Why Do Men Cheat?

[MsLeFever]

That just flat out stinks and you deserve better.

 

[Kitty 34]

Great advice already given here. Take it! So sorry you have to even go through this.

 

[Mermaid02]

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

I don't know what to tell you though. PoohandWendy's advice is good.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

Having been in your shoes as far as having a cheating husband, I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry that you have to go through this. For me the ordeal was very nearly like dealing with a death. Good luck sweetie.

 

[Race the Reaper]

why do men cheat?
Because they don't realize what a great thing they have until it's gone

This is 100% true.
Putting flame suit on now........
I was a cheater.
Do I deserve what I got? Yes.
Did she deserve what I did to her? No.
Did I try to make amends? By all means, yes.
Do I realize what a great woman I lost? Yes.
Do I deserve her love? Not at all.
Did I go crawling back and begging her forgiveness? Yes, I did.
Did she take me back? No, she didn't.
I regret it every moment of my being. I can't make her love me.

OP, I can't tell you why he cheated. I know why I cheated. Different men cheat for different reasons. All the advice you have recieved, I agree with. It will be hard. Get yourself a few support friends. Follow your heart. I wish you the best.

 

[tikilyn]

Being the witch that I can be I would tell him to spill the beans about everything even who she is. If he didn't or refused too I would take it to his commander. My dh was a Marine and I know for a fact that they frown upon this behavior.


*This may seem harsh but I refuse to put up with cheating.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Life is just not fair and men can be selfish. Hugs to you

 

[Pin Wizard]

The one instance I saw, I'd have to say boredom in that case. Especially the "thrill seeker" type.

So sorry you're dealing with this.

 

[Disney Doll]

"Why" doesn't matter. What matters is that he did.

I always have a problem with people trying to figure out the why, what did I do, hwo he could he/she do this...and so on.

As far as the girl...I'd leave her out of it. Yep, she's a scum for cheating with a married man...not something I would do, but also not your problem. Why, you ask? Because no matter how willing she was to cheat, if your husband didn't participate, there would be no issue. So blame the right person.

As far as what to do...you've gotten some good advice already. Prepare financially, figure out what your options as a military spouse are (I do know from a friend's experience that child support can be taken right out of his check before he even sees it, and the $$ gets sent directly to you), go to counselling to decide whether you want to take him back. In other words, take back your power.

Don't sit there worrying, wondering and crying. Take some active steps to insure your and your children's futures.

 

[Papa Deuce]

same reasons women do.

 

[happybratpack]

I wish I had something to say to make the pain go away. It just absolutely sucks I know. I have been in this position this past year and the best advice I can give is to take care of what YOU need to make you happy. He made his choices and no matter if you forgive him or not you need to be in a position to stand on your own two feet.

To echo another poster, do not get involved with this other woman. It can be horribly destructive and cause more problems than you could imagine.

I hope you're doing ok, PM me if you ever want to chat.



PS - I posted a similar thread several months ago about cheaters, I got some GREAT advice if you want to search back.

 

[minnieandtink]

Been there done that. Do not try to figure out why. Take care of yourself and your business. Put your affairs in order and gather information for the future. You may need it. You have the ucmj on your side!! what he is doing is wrong.
good luck and prayers are with you -- it will be a long hard road but I have been down it and survived and am much better off!

 

[Serena]

Been there. No real advice other than to go on and decide what you want for yourself and don't let fear stop you. You will be alright, it just takes time.

 

[steen995]

I second the recommendation for the marriagebuilders.com web site.

 

[Hercules10]

Lemmee give you a man's perspective whilst I slip on my flame suit.

You said he stopped doing all those sweet things. Can I ask if you still do any sweet things for him? I ask because you said you were in a depression from your miscarriage (my sincerest condolences). Maybe he needs to know you still care about him too.

Couple of the guys I know that leave do so because the women settle into a funk, lets their bodies go, let their displays of affection dry up and basically stop trying to make the hubby happy. This in turn tells the hubby to stop trying and the vicious circle starts. And yeah, the man could be the first to stop too for whatever reason. Point being the whole "You don't care, I don't care" circle begins.

Instead of confronting him about this gal on a Myspace page. Go back to dating and dress up for a night on the town. Suprise him with something nice. Let him know that you still care. If he reciprocates, keep the ball rolling. If not then try counseling or a divorce lawyer. Of course I only suggest this if YOU still believe in the relationship.

I just beleive it take two to keep a relationship going and it's a 50/50 fight for both parties.

 

[Stitchfans]

very sorry. no advice here either just

 

[HappyLawyer]

i think it is in their nature, no matter who they have or how beautiful the woman is, heck even the stars cheat, a man is a man, no status distinction when it comes to cheating.

 

[azgal81]

If she posted those images and stuff on his page he had to have something to do with it. You don't just do that randomly without the other person knowing and appreciating it. It's hard for me to believe that thats as far as it has gone and your husband did not say things for her to believe he loved her or wanted to be with her.

I would confront him again ask him for the truth this time. I would not put up cheating and kick him to the curb. I don't see how someone who claims to be 100% in love with me would cheat on me. It just doesn't make sense to me. So if that did ever happen to me that's why I would end things in my eyes he would not be as committed to the relationship as me and it would bother me.

 

[MyLittlePony123]

Thank you everyone for the posts. I sincerely appreciate it.

The update is this: DH emailed me late last nite telling me this girl was just a friend but he did slip up and lie about a few details because he doesn't realize some of the messages I saw (and screenshot) directly contradict what he is saying. In his messages to her he always calls her "baby" and tells her how much he misses her then signs off: Kisses, B. (his name).

DH also texted me a simple "I love you" this morning. I haven't replied to him at all because I am still so emotional and didn't sleep a wink last nite.

I'm numb. I love him but I am not a doormat.

To the poster who asked about our status in our relationship - I go out of my way to show him how much I care about him. We drove down together to the hotel where he is staying while he takes classes out of state and before I left I hid about 30 post-it notes with sweet sayings on them for him to find in his room and bought him all of his favorite snacks for a treat. The "bedroom" life is still very active but admittedly in the last month it has been more distant (his choice).

I will check out the websites mentioned. Thanks for the link.

 

[L107ANGEL]

i think it is in their nature, no matter who they have or how beautiful the woman is, heck even the stars cheat, a man is a man, no status distinction when it comes to cheating.

I don't think all men are prone to cheat. I know plenty of women that cheat as well.

Op, you have had some great advice given to you. I hope you do whats best for you

 

[catsrule]

They think with their (fill in the blank).