Why Do I Suddenly Want A Ring? UPDATE POST 30

[mark&sue]

I think what you are feeling is just natural to a lot of people or so many people would not get married in the first place. Don't worry maybe he will feel the same soon. Do you own things jointly, perhaps purchase some joint DVC points instead of a ring, so much better value and will so put a smile on your face. Oh I forgot you live in Florida. Perhaps you are just after his last name. Its good to have the same last name if you get a bit fed up with your original one. I was well pleased to get DH's name, well worth getting married for!!

Good luck you are not alone.


Susan

 

[Cool-Beans]

Is it possible that you do wish to be married but don't want to admit it? A lot of women say they don't want to be married because they're afraid of scaring someone off or appearing needy or weak.

Wanting to be married - no shame in that. It says, "We mean it. We're in this together and we're in it for the long haul." It is a peace of mind and a foundation that people desire...so if that is what you really want, own it! Say, "Yeah, that's what I want."

If you really don't want to be married, I don't get why you'd want the ring. The ring means nothing, per se - it is just a symbol of what really counts (the marriage.)

If what you really want is to be married, the ring won't help.

 

[mark&sue]

I told my DH when we met, nearly 20 years ago I never wanted to get married. He asked me to marry him after we had been going out six weeks and were married a few months later. I wonder if we still would have been together I had told him the truth!!!!



Susan

 

[sorcerormickey]

If what you really want is to be married, the ring won't help.

For whatever reason, I have never had the desire to be married. I don't know why.

 

[Cool-Beans]

For whatever reason, I have never had the desire to be married. I don't know why.

Then why the symbol? I honestly don't get it.

If this ring that you desire is going to be a symbol of your love, devotion and committment, then I think you do want to be married and just don't know or want admit it...because that is what marriage is.

It doesn't really sound like you just want a piece of jewelry. It sounds like you want the symbol.

I could be wrong! What the hell do I know? But that's how it sounds.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It doesn't really sound like you just want a piece of jewelry. It sounds like you want the symbol.

I could be wrong! What the hell do I know? But that's how it sounds.

Yes, could be. Right now OP you could be feeling some angst and need some deeper connection. Times are weird, stressful, scary, right now.

I know I feel less secure, esp after watching an hour about Mumbai.

ETA...
Not being together during Thanksgiving could be bugging you. You could be feeling some emotion toward not being together during the holiday.

 

[Imzadi]

I think you have answered your own question right here:

I am noticing their wedding rings and it hurts my heart. Like I am not good enough for him to marry,

I am feeling a lack of something, and my BF will just never *get it*. He could buy me all the rings in the world, but if it doesn't mean something coming from him, it just wouldn't matter.

You're out of sync in your relationship. You want something BF just can't give you. It's not a ring, he could give you anything, a can of Coke, and if it's not there, it's not there. The ring is just an outer manifestation of what is lacking that doesn't mean something to him, in the way it does to you & hurts your heart.

For whatever reason, I have never had the desire to be married. I don't know why.

I have to kind of wonder, if do you really have no desire to be married, or have you always felt you maybe aren't good enough, as you said in the first quote. It's easier to lie to one's self until you think it's true, to cover up the pain of feeling unlovable deep down, by saying you don't want what you truly believe you will never get. "Oh, I didn't want that anyway." But, if you are truly honest with yourself deep down, and you knew you could get what you truly want, is the answer really the same?

Over the years, I've seen many insecure women who don't acknowledge what they really want for fear of never getting it. It's like shooting for the moon and knowing you'll never get it. It hurts the heart too much to acknowledge what you want. In one breath they say they want something. But in the same breath, they say they want something else. But, when pinned down, they acknowledge they believe they can't really get what they want. So they settle for much, much less, instead. Only that hurts the heart more.

Oh, and BTW, just because you have never wanted something before, doesn't mean it has to stay that way. You do get to change your mind and your heart.

 

[sorcerormickey]

I think you have answered your own question right here:

You're out of sync in your relationship. You want something BF just can't give you. It's not a ring, he could give you anything, a can of Coke, and if it's not there, it's not there. The ring is just an outer manifestation of what is lacking that doesn't mean something to him, in the way it does to you & hurts your heart.




I have to kind of wonder, if do you really have no desire to be married, or have you always felt you maybe aren't good enough, as you said in the first quote. It's easier to lie to one's self until you think it's true, to cover up the pain of feeling unlovable deep down, by saying you don't want what you truly believe you will never get. "Oh, I didn't want that anyway." But, if you are truly honest with yourself deep down, and you knew you could get what you truly want, is the answer really the same?

Over the years, I've seen many insecure women who don't acknowledge what they really want for fear of never getting it. It's like shooting for the moon and knowing you'll never get it. It hurts the heart too much to acknowledge what you want. In one breath they say they want something. But in the same breath, they say they want something else. But, when pinned down, they acknowledge they believe they can't really get what they want. So they settle for much, much less, instead. Only that hurts the heart more.

Oh, and BTW, just because you have never wanted something before, doesn't mean it has to stay that way. You do get to change your mind and your heart.

Wow, what an insightful post. TY.

I truely never wanted to be married. I was never one of those girls who thought about what their wedding would be or what kind of dress I would wear. I always joked that if I ever were to get married, it would be at one of those Las Vegas Drive-thrus you see on TV, lol.

Maybe I'm just protecting myself from the pain of a divorce incase something were to go really wrong. Like it would just be easier to be able to just walk away. I don't know, the more I think about it, the more my heart aches.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Maybe I'm just protecting myself from the pain of a divorce incase something were to go really wrong. Like it would just be easier to be able to just walk away. I don't know, the more I think about it, the more my heart aches.

Good in theory but not really the case. Ending a relationship married or not is painful.

You sought out someone who also did not want to be married.
There is nothing wrong with that.

The fact you are beating yourself up suggests that something else may be going on and that is what you are afraid to look at. The "ring" being a distraction from what you don't want to see. Maybe you are "changing"....that does happen.

 

[sorcerormickey]

Well, I guess I don't need to worry about a ring anymore or why I wanted one. It's over. I think I'm going to be sick.

 

[JimmyPicker]

Oh my gosh, what happened?

 

[bumbershoot]

Oh I'm so sorry.

 

[hentob]

Well, I guess I don't need to worry about a ring anymore or why I wanted one. It's over. I think I'm going to be sick.

Holy smokes! I did not see that coming.

I hope you are ok

 

[Bluestars]

I'm sorry. You mentioned earlier that you had directed him to this thread. Did something on this thread upset him?

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I am so sorry.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

Oh my I am so sorry!!!

 

[sorcerormickey]

Thanks guys. I am typing thru torrents of tears, so please excuse any typos.

He just had a decision to make and the choice he made did not have me in his life anymore.

I don't even know how to start over at this point. I'll move my stuff to the spare bedroom and call a realtor on Monday I guess. I can't even believe this is happening.....I just don't know what to do.

 

[Magic Mom]

Well, I guess I don't need to worry about a ring anymore or why I wanted one. It's over. I think I'm going to be sick.

I'm sorry.......

 

[Serena]

That just stinks!

 

[MsLeFever]

{{{{OP}}}}}}

Oh darlin' I'm so sorry to read this.