Why Do I Suddenly Want A Ring? UPDATE POST 30

[sorcerormickey]

Ugh....I think I am losing my mind.

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 15 years now. I have never had any interest in getting married...but suddenly I want something more. Not neccessarily to get married, but maybe something like a Promise Ring.

I don't know where this is coming from. I have always been very insecure in our relationship - he has tons of female friends who are gorgeous and I am always a little weary around them. I see women out in public and for some reason I am noticing their wedding rings and it hurts my heart. Like I am not good enough for him to marry, but I don't want to get married...does that make *any* sense?

We live together, own our home together, but I don't feel the want for marriage (neither does he.) Does it sound weird for a 30-something woman to have a Promise Ring instead of marriage? Something to signify our relationship.

(And of course he's not here to talk to - he left today to spend the weekend back in Michigan with his family. )

 

[L107ANGEL]

First of all, you are living the married life.
Next, stop being hard on yourself. I am sure you are everything and more that HE wants as oppose to the other women in his life!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I don't blame you for wanting a ring after 15 years! It's nice to have that little symbol that says, "I'm taken!" And it would be a nice gesture for your BF to give you one to show his intentions toward you.

I knew a woman several years ago (our boys played baseball together). She had been with the same guy for over 10 year. They had 2 kids together. Her father used to bring the little boy to baseball practice and told me about how his daughter and her boyfriend never wanted to get married. They didn't see the need for it. Well, by the end of the season, they were married! I asked her what changed her mind and she said she suddenly felt the need to be married. She wanted the whole family experience and even though they had kids, she felt something was missing since they weren't married.

So, just wanting some kind of ring certainly isn't unreasonable. I'm hope you get a really nice one!

 

[clh2]

I have a friend in a similar type of relationship. About 5 years ago - her BF gave her a beautiful ring for Christmas. Not a promise ring, not an engagement ring, more of a "just because I love you" type of ring. The ring is gorgeous. They were together about 10 years at the time. They are still living together, and own the house they are in, with no immediate plans for marriage.

 

[Bluestars]

I don't see any wrong with letting him know that you would like a ring and why you would want it. After 15 years together I can see how a ring would be meaningful.

My husband and I always let each other know if we want something. We are very specific too.

 

[sorcerormickey]

Not a promise ring, not an engagement ring, more of a "just because I love you" type of ring.

That's exactly it. He is totally clueless sometimes in this area, so I think I am out of luck. I think it would be lovely as a 15-year anniversary gift.

 

[Serena]

It sounds like you love each other very much. Talk to the man, tell him what's going on with you. Nothing may change, but just talking about it may be all you need to do anyway. Or it may plant a seed in his head for the future. Just make sure you don't flip out if he doesn't feel the same way.

 

[iggbees]

i don't think that wanting something like a ring to symbolize your love is a horrible thing to want. i've been together with my boyfriend now for over 4.5 years and i see all my friends from college who have known their boyfriends for a year or 2 getting married or engaged and showing off their rings. it hurts me to think that he doesn't want me in that way still or that he's so unsure of himself wanting to take the leap. i mean, he and i have been living together for 3 years now, so we are living a married person's life. so i understand your want for something symbolic that you can wear and look at to remind you of him and his love for you.

 

[kellyg403]

I understand completely what you are saying. Dh and I lived together for going on 10 years. I never wanted to be married. He would ask from time to time if I wanted to get married but I never really did. I was at a place in my life where I wanted to be "me" I guess, don't know. Anyway, around year 2 for Christmas he gave me the most beautiful heart shaped diamond ring. Not an engagement ring but more of a "you are the one I want even if you aren't sure I am" is the way he put it.

Funny thing is that ring gave me a bit of an identity in a way, I belonged to someone who wanted me to belong to them.

I understand completely, and think at the bare minimum I would be dropping hints if you don't want to come right out and ask for it. You do deserve something like that if it is what you want.

Kelly

 

[sorcerormickey]

at the bare minimum I would be dropping hints

I directed him to this thread - he read it when I first posted, but I don't know if he has checked back.

I was on the QVC website looking at something else and wandered over to the jewelry section - I found the prettiest ring with 3 Diamonique diamonds in white gold, engraved with 'forever' inside the band....it is perfect. But I want him to get it because HE wants to, not because I want him to.

It seems odd....OK, here's what I want, but I want it to mean something to YOU giving it to me.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Maybe deep down you really do want to get married but can't admit it to yourself. Something to think about anyway.
Good luck and I hope you get what you want.

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

I'm curious about why you would not want to be married. It sounds like you are married...even if you don't have a ring and a paper.

I'm not saying you're wrong at all..I'm just wondering.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

Ugh....I think I am losing my mind.

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 15 years now. I have never had any interest in getting married...but suddenly I want something more. Not neccessarily to get married, but maybe something like a Promise Ring.

I don't know where this is coming from. I have always been very insecure in our relationship - he has tons of female friends who are gorgeous and I am always a little weary around them. I see women out in public and for some reason I am noticing their wedding rings and it hurts my heart. Like I am not good enough for him to marry, but I don't want to get married...does that make *any* sense?

We live together, own our home together, but I don't feel the want for marriage (neither does he.) Does it sound weird for a 30-something woman to have a Promise Ring instead of marriage? Something to signify our relationship.

(And of course he's not here to talk to - he left today to spend the weekend back in Michigan with his family. )

That's exactly it. He is totally clueless sometimes in this area, so I think I am out of luck. I think it would be lovely as a 15-year anniversary gift.

I directed him to this thread - he read it when I first posted, but I don't know if he has checked back.

I was on the QVC website looking at something else and wandered over to the jewelry section - I found the prettiest ring with 3 Diamonique diamonds in white gold, engraved with 'forever' inside the band....it is perfect. But I want him to get it because HE wants to, not because I want him to.

It seems odd....OK, here's what I want, but I want it to mean something to YOU giving it to me.

It sounds like your heart is trying to tell your head that maybe, just maybe you do want to get married. Maybe not today or tomorrow but somewhere down the road and that ring would be symbolic of that next step. You seem to basically be living the married life and it's not enough for you. You need to ask yourself why? It's not a bad thing but there is something niggling at you. I too count the years I dated my husband before we got married (8) but when DH talks of our anniversary it's always in terms of how many years we've been married (9). So although we've been together for 17 years for some reason the married ones mean more to him than the un-married ones at least in conversation. I think you need to examine what your long term ideas are before you speak with your boyfriend and decide if it's just a symbol of your relationship together that your looking for or something more. If he gets you a ring are you going to be upset in 5 years because you've never discussed "making things permanent"? It sounds like the rings your looking at are engagement rings not bands or cluster rings or right hand rings but a ring to show the world what your relationship is to define it, but watch out, an engagement style ring will start the talking of "whens the wedding" from friends, family, and even strangers.

Best wishes!

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Feel free to ignore this query if it's too personal, but what are your feelings on children? Thrity-something women often feel the need to start thinking in those directions (even if they never have previously). Although it isn't necessary to be married, or even have a committed relationship, in order to have lovely children...it's usually preferable. This may be at the base of your newfound desires.

As to wanting a ring...you don't need a good reason for wanting jewelry.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I thought I never wanted children and now I find myself more and more every year wanting to settle down and have a family. People change. If we never changed our minds life wouldn't be very interesting. If I was in your situation I would tell him how I felt and ask if he's had any feelings about getting married or just exchanging rings to have a symbol of the relationship. And I love any excuse for jewelry

 

[Imzadi]

That's exactly it. He is totally clueless sometimes in this area, so I think I am out of luck. I think it would be lovely as a 15-year anniversary gift.

Why does it have to be a gift only from him? Aren't you just as committed back? How about an exchange of rings between the two of you? Or if he's not into rings, a sterling or platinum bracelet, or a neck chain for him. After 15 years, I think it is a milestone for the both of you. The rings could be a great celebration of 15 years and the faith & affirmation of having many more years together.

You also mentioned, "He left today to spend the weekend back in Michigan with his family." Are you perhaps feeling a bit left out? Do you need some outer sign that he's "still into you?"

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If I had to examine it I would say that you want a ring because you are feeling a lack of "something".
What that is only you can answer.

DH and I will be married almost 18 yrs and we do not wear rings.

I did not have a ring when we wear married at the courthouse and we did get rings later but they just don't have the same "attachment" as people that got married at their wedding.

Now I would like a 20yr ring. I have told him several times over the past years.
But as we will have a kid in college it probably won't happen. I am not going to sweat it.

 

[sorcerormickey]

I'm curious about why you would not want to be married.

Right now it there are financial issues that would get really sticky if we were to get married. That's not a road I want to go down.

Feel free to ignore this query if it's too personal, but what are your feelings on children?

Neither of us have ever wanted children. I cannot bear children anyway, and we have 2 nephews that keep us busy in that department.

As to wanting a ring...you don't need a good reason for wanting jewelry

See, that's just the thing. I am NOT a jewelry wearing girl. I have a toe ring that I never take off and a gold rope chain bracelet my BF bought me like 14 years ago that I also never take off. Besides a pair of earrings when I go out, that is all the jewelry I ever wear. So, it's not just that I want a piece of jewelry, it is something deeper.

How about an exchange of rings between the two of you? Or if he's not into rings, a sterling or platinum bracelet, or a neck chain for him.

He would never wear any jewelry.

Are you perhaps feeling a bit left out?

No, not at all. He always spends Thanksgiving back in Michigan. I would rather stay here in sunny Florida thankyouverymuch, lol.

If I had to examine it I would say that you want a ring because you are feeling a lack of "something".

I am feeling a lack of something, and my BF will just never *get it*. He could buy me all the rings in the world, but if it doesn't mean something coming from him, it just wouldn't matter. And he's just not that type of guy.


Ugh, I guess I just feel lonely in the world.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am feeling a lack of something, and my BF will just never *get it*. He could buy me all the rings in the world, but if it doesn't mean something coming from him, it just wouldn't matter. And he's just not that type of guy.


Ugh, I guess I just feel lonely in the world.

When he gets back, revisit things that connect you guys. Change it up.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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