he does not want you anyways. Spare yourself the humiliation. You are not the 'other womans' rival, no need to get entangled in that sort of drama. (if that makes any sense)

c) take care of yourself. You have had depression issues, from what you describe. I think, if you are not already seeing a counsellor, now is the time. It may really help you get through this.

I am so sorryyou are dealing with this, I am sure your circumstances make it especially hard. I hope you have family and friends IRL that you can count on to lean on.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Take care my dear and many hugs for you!!!!!!

 

[grlpwrd]

Be sure to check out www.marriagebuilders.com . You might also want to download a keylogger to really check up on what he is doing online. Plus, you also might want to get yourself tested for STDs. Sorry to even mention it, but you just never know.

I am very curious to how he and the "other woman" are corresponding on MySpace. Wow. You have kids, too, right?

 

[Disney Doll]

I am so sorry. One thing, I am not sure how you could even begin to mend fences if he is not at home with you. (even if you were willing)

I am not sure why people cheat. There are probably a thousand reasons, including selfishness, boredom, wanting an easy thrill...whatever. I think making excuses isn't very helpful to the person feeling the pain.

The only advice I would give you is to

a) Protect you and your kids FIRST and foremost. Talk to an atty familiar with military divorces. Get a bank acct in your name only. Prepare like it is over and then go from there.

b) Do not get involved in a 'love triangle'. Meaning, if he is not willing to cut off this relationship immediately and permanently...do not get involved with fighting someone else for him. No one is worth that and if he even has to think twice about it, he does not want you anyways. Spare yourself the humiliation. You are not the 'other womans' rival, no need to get entangled in that sort of drama. (if that makes any sense)

c) take care of yourself. You have had depression issues, from what you describe. I think, if you are not already seeing a counsellor, now is the time. It may really help you get through this.

I am so sorryyou are dealing with this, I am sure your circumstances make it especially hard. I hope you have family and friends IRL that you can count on to lean on.

This is very good advice.

 

[ducklite]

I am so sorry. One thing, I am not sure how you could even begin to mend fences if he is not at home with you. (even if you were willing)

I am not sure why people cheat. There are probably a thousand reasons, including selfishness, boredom, wanting an easy thrill...whatever. I think making excuses isn't very helpful to the person feeling the pain.

The only advice I would give you is to

a) Protect you and your kids FIRST and foremost. Talk to an atty familiar with military divorces. Get a bank acct in your name only. Prepare like it is over and then go from there.

b) Do not get involved in a 'love triangle'. Meaning, if he is not willing to cut off this relationship immediately and permanently...do not get involved with fighting someone else for him. No one is worth that and if he even has to think twice about it, he does not want you anyways. Spare yourself the humiliation. You are not the 'other womans' rival, no need to get entangled in that sort of drama. (if that makes any sense)

c) take care of yourself. You have had depression issues, from what you describe. I think, if you are not already seeing a counsellor, now is the time. It may really help you get through this.

I am so sorryyou are dealing with this, I am sure your circumstances make it especially hard. I hope you have family and friends IRL that you can count on to lean on.

Very, very good advice. Please take it. In fact as my best friend will tell you, taking these steps is quite often the wake up call that the husband needs to realize how much his wife and family really mean to him. And if you do decide to work it out, marriage counseling will be crucial to help regain trust.

Anne

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I had a response planned, but once I read your OP, it flew out the window-

why do men cheat?
Because they don't realize what a great thing they have until it's gone

All of the advice has been very practical and I agree with it all - but I also want to add that you should get in touch with some friends who will be able to support you and you shouldn't blame yourself.

 

[Gonz Of Lancashire]

I am so sorry. One thing, I am not sure how you could even begin to mend fences if he is not at home with you. (even if you were willing)

I am not sure why people cheat. There are probably a thousand reasons, including selfishness, boredom, wanting an easy thrill...whatever. I think making excuses isn't very helpful to the person feeling the pain.

The only advice I would give you is to

a) Protect you and your kids FIRST and foremost. Talk to an atty familiar with military divorces. Get a bank acct in your name only. Prepare like it is over and then go from there.

b) Do not get involved in a 'love triangle'. Meaning, if he is not willing to cut off this relationship immediately and permanently...do not get involved with fighting someone else for him. No one is worth that and if he even has to think twice about it, he does not want you anyways. Spare yourself the humiliation. You are not the 'other womans' rival, no need to get entangled in that sort of drama. (if that makes any sense)

c) take care of yourself. You have had depression issues, from what you describe. I think, if you are not already seeing a counsellor, now is the time. It may really help you get through this.

I am so sorryyou are dealing with this, I am sure your circumstances make it especially hard. I hope you have family and friends IRL that you can count on to lean on.

Spot on.

(Oh, by the way, I'm a man and neither fear death nor do I not realise a good thing until it's gone. Women, eh? )

 

[Pop Daddy]

Im sorry